A common problem?

[Justlost]

Ok! I am trying to find out how many people are in the same situation as me?

 

A little background of myself and I am sure thousands must be in the same situation.

 

I was brought up aboard which I stayed until I graduated. Returned to HK and found a good job, pays well and gets to meet many people.

 

I have lots of friends or at least people whom I can call and go out with. A few of them are actually nice people

 

I have a family who are normal, middle-class and brothers/sis who are successful.

 

I have a partner. Been together for a number of years and most likely be the one I will marry.

 

But..I find my life to be so boring. I feel my job is going no where. In fact, I hate what I do and I do not believe in what I do.

 

My friends? I am not sure whether they are friends. My family? Though nice, do not understand me.

 

My life is going past me everyday and yet I seem not to be going anywhere. Just lost. I even find going out on Fridays and Saturdays a bore. Seeing people all sucking up to each other and though they speak, the wrods are meaningless.

 

It's like they are not saying anything meaningful whatsoever and just interested in money, sex and their branded labels. The talk are shallow and yet HK is evolving into one big pot of greed.

 

Everywhere I go, the people are just interested in how to make their outer shell looks good and nothing more. They hold no opinion on anything and can't seem to make a judement whatsoever.

 

Back for a good number of years now and I am not sure what I am doing with myself. Anyone out there feeling the same?

[Tony T]

What you are going through sounds like an existential crisis. Lots of people, mostly deep thinkers and intellectuals, go through this at one time or another. Some of your great writers, like Henry Miller, Albert Camus, Jean Paul Sartre, Victor Frankl, etc., were pretty fatalistic about life...but you don't seem to be quite there yet.

 

Life is what you make it, nothing more. People are the way they are going to be, not more and not less. You can't control other people, only yourself.

 

Our media is constantly giving messages to people to keep up with the Joneses, to be a part of the new fads, do enjoy certain music and movies. We have become automatons, directed by powers most of us are totally unaware of. It's far better if you realize this and direct yourself if you're going to be a totally free human being in the world.

 

If you are feeling a need to connect with people you feel are real, who have the values you do, who are more into self actualization and less into mass conformity, I suggest you go where those people are. Meditation groups, metaphysical groups, college campuses, certain spiritual organizations, etc. will not only have the types of people you may relate to but they will provide a landscape for your spiritual and personal growth and your ability to cope with a world that is largely phoney and superficial.

 

On the other hand, ignorance is bliss. The truth will set you free...but first it will make you miserable. Right now you're going through the misery stage. Just be thankful you are able to see things for what they are and not for what the media and the masses would like you to see them for.

 

You'll be just fine.

[yes]

I so hear you!

 

I am only 19, but i can soo see what you're saying ... so many people I know are ready to live like that - 9-5 job, which is going nowhere, a partner they're only OK with, decent friends ... everything average ... not bad, not to complain, but sort of empty ...

 

i am trying my best to avoid having that kind of life ... my career better have a goal & i aint marrying until i find someone i am truly crazy about ...

 

i don't know if it's just a mood for you ...

 

it's not for me - things like small-talk annoy me like hell ... i mean stuff people talk about when they get togetehr ... often seems they just say stuff so that they're talking, nothing else ... seems like people want friends just so they can say they have friends ... they have bfs and gfs just so they can talk about them ... shallow stupid stuff ...

 

did you consider changing your career?

 

i always thought doing some kind of R&D is the most interesting thing to do ...

 

are you sure you're happy with your partner you're going to marry? ... maybe you should change your life-style to make it more fun? ever gone ski-diving?? try to break out of the routine i guess ...

 

like i said, i'm young, but those are the things that come to my mind ...

Ok! I am trying to find out how many people are in the same situation as me? A little background of myself and I am sure thousands must be in the same situation. I was brought up aboard which I stayed until I graduated. Returned to HK and found a good job, pays well and gets to meet many people. I have lots of friends or at least people whom I can call and go out with. A few of them are actually nice people I have a family who are normal, middle-class and brothers/sis who are successful. I have a partner. Been together for a number of years and most likely be the one I will marry.

 

But..I find my life to be so boring. I feel my job is going no where. In fact, I hate what I do and I do not believe in what I do. My friends? I am not sure whether they are friends. My family? Though nice, do not understand me. My life is going past me everyday and yet I seem not to be going anywhere. Just lost. I even find going out on Fridays and Saturdays a bore. Seeing people all sucking up to each other and though they speak, the wrods are meaningless.

 

It's like they are not saying anything meaningful whatsoever and just interested in money, sex and their branded labels. The talk are shallow and yet HK is evolving into one big pot of greed.

 

Everywhere I go, the people are just interested in how to make their outer shell looks good and nothing more. They hold no opinion on anything and can't seem to make a judement whatsoever.

 

Back for a good number of years now and I am not sure what I am doing with myself. Anyone out there feeling the same?

[yes]

existential crisis is a nice term for it - but what if it's ongoing - year after year? the whole life becomes one big crisis then? gee...! *yey* heh...

What you are going through sounds like an existential crisis. Lots of people, mostly deep thinkers and intellectuals, go through this at one time or another. Some of your great writers, like Henry Miller, Albert Camus, Jean Paul Sartre, Victor Frankl, etc., were pretty fatalistic about life...but you don't seem to be quite there yet.

 

Life is what you make it, nothing more. People are the way they are going to be, not more and not less. You can't control other people, only yourself. Our media is constantly giving messages to people to keep up with the Joneses, to be a part of the new fads, do enjoy certain music and movies. We have become automatons, directed by powers most of us are totally unaware of. It's far better if you realize this and direct yourself if you're going to be a totally free human being in the world. If you are feeling a need to connect with people you feel are real, who have the values you do, who are more into self actualization and less into mass conformity, I suggest you go where those people are. Meditation groups, metaphysical groups, college campuses, certain spiritual organizations, etc. will not only have the types of people you may relate to but they will provide a landscape for your spiritual and personal growth and your ability to cope with a world that is largely phoney and superficial. On the other hand, ignorance is bliss. The truth will set you free...but first it will make you miserable. Right now you're going through the misery stage. Just be thankful you are able to see things for what they are and not for what the media and the masses would like you to see them for. You'll be just fine.

[Tony T]

Go here:

 

http://www.geocities.com/Athens/Olympus/5214/quotes1.html

 

You will find some great quotes by R.D. Laing. I studied with him in London. He was great and one of the pioneers in existentialism. You can go to his main page from there. His books, particularly "The Divided Self," explain just how you are feeling right now.

 

Other great writers who describe your plight were: Albert Camus, Frederich Nietsche, and Soren Kierkegaard.

 

However, I caution you to keep a balance here. You can drive yourself insane if you get too much of a negative outlook on life. Again, it is what it is. Once you learn to embrace reality, you will be the happiest person on the planet. The truly miserable people are the ones who can't accept just what's on the plate of life.

 

Try to find some kind of meaning in your own life but, whatever you do, don't depend on other people for that meaning. Look for it within yourself and be true to it.

[Tony T]

Existential crisis is never ongoing, unless one decides it will be. Hopefully, during this time of introspection one can come to new and brighter conclusions about ones own life and emerge the individual that nature meant one to be.

 

If the fatalistic view of life continues for a very long time, I think that enters the realm of depression and loneliness.

 

However, some of the greatest works of creativity, art, literature, etc. were born out of periods of existential crisis and feelings of aloneness.

 

Most everyone springs out of this phase, at least partially. You have to go to the amusement park once in a while and let loose.

 

I think a lot of people look for relationships, not out of the healthy desire to find someone to love and partner with but out of a great need to fill the existential void. And that void cannot be filled with anything except the stuff that comes from our own soul...not that of another.

[Dragonflys]

Your thoughts are a lot like mine.

 

A few years ago I used to wander around from time to time and just observe people, how predicatable they were, how they would conform to whatever 'pop culture' or fad, and then allow that to mould their personality. I wondered where their 'soul' was. What do they really feel??. What is it about 'them' that makes them them.

 

What I am realising now (at 30!!) is that there is no point questioning others in your mind. Why??. Everyone is doing their best like me, everyone is responding to their surroundings like me and making choices on what they do or do not wish to embrace. The reality of life is that everyone is made up a different way and experiences a different drama that is life.

 

I think the key to a happy life is to embrace that what makes you happy and allow others to embrace what makes them happy. Treat others as they treat you or better.

 

I got pretty tired trying to work 'them' all out. Stuff like this can be so tiring it occurs at the expense of your own happiness, and only YOU feel that!.

 

Oliver

[Justlost]

Total agreement with the above but thanks for taking the time to offer some guidance.

 

For my relationship, I really don't know what to do. I don't want to break up with my partne, but I cant stand my partner either. My partner is getting worse everyday. I hope you can give me some advice on this.

[Artlover]

I went through this at 27. It is quite common, I think. At least with thinking people who aren't afraid to question what's around them. I had been with the same boyfriend for 6 years (and things were awful), the same apartment for 4 (and it was falling apart), the same job that was slowly killing me, for nearly three years. I was so lost.

 

One night, literally wandring the streets aimlessly, I landed on the doorstep of an old friend of the family. An eastern Indian gentleman who is a yogi. He is also clairvoyant. He opened my eyes that evening. He showed me how to meditate and encouraged me to take his yoga classes. I have continued these practices for the past 5 years!

 

The spiritual practices helped to give me the needed strength to 1. quit my job 2. break up with my boyfriend 3. Start living for myself and following my own bliss.

 

Perhaps you also need to make some changes.

Total agreement with the above but thanks for taking the time to offer some guidance. For my relationship, I really don't know what to do. I don't want to break up with my partne, but I cant stand my partner either. My partner is getting worse everyday. I hope you can give me some advice on this.