scruffles2121 Posted February 11, 2006 Share Posted February 11, 2006 OK, for all of you out there that are looking to see if you will get a second chance, here's my latest update. If you've read any of my posts up until now, you will see how far I've come on this one. Before I write this, I want to say that I don't think many people get a second chance, that if they do it may not be like the first, and the bottom line is that no matter what the most important thing is to focus on yourself and what you have, instead of what you don't at the time. Enough preaching, on to my "it's working" second chance story. We got back together a few weeks ago, and let me tell you it's been rough. We have been working through all of the issues from the past. He **** on me the first go round and I believe he is truly sorry for the mistakes he made in the past. With that in mind, I have had a hard time with the forgiving and learning to trust again phase of this patched up relationship. Boy, this story of mine sounds terrible doesn't it, it is really not though. See, I decided a long time ago with him that I thought he was worth going through rough waters with. When god tested us, we both failed. But I've always known since the first day I met this guy that there was something very intriguing about him, and when I moved in I really, really, deep down in my heart, knew that he was the one and only person on this entire earth that I would be willing to devote my life and love to by choice. I know, based upon my friends' and family's concerns, that they worry he will repeat his mistakes of the past. I myself feel the doubt creep back in from time to time. But I also know that it is sooo worth it to find out. Even if he took another great big heaping **** on me, I think he is worth all the trouble to find out. Why, you might ask. Good question, with a simple answer. I have faith in him, myself, destiny, and god. I want to make it work with him, as long as he is willing to do the same. I believe in him, and I DO believe in second chances. He is worth all the heartache, and he is worth all the joy too. If it doesn't work out, I would still appreciate the fact that I was able to feel this strongly for another person, and that i do believe two people can make it work if they both want it to. He wouldn't be letting me down if he decided it wasn't what he wanted, as long as he had the respect to tell me so. Only time and patience will tell, but I honestly believe I will still be writing about him in 30 years. Because I think he will be reading this, I want him to know that he has my devotion for as long as he chooses. He makes me so incredibly happy by just being himself and sharing that with me. I will always want the best for him, and I hope to share the rest of my life with him. He is a legend to me, and he always will be. I am willing to put all my faith in him again, and I will not let old ghosts hinder the opportunity we have in front of us. I will fight for him if I have to, and I will give him space when he needs it. J.D. if you have taken the time to read this, then you will know that I am faithfully yours for the rest of our lives, and that I think you are so damn incredible. I am proud of you for facing your mistakes, and taking this journey with me. You are my best friend, and you are the closest thing to a father that Destiny has ever had. I forgive you, and I'm sorry for beating you up about it for so long now. I do trust you, and I will be your companion forever if you want. I know we will piss each other off from time to time, that you will beat me in p.r.s. more than I will you, that you CAN beat me in pool now, and that you fart better than I do. I know that you will always be a lazy ass, but that you will try hard when you want something, I know you love my daughter, even though she is the biggest pain I've ran across, I know that you are my earth, that you are beautiful, and that we will make each other cry. You do complete me, and I can make you happy for the rest of your life. I choose you, I love you, and you are the better person. We have a long road in front of us, but if you will hold my hand we will make it to heaven together. I will always want you to be my valentine, and i will always want to make you sweet tea! Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted February 11, 2006 Share Posted February 11, 2006 Good Luck... Link to post Share on other sites
Extra Truth Posted February 13, 2006 Share Posted February 13, 2006 Hi So wonderful to hear a heartfelt good story. I have a letter similiar to yours I have been holding of from sending because of the advice of others and the reality of my situation that has been pointed out to me, that she doesn't call, and is dating someone new. Nonetheles, I feel ike you, she is my hero, though i never told her. There is so much i want to tell her, but likely for her, she no longer wants to hear about us. It is over, and I know it. So I am intrigued, what is your advice. She always said, y ou confuse me but intrigue me. I've correcteed my ways, apologozied for my mistakes, but her pride is in the way, and her strict boundaries that if i violate might end any chance of talking to her forever. I adore her. Everyone advises strength, moving on, and letting her come to me again someday, as a friend perhaps, but believe in her enough, in us enough to hold on, to suffer as long as need be to have that chance that her guard comes down again and we can talk like friends, and maybe strike that spark again. I imageine you believe that not all lovers are interchangeable. So I am curious , about how you are handling the pain of the breakup, of pride, of healing the deep deep wounds, and what hopes you might have. I believer most people quite and don't find secodn chances because it is truly easier to start over with someone new, but what about depth, , true love and acceptance. Those things are very hard to find. So I am curious to know more. I want to learn from you. Thanks Link to post Share on other sites
Author scruffles2121 Posted February 24, 2006 Author Share Posted February 24, 2006 E.T. The way I got him back was to give up on him and move on. I started dating another man on New Year's Eve. Although I still cared very deeply for my ex, I knew that he wasn't ready for what I was so I decided to give up any hope of a second chance and move forward. The new "guy" was so incredibly nice and good looking, quite a catch. But I was not looking for a replacement, I just wanted to find other things and people to occupy my time until I decided to pursue a relationship. I really thought that the ex would never come back and that it was over for good. It took me by surprise when he started texting and calling, saying he wanted me back. I didn't think he was serious, nor did I think he had grown up enough to realize the mistakes he made. I did not think he had figured out what he wanted. It was very hard to turn him down, but I did not want to get hurt again, so I declined his advances for a few weeks. I also stopped dating the "new" guy because my heart was not into it. I analyzed the entire situation over and over, and finally, I thought, what the hell. Normally I do not believe in second chances. I am not a hopeless romantic, I am a realist. But my heart and my head were at war, and finally, my heart won the approval of my head. If history were to repeat itself, and he decided to bolt or I, or if he cheated on me, oh well, live and learn. I would NOT ever give him a third chance. At the same time, I would not regret my decision on the second chance. I've learned alot about myself through all of this, and I know that there is life out there whether you are single or attached. I'm not sure what it is you are trying to gain from my experience, but I do believe NC and moving on really is the best course of action in most situations I've read on this board. You have to focus on yourself, and leave the rest up to fate. I am not afraid anymore of getting hurt with him. I do not have control over other people's actions, only my own. I believe in myself, and I do believe in him and us. It's very hard to forgive someone for hurting you, and it's impossible to forget. It's not so hard to live, learn, and love unconditionally. If you are trying to get back an ex, then my advice would be to stop trying. Start enjoying yourself and all the things you do have, and see what happens after that. If you and the other person are meant to be in any way, you will find each other again! Best of luck to you in your situation, Please let me know the particulars of your situation, I would love to share my opinions with you! Link to post Share on other sites
ashley83 Posted February 24, 2006 Share Posted February 24, 2006 How long did it take for him to contact you after you initiated no contact? Link to post Share on other sites
hmm111 Posted February 24, 2006 Share Posted February 24, 2006 when you first declined his advances, what responses did you give him? How did you go about that? Link to post Share on other sites
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