pixie-stixs Posted February 10, 2006 Share Posted February 10, 2006 **Can a guy (who is your boyfriend, or husband) who seemingly lost interest in their relationship with you, not affectionate, not spending time with you, cold and distant still be jealous? If they don’t love you and aren’t interested in you, why would they be jealous of where you go, who you talk to, who you try to make friends with, and block you from doing certain things, with certain people? You know, like creating situations to tie up your spare time just so you cant go and do the things you want to do? I would think that if they weren’t a little bit interested then they wouldn’t care what you do when they are not around. They would be okay with you going off and doing whatever as long as you were there when they came home. If they just thought of you as a piece of a$$ or housemaid or waitress why would they care what you do when they are not around as long as their needs are being met?? Or maybe they would just turn a blind eye to whatever you are doing, basically just not interested in what you do with your free time as long as it didn’t affect them… For example, (assuming he was only using you, for a$$, comfort, housemaid or otherwise) you get off of work at 3 and he gets off at 8, that is 5 hours of free time for you. The house is clean, laundry and dishes are complete, you already had sex with him that day, and dinner is ready for when he comes home. Why would he try to block you from hanging out with a friend? Why would he try to dictate who you talk with, if you go to the movies, basically just WHATEVER??? What difference would it make to him? His needs are met, so WTF??? **So the original question was: Would he be jealous if he didn’t care? Or does he care and that’s why he is jealous?? Oh..and could this guy be jealous and not love you?? Or does he love you and that’s why he is jealous??? Link to post Share on other sites
jennifer1983 Posted February 10, 2006 Share Posted February 10, 2006 Well being that I am a jealous person I can answer for my actions in this kind of situation. I have been jealous over guys who I am not in love with or even want to be with. It is just the satisfaction of having that control that consumes a person in that kind of situation. I know this may not make that much sense but I have been on both sides of the boat. BUT to answer your questions: I think that each person is different in this kind of situation and it will be hard to really know how he feels. BUT it does sound to me like the same way I used to be with a guy who I didnt care about but also wanted to keep him around because he did everything I said. The best thing to do is make a stand and let him know you arent going to stand for that kind of thing and if he does leave then it was only a matter of him having control over you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author pixie-stixs Posted February 10, 2006 Author Share Posted February 10, 2006 Thanks Jennifer, Your insight is highly valued because it is not every day that we get this kind of honesty as to why someone does the things they do. I have “defied” him before, but in the end, he wins out for whatever reason. He tells me I need to respect him when I start getting froggy with him. I think I have tried every single thing I could to push him away, came up with every possible scenario and presented it to him as a reason why he is with me and he denies all of it. Says to this day that he is with me because he loves with me. He is making life plans with me, starting family, house browsing, etc…..why would he bother?? Link to post Share on other sites
jennifer1983 Posted February 10, 2006 Share Posted February 10, 2006 Well that is a little more tricky, but the thing you have to look at is, is he acting thru with these plans he is making? Or is he just giving you what I call "lip service"? I mean look at what you give him....EVERYTHING...and he knows what you want to hear, he knows what will make you give in. Look at what hes getting and in return all he is giving is useless words...well useless words to him maybe not to you. All he has to do is say what you want to hear and bam...youre under his spell again. The only thing I can suggest is to listen to what he promises and then see what he follows thru with. Are these things he follows thru with to benefit him or you or both? He doesnt want to make himself look like the bad guy so he isnt going to admit his wrongdoings. He wants to make sure that if anything does go wrong you will surely be to blame and at fault. You said that he always wins out...you see that...so I know he sees that also...he knows how to play you and what strings to pull to have his way. Link to post Share on other sites
Author pixie-stixs Posted February 10, 2006 Author Share Posted February 10, 2006 jeeeeezzzz...i never thought of it that way i guess.....the lip service thingie to fall under his spell again.......hhmmm and hmmmmmm Your pretty wise especially if you were born in 1983 (as your name indicates) for your years.... and this certainly rings true: "He doesnt want to make himself look like the bad guy so he isnt going to admit his wrongdoings. He wants to make sure that if anything does go wrong you will surely be to blame and at fault." As far as the plan making.....i do see him progressing with these plans but let me get back to you on that.....i will have to pay extra close attention to WHEN he brings up the whole cozy little picture for two scenarios..... A subtle form of manipulation...hmmmm...thats pretty smart and not one that i thought of yet......pretty clever... Link to post Share on other sites
roxyg Posted February 10, 2006 Share Posted February 10, 2006 This whole thread is quite interesting to me. I like it, not because I am manipulative or am treating my fiance wrong, but it brings up things I hadn't thought about in him. Link to post Share on other sites
jennifer1983 Posted February 13, 2006 Share Posted February 13, 2006 Thanks for the being wise part....I guess I have been in both situations thats why I know both roles. The trickiest part about everything is NOT letting him know what youre doing. The sitting back and watching thing is always the hardest for me I guess because I want to stop the man I love from doing anything wrong that way I wont be hurt again. Hopefully, this guy will be a keeper and if not at least you found out now instead of years later. Link to post Share on other sites
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