My dads secret...

[hollynikki123]

My parents have been married for 30 years and have always seemed happy. When i was 11 my mum and dad seperated because my dad was having an affair, and had a child with that women. This put me and my mum through hell but eventually my mum and dad ended up working things out and have been together since happily (or so i thought). My little sister has since been welcomed into our family, lives with us and sees her real mother often.

 

Im now 20 and moved out of home with my boyfriend when i was 18. This caused alot of problems with my parents and our relationship as they were always very strict and i did this without their blessings. it has taken a long time for us to patch up our relationship and finally act like a family.

 

I was at a resturant meeting my boyfriend, and i saw my father with a man eating dinner. i found this very odd because my father had declined the invitation to come with me to dinner due to a "business meeting at the office". i went to my parents house while no one was home and snooped around. i read a few of my dads emails. these were all from different men organising dates, times to meet each other to "have some fun". the requests were always to be "discreet, and purely sexual, because his wife doesnt know he is bisexual and is not telling"

 

i do not no how long this has been going on, or what to do with this information. I do not have any other family so i cannot confide in anyone else. I do not know wether to ignore it, tell my mum or tell my dad i know... im scared of once again causing problems between our family and obviously this secret i have found will crush them. But i cannot go on carrying this around... and i cannot forgive my father or be near him until i hear the truth.

 

Please any advise!!

[Sami_D]

My parents have been married for 30 years and have always seemed happy. When i was 11 my mum and dad seperated because my dad was having an affair, and had a child with that women. This put me and my mum through hell but eventually my mum and dad ended up working things out and have been together since happily (or so i thought). My little sister has since been welcomed into our family, lives with us and sees her real mother often.

 

Im now 20 and moved out of home with my boyfriend when i was 18. This caused alot of problems with my parents and our relationship as they were always very strict and i did this without their blessings. it has taken a long time for us to patch up our relationship and finally act like a family.

 

I was at a resturant meeting my boyfriend, and i saw my father with a man eating dinner. i found this very odd because my father had declined the invitation to come with me to dinner due to a "business meeting at the office". i went to my parents house while no one was home and snooped around. i read a few of my dads emails. these were all from different men organising dates, times to meet each other to "have some fun". the requests were always to be "discreet, and purely sexual, because his wife doesnt know he is bisexual and is not telling"

 

i do not no how long this has been going on, or what to do with this information. I do not have any other family so i cannot confide in anyone else. I do not know wether to ignore it, tell my mum or tell my dad i know... im scared of once again causing problems between our family and obviously this secret i have found will crush them. But i cannot go on carrying this around... and i cannot forgive my father or be near him until i hear the truth.

 

Please any advise!!

 

You are right, you can't keep this secret. Personally I'd go to my Dad and tell him what you saw, and ask him for an explanation.

 

(on the other hand... I don't think you should be snooping through your Dad's things).

[Sassy]

Your right but if it was me , I would feel sorry for my dad for lying all these years to my mom . I would confront him and ask him if this is true. This is plain awful to find out after all these years if marriage . I feel sorry for your mom and when your dad tells her she is going to need you. You could print them out in case he denys it. Demand he tell her or you will.

[bluechocolate]

You haven't lived with your parents for 2 years, yet you felt the need to go over there when no one was home and invade your father's privacy because he declined a dinner invitation with you? Do you think your parents, or any other member of your family for that matter, has a right to enter your home when you or your husband are not there & search through your computers?

 

I'm very tempted to say that you should mind your own business, but it's a bit late for that now.

[Curmudgeon]

If you go looking for trouble, chances are you'll find it.

 

My concern would be the health risk dad is putting mom in by having casual, homosexual sex with people he's likely meeting online. Mom needs to know so she can be tested and protect herself.

 

Whether Holly tells her or her husband does is immaterial at this stage. The damage has already been done.

[HokeyReligions]

You don't do anything with the information. It is your dad's business and you should not have snooped.

 

If you feel you must do something, what would you want the outcome of that something to be? Work backwards from that.

 

Your dad must be going through hell living this way. Perhaps your mother already knows and is dealing with it in her own way. It's not something she would talk with you about.

 

You could approach your dad with a comment like "I love you and want you to be happy, but I have some concerns that you may be putting mom's health at risk. I don't want to know about your personal life any more than I want to share my personal life with you. But I love mom and whatever goes on between the two of you, please don't put mom's health at risk" then hug him and move on. A child can NOT be their parents marriage counselor.