mabarnes Posted February 12, 2006 Share Posted February 12, 2006 My life has been filled with relationship problems. Nearly 4 years ago..i walked in on my girlfriend having sex with another guy that I had never met. Ever since then my love life has been in ruins. Nothing ever goes right. Just recently I met a special girl. Ever since the first day I saw he I was intrigued. We became good friends and I found myself fallling for her. I tried not to let myself fall for her, but I couldn't stop myself. I have never felt the same about anybody. Everytime she walks into the room it just lights up ... and I could be having the worst possible day, but when she comes it instantly gets better. In the past 2 years all of the girls that I had developed feelings for have fed me the same line "You are a really sweet guy, but lets just be friends." I am so tired of hearing that line. The sad thing is that all of these girls who turned me down in the past come complaining to me about their boyfriends who hit them, abuse them, call them degrading names, and just treat them like absolute crap. But a guy like me on the other hand would never ever do anything to harm a soul. I honestly think if I hear the friends line again that I will lose it. But anyway, the girl that I really like ... I really do think she is the love of my life ... and I really want her more than anything. I've been fighting these feelings of loneliness for much too long ... I need to get rid of them. The weird thing is that she knows how I feel, but I don't really know how she feels. There is this inkling fear that I will get the friends line again. How do I get her to really be interested in me? Should I tell her how I feel about her in a different way? The other fear is that she would only reject me because of my looks. A lot of girls seem to say that "looks do not matter," but apparently it does to many of them. I may not be attractive, but I think that if somebody were to give me a chance, that I would be the greatest guy they ever had or ever will have. I have a high respect for women in general, since I grew up without a mother because she died when I was 2 years old. I really need this girl in my life right now, because everything else seems to be falling apart. Ii think I really need her to keep me afloat. Please help me. Link to post Share on other sites
DWJK Posted February 12, 2006 Share Posted February 12, 2006 1.) A girl in your life cant fix your problems. That co-dependant kind of mentality is not attractive and is ultimately self-destructive. Work on yourself first and make it so that you dont need to date a woman to be happy. 2.) Stop dwelling on your past. Accept it and move on. You cant change it, so by letting it control your emotions you are just SUFFERING 3.) Go to http://www.doubleyourdating.com/11718 , and change your life for the better Link to post Share on other sites
incognito Posted February 12, 2006 Share Posted February 12, 2006 You don't really say the state of your relationship...are you even dating this girl yet? #1....don't be desperate. "need this girl in my life" appears desperate. If you want her, I suggest you lose that....there is nothing more unattractive than a guy pursuing you who appears desperate...it certainly is NOT a compliment to a girl. #2....don't stalk her. Be your own person, have your own things to do. As the other poster said, co-dependency isn't so hot. In terms of your own physical attractiveness....you seem to think that you aren't. I personally think that everyone has the potential to attractive and hot. You may have to do some things differently, but that's what makeovers are for First and foremost is confidence. Self confident people carry themselves well, w/ good posture, and they portray an aura of assertiveness. That's hot. If you do not like your phsyical appearance...get yourself to the gym and improve it. If there is something about your face that you feel you need improved...change it...could be a new haircut, losing glasses and getting contacts or whatever. The thing to remember is, if YOU don't think you're attractive...no one else is going to. Link to post Share on other sites
Butterflying Posted February 12, 2006 Share Posted February 12, 2006 Unfortunately, we live in a world where humans are the vainest creatures on earth. I am guilty of this vainism myself. But I'm not ashamed of it because that's just the way things are. The key is, don't take it personal when someone rejects you, NEVER. Because everyone likes different things. What's beauty to one person may be ugly to another. I don't know what you look like. But you should think of yourself as beautiful (handsome) no matter what anyone else thinks of you. I'm sure you don't fall in love with every woman you meet. There is something about the women you love that makes you attracted to them. Whatever that is, it's beautiful to you. Otherwise, if you thought something was unattractive, you wouldn't be attracted. Understand, this is how people judge you as well. It's always a drag when the people we find attractive don't think the same about us. But we have to keep searching for that one person who's feelings are the same for us as we feel for them. Link to post Share on other sites
mabarnes Posted February 13, 2006 Share Posted February 13, 2006 I dont stalk her. She lives in the same apartment building that I live in..so yeah I see her alot. as a matter of fact I told her how I felt today..and once again lol i got the same exact line "you are a reallly sweet guy..but lets just be friends." and you know..I honestly think that is the biggest cop out ever! lets be real here..isnt your husband or boyfriend supposed to be your friend? Besides...almost all of the girls that said they wanted to be friends in the past do not even pay attention to me in a public place..they pretend they dont even see..I wave at them being friendly and they dont wave back..what a load of ****.!I am just going to give up on relationships period..perhaps I should start acting like an a**h***? I see all kinds of a**h*** guys who get everything they want..and the guys like me..what do we get? NADA! I dont think I could live with myself being an a**h*** like some of the people I know..I sometimes wonder if people realize how big of an a**h*** they are? If a girl doesnt like me for who I am then she can take a flying leap! If a girl wants me bad enough she will come after me..im done pursuing a relationship. But then somebody will say "dont give up..it will come along..things will look up for you.." but what if it doesnt? what then? I dont take it personal when somebody rejects me..but after hearing it time and time again..it gets really old. This is why my patience is wearing thin lol. Link to post Share on other sites
barfool Posted February 13, 2006 Share Posted February 13, 2006 It probably is time that you stop pursuing relationships for a while. You shouldn't let this affect your happiness so much. Yes, it sucks a lot that these girls don't reciprocate your feelings but try not to let your life revolve around this. Find some happiness in yourself and enjoy life with or without girls. Link to post Share on other sites
jerbear Posted February 13, 2006 Share Posted February 13, 2006 There is something said to be happy with oneself. You have to be happy with yourself to be happy with someone else. If the constant needy and clingyness pursues then that is not so sexy. It makes the other feel bad if not sometimes more useful that they are needed. In regards to self image, try a few things. Haircut, well try one of them $200+ places where they are paid to give you their BEST artistic view. Try something new, highlights, perm, etc... glasses, try some contacts. Regarding grace and posture, try some dancing lessons. Link to post Share on other sites
Kylemack Posted February 17, 2006 Share Posted February 17, 2006 at this moment i am fighting the same exact battle as you. its a very hard thing to deal with, so i feel ur pain. some of us r just very nice friendly guys, so all we r seen as is friends from the start. i seem to hav all the girls loving me as a friend, and they wont risk a relationship cause they dont want to loose my friendship. if u r sure she cant and wont see a relationship between the two of u, i say u should move on. but my suggestion is to b her friend for now, and hope eventually ur charm will win her heart over. all relationships hav to start somewhere. good luck. :pTrue love is the souls reconition of its counterpart:p Kyle Link to post Share on other sites
noclobber Posted February 17, 2006 Share Posted February 17, 2006 I can completely understand your frustration. Pay attention to this.. Achtung baby!! -> If you move with a girl like a friend then that's exactly how she will see you. It's really very very important that you let her know of your true intentions as soon as possible. If you find a girl attractive, talk to her, compliment her, gently flirt with her and see how she takes it all. If she is fine with it ask her out for coffee. If she accepts it and if it goes well then you can ask her out again for a game or bowling or movie... Then make sure that you take her out for dinner!!! If you reach this stage then I think you are all set. If you find a girl attractive, talk to her, be friends with her, be nice to her, wait for something to happen, blah blah blah.... and finally tell her your feelings then all that you are going to get is "let's not ruin our friendship" or "i only like you as a friend". forget about all the things that women say they want in a man... they will say "i want a sweet, nice, friendly guy that treats me well" ja ja, oui oui, si si... but you shouldn't take it literally. what they really want is a confident, assertive man that knows what he wants and goes after it without the fear of rejection. bottom line: Take what you want, don't just keep giving and giving! good luck Link to post Share on other sites
Becoming Posted February 17, 2006 Share Posted February 17, 2006 they will say "i want a sweet, nice, friendly guy that treats me well" ja ja, oui oui, si si... but you shouldn't take it literally. what they really want is a confident, assertive man that knows what he wants and goes after it without the fear of rejection. bottom line: Take what you want, don't just keep giving and giving! Um, actually, we want both. But what NoClobber says is right on here. Other posters give good advice as well. I wanted to chime in on something I see as potentially problematic. You say you respect/like women since you lost your mother at an early age. The cause-effect thinking sends off alarms in my head here. My father lost his mother at an early age and he has spent his entire life looking for a woman to be his mother. You may be giving off "little boy looking for Mama" vibes to women, not "potential equal mate" vibes. As a result of not having a mother, you may idealize women too much. We can be real pigs like the rest of the human race. Losing a parent this early can really mess you up. You may want to seek some professional help in the form of therapy to really deal with these issues if you haven't already. With that kind of self-knowledge and improvements you will make someone very happy. Blessings! Link to post Share on other sites
noclobber Posted February 17, 2006 Share Posted February 17, 2006 Just recently I met a special girl. Ever since the first day I saw he I was intrigued. We became good friends and I found myself fallling for her. That's it... its right there!! That's the mistake that you are doing... I have also talked about it in my previous post. If you thought you met a special girl then you are supposed to treat her specially... and not like she is one of your friends. Only then will she become "special" to you. Otherwise its the same old "let's just be friends". Link to post Share on other sites
noclobber Posted February 17, 2006 Share Posted February 17, 2006 Um, actually, we want both. hmmm.. such a greedy species just kiddin Becoming Link to post Share on other sites
Becoming Posted February 17, 2006 Share Posted February 17, 2006 NoClob: Thanks for :laugh: Link to post Share on other sites
noclobber Posted February 17, 2006 Share Posted February 17, 2006 NoClob: Thanks for :laugh: Anytime! I am a nice, sweet, sensitive, loyal, friendly, harmless guy that worships the ground on which women walk. Would you like to go out with me Becoming? :lmao: :lmao: Link to post Share on other sites
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