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LK's Guide to Online Dating....


littlekitty

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littlekitty
I've been on and off dating sites for a couple of years. It becomes a chore after awhile and then I'll pick it up at some later time.

 

I get a lot of e-mails from guys. I usually start out very friendly, avoid the ones who throw their phone numbers at me or at least tell them where I stand with that. If after a number of e-mails, I'm not really interested in pursuing it anymore, what's the best way to say that, given we've been e-mailing and sharing stuff. I try to be as honest as possible, but I don't think I need to disclose that they are not interesting me anymore, or I think they're kind of weird, or I am pursuing someone else. I don't like to be ignorant and just ignore them. I like to be respectful enough to tell them I don't want to pursue it without hurting their feelings too much.

 

So any advice here?

 

Often times OD sites will have standard replies that can be useful in this situation. Sometimes it's easier to use a standard quote than word something yourself.

 

However, if you feel that's still a little cold for your liking, I think the best thing is to try to be honest.

 

Perhaps something along the lines of:

 

Many thanks for all the time you've taken in chatting to me, and responding to my messages. Unfortuantely at this time I don't believe there is potential for romance between us.

 

I appreciate your time and trouble, and hope that you find what you are looking for.

 

Uggghhh that's not great either is it! Hard one!! Remember you don't have to explain what it was about them that turned you off. Just explain that you know what you're looking for and that you didn't feel you'd found it with them.

 

Anyone else!

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I know i suck but i just let the convos die a slow death lol. Unless they are upfront with me and ask me directly. In that case, I'm honest and direct back.

 

As for worrying if coworkers will find you, well, i think that shows you are embarassed about online dating. Dont you think that's kind of an insult to the people you are talking with online? And if your coworkers find you, well that just means they too are online. I really dont think it's something you should be embarrased about.

 

If someone doesnt have a pic, I rarely respond. Yes, it might be shallow to judge someone based on their looks, but to be honest, I've never really dated the drop dead gorgeous guys in the first place so I'm not THAT shallow. But there has to be some kind of spark.

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Art_Critic
If someone doesnt have a pic, I rarely respond.

 

I'm the same way.. I even go as far as to not even initiate contact if they don't have a pic.

I learned a long time ago that if they don't have a pic up then there is a reason.. I don't feel there is a good reason to not have a pic up.. fair is fair..

 

nothing is worse that fomulating an email to someone without a pic only for them to reject you because they didn't like yours. 2 faced..

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littlekitty
I'm the same way.. I even go as far as to not even initiate contact if they don't have a pic.

 

I learned a long time ago that if they don't have a pic up then there is a reason.. I don't feel there is a good reason to not have a pic up.. fair is fair..

 

nothing is worse that fomulating an email to someone without a pic only for them to reject you because they didn't like yours. 2 faced..

 

This was my feelings as well Art. I learned there was usually a reason, but will agree that for a very small percentage it may be a real reason.

 

Generally speaking... we're spot on!!

 

I found it aggrevating to spend a week talking with someone without a picture, being reassured they weren't ugly just had a technical problem or some such, only to receive the picture and find that there was not an ounce of attraction. Disappointing if the chat was going well.

 

Slander me all you will... I had to have some attraction or all I'd have got going on is a friendship, and I wasn't out there looking for more friends. :o

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I agree. I have taken chances sometimes talking to guys w/o a pic, but when the pic was revealed, it was hard to slink my way out of it, but I did somehow. I'm not superficial. I just can't help it if I'm not attracted. So I don't put myself in that position anymore because I don't want to hurt the other person when a picture is revealed. I also believe no pic can also mean "married", so I steer clear. I used to be worried about putting my pic out there and didn't in the beginning, but you don't have much chance if you don't. And now my kids know that I do it. If they can accept it, then why should I worry about anyone else? Their opinion is what matters most to me and they are old enough to realize the way things are today.

 

Rather than dissing the ones I am talking to but haven't met, I've decided to let it ride a bit. You never know what will happen with the ones you do meet and are interested in. I learned this a long time ago.

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Slander me all you will... I had to have some attraction or all I'd have got going on is a friendship, and I wasn't out there looking for more friends. :o

 

Very true!

 

I've avoided no pic profiles even if the wording parts sounded good. I've even bumped into my fellow classmates. I mean really smart people and they popped up on my "radar" and I did for them.

 

I've noticed the size inflation or deflation in profiles, even profiles that have great professional pictures, are nice but when you meet them in person it is weird like the eye liner is "off" :confused:

 

Anyway back to my little corner.

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Unfortunately I hold on to my views. I've seen too many people on LS complaining about cyber love lifes.

 

Um. That would be because LS is a love problem site. It's not a 'report your successes with online dating' site.

 

As for photos, nobody looks like their photo. NO BODY. Three-dimensional people don't squish onto two-dimensional screens or paper and come out looking the same. And some people take terrible photos who don't look that bad and vice versa. Finally, love makes even the plainest of souls look wonderful in your eyes.

 

Had I gone on initial impressions of looks alone, I would have missed out on some great experiences - and each one grew much more attractive to me with time. It's like listening to a new song - at first it might not click with you, but when you become familiar with it, you can grow to love it a lot.

 

I've also gone out with some stunners - and dropped them all. It is only with the heart that one sees rightly, as Saint-Exupery said.

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littlekitty
I agree. I have taken chances sometimes talking to guys w/o a pic, but when the pic was revealed, it was hard to slink my way out of it, but I did somehow. I'm not superficial. I just can't help it if I'm not attracted. So I don't put myself in that position anymore because I don't want to hurt the other person when a picture is revealed. I also believe no pic can also mean "married", so I steer clear. I used to be worried about putting my pic out there and didn't in the beginning, but you don't have much chance if you don't. And now my kids know that I do it. If they can accept it, then why should I worry about anyone else? Their opinion is what matters most to me and they are old enough to realize the way things are today.

 

Rather than dissing the ones I am talking to but haven't met, I've decided to let it ride a bit. You never know what will happen with the ones you do meet and are interested in. I learned this a long time ago.

 

Nice post! :) You're so right, if you and your children are fine with you being out there doing OD, what does it matter what anyone else thinks!

 

I met my SO via online dating. We're currently living together and getting married next year... so the chances are out there!! :D

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Wow, that's great! Congratulations! So there's some hope out there, huh?

 

I did just end an 8 mo. R with a guy from online. It was encouraging for awhile there but it had to end. The sad thing is I don't miss him, I miss the friendship I made with his mother!! She was wonderful!! lol!

 

Now I'm just trying to juggle dating two men at once! I've never done this and I'm not comfortable with it, but I don't know which way its going to go with either one of them yet, so I'm waiting to see which one shines over the other.

 

Any advice on that one?

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littlekitty
Wow, that's great! Congratulations! So there's some hope out there, huh?

 

I did just end an 8 mo. R with a guy from online. It was encouraging for awhile there but it had to end. The sad thing is I don't miss him, I miss the friendship I made with his mother!! She was wonderful!! lol!

 

Now I'm just trying to juggle dating two men at once! I've never done this and I'm not comfortable with it, but I don't know which way its going to go with either one of them yet, so I'm waiting to see which one shines over the other.

 

Any advice on that one?

 

Thanks! There's always hope!! :) I was loosing hope of ever finding someone and then BAM! :D

 

Well, at least you met a nice women via Online Dating!! :D:lmao::p

 

I personally haven't really ever dating two men at once either! I certainly held conversations with more than one at time. I guess my advice would just be to take it as it comes, enjoy each date, and do exactly what you said... see who shines through. I'm sure within a little time you'll find one is more of interest than the other!!

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Well see what I used to do was, as soon as I met someone, I would tell other e-mail prospects that I had met someone and wanted to see where it would lead because I don't date more than one person at a time. And they appreciated me telling them that and would wish me good luck. And then it would last for however long, usually 2 to 3 months, and then I was back. I was starting to feel like a yo-yo and a failure going back on the site.

 

This time, I've tried to take a different approach and have just met two. I like them both and they both want to see me again. They were both WONDERFUL and different kind of dates and I was impressed by both of them. Which is why I don't want to make a decision yet. So I'm kind of thinking/hoping one impresses me more. Although then I will have to deal with the prospect of telling the other one no more. Which is probably harder than my original question of how to tell someone you're just e-mailing with.

 

(This is all assuming they will both also want to continue with me!)

 

Another thing I have learned. Don't count your chickens before they hatch!!

 

P.S. Yeah, his mom loved me! I've thought about just writing her a note to thank her for welcoming me into her home and for her friendship. I didn't see her when we broke up.

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