How long till you are in the friends zone?

[ShopStAr101]

no knows the answer!

[Grinning Maniac]

I guess this question can best be answered by women. Because I think they are the ones that have rules like "i won't date you b'cos you are my friend". I am not saying that all women are like this but its very apparent that women prefer to date strangers but not their guy friends.

 

No it can't be best answered by women, mainly because you're going to get very different answers based on who you ask, and it still avoids the main truth. Sorry. That's life. There might be some chick who's perfectly open to crossing the line with friends...likely because she has a guy friend with whom she wants to cross it. Repeatedly. On the other hand, another girl may say she's completely against doing such a thing...likely because she's been stalked by bunch of sad, pensive, emo Romeo-wannabes (apart from the suicide, damn) who've "fallen for her" suddenly and now she's as nervous as a long-tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs.

 

Really there is no concrete answer. Here are two statements that should be very familar to anyone who has a dick.

 

1) "But I don't want to ruin our friendship..."

 

2) "Some of the best relationships start out from being friends first..."

 

 

Look, let's just call a spade a spade, and come to the agreement that when it comes to romantic entanglements, what comes out of a woman's mouth *generally* isn't what she actually means. Whatever will cause the least immediate pain while they're in the room and will leave them with the least amount of guilt...that's what you're gonna hear. Apart from the blessed wingless angels who actually don't bull**** people. *eyes water*

 

Looking at the above statements will tell you one simple thing: A woman is usually *fine* with the idea of taking a friendship with one of her guy friends over to lovey-dovey-hump-hump land. Unfortunately, she just might not be wanting to take that ride with YOU. End of story. Anything else is just static. It's really not so hard to figure out.

 

But the sad thing is that due to the massive amount of BS women throw around, some guys think that when a woman says "Let's just be friends." it means that she just wants to take things slow. (i.e. Statement #2). BZZZT! Wrong. Sorry, thanks for playing. She just doesn't dig you. It doesn't matter who you talk to, one thing remains true: If she thought you were amazing and hot, that brick wall you're trying to climb (bloodied fingers and all) would be a silk curtain just *waiting* to be walked through.

 

If you like some girl and she cops out of saying "I'm not interested in you." and tries to give you the "I like you as a friend" line...tell her to kindly blow you sideways, and walk. Anything else is a waste of your time.

[amerikajin]

Look, let's just call a spade a spade, and come to the agreement that when it comes to romantic entanglements, what comes out of a woman's mouth *generally* isn't what she actually means.

 

Generally, I hafta agree with this.

 

Let me ask you (and let me ask the women out there)...does this also apply when we're talking about things like face-saving? I'm going back to a girl I dated a while back and she said "Well I think we're making the right decision (to end it)"...after I'd already ended it. I've noticed that high-maintenance chicks will get more into face-saving and act like they're the ones doing the breaking up when they know it ain't. Anyone else have similar experience? Any high maintenance chicks on this site care to comment?

[justagirliegirl]

I think both men and women do this. If the attraction isn't there it's friends zone.

 

It is so sad to read tales of guys who have crushes and hang on and on being friendly with the girl and finally they get the nerve to ask her out and it is the 'I don't like you in that way." response.

 

I used to go by physical attraction mostly and it rarely turned out well. This time I decided if a guy had the personality traits I liked, I would give him a chance.

 

My bf was just someone I knew from online. I had no feelings about him one way or the other except I just liked his posts. I sort of developed a crush on him online even though I had never seen his picture or anything and then it went away for awhile. Later on, he said he had a crush on me.

 

Then one day he posted his picture and he really wasn't the type I would go for. He had started being more flirty towards me in the group. Then he posted his voice clip and it really flipped my switch. Very sexy voice.

 

Later on he asked to email with me and we did. We became good friends. It really did start out as just friends. Then some months later, I realized I did like him more than a friend and I told him and he said he felt the same way.

 

So I guess there was some type of attraction to begin with.

[Jools]

This is a subject that worries me alot, i have a good m8 that i've known for about 7 months, she's really special to me and i know her really well. I love her and she has feelings for me, she has a boyfriend tho and so i'm having to wait to get a chance to be with her. Apart from the heartache and frustration of that i am concerned that in time, no matter how close we are, she wont want to take the next step in the future because she'll be worried about it affecting our friendship?

 

How do women sit with this sort of thing?

[loony]

Of one thing I'm very sure, the guys who always assume malice from women are not going to get out of the friend zone. And those who complain about women leading them on, please take a good look at yourself and then tell me that you have never strung anybody along out of insecurity. Hypocrites.

[noclobber]

No it can't be best answered by women, mainly because you're going to get very different answers based on who you ask, and it still avoids the main truth. Sorry. That's life. There might be some chick who's perfectly open to crossing the line with friends...likely because she has a guy friend with whom she wants to cross it. Repeatedly. On the other hand, another girl may say she's completely against doing such a thing...likely because she's been stalked by bunch of sad, pensive, emo Romeo-wannabes (apart from the suicide, damn) who've "fallen for her" suddenly and now she's as nervous as a long-tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs.

 

Really there is no concrete answer. Here are two statements that should be very familar to anyone who has a dick.

 

1) "But I don't want to ruin our friendship..."

 

2) "Some of the best relationships start out from being friends first..."

 

 

Look, let's just call a spade a spade, and come to the agreement that when it comes to romantic entanglements, what comes out of a woman's mouth *generally* isn't what she actually means. Whatever will cause the least immediate pain while they're in the room and will leave them with the least amount of guilt...that's what you're gonna hear. Apart from the blessed wingless angels who actually don't bull**** people. *eyes water*

 

Looking at the above statements will tell you one simple thing: A woman is usually *fine* with the idea of taking a friendship with one of her guy friends over to lovey-dovey-hump-hump land. Unfortunately, she just might not be wanting to take that ride with YOU. End of story. Anything else is just static. It's really not so hard to figure out.

 

But the sad thing is that due to the massive amount of BS women throw around, some guys think that when a woman says "Let's just be friends." it means that she just wants to take things slow. (i.e. Statement #2). BZZZT! Wrong. Sorry, thanks for playing. She just doesn't dig you. It doesn't matter who you talk to, one thing remains true: If she thought you were amazing and hot, that brick wall you're trying to climb (bloodied fingers and all) would be a silk curtain just *waiting* to be walked through.

 

If you like some girl and she cops out of saying "I'm not interested in you." and tries to give you the "I like you as a friend" line...tell her to kindly blow you sideways, and walk. Anything else is a waste of your time.

 

 

Makes sense.... bottom line, it all boils down to whether the girl in question is attracted to you or not. very simple, is it not?

[noclobber]

If the attraction isn't there it's friends zone.

 

Right on!!!!!!!!

[noclobber]

This is a subject that worries me alot, i have a good m8 that i've known for about 7 months, she's really special to me and i know her really well. I love her and she has feelings for me, she has a boyfriend tho and so i'm having to wait to get a chance to be with her. Apart from the heartache and frustration of that i am concerned that in time, no matter how close we are, she wont want to take the next step in the future because she'll be worried about it affecting our friendship?

 

How do women sit with this sort of thing?

 

Are you sure she has feelings for you? If she does like you then why is she with her boyfriend?

 

I am not trying to discourage you but i wudn't be surprised if you ask her out and get the "i only appreciate you as a friend" line. sorry.

[Jools]

Are you sure she has feelings for you? If she does like you then why is she with her boyfriend?

 

I am not trying to discourage you but i wudn't be surprised if you ask her out and get the "i only appreciate you as a friend" line. sorry.

 

Trust me, if I didn't know that she had feelings for me it would be a lot easier for me to deal with not being with her. she has told me that she thinks she's falling for me and that all the time she thinks we're getting closer. however I have this nagging doubt in my head that the closer we become while not being properly together with her will result in her ultimately not wanting to risk what we have together as friends.

 

and I don't know exactly why she is still with her boyfriend but I respect her enough to accept that she's with him for a reason and if she's happy then I accept that and will deal with my pain until I can hopefully be with her. it may sound stupid but her hapiness is what is most important to me and I have to accept that her current situation does that. in the end, just because I love her and she feels something back towards me, I can't expect her to just finish with her boyfriend as she obviously feels somethingfor him also or she wouldn't be with him in the first place?

 

hope that makes sense. I think it does to me

[noclobber]

Trust me, if I didn't know that she had feelings for me it would be a lot easier for me to deal with not being with her. she has told me that she thinks she's falling for me and that all the time she thinks we're getting closer. however I have this nagging doubt in my head that the closer we become while not being properly together with her will result in her ultimately not wanting to risk what we have together as friends.

 

and I don't know exactly why she is still with her boyfriend but I respect her enough to accept that she's with him for a reason and if she's happy then I accept that and will deal with my pain until I can hopefully be with her. it may sound stupid but her hapiness is what is most important to me and I have to accept that her current situation does that. in the end, just because I love her and she feels something back towards me, I can't expect her to just finish with her boyfriend as she obviously feels somethingfor him also or she wouldn't be with him in the first place?

 

hope that makes sense. I think it does to me

 

sorry man this does not make sense to me and this does not appear right to me! i never understand the women logic of "i don't want to ruin our friendship", to me it means she is not interested in me, period!! if she is interested then she will be with me!!! saying that "friendship will get ruined" is like a man saying to his girlfriend "hey i love you but i don't want to marry you. we may end up divorcing, so i don't want to ruin what we have now by proposing for marriage". its that stupid, atleast to me! if you have feelings go for it instead of just throwing some "i am afraid of losing our friendship" crap...

 

i don't think its ethical for this girl to say that she has feelings for you and then continue to be with her boyfriend.... she is stringing you along man! don't fall for that crap..

[amerikajin]

jools,

 

This is risky but if it were me, I'd just explain that you don't feel right being her 'friend' in this situation, and that you should pull back for now. By hanging around, you're giving her an option B...and she'll just keep stringing you along until she's certain that option A is no longer much of an option for her.

 

I think you should try the strategy of nobility here. Tell her you like her and respect her very much - so much so that you think you should not be adding confusion to her relationships, and that you don't think it is fair to her boyfriend as well. Tell her that you can talk once she's broken up with her man. Be the noble guy. If she's not into you at all, she'll just stay put and at least you know where you stand. But I think she'd really respect you for taking a stand like that, and in my experience, it's when a woman respects a man that really begins to love a man.

[Jools]

noclobber - she hasn't actually said that she only wants to be friends in the future, my worry is that knowing some women think like that, that I might in time become such a close and good friend that she won't want to risk it. I'm not saying it will happen, just that I worry it might.

 

amerikajin - that's was a really good reply and it just reaffirms the approach I was going to take tomorrow when we have lunch. I was going to tell her that I respect her and her decisions and that for that reason and because I love her i'm going to give her space to live the life she chooses. and if I'm available in the future when she is too I hope we could be together.

 

although, where we differ is that I will still be her friend but just won't be doing some of the things I have in the past. she'll notice a difference in me and hopefully she'll miss the other things enough to want to do something about it.

[TeddyShabba]

About my experience with a 'friend'"

 

I must not have been in the friendzone completely because almost everytime we went out she would ask me some very personal questions...

 

MrB

You are still in the friend zone my friend she is talking to you as if you where one of her girlfriends at a slumber party

[TeddyShabba]

although, where we differ is that I will still be her friend but just won't be doing some of the things I have in the past. she'll notice a difference in me and hopefully she'll miss the other things enough to want to do something about it.

If you really want to speed things along bring along your new girlfriend and never do anything with her just you and her always bring along a girlfriend and have a really good time with your girlfriend

[Jools]

TeddyShabba - Firstly thats not something i would do, out of respect for both women, but certainly wouldn't want to use another girl as a 'pawn' to make another jealous, not fair on her.

 

But it hasn't come to anything as drastic as that, because i have some good news. She left her boyfriend at the weekend and we're going to take things slowly and see where things take us. I'm concious of not getting her on the rebound so, steady goes.

[noclobber]

TeddyShabba - Firstly thats not something i would do, out of respect for both women, but certainly wouldn't want to use another girl as a 'pawn' to make another jealous, not fair on her.

 

But it hasn't come to anything as drastic as that, because i have some good news. She left her boyfriend at the weekend and we're going to take things slowly and see where things take us. I'm concious of not getting her on the rebound so, steady goes.

 

brings me "pleasant" memories

 

my "friend" did the exact same thing.... when she said that she broke up with her boyfriend it was too good to be true... i asked her out 2 weeks later and got turned down.

 

good luck to you man! hope everything works out well for you. she has already told you that she is falling for you so looks like it will work out. keep us posted, its really interesting

[Jools]

brings me "pleasant" memories

 

my "friend" did the exact same thing.... when she said that she broke up with her boyfriend it was too good to be true... i asked her out 2 weeks later and got turned down.

 

good luck to you man! hope everything works out well for you. she has already told you that she is falling for you so looks like it will work out. keep us posted, its really interesting

 

We tackled this subject today mate, yes we both want the same thing and we're gonna take things slowly etc.

 

After the misery of the past couple of months, the way i'm feeling now is such a contrast, i'm on top of the world. Proper smile on my face and everything. The constant butterflies have gone and i'm looking forward to the weekends so much now (as previously this was when she saw her boyfriend), but now i get to see her more.

 

Will keep u guys posted.....

[Almost]

This is a great thread, because I find myself in this situation a lot. I think the bottom line is that if you wait to long to ask a girl out, you end up putting yourself in the friend zone, and then you get rejected when you do ask her out. Whereas if you asked her out right away, she probably would have said yes.

 

It's very hard to get out of the friends zone, and I can't say I've ever done it. But I think the key would be to have the ability to stay friends and be a friend, without reallly hoping or waiting for the friendship to develop into something more. You have to move on and date other women, while remaining friends, and not getting upset and mad at the girl for rejecting you. Still, it's a long shot and it requires that something about you changes that removes the reason the girl rejected you in the first place, as looney said.

 

I don't think women realize how much they demand from guys. Guys have to be super confident, and be willing to constantly put themselves out there, laying it on the line, and then not have rejection phase them, and still be willing to be friends. I can't believe as many guys can pull this off that apparently do.

 

A guy could be the greatest guy in the world, but if he hesitates at all and gets nervous and emotional about liking a girl, he misses his window of opportunity and the woman loses interest and places him in the friends zone. Sometimes I think the guys that seem to have all the confidence, and can do all this without it affecting them much, just don't feel their emotions as much as guys who seemingly lack confidence. If I didn't feel like I was on an emotional roller coaster everytime I met a girl I really liked, I would have a lot of confidence too.

[jonny87]

I don't think women realize how much they demand from guys. Guys have to be super confident, and be willing to constantly put themselves out there, laying it on the line, and then not have rejection phase them, and still be willing to be friends. I can't believe as many guys can pull this off that apparently do.

 

A guy could be the greatest guy in the world, but if he hesitates at all and gets nervous and emotional about liking a girl, he misses his window of opportunity and the woman loses interest and places him in the friends zone. Sometimes I think the guys that seem to have all the confidence, and can do all this without it affecting them much, just don't feel their emotions as much as guys who seemingly lack confidence. If I didn't feel like I was on an emotional roller coaster everytime I met a girl I really liked, I would have a lot of confidence too.

 

Can I get this on a t-shirt?