dontfeelbad Posted February 11, 2006 Share Posted February 11, 2006 Help me out here. We just got married last oct. He is 47 and I am 27. He wont wear a ring, he called Lava life and I asked him about it and he admitted to it. He says he has not cheated on me. He won`t innitiate love making. He wont hold my hand in public, he won`t call me honey when he is at work. I am tired of the relationship of two years. He keeps in touch with his x- girl friends who do not know that we are married...!! What should I do, how do I move on? I just want to start cheating coz I am so lonely. Link to post Share on other sites
clandestinidad Posted February 11, 2006 Share Posted February 11, 2006 Oh, older men ruin relationships too??? I was under the impression that it was the younger women who got bogged down and left for someone younger (thats what someone told me, at least)...hmmmm, interesting.... Anyway, I'm sorry that youre going through this $hit. Were there any signs before you got married?? He sounds like a total loser. Was he married before, if so what happened (although that might not be very accurate since it'll be from his side of the story) How long have you been feeling like this?? Link to post Share on other sites
Author dontfeelbad Posted February 11, 2006 Author Share Posted February 11, 2006 He had never been married before and yes older men are no different from my experience. I thought i married a mature man but....no way!! Link to post Share on other sites
clandestinidad Posted February 11, 2006 Share Posted February 11, 2006 How long have you been feeling so badly? Link to post Share on other sites
tweedle-dee Posted February 11, 2006 Share Posted February 11, 2006 Help me out here. We just got married last oct. He is 47 and I am 27. He wont wear a ring, he called Lava life and I asked him about it and he admitted to it. He says he has not cheated on me. He won`t innitiate love making. He wont hold my hand in public, he won`t call me honey when he is at work. I am tired of the relationship of two years. He keeps in touch with his x- girl friends who do not know that we are married...!! What should I do, how do I move on? I just want to start cheating coz I am so lonely. Wow, older men as well. Who would've known!! I'm really sorry to hear you're going through this. Have you tried talking to him? Is he willing to listen?? Cheating will not solve it. Make sure you put in enough effort, this is your marriage after all. Is his kind of work affected if people knew he was in a relationship? I see no other reason to why he would not wear a ring. I might understand not calling you sweet names if people are around... Try not to iniate the lovemaking, I know it's hard to do since you feel so lonely, but see what happens. I hate x-gfs, my partner keeps in touch with them too and it kills me inside... Hang in there, find out more, try more, and you will know how to make the right decision! Link to post Share on other sites
Sunshine2003 Posted February 12, 2006 Share Posted February 12, 2006 Why did you marry a man so much older than you for? Link to post Share on other sites
witabix Posted February 12, 2006 Share Posted February 12, 2006 Uh-oh, older men getting some stick here! He is only a little older than me. I'd have no problem wearing a ring, I wear one my gf bought me. I am happy to call her honey, anywhere, and really pleased to hold her hand in public. Not all older men are jerks, but some most definately are. You have a big age difference, maybe he is a little sensitive to being called a cradle snatcher or dirty old man. (I am not attaching those appellations to him BTW), but some would. I got a few comments about my gf, although there is only seven years between us. Just told them that if they were as handsome as I was , beautiful young blondes would go for them too! That shut 'em up! As for not telling his exes about being married, well thats too far off base for me. Just NOT RIGHT. Link to post Share on other sites
Outcast Posted February 12, 2006 Share Posted February 12, 2006 Why did you marry him? Link to post Share on other sites
Author dontfeelbad Posted February 13, 2006 Author Share Posted February 13, 2006 I married my husband because I love him, I know I love him even now, but I am lonely and I want him to treat me like he is proud of me. He says the age difference is the reason he is shy about talking to people about me. But I tried to leave several times before we were married and he asked me to stay and that it would be different. Now I realise that it will never be different and I don`t want to point blame for my unhappiness. On the other hand, I want to be in love with my husband. We talk and yell at each other alot. He says he is too fat to make love, but he is not really too fat. Fat people make love I am sure. Well, he says I am the one with problem because I dont like to continue talking once we start yelling. I guess marriage is not a bed of roses. Link to post Share on other sites
barfool Posted February 13, 2006 Share Posted February 13, 2006 I guess marriage is not a bed of roses. No it is not. It takes hard work like all relationships. Just getting married to someone won't solve any problems you had before. From what you have written things don't sound very good between you two. The excuses he is making for not having sex with you are bs. He's got some other issues, I don't know what, that are keeping him from being intimate. I think you need to explain to him without getting too emotional about how you feel. Like what you said here, "I am lonely and I want him to treat me like he is proud of me." Explain to him that if you don't feel that he loves you then you have no business being with him. And you have to be willing to follow through with this. If things do not get better then you have to be willing to leave him, or at least seperate so you can figure things out. And the magic words: get some counseling. Link to post Share on other sites
Spectre Posted February 13, 2006 Share Posted February 13, 2006 the next time i see someone say they love their SO while in the same post saying they want to cheat/have cheated on them, im just gonna claw my eyes out at the hypocrisy Link to post Share on other sites
catgirl1927 Posted February 13, 2006 Share Posted February 13, 2006 the next time i see someone say they love their SO while in the same post saying they want to cheat/have cheated on them, im just gonna claw my eyes out at the hypocrisy Seriously, me too. Why do people think that real life works like a television soap opera? Link to post Share on other sites
clandestinidad Posted February 13, 2006 Share Posted February 13, 2006 Why not start a different thread about this new topic, rather than being rude to the OP...just a thought Link to post Share on other sites
Mz. Pixie Posted February 13, 2006 Share Posted February 13, 2006 The fact that he'd never been married before at his age might have been your first clue that he had some committment problems...... I think you should suggest marriage counseling. There are obviously alot of issues that you guys need to work through. How long did you date before you married? Did he treat you this way before, when you were dating?? If you both want to work at it anything can be fixed. Link to post Share on other sites
Author dontfeelbad Posted February 17, 2006 Author Share Posted February 17, 2006 Thank you all for the response, makes me feel better actually. I have decided to focus on the parts of my life that do not suck. I am focusing more on work, working out, sports, movies, music, food, friends, and learning new things. I have since then realised I can be more happy spending time making myself happy! I am only hoping it is a lasting solution! Thank you all. Link to post Share on other sites
rustysquirrel Posted February 17, 2006 Share Posted February 17, 2006 It's not always easy to judge on the basis of a few short paragraphs, but it sounds to me like he wants to keep his options open for other women. If he really loved you and is committed to you, he would want the whole world to know it. It may be, however, that he is very insecure about himself, and so he feels a need for validation in the form of attention from other women. In either case, you need to get to the root of his behavior. For some people, counselling may be the best or only way to do this, unless the two of you are able to have calm, respectful, emotionally and psychologically probing conversations on your own. Best of luck to you! Link to post Share on other sites
MrsHellFire Posted February 21, 2006 Share Posted February 21, 2006 LOL. If he hasn't grown up by now, he never will. Why he got married is beyond me. I guess he's a cake eater. Link to post Share on other sites
RecordProducer Posted February 21, 2006 Share Posted February 21, 2006 I really think that marriage counseling would help you put him in place - somebody needs to tell him that what he is doing is not right. If he doesn't want to go then try to talk to family members or friends he trusts to persuade him that he is wrong. You always have the option to walk away in order to teach him a lesson or simply leave and never look back. You are unhappy for a reason and you have a right to be happy. It's easier to spend a year or two crying over your ex than putting up with someone's bad treatment your whole life. Hope better days come for you, hun. Link to post Share on other sites
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