Weight Gain

[Jamie]

My wife and I gained a quite a bit a weight over the last 3-4 years. Over the last few months, I have lost about 30 pounds, and would still like to lose about 15-20 more. My wife on the other hand, is still gaining weight. I had always been very happy with her body even though I would have never considered her skinny. But, when I look at her now, I begin to think of her as fat. I want to approach her about her weight and discuss it with her, but I don't know the best way to do it. What should I do??

[Tony T]

Women are extremely sensitive about their weight and often, because of hormonal and other physiological causes, are unable to regulate it very well.

 

Your best approach is to ask your wife to go with you to join a gym or spa and work out together. Once you do that, you can then start eating special meals and other healthy things together. Take long walks together...inside the shopping mall, in your neighborhood, along the beach. Get involved in physical things like bowling or tennis.

 

The root cause of fat has evolved into not only what we eat but how much. Over the past 20 years, the vast majority of people eat out at least three or four times a week. Restaurants and fast food places serve twice the amount of food we should be eating. Hey, you can "Biggie Size" almost any fast food meal for only 39 cents...which means adding an extra 500 calories onto it. Soft drink companies bottle twice the sugar sodas we should be drinking...16 to 20 oz instead of the old 10oz. bottles.

 

So get involved with her in an exercise program and just watch out for portion control whether you are eating out or eating at home. When you eat out, split your meal and order an extra soup or salad. Splitting meals saves you money...and is more food than each of you needs. Once you establish new eating and exercise habits, you'll feel better, be just as full, have more energy, live longer, and maybe even get a Hollywood movie contract.

 

Whatever you do, don't imply that your wife is fat or getting that way. You'll lose a lot of ground there. Just make your new life a team thing, take a lead in this, and keep her motivated.

 

I'm with you. Fat is not attractive, fat is not beautiful...there really isn't much nice about it at all unless you are fat yourself and don't want to do anything about it.

 

Being fat is just as bad as smoking cigarettes, being alcholic or taking illegal drugs. Being obese can cause cancer, sleep disorders, high blood pressure, heart disease, bone and joint problems and a host of other disorders. That's why insurance companies don't insure people who are a great deal overweight. Unless there is a physiological cause, there is just no excuse to hab the flab.

 

In the last six years, computers have helped Americans increase the obesity rate by more than 20 percent. If your wife uses the computer, try to get her to exercise for one minute for every minute her butt is in front of the screen.

 

Remember, it takes 3500 calories to gain a pound. You have to burn 3500 calories to lose a pound. So use your calculator to see just how many calories you can take in daily coupled with your exercise program to lose two or three pounds a week.

 

Good luck. It can be done.

[Artlover]

Also, this might be radical and you're probably not here yet, but adopting a whole foods, non-dairy diet will automatically shed pounds. If the idea of no dairy is too abhorrent, how about a whole foods organic diet then? You can still eat chicken and fish, it's just that the chicken is minus the chemicals.

 

And then you cut out all of the white flour, refined sugar and processed foods. I went on a diet like this for six months, to be healthier and I lost weight without even trying. And you'll feel better. You can eat as much fruits, vegetables, whole wheat products, etc. as you want and still lose pounds. Just an idea.

My wife and I gained a quite a bit a weight over the last 3-4 years. Over the last few months, I have lost about 30 pounds, and would still like to lose about 15-20 more. My wife on the other hand, is still gaining weight. I had always been very happy with her body even though I would have never considered her skinny. But, when I look at her now, I begin to think of her as fat. I want to approach her about her weight and discuss it with her, but I don't know the best way to do it. What should I do??

[Dragonflys]

C'mon hop it!

 

You spend at least 30 minutes a day with your butt in front of the computer replying to posts.

 

Oliver

[Tony T]

Actually, my computer is at eye level and I run in place as I post in this forum.

[FATCHICK]

I read this message board everyday, and I thought you were a really great person, Tony, until this post.

 

Once you get fat, it is really hard to get un-fat. I should know. I used to be about 250. Then I took some magic diet pills that made me lose 80 pounds and I had guys falling down just to open the door for me. Then as soon as I stopped taking the magic pills, the weight just hopped back on. So, here I am, fat once again.

 

When a man has a few extra pounds, he is big and tall. That sounds like a good thing to me. When a woman has a few extra pounds she is fat. How wrong is that?

 

My man seems to find me attractive. Sure, I can't wear little bitty skirts and stuff, but that doesn't mean I am not beautiful.

 

It is people like you that make fat people feel bad and eat more!!! Everytime someone talks bad, oinks, or tells a fat person to lose weight...they just made that persons self esteem go even lower.

 

Women are extremely sensitive about their weight and often, because of hormonal and other physiological causes, are unable to regulate it very well. Your best approach is to ask your wife to go with you to join a gym or spa and work out together. Once you do that, you can then start eating special meals and other healthy things together. Take long walks together...inside the shopping mall, in your neighborhood, along the beach. Get involved in physical things like bowling or tennis. The root cause of fat has evolved into not only what we eat but how much. Over the past 20 years, the vast majority of people eat out at least three or four times a week. Restaurants and fast food places serve twice the amount of food we should be eating. Hey, you can "Biggie Size" almost any fast food meal for only 39 cents...which means adding an extra 500 calories onto it. Soft drink companies bottle twice the sugar sodas we should be drinking...16 to 20 oz instead of the old 10oz. bottles. So get involved with her in an exercise program and just watch out for portion control whether you are eating out or eating at home. When you eat out, split your meal and order an extra soup or salad. Splitting meals saves you money...and is more food than each of you needs. Once you establish new eating and exercise habits, you'll feel better, be just as full, have more energy, live longer, and maybe even get a Hollywood movie contract. Whatever you do, don't imply that your wife is fat or getting that way. You'll lose a lot of ground there. Just make your new life a team thing, take a lead in this, and keep her motivated.

 

I'm with you. Fat is not attractive, fat is not beautiful...there really isn't much nice about it at all unless you are fat yourself and don't want to do anything about it. Being fat is just as bad as smoking cigarettes, being alcholic or taking illegal drugs. Being obese can cause cancer, sleep disorders, high blood pressure, heart disease, bone and joint problems and a host of other disorders. That's why insurance companies don't insure people who are a great deal overweight. Unless there is a physiological cause, there is just no excuse to hab the flab. In the last six years, computers have helped Americans increase the obesity rate by more than 20 percent. If your wife uses the computer, try to get her to exercise for one minute for every minute her butt is in front of the screen. Remember, it takes 3500 calories to gain a pound. You have to burn 3500 calories to lose a pound. So use your calculator to see just how many calories you can take in daily coupled with your exercise program to lose two or three pounds a week. Good luck. It can be done.

[Tony T]

YOU WRITE: "It is people like you that make fat people feel bad and eat more!!!"

 

Yeah, right. Like I really have the power to make people feel bad and eat more. People make their own decision on how they want to feel and how much they want to eat. Neither myself nor any other human on the planet can affect any other person's feelings. They have to own them all by themselves.

 

Fat is not pretty. I'm sure your man sees beyond your physical appearance at your many fine qualities and ignores the obesity...and that's great. I'm glad.

 

But fat kills...just like guns, alcohol, drugs, war, auto accidents, etc. Trying to make fat people feel good about themselves would be like endorsing people to commit suicide. Obesity and related diseases is one of the leading causes of death in the United States. It has reached epidemic proportions in our children.

 

Hell yes, it's very hard to lose weight. Even harder to keep it off. But I promise you, when you are on your death bed and the doctor tells you you have one minute to live...but you could have lived 20 years longer had you shed 50 pounds, the pain of death will be multiplied a thousand times.

 

There are many great ways of losing weight and keeping it off. People do want the easy way out. They don't want to cut down on the sweets, take the fast walks, cut down on portions, ease off on snacks, etc. Everybody wants instant gratification.

 

The fact that you lost 80 pounds once tells me you can do it again. With major support, self discipline, and determination coupled with a rigorous program of diet and exercise, you can keep it off. Get help, find a buddy to help you, and work your way gradually to a more ideal weight.

 

Most men won't come right out and say this but I must. Fat is just not attractive...on men or women. The majority of women are not attracted to obese men. They are repulsed. The majority of men are repulsed by fat women.

 

If my telling you this drives you to eat more and makes you feel bad, you have given me enormous power over you. Perhaps it's because you have given up all your power to food, emotions and other people that you have gained the weight you have.

 

I mean absolutely no insult whatsoever in what I write here. Hopefully, some will be motivated to eat less, get healthier, and become more attractive. If some are driven to eat more, even though it's their own hands that grab the food, their own teeth that chew it, and their own throat that swallows it...they can lay the blame on me. And they can blame me for their early deaths as well. I take responsibility for everything I do and I suppose I can take more if it's thrust upon me.

 

Again, yes, it is hard as hell to get unfat. But it is much easier to get unfat than undead. I hope you will be so very pissed off at me you will be willing to run 10,000 miles to choke me. The exercise you get and the weight you lose will be worth the sacrifice of both of us.

 

Don't ever kid yourself. Normal weight people only live one life...and fat people only live a small fraction of it. Achieving a reasonable weight helps you think sharper, get more oxygen by breathing better, helps you sleep better at night, eases the pressure on your heart, helps prevent diabetes, lowers blood pressure, lowers stress on many organs, and makes you feel better generally.

 

I hope you are mad as hell at me. Fat is not pretty.

[Lauren]

I have a book called "life scripts", it outlines line by line conversations to address such difficult situations. I'm not sure if it is available in book stores - I obtained it at a seminar. The general idea is to approach your spouse and let her know that you care about her and are concerned about the severe health issues that extra weight can cause. Just think of the most common - cancer, heart disease, kidney disease, and bone/skeletal problems. You can dig deeper and consider arthritis, thyroid, other blood/sugar issues, vision, and dermotological problems. And what about general comfort!! Obviously, not everyone is cut out to be the same size - thank GOD!!!! We are indeed each unique individuals and must be - most of all - comfortable with ourselves. Weight loss is not an easy task - however, it is a lifelong task that truly makes a difference. The facts are out there - as Tony points out with his reference to fast food - about the unhealthy lifestyles practiced today. No one can eat "healthy" 24x7. Activity is the primary missing element. People not only eat fast food or prepare these "quickie" already made or put-together meals and sit in front of the tv or computer. Take the kids for a stroll at the park - heck, go visit your backyard. Take the dog for a walk! Pick some weeds and sweep your porch. It will get you moving and break down those calories. The fact is to stick to what is important - it isn't entirely the looks of thin/shapely versus fat. It is about being healthy. Weight loss will most definitely make you look better. It will also increase your energy and make you feel better. Those two factors will increase self-esteem and self-confidence. Pretty outstanding reasons to raise the delicate issue with your spouse. Let us know when you're 80 and biking around the country!! (or just enjoying grandchilren)!!

 

My wife and I gained a quite a bit a weight over the last 3-4 years. Over the last few months, I have lost about 30 pounds, and would still like to lose about 15-20 more. My wife on the other hand, is still gaining weight. I had always been very happy with her body even though I would have never considered her skinny. But, when I look at her now, I begin to think of her as fat. I want to approach her about her weight and discuss it with her, but I don't know the best way to do it. What should I do??

[Katydid]

Wow. As shallow and insensitive a post as I've ever read!

 

This is my first visit to this board, and obviously my last. I can't believe that a man who displays such intellect and perception in response to other problems would generalize so drastically by saying that people are not attracted to those who are overweight.

 

There are a huge number of people in this world who are overweight, as you point out. There is an equally large amount of pressure from society for everyone to look the same. When the average dress size in America is a 12, it's not possible for me to comprehend the depression and desperation all of the overweight people must feel to conform to the social ideal.

 

For those who want to be thin, your advice is great. For those who can be satisfied with the way they look, you're reinforcing a social trend that has brought us beautiful gifts like anorexia and bulemia.

[Tony T]

I think that anyone closed-minded and irrational enough to not visit a forum ever again based on the content of one post has a problem as great or worse than obesity.

 

I hope you understand you have complete power over how you interpret the words of others. To give such immense power to what I have written about overweight people is plum bizarre.

 

I also think you will find that surveys by credible polling and medical institutions find most people do not consider fat to be attractive. I am one who wishes that were not the case but I am also one who embraces reality.