Money & relationship

[girl]

just wanted to sample some opinions on something which is bothering me and don't really know how to handle in a sensitive way.

 

scenario is;-my b/f earns considerably less than i do (which is not the problem), whenever he goes out with his friend, he pays...and whenever we go out together, i pay. i have also loaned him money on several occasions.

 

i don't want this mony issue to get in the way or our relationship. but it is bothering me, as i think if he has lack of funds, he should refrain from spending so much and not rely on me as back-up.

 

any ideas as to know i should approach this issue without hurting his feelings?

[Tony T]

You have no power to hurt other people's feelings. They hurt their own feelings based on how they process incoming data. Don't go out of your way to be mean but you need to approach this situation very directly because your boyfriend is being very inconsiderate and selfish.

 

This thing about him paying when he goes out with his friend and when he goes out with you, you pay...is a crock of crap. I wouldn't put up with it for a second.

 

Tell him that IT HURTS YOU!!!!!! that he does this. Let him know that all your life, all the men you have ever been with have paid most of the time when they took you out. Let him know it hurts you that he pays for his friend but not you. Let him know that this is just something that is not acceptable because you don't like feeling hurt.

 

That's simply all you have to do. Don't bring up the loans, don't bring up your earnings vs. his, just don't bring up anything else to do with money. The point that must be resolved is that HE is YOUR MAN and you want to feel right in this relationship. And you don't feel right with such an inequitable situation.

 

Ask him about this freeloading friend and why he/she can't pay his/her own way....and yes, if his friend is a girl I would leave the bxstard so I hope the friend is a guy. Tell him freeloading friends are not real friends but users and he needs to take a closer look at this friendship he's got.

 

Now, you need to assess this whole situation. You really don't need a man who mismanages his money and screws over his girlfriend (YOU). The discussion you really need to have with him is one where you talk about one day wanting to have children. He needs to be able to support you, pay bills, make mortgage and car payments, tax payments, buy food, gas, handle electricity, water, sewer, garbage, medical insurance payments, pest control, repairs, clothing expenses, etc., etc., while you are home and unable to work.

 

If right now you are having to loan him money and he won't even fork out the bucks to take you out, you are with a maximum loser and you better be prepared to go back to work the day after childbirth. I really don't think love can flourish in a situation like this, especially if the guy is so dense (or smart) he can manipulate you into subsidizing his outings with his friend and bilk loans from you as well.

 

This is a total situation you must review and you MUST sit with him and hash this out. And don't be afraid of him walking out on you. This is really serious. If he walks out on you, this will be proof positive that he is a user and a manipulator and your life with him could be a nightmare of gigantic proportions. If he understands and is willing to make changes...wow, you may have a winner.

 

You are concerned about his feelings????????? Give me a break!!!!!!!! You can't see the forest for the trees. You are in a very bad situation and you ought to be glad you posted here. He may be a nice, kind, sweet, loving little brat but he is also selfish and freeloading as hell and those kind don't ever make good mates.

 

I know you don't want money to get in the way of your relationship because you said so above. But read any relationship book and you will see that money issues are among the TOP THREE CAUSES OF DIVORCE. Why leave the starting gate with your hands and feet tied. Don't underestimate the significance of this problem. And don't let your warm loving feelings stand in the way of you seeing very clearly just how serious this matter is.

 

No problem with him making less money than you...but it is a real serious problem him taking you for a FOOL!!! I won't have it!!!

[Dave]

I would love to have your kind of a girl-friend.

 

I haev yet to meet a girl who at least pays her half, not to mention who pays for me too....

 

I appreaciate your kind of girls. And you don't deserve this scumbag...

just wanted to sample some opinions on something which is bothering me and don't really know how to handle in a sensitive way. scenario is;-my b/f earns considerably less than i do (which is not the problem), whenever he goes out with his friend, he pays...and whenever we go out together, i pay. i have also loaned him money on several occasions. i don't want this mony issue to get in the way or our relationship. but it is bothering me, as i think if he has lack of funds, he should refrain from spending so much and not rely on me as back-up. any ideas as to know i should approach this issue without hurting his feelings?