riobikini Posted March 12, 2006 Share Posted March 12, 2006 Adriadne, Adriadne, -Go forth and seek the future man. (Exasperated) -Rio Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted March 12, 2006 Share Posted March 12, 2006 What can I do... You need to start by NOT talking to him anymore.. give the guy a break.. and if you can't then you need to seek therapy. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ariadne Posted March 12, 2006 Author Share Posted March 12, 2006 Go forth and seek the future man. Find a new man.... find a new man... I think it's time to see those dogs in the shelter, that's what I think. And Art, the guy likes to write, he sent me two emails just this morning. (I mean, when you "have" to do NC, and the guy is so responsive and emails back every time... it makes it even harder) Sigh... Ariadne Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted March 12, 2006 Share Posted March 12, 2006 And Art, the guy likes to write, he sent me two emails just this morning. you don't get it.. it isn't about him.. it is about YOU and about how YOU feel about the breakup.. You will NOT start healing until you leave him alone. you keep asking for advice... in each and every post you ask what you can do.. Well I keep giving you the advice that will help you heal.. YOU ARE NOT LISTENING Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ariadne Posted March 12, 2006 Author Share Posted March 12, 2006 Ok Art, I appreciate it and I get your idea. But that is like telling an alcoholic, I think you should stop drinking. And I hate therapy, argh... I'm stuck, Ariadne __________________ ♥ ~ ♥ ~ ♥ ~ ♥ ~ ♥ ~ ♥ Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted March 12, 2006 Share Posted March 12, 2006 But that is like telling an alcoholic, I think you should stop drinking. I can understand that principle ( as I am an alcoholic ) But you need to implement something in your life to replace what it is your getting from contacting him. Start working out, Running , Anything to take up your time.. Let time heal you ...that and NC... Please don't keep talking to him.. .. Oh .. he is continuing to talk to you out of guilt.. he feels gulty that he has caused you all the pain that you keep telling him that he caused.. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ariadne Posted March 12, 2006 Author Share Posted March 12, 2006 Start working out, Running , Anything to take up your time.. Let time heal you ...that and NC... Ok, I'll try.... But I'm kind of bummed to do that even... Ahhh welllll.... Thanks Art, Ariadne __________________ ♥ ~ ♥ ~ ♥ ~ ♥ ~ ♥ ~ ♥ Link to post Share on other sites
riobikini Posted March 12, 2006 Share Posted March 12, 2006 Adriadne, You know this man (boy, whatever), -doesn't want you -(he told you so). You will not stop obsessing. You refuse any advice from posters. You will not seek therapy to let go. You are, then, (in my opinion) -only seeking attention from this board to facilitate your main underlying problem, which is a dramatic attention-seeking complex for a situation you neither wish to resolve nor diffuse. Appearing numerous times to this board with a problem you have no intention of settling, -and which, in fact, seems to feed your ego, and one which you wish to keep endlessly droning about- simply becomes exasperating to posters offering good advice, -not to mention being a 'time-waster', when posters could be helping someone else who is truly interested in being helped. In all kindness, I, again, suggest you seek professional help, -but, having reached my conclusion about your problems, (whether right or wrong) -I discontinue my response to your posts with this last response. Take care. -Rio Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ariadne Posted March 12, 2006 Author Share Posted March 12, 2006 Hi, I was just writing what was happening with me. I don't have anyone else to talk to. And yes, I haven't solved the situation yet. It's hard. Ariadne __________________ ♥ ~ ♥ ~ ♥ ~ ♥ ~ ♥ ~ ♥ Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ariadne Posted July 27, 2006 Author Share Posted July 27, 2006 Hi you all, I haven't been in this board for a while. But for those that have read this thread and even care to know what happened, here is an update. It happened that all along when this was going on, he was getting together with the ex-gf! The one I mentioned here. None of them said a thing, but I found his behavior to be pretty odd at times. So I asked him if he had been talking to her or getting together, and he said that they had been spending every day together ever since March 21! (A few days after my last post) Well, at least that cleared up why all of the sudden he started telling me that he didn't love me and that he was not attracted to me like that, when previous to that he'd never say a thing like that. Even tough I asked him to death if he didn't want me or found me attractive, he'd say that that was not the case but that he was just "confused" and that he just didn't want a relationship. Sigh! Well, I congratulated him (what else could I do) and told him that I was happy to hear that he was happy. At least that someone is happy in all of this. But still kept in touch with him. If I couldn't have him as a bf, at least I wanted to have him as a friend since I loved him that much and didn't want him out of my life. A few days latter I asked him if she was moving in with him, on April 11th he said: Yes. The plan is to have her all moved in here by next week. It's been really remarkable how it's all gone, like everything just flows into place all by itself. It's so sudden, but it all feels so natural and she says it feels like she's finally coming home. Ok, talk about knives going in and out of you like a million an hour. I was in pieces. I thought that someone else had stolen my life, my soulmate, my love. Well, it just felt that way I guess... A few days later I hear that they got engaged . He writes in his blog: For the fifteen years, we've never stayed together for long--certainly not anywhere near long enough, anyway--but we've never stayed apart for long either. Go figure that out, if you can. Well, this past week we have. In a week, I've gone from asking, "hey, are we having a relationship?" to being engaged and living together. That's more than a few giant steps for me, but, despite my normally slow-and-cautious nature, it feels totally natural. Like it was all supposed to be like this. After fifteen years...plus this past week, it's both the slowest and the fastest relationship I've ever had. A little bit of everything...which is somehow appropriate for the woman who's everything to me. Then on April 13th I get this email from him: I'm heading out biking now. That's sort of my own version of meditation. And those were the last words I ever heard from him I kept on writing to him, asking him why he wasn't replying...to receive the most condescending and mean email from "her" (when I was all the time nice to her and almost befriended her) saying that she had forbidden him from talking to me ever again, and to stop "pestering" her fiancé. And then went on to tell me that she wished that one day I'd find a man that could love me the way that he loved her, and that he made her the happiest woman in the world and what not. Sigh... so after that I kept on writing to him for two months, even tough he didn't reply to me. I'd just write to him like I did before, telling him what I was going through and telling him I loved him. Ok, continuing with the drama. I decided that I had to see him and talk to him, and since he wasn't replying to my emails or answering the phone...I drove all the way to Denver from Los Angeles across the Rocky Mountains (1000 miles)! Well, the idea was to see him. But once I got there I just couldn't get myself to do it. If the guy didn't want to see me I couldn't force him to, I felt that it was wrong. So! After spending two days crying like a maniac in every corner of Denver... Of course, I had to go to every spot we went together and cry for a few hours in each (to the point that people started looking at me weird)... I left him a rose in his mailbox and drove back home (but I did get to see him with the binoculars, that was the happiest I've been in many months when I saw him) After I got back, I sent him an email telling him that I had been there but that I couldn't get myself to talking to him, I sent him some pictures of the trip and told him that I left him a rose. Well, after that, the gf decided to make a webpage with some nude pictures that I had sent him while we were corresponding (she also read all of the emails I had ever sent him) and included my full name and some private emails in the page. So you could google my name and get that. I asked him to remove those, and even though he was not talking to me they did. But after that I stopped writing to him. Well, not hearing from him ever again (three months and counting) has been one of the hardest things I have ever had to endure. I still can't come to terms with that. But hopefully maybe one day I will, Ariadne Link to post Share on other sites
jimmy20013 Posted July 28, 2006 Share Posted July 28, 2006 I am going to repeat what the other posters have already said. "Please Let Go". You are hurting only yourself. It is ok to grieve but what you did when you went to Denver amounts to stalking. I know its hard and I know it hurts. Believe me, I am going through a pretty bad break-up myself. But you have to learn to let go and move on because there is more to life than a guy who doesn't love you or for that matter cares about you. Link to post Share on other sites
SUMMER 1969 Posted July 28, 2006 Share Posted July 28, 2006 I totally agree with the prev response.. It is stalking and you don't want to do that.. I know a break up is hard, everyone on this website knows what you are feeling... We are all hurting and we are all trying to move on.. You may not want to hear this.. but you don't know me worth a damn so I am going to be 100% honest with you... He moved on, he is getting married... You need to move on as well.. There are a million guys in this world, this man you say you love, well I know that if you really love someone as much as you say you do, you will let him go and just be happy for him.. You have to... You will find someone that will love you as much as you love him... Just remember this... Its better to have loved then never have loved at all... You need to stay strong and pull yourself together... Pick up a hobby, keep yourself busy, go out with friends or family.. You may not want to go out and date right now, but for the hell of it, go and meet new people.. When my ex and I broke up a few years ago, I felt like how you do now.. I felt lost.. I was with him for 7 years and had a wedding date set.. We both worked at the same place... Well he cheated on me with my co worker.. I left him and felt like I was going to die, I built my world around his.. Well I did move on, and so will you.. You just have to allow yourself.. Get angry, don't sit home and willow about all the good times together.. Infact it may not be such a bad idea to talk to a professional.. I had to do that after my break up... It helped.. Good luck to you and just know that you are not the only one in the world hurting over a break up.. I am Once again broken hearted by a new guy... But you know what.. its a learning experiece.. Stay strong and keep us posted.. Do not Drive by his house or call or e-mail anymore, the longer you stay away from him the quicker you will move on.. I promise. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ariadne Posted July 28, 2006 Author Share Posted July 28, 2006 Hi, Thanks for the response. It is ok to grieve but what you did when you went to Denver amounts to stalking. Yeah, I was desperate for him. Ariadne __________________ ♥ ~ ♥ ~ ♥ ~ ♥ ~ ♥ ~ ♥ Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ariadne Posted July 28, 2006 Author Share Posted July 28, 2006 Hi, Thank you so much for your response. I know that if you really love someone as much as you say you do, you will let him go and just be happy for him.. Yes, I know that. I just wish I didn't have to be in non-speaking terms with him but I guess I'll get used to that some day. You may not want to go out and date right now, but for the hell of it, go and meet new people.. I am dating someone. When all of this happened someone fixed me up on a blind date. We seemed to hit it of as good friends and have become some sort of friends with benefits. But I guess it's good to talk to someone. He listens to my problems and having sex has been a good way to release these emotions. Do not Drive by his house or call or e-mail anymore, the longer you stay away from him the quicker you will move on.. I promise. Oh no, I live in Los Angeles. I'm not planning to drive to Denver again. I haven't emailed him after all this mess either. But I'm not sure I want to move on from him. But maybe in time I will, Ariadne __________________ ♥ ~ ♥ ~ ♥ ~ ♥ ~ ♥ ~ ♥ Link to post Share on other sites
jimmy20013 Posted July 28, 2006 Share Posted July 28, 2006 Good Job Ariadne. I am very happy that you are coping with your hurt and that is encouraging to me as well. Link to post Share on other sites
Pink Amulet Posted July 28, 2006 Share Posted July 28, 2006 Binoculars!!!??? You were spying on him with binoculars. You need more than to get over him. You need to get some help. This is very unhealthy behaviour, and if he and his fiance decide so, they could take criminal action against you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ariadne Posted July 28, 2006 Author Share Posted July 28, 2006 Hi, Binoculars!!!??? You were spying on him with binoculars. Yeah, he was real far Ariadne __________________ ♥ ~ ♥ ~ ♥ ~ ♥ ~ ♥ ~ ♥ Link to post Share on other sites
soberminded Posted July 28, 2006 Share Posted July 28, 2006 Binoculars!!!??? You were spying on him with binoculars. You need more than to get over him. You need to get some help. This is very unhealthy behaviour, and if he and his fiance decide so, they could take criminal action against you. I doubt that the authorities would take the guy seriously if he wanted to file charges for his ex gf stalking him. Female stalkers are more likely to get away with it more than male stalkers. Have you ever seen the movie "fatal attraction". The stalker in that movie was a female. The man reported it and the cops did nothing. It got worse to the point where she messed up his car. In real life female stalkers can get away with alot. Male stalkers on the other hand are usually prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law. There's plenty of males out there who would like to be in a position of being stalked by a woman anyway. Link to post Share on other sites
Pink Amulet Posted July 28, 2006 Share Posted July 28, 2006 I am aware of this. I was just pointing out the seriousness of this womans actions. Link to post Share on other sites
jimmy20013 Posted July 28, 2006 Share Posted July 28, 2006 There's plenty of males out there who would like to be in a position of being stalked by a woman anyway. Are you saying men are desperate? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ariadne Posted July 28, 2006 Author Share Posted July 28, 2006 Hey, There's plenty of males out there who would like to be in a position of being stalked by a woman anyway. Yeah, I was trying to be romantic Ariadne Link to post Share on other sites
soberminded Posted July 28, 2006 Share Posted July 28, 2006 Are you saying men are desperate? I'm saying that if she wants to stalk somebody then go after the clingy and desperate men. There's alot of them out there. Just read these message boards. Afterall there is a reason why some have written guides about how clingy men are unattractive. Link to post Share on other sites
jimmy20013 Posted July 28, 2006 Share Posted July 28, 2006 That was just a joke Sober. I wasnt serious. I knew what you meant. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ariadne Posted July 28, 2006 Author Share Posted July 28, 2006 Hi, And he is so gorgeous!!! This is him. Ariadne Link to post Share on other sites
SUMMER 1969 Posted July 28, 2006 Share Posted July 28, 2006 I can tell your first hand that people do not liked to be stalked.. Its a scary thing... Trust me, you may think he likes it, but he does not... Trust me.. Just try and move on.. You will find someone that you will love again.. I promise. And you should really think about if you are ACTULLY in LOVE or Obssesed... You may think you love this man, but in reality, you are not.. You want him more now becasue he does not want you the way you want him.. Its a game, the cat always likes to chase the mouse.. Let him go... Link to post Share on other sites
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