SueBee3490 Posted February 10, 2006 Share Posted February 10, 2006 I'm just wondering how others feels about this.... Can you get on in your life and not forgive the person? I've read so much about people saying you "must" forgive but I can't. Even counselors have told me that but I think if I just get away from him without forgiving him, I'll be ok. I know everyone will think I'm heartless but believe me I've thought this through and tried to forgive but something in me just won't let it happen. I can't forgive someone who "knew" what he was doing for years and "knew" it would hurt me and "knew" he was putting my life in danger, but just kept doing it! I think there is a line drawn at a mistake you make when you do it once, then realize it's wrong and a mistake that you "consciously" do over and over knowing it is wrong. I'm just curious on what others think - maybe I'm not so bad after all Link to post Share on other sites
JadeStar Posted February 10, 2006 Share Posted February 10, 2006 Maybe its not time for you to forgive yet. Alot of times people can forgive but not forget. Do you think thats what it is? No one says to forgive that you have to always go up to the person and say "I forgive you." I think once you can find a way to make peace with things in your heart, it will be better for you. I don't think one ever forgets though. Jade Link to post Share on other sites
bluechocolate Posted February 10, 2006 Share Posted February 10, 2006 I think forgiveness is being suggested because without it it is too easy to become bitter & jaded towards all humanity due to the actions of one person. Widely confused with forgetting or reconciliations, forgiveness is neither. It is not something we do for others; it is a gift to ourselves. It exists, as does all true healing, at the intersection of love and justice. ----Gordon Livingstone, M.D. Link to post Share on other sites
Sassy Posted February 10, 2006 Share Posted February 10, 2006 I don't think you ever forget but you have to forgive or else it will drive you crazy. Link to post Share on other sites
Author SueBee3490 Posted February 10, 2006 Author Share Posted February 10, 2006 Maybe its not time for you to forgive yet. Alot of times people can forgive but not forget. Do you think thats what it is? No one says to forgive that you have to always go up to the person and say "I forgive you." I think once you can find a way to make peace with things in your heart, it will be better for you. I don't think one ever forgets though. Jade Jade, I think it is time for me to do something. It's been over 3 years since I found out what he was doing and I almost think that now I'm at a kind of peace with myself in thinking about moving on without him. Maybe I have forgiven on my part in being able to do that. I know at first I cried all the time and just didn't know how I could live without him but yet I didn't want him. Now I'm ok thinking about my future without him. As you said, I will never forget - that's for sure:p Link to post Share on other sites
Author SueBee3490 Posted February 10, 2006 Author Share Posted February 10, 2006 I think forgiveness is being suggested because without it it is too easy to become bitter & jaded towards all humanity due to the actions of one person. blue, I know that I won't date again - too much pain involved. I thought my 1st marriage would be forever and was very hurt when it ended. So hurt that I didn't even want to think about finding someone else until about 5 yrs later. I didn't want to be hurt again. Then I found my present H (the cheater) and I fell so in love. I'm older now so I knew I wouldn't find the perfect man. But then I wasn't perfect either but Iknew I could live with our differences. I totally toally trusted him. I thought we were in agreement with our morals and what we would accept and not accept in a relationship. I was wrong. So I guess I am jaded and just too tired to put much into another relationship to have it turn out like this. Link to post Share on other sites
Sassy Posted February 10, 2006 Share Posted February 10, 2006 Noone can tell you when your heart will heal that is up to you. Time will heal it but it can make you scared to trust again . Link to post Share on other sites
JadeStar Posted February 10, 2006 Share Posted February 10, 2006 Jade, I think it is time for me to do something. It's been over 3 years since I found out what he was doing and I almost think that now I'm at a kind of peace with myself in thinking about moving on without him. Maybe I have forgiven on my part in being able to do that. I know at first I cried all the time and just didn't know how I could live without him but yet I didn't want him. Now I'm ok thinking about my future without him. As you said, I will never forget - that's for sure:p Ahh I see. Wasn't sure how long it had been. However there are some people that it can take longer to heal/forgive. I don't think theres one set time in particular, its just when the heart/mind knows. Jade Link to post Share on other sites
Mz. Pixie Posted February 10, 2006 Share Posted February 10, 2006 Not forgiving that person gives them too much space in your head- once you forgive you can begin to move on. Link to post Share on other sites
Author SueBee3490 Posted February 10, 2006 Author Share Posted February 10, 2006 Noone can tell you when your heart will heal that is up to you. Time will heal it but it can make you scared to trust again . You're right Sassy. I just feel it's been so long now that I've dwelled upon this. He won't go to counseling and I don't want him if he won't. He seems to think all he has to say is "I don't cheat when I'm married" and I'll believe him. I thought I had him all figured out. I really thought I knew him pretty well but I guess I didn't. So no, I won't trust again because he was the very type of man that you would bet your life wouldn't cheat. He is such a good actor. I wouldn't know if the next one acted as "good" as he did, is the guy faithful or not? I just don't trust my heart anymore. Link to post Share on other sites
Author SueBee3490 Posted February 10, 2006 Author Share Posted February 10, 2006 Not forgiving that person gives them too much space in your head- once you forgive you can begin to move on. But why forgive? Why not just go our separate ways? Why should I forgive someone who went out on me once but then I gave him another chance because I thought "well anyone can make a mistake" so maybe he is sincere so I'll forgive him and we can get on with our lives together only to find out he continued to cheat? Why does he deserve forgiveness? I have a hard time also forgiving myself for falling for his line again. I really think that if you plan on staying together, you probably have to forgive, but if you don't plan on staying together because it is just too much, why should I? Link to post Share on other sites
witabix Posted February 11, 2006 Share Posted February 11, 2006 But why forgive? Why not just go our separate ways? Why should I forgive someone who went out on me once but then I gave him another chance because I thought "well anyone can make a mistake" so maybe he is sincere so I'll forgive him and we can get on with our lives together only to find out he continued to cheat? Why does he deserve forgiveness? I have a hard time also forgiving myself for falling for his line again. I really think that if you plan on staying together, you probably have to forgive, but if you don't plan on staying together because it is just too much, why should I? Forgive yourself. Then just move on. You do not need to forgive him, just forget him. Link to post Share on other sites
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