bosco Posted August 26, 1999 Share Posted August 26, 1999 I am a 28 year old guy. I lived in CT for 6 years and finally found a woman there that I truly love. She is 24. (just including all the facts). After we had been going out for about 3 months, I got a job offer in Maryland I couldn't turn down, for reasons too long to go into. I took it, and didn't feel that bad about it because I wasn't that in love with her at that time. And our plan was for her to get her masters degree and move down with me in about a year. It has been 3 months since then, and I am now madly in love with her. Things changed with her school situation, and now she is going part time while working and will take 3 years to complete her degree. We had been seeing each other just about every weekend, and though it was hard, I was able to deal with it, and I thought she was too. This past weekend she told me she couldn't take the distance anymore since there is no real end in sight. She doesn't want to leave Conn. either, because of her family and job growth there. We are so madly in love with each other, but it was just too much for her to take at this point in her life, and she decided she has to concentrate on career and education right now. Is there anything I can do to change her mind and get her back? We still talk, still love each other, and still are friends. Any help would be greatly apprectiated. - Heartbroken Link to post Share on other sites
Excelsior Posted August 27, 1999 Share Posted August 27, 1999 I am a 28 year old guy. I lived in CT for 6 years and finally found a woman there that I truly love. She is 24. (just including all the facts). After we had been going out for about 3 months, I got a job offer in Maryland I couldn't turn down, for reasons too long to go into. I took it, and didn't feel that bad about it because I wasn't that in love with her at that time. And our plan was for her to get her masters degree and move down with me in about a year. It has been 3 months since then, and I am now madly in love with her. Things changed with her school situation, and now she is going part time while working and will take 3 years to complete her degree. We had been seeing each other just about every weekend, and though it was hard, I was able to deal with it, and I thought she was too. This past weekend she told me she couldn't take the distance anymore since there is no real end in sight. She doesn't want to leave Conn. either, because of her family and job growth there. We are so madly in love with each other, but it was just too much for her to take at this point in her life, and she decided she has to concentrate on career and education right now. Is there anything I can do to change her mind and get her back? We still talk, still love each other, and still are friends. Heartbroken, I am sort of in a similar situation myself. It is very difficult to love someone, and be so far away from them all the time. But you understand that obviously... Early in your message you said- "I didn't feel bad about it because at the time I wasn't that in love with her." Well, it appears that now you are (very much/madly in love with her). You have to ask yourself a couple of questions, and while it will be hard, I think that if you answer them honestly, you'll know what to do. First, do you love her enough, and long to be with her so badly that you are willing to give up this job opportunity in Maryland? You wanted to know how you might change her mind. Well, I hope this doesn't sound too harsh, but maybe it's you who needs a changed mind. I don't know the circumstances regarding this job, but maybe the love of a lifetime is more important than holding on to this job. Ask her if she would be willing to continue if you moved back. Such a selfless and loving gesture on your part might even touch her enough to try and continue the current long distance situation. The second question is this: How patient are you? If job circumstances really do prevent you two from being together, do you love her enough to wait for her? Do you love her enough to let her go for now, in the hopes that you might find her later? Most of us have been raised on the idea of "carpe diem" (seize the day!), so we only focus on the immediate time we're experiencing. Maybe I am just a dreamer, but I believe that love can conquer all things, even distance and time, which means that even a period of a few years is worth waiting if the love is pure and true. The last question: What is love to you? Is love how she makes you feel? Is love how much you long to be with her? Is love wanting the best for her, even when it goes against what you want? The last part is really what I'm addressing (even though all the rest are components of love)- As painful as it is, it might be better for her if for the moment (not forever!) that you let go. If she feels like she was railroaded into continuing some long distance relationship in a romantic way, it won't be worthwhile anyway. It really does need to be her choice either way. Let her know you support her in whatever she decides, because you love her so much, that you'll even give up what you want to make her happy. Sorry I'm a bit long-winded...this is a topic that hits close to my heart. I hope that it may help you a bit in deciding how to handle this. I wish you the best. Sincerely, Excelsior Link to post Share on other sites
bosco Posted August 28, 1999 Share Posted August 28, 1999 Excelsior, Thanks so much. You made a lot of sense and seem to really understand what is going on with us. All I can do now is keep the faith and hope for things to work out sometime down the road. Thanks again, Bosco. Link to post Share on other sites
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