gordon_gc Posted February 11, 2006 Share Posted February 11, 2006 I will try to keep the story short. My exgf broke up with me about 3 months ago. Recently, she has been dating a new guy for about 4 weeks. she lives in Brisbane (Australia) while I live on the Gold Coast (Australia) -cities about 70km from eachothers- When we were together, we used to stay in a coty or another during the week end. I know for a fact that she still come around (she has relatives here). I wanted your advice on something. I have accepted the break up. I have even partially accepted the new guy since I know I have no control over the situation. However, there is one thing bothering me...I dont like the idea of them hanging out in places, restaurants, cafes where WE USED to. These places are emotionally charged with good memories and the worst thing I can think of is someone taking these memories away. Do you think I am rational ? Do you think I should tell her about it ? I wrote a text message and would like your opinion too. "That's cool if u r around with that clown but there is 1 thing I am asking you, please dont insult me by hanging out where we used 2 (at least until I'm gone in a few weeks). These places are emotionally charged and I truly want 2 keep beautiful memories. I guess you understand where I am coming from" Link to post Share on other sites
cygny Posted February 11, 2006 Share Posted February 11, 2006 gordon, i can understand where you are coming from. it's ok to ask her but that also tells her you are pining for her. not sure if that's how you want her to look at you. i would take out the word 'insult'. she's not insulting you, it's more an insensitivity. don't say that though. it puts her on the defensive. rather just ask her as a favor out of kindness. just say "please don't hang out..." Link to post Share on other sites
AltplanB Posted February 11, 2006 Share Posted February 11, 2006 yea dude if she feels she can do that and doesn't think to whether it is insulting to you then she really doesn't care about your feelings in the first place. I recomend just sticking to NC. Link to post Share on other sites
CaliGuy Posted February 11, 2006 Share Posted February 11, 2006 When you call the Ex's new BF a 'clown', that's a sign of insecurity. If you are confident in yourself you will not see her new guy as competition or have a need to insult him to her. She will cue in on that. That's not what you want. Link to post Share on other sites
Author gordon_gc Posted February 12, 2006 Author Share Posted February 12, 2006 Someone told me these places are just symbols and that I shouldn't attach too much importance to such details. Moreover, what AltplanB says make sense...if she doesn't care about bringing him around OUR places, it means she doesn't care that much about it. I also kind of think (since it does that to me) that everytime she will go in OUR places, it will remind her of us and soon or later, it will play an important part in reconciliation. (even though I am not sure I want it but at least, I feel good having that choice in my own hands). Cali...regarding the clown thing, I totally wanted to have an agressive stance that would express how I feel but I realise there is no point for me or anyone expressing such negative feelings. I won't give her the pleasure to gang up on me with her guy...that's for sure ! What do you guys think ? Link to post Share on other sites
cygny Posted February 12, 2006 Share Posted February 12, 2006 i don't believe this is intentional on her part--it's probably something that doesn't even cross her mind--she's probably just focused on the new relationship and not thinking in details about your feelings. so unless you want to show her that you still care (maybe too much). it's better to shrug it off in public. you probably should just post your hurt feelings here and not send anything. but if you say something to her, don't take an aggressive stance, just shrug him off like 'just another guy', big deal. Link to post Share on other sites
In Sync Posted February 12, 2006 Share Posted February 12, 2006 Someone told me these places are just symbols and that I shouldn't attach too much importance to such details. Moreover, what AltplanB says make sense...if she doesn't care about bringing him around OUR places, it means she doesn't care that much about it. I also kind of think (since it does that to me) that everytime she will go in OUR places, it will remind her of us and soon or later, it will play an important part in reconciliation. (even though I am not sure I want it but at least, I feel good having that choice in my own hands)....What do you guys think ? Here's my suggestion: You should stay away from those emotional hot zones aka OUR Places. What for do you need to go there? Is it job related. Maybe one shouldn't have emotional attachments and that would be fine in a perfect breakup world BUT the reality is these places hace meaning for you. And going there only hinders your healing. Your EGO wants her to stay away. As (AltPlan) pointed out it's not an issue or sacred place to her..but recognize it is to you. Walk away. Hanging on to these spots will keep you attached to something that's over. Link to post Share on other sites
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