ThickGuy Posted February 11, 2006 Share Posted February 11, 2006 I met this wonderful woman while working as a contractor on a project. We've only met each other a few times, we got along great,and we talked about a lot of non-work related stuff, flirted a little etcetera. I had to leave the project for personal reasons, and it wasn't until after that I realised that I had a bit of crush on her, and even if she didn't feel that way I still liked her enough as a person I would like to stay in touch with her. "Just friends" would be fine with me. So I finally got round to calling her a few weeks later, we talked for a bit and I asked her to have lunch with me since I was going to be in the city where she lives and works the next week. She reacted with enthousiasm, suggested a place near her office and seemed quite happy to hear from me in general. No hesitation whatsoever. The next day she sends me a very apologetic e-mail to cancel, saying that she didn't think it would be such a good idea since a) we're working on the same project together (I'm not anymore, but apparently she hadn't been told yet), and b) that she was "seeing someone at the moment" (yep, that famous line) who "would be a little upset" if she met with me for lunch. I find it a bit difficult to interpret this u-turn. It's not a problem for me if she "doesn't see me that way", but I'm not quite sure if that's the reason for her cancelling, or if it's the work thing and she's just making sure I take the hint by adding the "seeing someone" bit. I'm fairly sure she's not actually seeing someone, and the "he would be a little upset" seems out of character for her, and frankly a bit over the top. I do get the feeling she's kind of embarrassed by her initial reaction on the phone (again, that seems out of character, this is not a woman who's easily embarrassed). Anyway, I replied saying I understood how this would be uncomfortable for her, explaining to her that I was no longer working on the project, but that I enjoyed her company and mostly just wanted to stay in touch. Definitely not trying to convince her we should meet anyway or give her the idea I couldn't accept her cancellation. Now I'm wondering if I got it right. I mean, I'm not too thick to realize I just got the standard polite brush-off, I just don't know if it's because she's genuinly trying to avoid complications or she's simply not interested in any kind of personal relationship at all. Especially in the light of her initial reaction on the phone it's kind of confusing. Link to post Share on other sites
Mary3 Posted February 12, 2006 Share Posted February 12, 2006 Anyway, I replied saying I understood how this would be uncomfortable for her, explaining to her that I was no longer working on the project, but that I enjoyed her company and mostly just wanted to stay in touch. Definitely not trying to convince her we should meet anyway or give her the idea I couldn't accept her cancellation. `````````` I think that was the perfect reply. You did great ! Link to post Share on other sites
Stryfeno12 Posted February 12, 2006 Share Posted February 12, 2006 You will never know exactly what's her real reason for cancelling (even though she could be telling you the truth). Since you have a crush on her, your best bet is to keep in touch with her on a friend level. Link to post Share on other sites
Outcast Posted February 12, 2006 Share Posted February 12, 2006 I have more than once accepted invitations from fellows only to rethink it and realize that it was unwise. I am not 'in the market' but I wouldn't mind having some guy pals, which is why I accept the invitations which are usually offered at group social activities. Then I spend a little time thinking about it and realize that the fellow probably didn't mean to go as a pal and so it wouldn't be nice of me to go and let him think otherwise. She's probably the same sort of goof I am who accepts at first and then realizes later it wasn't the best idea. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ThickGuy Posted February 13, 2006 Author Share Posted February 13, 2006 She's probably the same sort of goof I am who accepts at first and then realizes later it wasn't the best idea. Thanks Outcast, you made me realize that I'm actually kind of like that myself... It's so easy to read more into it when it comes to other people. Anyway, it's been 3 days and no reply from her yet. Trying very hard not to interpret that in any way until a lot more time has passed. But unless she's simply more uneasy about the whole thing then I thought she would be it doesn't bode well. And the real funny part is: If she hadn't, I would have had to cancel myself. Urgent business stuff came up today, and god knows how she would have interpreted that. Life is just full of little ironies... Link to post Share on other sites
Author ThickGuy Posted February 20, 2006 Author Share Posted February 20, 2006 Been over a week now. Find it a bit difficult to accept she's not even interested in staying in touch. My best guess is she realized or at least suspected I had some feelings for her, and she doesn't want to encourage that. I would however like to try restore contact sometime in the near future without making her feel I'm still after her romantically. How (and when) do I go about that? Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts