i have no friends

[jerbear]

I know this post was geered towards the OP, but may I comment? Once I was told by an XBF that if I just be myself around people that I would have more friends. I make attempts everyday to be a little more friendlier...a little more interested in others lives instead of my own. But, it never gets me longterm friendships...just acqaintences. How does a person turn acquaintences into 'let's go do something together' friends? I have only one of those kind of friends that I trust.

 

Well, if both of you share common interests, then that is a starting point. ie. skiing, rollerblading, knitting, etc...

 

There are social groups out there that are focused solely on those interests.

 

To make friends... why not start one of those groups?

 

If you attend conferences, attend some of them BOF (birds of a feather) sessions. Get aquaintances and then go from there.

[jerbear]

I was taking a break from studying.

 

There are other things you can consider if you are the reading and introspective type.

 

Read Nietzsche and Freud about friendships; they offer perspectives on friendship in regards to focusing ones energies on either one or many people. They won't tell you how to get them. I'm sure there are other people to read.

 

If you understand the psychology of friendships and the dynamics involved; it might help you.

 

If movies are your type, watch "Harry and Maud" in regards to the friendship/relationship portion.

 

First and foremost, some form of interaction is required. The first step is usually saying hi and smile.

[Guest]

Hi there. I know exactly how you feel. I'm 19 years old. I have a good sense of humor, I can be fun, but I just can't connect to people. I feel so damned distant from everyone. I try, and try, and I can have people I who like me and I can hang out with, but I just don't seem to get any enjoyment out of being around people. It seems like I just want to be alone. But still, I'm so miserable. I try to put on a happy face because that's what you have to do in this desperate culture - smile around people then go cry in a ****ing corner.

 

I don't know how much help I can be to you, but I'm with you, whoever you are. You've just got to be brave and always force yourself to go out and meet people. Also, go see a counsellor. It may be hard opening up, but just try - it's worth it. They can help you a lot, and at the least you can have someone to finally let out all of your emotions to.

 

im serious

 

ive been through seventeen years of life and i dont have one friend to account for it.

 

at weekends i sit in and watch tv or surf the net, i dont have one person i can call to even chat to

 

i dont even have one best mate i can rely on.

 

i have massive issues with trusting people, and now im seriously alone, all other people my age have tons of mates, and theyre all out with them right now i expect

 

i dont know why i did this post, its not a question orplea for advice i just needed to say it i think. i dont know what my problem is

[jen_jen_heartbroken]

In all reality most people dont have friends (true friends). And I'm guessing but as for someone to rely on?...i'm sure many people have been in a situation where they needed someone to rely on and no one was there..

 

Tell me about it! Everyone is so d@mn fairweather. They all want to go to bars when they don't have a date for the weekend, and then instead of enjoying time with me, they spend the whole night talking to guys and ignoring me. As for these "friends" helping out when I need them, forget it. Me: "I need a ride home from surgery." Her: "I'm not sure what I'm doing that day." Me: "So, can you commit to doing this for me? I'm not as lucky as you are, and don't have family to help me like you do." Her: "Call me in a couple of days and I'll let you know." After two messages left, and no return call, I think I have my answer.

[jerbear]

In all reality most people dont have friends (true friends). And I'm guessing but as for someone to rely on?...i'm sure many people have been in a situation where they needed someone to rely on and no one was there.

 

Very true. I have my "German" styled friends, friends, and aquaintances. Many are just aquaintances. The "German" ones are life ones who would be there and rely on.

 

Tell me about it! Everyone is so d@mn fairweather. They all want to go to bars when they don't have a date for the weekend, and then instead of enjoying time with me, they spend the whole night talking to guys and ignoring me. As for these "friends" helping out when I need them, forget it. Me: "I need a ride home from surgery." Her: "I'm not sure what I'm doing that day." Me: "So, can you commit to doing this for me? I'm not as lucky as you are, and don't have family to help me like you do." Her: "Call me in a couple of days and I'll let you know." After two messages left, and no return call, I think I have my answer.

I'm sorry that person was not your friend. It is bad what your friend did.

[Guest]

I'm in the exact same situation, I'm 19 and do not have any friends.

 

my attitude has always been leave before you get left, I don't trust people to like me for me, and I always feel like everyone has a hidden agenda.

I'm Ok as long as things stay casual, but I get very defensive when people try to get deeper with me, and I can't stand being touched, even if its just a hand on my arm or a guy just trying to mess around.

 

I don't know why I have such a poor sense of trust, I have never been abandoned in my life, my family is still together everything should be fine.

 

I dropped out of my sixth form because I couldn't stand being ignored, but I went back and I have to say that I am not unhappy anymore.

 

you get used to being alone, putting a mask on being the token loner in class and school.

 

I know this isn't going to be my life forever, and thanks to my expieriences I have more confidence, when people say hurtful things to me things that a year ago would have deeply affected me, I don't let myself be hurt anymore.

I don't have a problem being alone, I don't need to please people or try to make them like me. sure, it would be nice to have one person to be friends with but it's not the end of the world that I don't.

 

the only thing that does worry me is that maybe I'm so messed up that I can't even recognise my own unhappiness,

 

I mean, I'm 19 years old, stuck at home most nights, repeating my year at school and a normal saturday night for me consists of trailing round tescos with my mother and helping my 15 year old sister get ready to go out clubbing. I should feel sad or ashamed but I feel quite happy.

[longlegzs80]

I have one friend who is currently in Iraq who I frequently email and get his responses. Other then that it has been a lonely 25 years of going out by myself since friendships are so hard to make.

 

My suggestion to you is, instead of sitting home, go out. Go by yourself and enjoy being by yourself. Art, galleries, movies, etc. Have fun, go out and enjoy yourself. You don't necesarily need someone to go out with but I understand where your comming from as far as being lonely. You need to be amonst people, volunteer, join things that is the way to meet others. Find things you like to do and go out and do them, that is another way of meeting people. good luck.

[Da_1_n_OnlyN3na]

im in the same situation...i feel sooooooo lonely right now its not even funny....me who in middle school had lost of friends and would have so much fun at lunch with my girls and now ever since i started high school last year i feel left out.....my friends have moved on and i have moved back from where i was...i feel like such a nerd such a geek....im such a loser....

 

i cant wait to get out of high school....

[babbah]

i cant believe there are people who dont have someone to call their friend..not even online?

 

im so sorry about it.

 

well, have you treid to ask yourself why? maybe the problem is within your innerself. do you have a past that is makes you stay this way?

 

try to go out and mingle with others. a simple 'Hi' or a simple 'hello' can start friendship. you should always look at the brighter side. always explore the people around you. go oout on the street and i swear you can meet lots of friends as long as you want to.

 

but be careful who you'll befriend. i dont want any of you to be lead to the wrong direction. choose someone who can bring you to the good path.

 

btw, if your feeling lonely, dont hesitate to PM me..i will talk to you in the best i could...

 

*hugs* and goodluck

[lovernotafighter]

im serious

 

ive been through seventeen years of life and i dont have one friend to account for it.

 

at weekends i sit in and watch tv or surf the net, i dont have one person i can call to even chat to

 

i dont even have one best mate i can rely on.

 

i have massive issues with trusting people, and now im seriously alone, all other people my age have tons of mates, and theyre all out with them right now i expect

 

i dont know why i did this post, its not a question orplea for advice i just needed to say it i think. i dont know what my problem is

carys

when I was your age I had serious trust issues as well because of a sexual assult by a friend.

 

but what I did do instead of pushing people away was just being the kind of friend I wanted but never could have.

 

there for I had many friends who confided in me..yet I had no one I felt I could talk to..but it gave me some joy to know people trusted me...after time I learned to trust...it will happen for you it just takes effort and time.

[babbah]

guys, you're not alone, remember that.

actually you're already making friends with the people here in this forum...

isnt it true?

 

*hugs*

[Jayelle]

I'm in the same situation. I don't have any girlfriends. I have family and my boyfriend, but it's been over four years since I've connected to another woman and now I am literally aching for that kinda of friendship. I, in the last few years, have had a lot of trouble with opening up to people. It's not really a trust issue with me, I think I am just so scared of rejection. I've tried and tried but I feel like I'm not worthy of girlfriends, that they are all garanteed to not like me, so I've kinda given up.

 

I live in a small town and growing up it was easy making friends and I had many. I don't quite know when things changed. I know that there are a few girls that I used to be close with that would probably like to hear from me, but I'm way too insecure to pick up the phone! I'm afraid they won't like the person I've become, and that it will be awkward. I've had varying degrees of social anxiety since I was a teenager.

 

It's embarrassing as well. My boyfriend's friends have occasionally asked me to bring along some girlfriends when we hang out....and I am at a loss for words. How do I tell them I have none without seeming strange?

 

I never thought that I wouldn't have any friends. I always thought that someone without friends is a really withdrawn, weird person, but thats not true. It's a little comforting to know that a lot of other people are going through what I am going through. I tend to think that everyone has a best friend but me.