SmoochieFace Posted February 10, 2006 Share Posted February 10, 2006 Not in all cases. What if you are in a relationship whre you both agree to wait for marriage before having sex? I know that it is rare in todays society, but it still occurs. You don't even have to wait until marriage. Just spending the first weeks (months?) getting to know each other before hitting the sack together works too. How many times have we read about relationships that fizzled out when there was hot and heavy sex right at the beginning and how many people have been hurt as a result? It's hard to let go of someone once that bridge has been crossed because people become emotionally attached to their partners - especially the women- , right? So what would be wrong about spending the early times in the relationship getting to know each other well before crossing that bridge? The hotter and brighter they burn in the beginning, the quicker they burn out... Link to post Share on other sites
Admiral Thrawn Posted February 10, 2006 Share Posted February 10, 2006 Ok, this leads me to my second question. How do you go about telling a guy you're not into casual sex without them getting offended? What's the best way to word that? And when do you bring that up? First date? Second? Month? What? You would tell him upfront and right away. I would like a girl to tell me where she stands, because, other than rejection, one of the reason I shy away from approaching girls is because you do not know where she stands or what she believes in. You dont know what a girl's attitudes are, what their faith is, what they think about sex (unless they are Muslim and are wearing head covers, then it is reasonable to expect they are not into casual sex). It's allot easier on everyone if people are upfront and honest. If a guy is offended that you dont want casual sex, then it is because he was just expecting to have casual sex, and you have eliminated him. Unless you want to have casual sex, you shouldn't be worried about offending him on something like that. If he likes you more than sex, then he may value your upfrontness and appreciate your character, and may feel confident knowing he's not dating going to be dating some fluzy or easy girl. Link to post Share on other sites
Admiral Thrawn Posted February 10, 2006 Share Posted February 10, 2006 well, i'm not one with a gift of words I have offended even NICE guys. So if there's a nice way of saying it, and then he gets offended then i know where i stand with him. It's just a weird thing to bring up. "euh, yah i want to go to the movies with you, but i aint gonna sleep with you until x months from now" lol Is this something you SHOULD bring up or do you just make him wait until your comfortable? The only problem with making him wait and not saying anything is if he gets frustrated and leaves, you kinda wasted your time with him in the first place. No, you could ask him upfront what are his expectations in the relationship because you dont want any disppointments. In my opinion, however, a movie date is not a date that seems conducive of having sex afterwards anyway (unless it is a porn video at his house or something). If it was a seafood restaurant, late-night dinner with alcohol, or if 'alcohol' is somewhere in the picture, that would raise a red flag about intentions. Link to post Share on other sites
Mz. Pixie Posted February 10, 2006 Share Posted February 10, 2006 I flat out told them, "I'm not into casual sex" so if you're interested in that, I'm not the girl for you. Link to post Share on other sites
amerikajin Posted February 11, 2006 Share Posted February 11, 2006 Just tell him you're not into flings - straight up. As for being able to tell, that's not always easy. That's why I advise my women friends not to sleep with a guy initially...once you give the guy the goods, you've given him something he wants. What you don't know at this time is whether that's all that he wants. I think you've got to take time to feel him out and stick to a timetable you feel comfortable with. If he's relationship material, he'll wait a reasonable amount of time before getting impatient about sex. I would say that for most men these days, sex itself is sort of a way to consummate an exclusive relationship. I may be wrong but most of my fellow men will not take a commitment seriously until they've gotten a taste of the nectar. I don't usually expect sex within the first month of a relationship. If it happens, that's great but I don't expect it. What I look for is progression. A kiss on the cheek should lead to one on the lips, and the next date I will look for deeper kisses. Link to post Share on other sites
Mary3 Posted February 12, 2006 Share Posted February 12, 2006 The secret is out : Men who want and care about you will WAIT for the sex. If he does not want to wait or becomes offended then you know he just wanted the sex. If you want a serious relationship keep your jeans zipped. If you want casual sex then anytime is the right time for sex. I would say the BEST time to say something is when he is trying to roam his hands over intimate areas of your body . At which time you say , Hey this is moving too fast and I dont want this to lead to a casual sex encounter. " He should back off and respect you for that. (It would seem strange to be talking about this over a Burger...) If he WAITS around then he is more interested in YOU then he is in your sex potential. Link to post Share on other sites
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