dgiirl Posted February 10, 2006 Share Posted February 10, 2006 How do you know if a guy wants to date you or just wants a one night stand? let the flames begin lol Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted February 10, 2006 Share Posted February 10, 2006 How do you know if a guy wants to date you or just wants a one night stand? ummm...lets see...the man makes sexual advances and the women rejects them until she's ready to have sex. if he's still around when she's ready (whenever that may be) then he's not in it just for the sex. now, if she's "ready" on the first date then it would be hard to tell. Link to post Share on other sites
Admiral Thrawn Posted February 10, 2006 Share Posted February 10, 2006 How do you know if a guy wants to date you or just wants a one night stand? let the flames begin lol Just ask him. Link to post Share on other sites
Pyro Posted February 10, 2006 Share Posted February 10, 2006 Just ask him. Not all men will give an honest answer. If the girl wants something more than a ONS but the guy does not, do you think that he will give an honest answer? Probably not. He will tell her what she wants to hear, get what he wants, and then disappear. Link to post Share on other sites
SmoochieFace Posted February 10, 2006 Share Posted February 10, 2006 He will tell her what she wants to hear, get what he wants, and then disappear. And we ALL know who THAT sounds like, right? *Arthur* says "Yep! Now give me my treat!" Link to post Share on other sites
Pyro Posted February 10, 2006 Share Posted February 10, 2006 And we ALL know who THAT sounds like, right? I'm not here to single anyone out. I just want dgiirl and anyone else who it may concern to be aware of when someone male or female has bad intentions. Link to post Share on other sites
Admiral Thrawn Posted February 10, 2006 Share Posted February 10, 2006 Not all men will give an honest answer. If the girl wants something more than a ONS but the guy does not, do you think that he will give an honest answer? Probably not. He will tell her what she wants to hear, get what he wants, and then disappear. No, I still think this accurately answers this girl's question. If she is going to have sex with a guy she just meet, and just ask him some question in order to decide whether she will sleep with her or not, then it is really sort of a silly post because she would be a casual girl. However, if she has attitudes against casual sex, or maybe doesn't want to have sex until after 20 dates --- then she should be upfront and let him know where she stands so he can go after someone who may be casual. If she is the second type of person, it will do her well be be upfront. If she is the first kind, then it is rather a silly question. People should be honest and direct with each other. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Pyro Posted February 10, 2006 Share Posted February 10, 2006 I agree that people should be direct and honest with each but unfortunately there are alot of selfish and cowrdly people out there. People who are afraid to be responsible for their actions. Some guys will tell her up front, "I don't want anything serious, just casual" or that "I am looking for long term". Most girls do not want a ONS and I believe that most guys who want a ONS only will not be direct and honest about what they really want when talking to a female. Link to post Share on other sites
Author dgiirl Posted February 10, 2006 Author Share Posted February 10, 2006 However, if she has attitudes against casual sex, or maybe doesn't want to have sex until after 20 dates --- then she should be upfront and let him know where she stands so he can go after someone who may be casual. If she is the second type of person, it will do her well be be upfront. If she is the first kind, then it is rather a silly question. People should be honest and direct with each other. Ok, this leads me to my second question. How do you go about telling a guy you're not into casual sex without them getting offended? What's the best way to word that? And when do you bring that up? First date? Second? Month? What? Link to post Share on other sites
SmoochieFace Posted February 10, 2006 Share Posted February 10, 2006 How do you go about telling a guy you're not into casual sex without them getting offended? Why would it matter to you if he gets offended? If you're not into casual sex, you're not into casual sex. That's your prerogative. His *getting offended* could be understood to mean a lack of respect for you and your stance. Nothing for you to worry about. His feelings are his responsibility - not yours. Link to post Share on other sites
Author dgiirl Posted February 10, 2006 Author Share Posted February 10, 2006 well, i'm not one with a gift of words I have offended even NICE guys. So if there's a nice way of saying it, and then he gets offended then i know where i stand with him. It's just a weird thing to bring up. "euh, yah i want to go to the movies with you, but i aint gonna sleep with you until x months from now" lol Is this something you SHOULD bring up or do you just make him wait until your comfortable? The only problem with making him wait and not saying anything is if he gets frustrated and leaves, you kinda wasted your time with him in the first place. Link to post Share on other sites
Pyro Posted February 10, 2006 Share Posted February 10, 2006 If a guy is going to get frustrated and leave you because you don't bring up the talk about sex and he is afraid to bring it up himself, then it is his loss. What happened with me was that my girl and I were making out and I went in to take it a step further, but she stopped me and said that she is not ready yet and that she wants to wait. I immediately stopped and told her that it was fine. I liked her so much that I respected her decision and I waited until she was ready. If the guy likes you and wants to be with you, then he will respect your decision. As far as when you should have the talk, it varies. i guess when the time is right. You will know when the time is right. Link to post Share on other sites
SmoochieFace Posted February 10, 2006 Share Posted February 10, 2006 well, i'm not one with a gift of words I have offended even NICE guys. So if there's a nice way of saying it, and then he gets offended then i know where i stand with him. It's just a weird thing to bring up. "euh, yah i want to go to the movies with you, but i aint gonna sleep with you until x months from now" lol Is this something you SHOULD bring up or do you just make him wait until your comfortable? The only problem with making him wait and not saying anything is if he gets frustrated and leaves, you kinda wasted your time with him in the first place. Again, the fact that the guy is offended is not your problem. Unless you say it in a mean, nasty, and condescending way then there is no reason for him to be offended. I still am of the belief that if the guy is offended by your position on the issue then it is HIS problem and his *being offended* is indicative of his frustration at not being able to *get into your pants* or just outright disrespect of you and your values. It is not your problem. As far as bringing it up... I think it come up during the course of conversation - don't just blurt out that you aren't into casual sex or anything. Ask him how he feels about realtionships in general... find out a little about his history... get some info on his values and beliefs. Of course, this shouldn't be done on the very first date - or even the second. Things should be *light and fun* in the beginning and not involve such *heavy* subjects. Last point - I wouldn't consider it a waste of time if he flakes out on you... you would be better off without a guy who gets frustrated so easily over the subject of sex - ESPECIALLY if he flakes out quite early on. You will have learned something about his character as a result of his actions. Link to post Share on other sites
SmoochieFace Posted February 10, 2006 Share Posted February 10, 2006 If a guy is going to get frustrated and leave you because you don't bring up the talk about sex and he is afraid to bring it up himself, then it is his loss. What happened with me was that my girl and I were making out and I went in to take it a step further, but she stopped me and said that she is not ready yet and that she wants to wait. I immediately stopped and told her that it was fine. I liked her so much that I respected her decision and I waited until she was ready. If the guy likes you and wants to be with you, then he will respect your decision. As far as when you should have the talk, it varies. i guess when the time is right. You will know when the time is right. Exactly - it's about RESPECT and if the guy *fruits out* over not getting *his way right away* with you sexually then he really doesn't respect you as a person. He only cares about *getting some*. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted February 10, 2006 Share Posted February 10, 2006 Why would it matter to you if he gets offended? If you're not into casual sex, you're not into casual sex. That's your prerogative. His *getting offended* could be understood to mean a lack of respect for you and your stance. Nothing for you to worry about. His feelings are his responsibility - not yours. I agree 100%. You can't worry about his reaction. If he respects you and wants to be with you, then he'll wait. If not, then it wasn't meant to work out. Men who are interested won't let that stuff get in the way or think about it too much. They'll let it roll off their backs. Link to post Share on other sites
SmoochieFace Posted February 10, 2006 Share Posted February 10, 2006 Sex is a PART of a relationship - not the ENTIRE relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
Pyro Posted February 10, 2006 Share Posted February 10, 2006 Sex is a PART of a relationship - not the ENTIRE relationship. For some its 90% sex and the other 10% feeding her BS because you are afraid to show her the real you. Link to post Share on other sites
SmoochieFace Posted February 10, 2006 Share Posted February 10, 2006 For some its 90% sex and the other 10% feeding her BS because you are afraid to show her the real you. Perhaps that IS the *real them*. Some guys just don't give a *beep* about anyone else besides themselves. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted February 10, 2006 Share Posted February 10, 2006 At the beginning stages, sex IS important...It's later on when things settle down and get out of that googoo gaga stage, is when one finds out what the relationship really is about. Atleast in my own experience. Link to post Share on other sites
Pyro Posted February 10, 2006 Share Posted February 10, 2006 Perhaps that IS the *real them*. Some guys just don't give a *beep* about anyone else besides themselves. Agreed, there are alot of selfish and inconsiderate people out there, or they are so ashamed of who they really are that they have to make up a story to feel accepted. Link to post Share on other sites
lindya Posted February 10, 2006 Share Posted February 10, 2006 Ok, this leads me to my second question. How do you go about telling a guy you're not into casual sex without them getting offended? I wouldn't encourage him to categorise you as someone who is or isn't into casual sex. What constitutes casual sex, after all? A one night stand? A friends with benefits situation? I'd say the healthy situation is for someone to have sex when they feel comfortable about it. Some people can do that in a FWB relationship. Others need the security of a traditional exclusive relationship. I guess what you need to do is work out for yourself what circumstances would help you to get into your comfort zone with this guy...then you can start to share that information with him. If he isn't prepared to help create those circumstances, then I guess it's not to be....but crosses on he will be. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
SmoochieFace Posted February 10, 2006 Share Posted February 10, 2006 At the beginning stages, sex IS important...It's later on when things settle down and get out of that googoo gaga stage, is when one finds out what the relationship really is about. Atleast in my own experience. Nope, don't agree. Sex should come AFTER getting to know a person and knowing his/her values, beliefs, etc. And also knowing if there is emotional compatability and the possibility of a future together. Link to post Share on other sites
Pyro Posted February 10, 2006 Share Posted February 10, 2006 At the beginning stages, sex IS important...It's later on when things settle down and get out of that googoo gaga stage, is when one finds out what the relationship really is about. Atleast in my own experience. Not in all cases. What if you are in a relationship whre you both agree to wait for marriage before having sex? I know that it is rare in todays society, but it still occurs. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted February 10, 2006 Share Posted February 10, 2006 I agree with you too, but I was talking about further into the relationship, once the crushy feelings and intensity of wanting SEX all the time settles down, that is when you see what the relationship is based on. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted February 10, 2006 Share Posted February 10, 2006 Not in all cases. What if you are in a relationship whre you both agree to wait for marriage before having sex? I know that it is rare in todays society, but it still occurs. Ofcourse, that is a different senario, one I hadn't thought about actually! If two people wait until marriage, then yes, a connection on all levels, minus the sex has to be right for both involved. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts