RedRose73 Posted February 12, 2006 Share Posted February 12, 2006 Hi I have been dating a married man for over 3 years now. I am 33 he is 54, i met him at work. For the passed 1 1/2 years he has been telling me that he's leaving his wife, but hasn't yet. Each month something comes up & he can't do it. We even had a furnished apartement to move into last january 2005, but he never made the move. So i gave him his Last deadline this january 2006 & once again the date came & gone & he didn't leave, so I left him. It has been 2 weeks now that i left him & boy does it hurt. He leaves me voice messages that he loves me with all his heart & soul. This may be true, but he just didn't love me enough. I refuse to go back to being the other woman. I had to change both my cell & home number cause it hurts me too much to hear his voice, I haven't stopped crying since I heard it 4 days ago. I know he loves me, but not enough, he has too much to risk with money, children,& having kids at his age, etc. But if he loved me enough none of that would matter. I deserve so much more than just being a mistress. Does the hurt ever go away??? Any advice?? Link to post Share on other sites
Barby Posted February 12, 2006 Share Posted February 12, 2006 I believe if you keep fighting and not being in contact with him then yes I believe the hurt will subside but never fully "go away"............ You stated a few times that he "never loved you enough"....my question is this........you knew he was married and his off and on again love was enough for you at one point.......why did that change? What gave you the idea that he'd all of a sudden become single and be with just you when you two clearly (I'm guessing) were in an established affair? Link to post Share on other sites
Author RedRose73 Posted February 12, 2006 Author Share Posted February 12, 2006 OK I know this feeling will pass, it just is unbearable pain!! Barby u asked what changed. Well I kinda got sick of waiting. His last deadline was my 33rd birthday. I was not going to let this affair go on any longer passed that, i'm not getting any younger. I had to stop it if he couldn't, it was getting old real quick! Another thing that made me do it. About 1 month ago, i found out that my MM had went threw an internet website & had paid them $2000 for all my phone records in & outcoming calls from both my cell & my home number for the passed 1 1/2 years. He started calling these numbers to see if the numbers where guys!! & the ones that were guy friends of mine, he gave to his 'connections' & they came back with the guys full name & exact street address. Is that sick or what. That is not trust. I would never do anything like that to him & when i found out about this, it drove me insane! What kind of person does something like that to someone he loves? He doesn't trust me after 3 years?? I've never done anything wrong! I do love this man, & i know he loves me, but just not enough!! If he loved me enough, he would have left a long time ago. If a man loves you, he will be with u, no matter what the consequences are. Link to post Share on other sites
Author RedRose73 Posted February 12, 2006 Author Share Posted February 12, 2006 Our love was sooooooo strong & soooooooooo deep, a love that i never felt before in my life. He said that we were soulmates & that he never loved anyone, not even his wife, as much as he loved me. He treated me like a queen, made me feel like i was the most important person in his life. If u put all my exes together, i was never treated so well as i was treated by him. We never fought, only about him leaving. I know he loves me with all his heart & soul, but just not enough. We could just sit in a room for 4 hours straight & have the best time & never even think about turning on the TV or radio. We were just happy being in each other's company. THe love was DEEP! Link to post Share on other sites
Sami_D Posted February 12, 2006 Share Posted February 12, 2006 He has been promising you something and not delivered. And at the same time he's been checking up on your private phone calls. Two great reasons to get rid of him. The love was sooooo deep how? He is weak, or manipulative, or both. And he's also a sneaking pig. Yes, you need to get rid of him and get over this. Try thinking about what he's doing to the people in his life. Especially... how does it make you feel to know he rifled through your call records..??? HELLO? Link to post Share on other sites
No Stress Lady Posted February 12, 2006 Share Posted February 12, 2006 OK I know this feeling will pass, it just is unbearable pain!! Barby u asked what changed. Well I kinda got sick of waiting. His last deadline was my 33rd birthday. I was not going to let this affair go on any longer passed that, i'm not getting any younger. I had to stop it if he couldn't, it was getting old real quick! Another thing that made me do it. About 1 month ago, i found out that my MM had went threw an internet website & had paid them $2000 for all my phone records in & outcoming calls from both my cell & my home number for the passed 1 1/2 years. He started calling these numbers to see if the numbers where guys!! & the ones that were guy friends of mine, he gave to his 'connections' & they came back with the guys full name & exact street address. Is that sick or what. That is not trust. I would never do anything like that to him & when i found out about this, it drove me insane! What kind of person does something like that to someone he loves? He doesn't trust me after 3 years?? I've never done anything wrong! I do love this man, & i know he loves me, but just not enough!! If he loved me enough, he would have left a long time ago. If a man loves you, he will be with u, no matter what the consequences are. His "love" is extremely unhealthy. His behaviour is not that of a "loving" man, more that of a stalker Be strong and maintain non-contact and yes the pain will go away - this is a relationship going nowhere as you have discovered. You are doing the right thing in leaving - don't waste another second on him - he'll never leave and even if he did you would probably find that you were incompatible outside the "bubble" of the affair. Be strong and keep walking. Link to post Share on other sites
My_Other_I Posted February 12, 2006 Share Posted February 12, 2006 The pain WILL go away. Give it time. Don't push it, just let it heal itself. You are doing a very good thing. His behavious is unexcusable. If he really did love you as much as he claims, he would be banging on your door with suitcases at this point. He knows he is loosing you and he is playing games to see if you will go back for more BS so he can still have both. Congratulations on your decision! You are a strong woman! Most of us just hang around wrapped in hope, unable to make decisions anymore. Keep NC and have a good time with your friends now! HUGS! Link to post Share on other sites
Author RedRose73 Posted February 12, 2006 Author Share Posted February 12, 2006 Yes i know his behavior is extremely unhealthly. I still can't believe he did that to me. I told him that he should have asked for my phone records, i would have gave them to him for free. hahah I have to keep the NC. I did change my home email address, which he also broke into last year to see if i was talking to any guys. & the numbers are all changed. The only thing that stinks is that he is the Senior Vice President where i work. So i started looking for another job. I am like the weakest person u will ever meet, but I have to be strong now. Enough is enough. He did enough of damage to me, I won't let him do anymore. Yes Other, he should be at my door with suitcases, but he's not. He's still home with his 'old lady' as he referred to her. If he really loved me like he claims he does, he would move mountains to be with me. Thank u all for all your support. Oh, where is this Cakeman post that i see people talking about? I would love to read it but being a newbie, i cant' find it Link to post Share on other sites
No Stress Lady Posted February 12, 2006 Share Posted February 12, 2006 http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t81010/ An interesting "Cakeman" thread - particularly Veronese's post - worth reading. Link to post Share on other sites
Ladyjane14 Posted February 12, 2006 Share Posted February 12, 2006 Am I the only one experiencing deja vu??? :confused: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t58567/?highlight=Marie1973 Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted February 12, 2006 Share Posted February 12, 2006 No, you're not LJ and I know exactly what you're thinking...Scary eh? Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted February 12, 2006 Share Posted February 12, 2006 Anyway - GOOD FOR YOU for ending it. You knew it was time...You've been through the ups and downs, the rollercoaster for so long. Pride yourself in that!! And just know now at age 33 YOU will find another man (single) who will love you and give you want you need in life. If this is too painful for you to do it on your own, then seek some therapy to help you cope through it. Get your friends and family involved in keeping you busy and talk to them. Hang in there, you've done the right thing. Be strong and DO NOT let him back into your life, no matter what. After 3 years of broken promises, telling you he will leave and he hasn't - The writing is on the wall that he will never leave. Keep posting. Link to post Share on other sites
erika2610 Posted February 12, 2006 Share Posted February 12, 2006 Am I the only one experiencing deja vu??? :confused: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t58567/?highlight=Marie1973 That's exactly what I thought too.. Link to post Share on other sites
Sami_D Posted February 12, 2006 Share Posted February 12, 2006 edited. no idea what you want. Link to post Share on other sites
Author RedRose73 Posted February 12, 2006 Author Share Posted February 12, 2006 Hey Well to be honest with you, I am going to get help. My first session was last monday & i go again this monday. I HAVE to stick to my guns this time. 3 years of broken promises & breaking into my email & phone accounts is enough for me. I am not getting any younger. Thats why my last deadline was my 33rd birthday. If this man truely loved me, he would move mountains to be with me. I guess love just ain't enough sometimes. & here I thought our love could conquer all! Boy did i have a rude awakening. Sam i did walk away, u have to give me some credit here no? Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted February 12, 2006 Share Posted February 12, 2006 Yup, you do need support and it is good that you're seeing a therapist. The Therapist will help you cope with this so you don't slip back into old patterns. DO NOT call him, see him, email him, nothing. IT IS OVER. If he can't deal with that it is his problem now. His life, his feelings, his thoughts are NOT your concern anymore, period. Put yourself FIRST from now on. Link to post Share on other sites
Sami_D Posted February 12, 2006 Share Posted February 12, 2006 Sam i did walk away, u have to give me some credit here no? Yes, definitely. Link to post Share on other sites
Ladyjane14 Posted February 12, 2006 Share Posted February 12, 2006 Ditto everything by WWIU. This is a Yoda moment in your life, kid ---->"Do or do not... there is no try.” Stay tough. Link to post Share on other sites
Walking away Posted February 12, 2006 Share Posted February 12, 2006 I am walking away from my affair also! Have had no contact with him for 4 days. Hang in there...we deserve better than these dysfunctional relationships! Link to post Share on other sites
Author RedRose73 Posted February 12, 2006 Author Share Posted February 12, 2006 yes walking away we do deserve better than these relationships. We deserve to be number 1 not number 2. I haven't talked to my MM in 2 weeks today. He did text me 4 days ago & said "just for the record, baby, I love u with all my heart & soul" I texted him back "obvioulsy not enough & to stop" He texted me back, trying to be funny "oh sorry i must have dialed the wrong number" & i texted him back with - this was priceless " oh ok here is the right number xxx=xxx=xxxx - (which is his home number) It killed me to hear his voice so since then i changed both my cell & home numbers so he can't leave me any more messages. I am done. The only way he could reach me is at work & he wouldn't risk his high position job. Yes Waiting keep up the good work, we could do this together! WE HAVE TO PUT OURSELVES FIRST, SINCE THEY DON'T PUT US FIRST, LIKE WHICHWAY SAYS Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted February 12, 2006 Share Posted February 12, 2006 I think too, you need to put yourself out there, look for other work. Maybe talk to a headhunter and see what else they can find for you. Link to post Share on other sites
My_Other_I Posted February 12, 2006 Share Posted February 12, 2006 & i texted him back with - this was priceless " oh ok here is the right number xxx=xxx=xxxx - (which is his home number) :lmao: I love this! But now, seriously, do not reply to ANYTHING no matter how tempted you are. Instead post the replies here or write them down. It won't bring anything but heartache if you continue contact, no matter what kind. Link to post Share on other sites
Author RedRose73 Posted February 13, 2006 Author Share Posted February 13, 2006 Yes i looking for another job. I replied to 3 ads friday & i am applying to another one tomorrow. I need to get out of there, even if it is not even 1 mile away from my house!! Yes, Other, I thought that was good myself. I told one of my friends what happened & she thought it was priceless, couldn't stop laughing. But that was my last contact with him. He did reply back that i am getting very clever as i age, but i didn't reply back to him. So there hasn't been any contact since Wednesday. So 4 days & still going strong!! Yes i promise no contact, i will come on here & post if i need to. Thanks all, I really appreciate all your support Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted February 13, 2006 Share Posted February 13, 2006 RedRose... Go baby Go... don't stop going forward... Your making good sound decisions for yourself.. Keep it up and keep posting Link to post Share on other sites
TeaCooler Posted February 13, 2006 Share Posted February 13, 2006 i find it interesting that there was a controversial OW thread the other day, and all of a sudden all these new members pop up who have these textbook cases of "married men will never leave" and "i walked away" and "i want my married man and don't care who knows it" threads............................ hrrrrrrrrrrrmmmmmmmmmmmm. Link to post Share on other sites
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