The Ex called, do I call him back? Help!

[marzipan75]

Okay,

 

short version of long story: My ex cheated on me and then dumped me to be with the girl the next day. I finally found that out after he broke up with me. It's been two and a half months and I thought I was doing pretty well. Out of the blue, last night he phoned my house (still live with my parents!) while I was out with friends. He called twice and then left a message on my cellular phone.

 

I haven't spoken to him in two months, since he called to tell me the truth about our break up. I've been doing well, going out with friends and trying to get back into the college routine when out of the blue he called last night. I am racking my brain trying to figure out what he wants and I don't know if I can handle returning his call.

 

He had called me about three times after our break up but I never called back. I have a few cds that may be his and a recliner but it's completely old and beat up so I don't think he wanted it back because he really gave it to me. So what does he want?

 

Should I call him back or not? I am afraid that calling him will leave me open to getting hurt by him again. They say curiosity killed the cat, so.....what should I do?

 

It's hard to get past the hurt feelings but I've been doing it and not a day goes by that I don't think about him at least once. I am trying to rationalize why he would be calling me at this point because I am puzzled. I never returned any of his other phone calls after our break up and that was about two months and two weeks ago. So what now?

 

I'm rationalizing this to find out if there's any important reason why he would be calling. Furniture, or belongings, death in the family, what? I know nobody but him can actually answer that question but I want to know if I should even bother calling him. Guys please help me here. What if I just don't call him at all? I think that by now if I haven't returned one phone call then he must get the picture that I don't want to talk right?

 

So does it sound like it's "important" to call him back? Why is it that whenever I feel like I'm finally starting to get over things, he does something like send an email or call me and leaves a message and then I end up upsetting myself all over again?

 

Any input on this would be great.

 

Marz

[Tony T]

It's rude not to return phone calls.

 

Call him back. Tell him to make it brief. Don't ask him how he's doing. Tell him you're just fine. Ask him exactly what he wants. Tell him to be brief and to the point. Answer his questions. If he tries to drag the conversation on, tell him you have other things you must do and you have only one more minute. Before the end of your conversation with him, tell him you do not wish to hear from him again and that you will not return his calls in the future. Then say "good-bye" and hang up the phone.

 

There is no reason a talk with him should set you back if you don't give him the power to rattle you. If he starts saying things that you feel may hurt you, just hang up on him.

 

Then forget he ever existed.

[Daisy]

Hmmm. This one is a toughy. I can see Tony's point, but then again I can totally understand the satisfaction of never hearing his voice again. I know how hard it is to will yourself to never call or talk to an ex again. That is like a victory in and of itself.

 

I think you should sit down and really think about whether or not you could handle talking to him again. If you think talking to him might help you move on, in the sense that you KNOW you no longer have any feelings for him, and all you really want to accomplish by talking to him is to find out what he wants, then go ahead and return his call. If you choose to talk to him, be on your best guard. The best guessing in the world won't get you any closer to figuring out what he might want. Know what you want to accomplish before you talk to him, that way you lessen your chance of being sweet-talked and hurt once again.

 

If you don't think you're over him yet, then I wouldn't risk it by calling him back. It would just be way too tempting. And to have gotten so far, only to find yourself back at square one, that would be tough to deal with. Dealing with ex's is SOOOO tough. It takes a very determined woman to completely get over one. If you've gotten this far without talking to him, you could definitely get much further. Just have faith in yourself. You don't need him anymore. You can do it.

 

Good luck and best wishes Marz

[Dragonflys]

Marzipan

 

I think you are doing a great job getting over him, and you surley have noticed it is slowly getting easier. Don't risk going back to square one by entertaining any pleas (if he has any). The fact that he dumped you like a sack of spud so suddenly means he can do it any time in the future.

 

Keep on your healing process. Call him up briefly and ask what he wants..call him halfway through a kettle boiling. If he needs anything returned, send it to his current address. Don't bother even seeing him.

 

Oliver

[Miss Mojo]

hi marz,

 

i would sms him first so you don't have to hear what he wants. he might sms you back and tell you what he wanted to in the first place. if all else fails, talk to him briefly but know that you can hang up whenver you feel like it....and i'd go so far as to say "let's move on and not call each other anymore, ok?".

 

best wishes

[Artlover]

Honestly, I think you're well within your personal rights not to call him, if you don't want to. If it's THAT important, he'll find a way to get the message to you through the mail or a friend or something. He needs to get a clue. Sorry. I think the way he treated you was shameful and at this point you couldn't be rude enough.

hi marz, i would sms him first so you don't have to hear what he wants. he might sms you back and tell you what he wanted to in the first place. if all else fails, talk to him briefly but know that you can hang up whenver you feel like it....and i'd go so far as to say "let's move on and not call each other anymore, ok?". best wishes