Author Ariadne Posted February 14, 2006 Author Share Posted February 14, 2006 Hey thanks CaliGuy! Hope you have fun with your projects. Ariadne Link to post Share on other sites
clandestinidad Posted February 15, 2006 Share Posted February 15, 2006 He called yesterday and thank goodness I wasn't home, then this morning again to wish me HVD, and then said "see you tonight" . So, I'm thinking I'm going to put all his gifts back in the bag, including his necklace with the heart in a "heart shaped box" omg, and give them back to him. I just hate to have to do this on V day. But I just can't bare another date with that guy. I get the creeps just thinking about him Why would you do that TODAY to someone who's crazy about you....he's obviously really excited and enamoured of you. You will CRUSH him..... And I find it odd how much you pine over the ex who feels nothing but annoyance for you, and how hurt you feel because of that, and then you'd turn right around and be SO hurtful to someone....... That is horribly mean, and you know it. The sick pleasure that you think you will feel will come back around on you Link to post Share on other sites
magda Posted February 15, 2006 Share Posted February 15, 2006 Oh, whatever. She said the guy is creepy. Creepy is creepy. Course, you did make a date... one time I got conned into a Valentine's date with someone. I agreed to go to some play with a guy I was not too sure about and then when the day crept up I realized it was Valentine's. So I did the most horrible. I feigned illness or something at the last minute. Not my best moment. He was pissed. I feel bad now, but still feel like he conned me into a Valentine's date without telling me. If it was any other day I wouldn't have cared, but I didn't want it to be "romantic". I wish I'd just kept the date though, it wouldn't have been a big deal probably, and I really didn't have anything better to do. Anyways, at least you have more on your mind than calling 'net dude, which is great! Link to post Share on other sites
greyhound Posted February 15, 2006 Share Posted February 15, 2006 Hi all....Was reading through this thread and just thought i'd throw in my 2 cents....Despite temptation, I held firm.....I stuck with the no contact.....I do not regret it......It helps to be busy......I took a friend to the doctor's, went out for lunch, drove him home and kept talking for awhile....Made me feel good....He is coming off triple bypass surgery.....Me coming off some undefined "cardiac incident".....a night in the hospital a couple of weeks ago....I knew this would be a rough night for a lot of people.....To all of you who made it, I raise a glass and toast you....It really does get better.... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ariadne Posted February 15, 2006 Author Share Posted February 15, 2006 Ok, Don't kill me . Believe it or not I just had a conversation with my son. It went like this: Me: That guy asked me for a date tonight for V day... and guess what I'm going to do? Son: Dump his ass? (So I told him about returning the gifts etc...) Son: Don't do it on Valentine's day though, do it "after".... you don't tell someone his grandma died... on his birthday. Me: Well, but then he wants to kiss and make out Son: Oh... well, don't kiss and make out then.... Remember.... you are the one that holds the leash. So, the kid is making sense. But remember, I "only" went out with this guy three times, that's it, and then I explicitly told him I didn't want anything to do with him and yet he showed up at my door step with all this stuff. But I might just go and have a good time and prepare the ground , Ariadne Link to post Share on other sites
clandestinidad Posted February 15, 2006 Share Posted February 15, 2006 Its a bit sad to me that your son seems to have more wisdom than you. How old is this child?? Anyway, I agree with him!!! Haha If the creepy guy gets, well, even more creepy then there's nothing wrong with flat out telling him where the boundaries are. Just because someone might want to kiss or smother you all night certainly doesnt mean you have to allow it! Just lay it out if he tries things...... If he keeps pushing it, just tell him that you want/need to go, and I suggest taking a cab home, or your own car is a better idea actually. Maybe you can meet him somewhere so you have your own ride, and dont have to put any faith in him. Just relax...I'm sure he's not that bad, I just think youre so stuck on the jerk ex and arent used to someone actually being nice to you Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ariadne Posted February 15, 2006 Author Share Posted February 15, 2006 Hey Kat, Yeah, kid's always been mature fortunately. He is 15. The guy is a nice guy actually, is just me that gets creeped, out so I called him creepy guy. Maybe the wrong choice of words. He is coming to pick me up any minute now and we'll probably go in his car. I'll take the heart chain thing in my pocket just in case things get bad, Ariadne Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ariadne Posted February 15, 2006 Author Share Posted February 15, 2006 Well, Nothing special, we just sat in the car and talked and talked. Me explaining to him that I didn't have any romantic feelings, he telling me that he wants to be friends and to just let him. Sigh... fine. I told him I felt bad about keeping that necklace, that I had actually brought it... he said to keep it. My son says, tomorrow he is going to be like, "wanna hang out!?" Hmm.. Ariadne Link to post Share on other sites
AltplanB Posted February 15, 2006 Share Posted February 15, 2006 I didnt break NC but i came close a bunch of times. I kept finding things i wanted to say to her but i knew it would just set me back. I am having trouble with the fact that she is so infatuated with someone else when i still have feelings for her. Its terrible but i have struggled through it. I just wish things could of been different, that they hadn't worked out the way they did. I thought our relationship was strong enough to survive some really hard issues but it couldnt survive some very little things. It was demorilizing. What made it worse is that she just fell out of love with me...like that..in a day. She felt terrible and that made me feel worse, because it was not what she wanted. Once she was over being sorry, she went right back to dating and has been in 2 relationships in 3 months. She still contacts me, but i dont respond. I have been in so much pain and she knows it. She even says in her messages that im still in her thoughts and she is sorry if talking to me is hurting me and that she doesn't want that. I am glad that she is happy, even if it is without me. I just wish had handled it better. It brings me to a very important conclusion about how actions really do speak louder than words. People may say how much they care for you and how much they are willing to do for you but it really comes down to what they do in the crunch. If they didn't want to work it out or talk about but rather just make a clean break...they didn't love you. If they are seeing someone else faster than you could possibly imagine, they didn't love you. If they lie to themselves about your well being, they don't love you. Its thats simple. People that fall in love fast, fall out of love fast. Watch out for these people. They dont intend for it to happen but their emotions are dangerous to others. It takes me a long time to fall in love and just the same to fall out of love. These are the people on loveshack...trying to understand why their hearts wont give up...Why they can't imagine time without this person. Its a tough road we are all walking and i can assure you i feel just as bad as the rest of you but you have to figure out what is your muse. What is it that will help you get through the next day. Tonight was one of the hardest nights i have ever had. What got me through it was writing this and making these realizations. Whats your? Link to post Share on other sites
CaliGuy Posted February 15, 2006 Share Posted February 15, 2006 Alt, that was very good. I am glad you are remaining strong. What you've said here should confirm in your mind that she was never the right woman for you to begin with. It was never that you weren't worthy, it was always that she doesn't know what she wants. The right woman will come into your life. You just have to heal up from the wounds you have now over this. Spend more time at the gym, eat more, go out with friends and do find a hobby. I recommend Dirt Bikes if you can afford one. Nothing like it! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ariadne Posted February 18, 2006 Author Share Posted February 18, 2006 Ok you guys, I've been bad, bad, bad.... I sent online guy a Happy V's day wish (late), and a "link to this thread". We exchanged a couple of emails in which he said: I had no idea you felt blown off or hurt by my response to your birthday greeting. You'd sent me a short note that only said, "Happy birthday" so I thought it was best to respond with a short note, too. Last I'd heard, you'd said I was making you sick... And: You have to do what's right for you--even if some days you want me to leave you alone and other days you want to hear from me, that's okay. I know you have moods. So that where things are at, Ariadne Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted February 18, 2006 Share Posted February 18, 2006 I sent online guy a Happy V's day wish (late), and a "link to this thread". Manipulation in its finest hour LET HIM GO So that where things are at, You tried to force his hand thru the link and now you are confused.. don't be .. it is straight forward.. listen to him..he is telling you that you confuse him.. if he wanted you he would pursue you Link to post Share on other sites
jen_jen_heartbroken Posted February 18, 2006 Share Posted February 18, 2006 People that fall in love fast, fall out of love fast. Watch out for these people. They dont intend for it to happen but their emotions are dangerous to others. It takes me a long time to fall in love and just the same to fall out of love. These are the people on loveshack...trying to understand why their hearts wont give up...Why they can't imagine time without this person. Soooo true. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ariadne Posted February 18, 2006 Author Share Posted February 18, 2006 Hi, What do you mean, "Manipulation in its finest hour"? Ariadne Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ariadne Posted February 19, 2006 Author Share Posted February 19, 2006 Ok, So we've been talking... Here are some parts of the talks: Okay, if you want me to disappoint you, I'll do it. > Do you love me? [i asked] No. You know I'm done with that sort of stuff. And then: You and I are looking for different things from life. I'm not looking for a romantic relationship, I'm not looking for a partner, I'm not looking for any of that. If you want those things, you'll have to look to people other than me for them. And then: You make me smile, I like you, I care about you, and I'm not going to get romantically involved with you. And then: > Is that because you don't like "me"? You can tell me that, I won't be offended. No, you're not a pest, you're not creepy, you're not any of that. But you shouldn't be "hanging in there"; you should be focusing on your own life and your own needs. Comments anyone? Ariadne Link to post Share on other sites
jerbear Posted February 19, 2006 Share Posted February 19, 2006 Comments anyone? Ariadne As your son would say, dump him. Both parties are not getting their needs met, one wants romantic the other does not. Both parties are seeking different things in life. Major issue in my book. Clinging on with dear life to something not worth it is just a waste of time. I guess the answers are just leading to strict NC and moving on. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ariadne Posted February 19, 2006 Author Share Posted February 19, 2006 Thanks! Silly and all I needed to hear that reminder. It just "felt good" to be talking again I suppose. Even when the things he told me were that yucky. Ariadne Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ariadne Posted February 19, 2006 Author Share Posted February 19, 2006 Hi, Thanks for sharing. It's awful and I don't even know what to say really. Hang in there {{{Altplan}}} Ariadne Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ariadne Posted February 19, 2006 Author Share Posted February 19, 2006 Well, I guess that NC is the way to go. Unfortunately. I like this guy so much, but what can you do? I'm never going to get the answer I want from him. To tell me that it's not that he is done with relationships, but the fact that he just doesn't like me and that I'm out of my mind if I think he does . Well, something like that... I was just talking to a male friend of mine and his comments were: What is confusing here. He's saying "it's not you. It's me." Why? Because he's nice and polite. He is trying to tell you that he's not romantically interested in you; and because he's nice, he's also affirming that you are an attractive person. I don't see where the confusion comes from. Even though I talked to a girl friend of mine over this, she and I were as confused, but it took the input from a guy to make some sense. I suppose the confusion comes from the fact that if I don't like a guy I'd just tell him so, not, I like you but I'm done with relationships . Well, we've been over that before and he told me why he felt that way, which also didn't help much. He's had some pretty sad experiences. Any more comments? Thanks guys, Ariadne Link to post Share on other sites
AltplanB Posted February 19, 2006 Share Posted February 19, 2006 you know ive been wanting to ask my ex that exact same thing and im sure i would get that exact same answer. I will never fully understand why she did it and i think its because there are so many reasons that could be the actual thing that made her believe i wasn't the one. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ariadne Posted February 19, 2006 Author Share Posted February 19, 2006 Hi, i think its because there are so many reasons that could be the actual thing that made her believe i wasn't the one. That's true... Thanks Altplan, Ariadne Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ariadne Posted February 19, 2006 Author Share Posted February 19, 2006 Well, He sent me a very sweet email today telling me that he didn't know any of this was going on. But that I knew now where he stood. I told him goodbye. Oh, I'm pretty sad now :( , Ariadne Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ariadne Posted February 21, 2006 Author Share Posted February 21, 2006 Hi you all, Well, I was feeling very sad so I wrote him again (sigh): The thing is that "I need" you to tell me that you see me as a friend and that you don't have any romantic feelings for me. He said: Yes, I see you as a friend. I care about you as a friend. We talked about my limits before you came out here, we talked about it when you were here. I've never said anything different. So, there you go. I can't believe I was so stupid to believe that he actually liked me as more than just friends... Ariadne Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ariadne Posted February 21, 2006 Author Share Posted February 21, 2006 And the truth of it all is, I was not good enough for him I suck! I just suck! Ariadne Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ariadne Posted February 21, 2006 Author Share Posted February 21, 2006 Hi, I guess he did try and be nice and said some nice things: Me: Say something... Say something to make me better... I'm so sad. He: Sure, I remember things you've said and how you say them, ways you've looked at particular moments, things you've done and it makes me smile. Me: Nevermind. Maybe I should just drive to the Mojave desert where there's no computers and I won't pest anyone. He: Nah, you're not a pest. You're sweet and kind and fun; I'm lucky to know you. Yeah, like that is going to make me any less sad, anyway...... sigh... Ariadne Link to post Share on other sites
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