cal gal Posted February 15, 2006 Share Posted February 15, 2006 Hello Again I still have to say that i am still attracted to this man, I still think he is such a handsome man on the outside, but so ugly on the inside for what he did to me. & its what's on the inside that counts right ladies? Yes, My soon to be ex husband is soooo handsome on the outside - but the things that he has done make him appear like a stranger to me and so ugly when I do look at him. Not one bit attractive anymore - after 20 years of marriage. I just still can't figure out how a man could say he loves u so much ends up hurting that you so badly, i just can't understand that!! If you figure it out - can you let me know? Link to post Share on other sites
Author RedRose73 Posted February 15, 2006 Author Share Posted February 15, 2006 Which way, i can't WAIT for the day that i could do that. Maybe when i get over him i don't have to really look for another job. Maybe i'll let it just play itself out. I know he'll be travelling more now that we broke up. He always told me that if we broke up, he would be out of the office for most of the week by making his trips longer! GOOD! I hate seeing him knowing that he did this to me. Yes maybe i should stay & work up to the point where i could look him in the face & feel nothing. I CANT WAIT. Thanks WHich Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted February 15, 2006 Share Posted February 15, 2006 Yes maybe i should stay & work up to the point where i could look him in the face & feel nothing. I CANT WAIT. Thanks WHich Don't push yourself too hard.. no sense in setting yourself up for failure Link to post Share on other sites
Author RedRose73 Posted February 15, 2006 Author Share Posted February 15, 2006 OK guys U said that this is supposed to get easier right? WHEN????????? I saw my ex MM 2x today. Once i was walking down the hallway & looked into the meeting room to see who was in there & BANG , there he was, standing there, he looked at me & i looked at him , my stomach fell & we both looked away!! Then he went into my boss's office to tell him something & walked right passed my desk. I"m sure that was just for me to see him. He could have called my boss on the phone to tell him what he had to tell him. It is getting a little tiny bit easier every day, but my heart is still in a million pieces!!! Link to post Share on other sites
KnowHowLoveFeels Posted February 15, 2006 Share Posted February 15, 2006 RedRose73 said: It is getting a little tiny bit easier every day, but my heart is still in a million pieces!!! I know the feeling. My heart feels like it breaks a little bit more each passing day. I know that I am doing this to myself, allowing myself to still have feelings for my MM. I know that I will always love my MM. Sometimes, the most loving thing you (and I) can do to your MM is to let him live HIS LIFE. You have to give him a chance to rebuild his marriage to his W and resume his responsibilities as a father to his children. WHen he is sneaking out to be with you for hours, he is HURTING himself as well. I think your MM would feel guilty for his affair with you, however wonderful the sex is. You have to let him go because HE does not have the strength to do so himself. And anyway, you can't possibly believe that he would leave his wife and his LIFE behind for you. You wouldn't want that anyway. Even when he is finally yours, he will be a different man after the divorce. You will always be wondering whether he is cheating on YOU!! I have only recently come back to my senses again. I have been a wife for 9 years with my first and only love, my husband. This past year or so, our marriage has been rocky and I allowed myself to develop feelings for another man, who is married. The problem is, after I gave my heart out, I couldn't take it back. I know that I will always, always love my OM. And because of this, I know to not do anything that will change his way of life. My MM doesn't get along with his W either. But being a wife myself, I can understand both sides of the fence, so to speak. Let me assure you that a MM will never divorce his wife and turn HIS life upside-down. They may not like their wives, but they are not going to split their wealth with their wives. As for me, I can now claim that I truly love my MM because I want him to be happy in his own M. That's the only way a married man can be truly happy. Think about it: doesn't your MM take trips with his W? Doesn't he spend the hollidays with her? If he doesn't love her as he claims, how do you think he is able to do that with her? And don't believe him if he tells you that his W does not love him. That really just means that "she doesn't love him enough". Link to post Share on other sites
whats wrong with me Posted February 15, 2006 Share Posted February 15, 2006 I know this is a bit off topic, but after reading many of your replies I just have to say something. I don't know quite how to word this but here goes... I just wanted to say something to people like WWIU, SamiD, Red Rose, WalkAway, Lady Jane, (anyone else who has left or are in the process of leaving) Thank you for leaving and I'm sorry you are going through this, no one deserves to be hurting inside (OW/OM, wife/husband, etc). You guys are the reason wives shouldn't be (as or only) mad at the OW. Cause just like Red Rose pointed out it ALOT of times it's the husband who's pursuing the OW not the other way around. If I've ever "bashed" anybody like you guys (the OW who are leaving or trying) I am sorry. Link to post Share on other sites
newbby Posted February 16, 2006 Share Posted February 16, 2006 OK guys U said that this is supposed to get easier right? WHEN????????? I saw my ex MM 2x today. Once i was walking down the hallway & looked into the meeting room to see who was in there & BANG , there he was, standing there, he looked at me & i looked at him , my stomach fell & we both looked away!! Then he went into my boss's office to tell him something & walked right passed my desk. I"m sure that was just for me to see him. He could have called my boss on the phone to tell him what he had to tell him. It is getting a little tiny bit easier every day, but my heart is still in a million pieces!!! patience, my friend. it will get easier still. it is early days yet. i remember feeling terrible. now i cant even imagine why.... Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted February 16, 2006 Share Posted February 16, 2006 That's a nice thing to say. I'm not an OW nor have I ever been. Had a crush on someone once that could have ended up as something if we were both stupid, but we were smart and nothing ever happened. Just talked about feelings and stuff, what could have been, that is all. Ofcourse, doing that was just as wrong as full on cheating too. Atleast that is how I look at it. It's something I'm not proud of, even though some good did come out of it. I'm pretty sure LJ isn't an OW either. I tend to just see things in a different light because if things were really crappy in my marriage during that time, WHO knows what could have happened. (Though it would have been really hard considering the distance and Country factor.) Link to post Share on other sites
Walking away Posted February 16, 2006 Share Posted February 16, 2006 Thank you for the kind words. We OW who are truly trying to leave our relationships with our MM are inundated with attention from our MM. I know in my case, my MM is pursuing me with a vengeance now that I told him I am through with the pain and suffering. You are right...some MM DO pursue the OW, not the other way around. Thanks for understanding the difficulty of our dilemmas. Link to post Share on other sites
Author RedRose73 Posted February 16, 2006 Author Share Posted February 16, 2006 Yeah thanks for the kind words!! I WOULD NEVER purposely go after a man knowing he is married! I did not pursue my MM in the beginning, he pursued me!! I had a florida vacation planned with my cousins 3 years ago & my MM asked about it one day in work & turns out that he had it all planned out & ended up being in Florida, the same week I was & staying at a hotel right across the street from us. He then sent a bottle of Don Pierre champaign to our room for me. This is how it ALL started!!! Link to post Share on other sites
9Lives Posted February 24, 2006 Share Posted February 24, 2006 Hello Again Well my ex MM didn't send me flowers to work, Thank god, I would have brought them right to his office & left them on his desk. However, I was sitting there working & i heard something behind me & i turned around & there he was in the office right behind me. I almost had a heart attack!!!! I couldn't get up & walk to the bathroom fast enough. I thought i was going to trip on the way! I was shaking & my heart was pounding, but not as bad as it used to. I still have to say that i am still attracted to this man, I still think he is such a handsome man on the outside, but so ugly on the inside for what he did to me. & its what's on the inside that counts right ladies? I just still can't figure out how a man could say he loves u so much ends up hurting that you so badly, i just can't understand that!! I could honestly say that this is the worst that i have ever been hurt by a man in my entire life -- & he always used to say, don't even try to compare me to those idiots exes & here he turns out to be the worst of them all!! Why are you so bitter towards this man? You said you guys were very much in love at one point in the relationship so what is the problem. It is good that you left him because being with a mm for many years is not good but I am sure you were not being held captive against your own will. The way I see it is.....you knew he was married so you was not suppose to win. You have a great relationship inspite of the end results. I just think you are being a baby about it. THIS IS GENERAL the way a affair ends. Breaking up is hard and it hurts but that does not mean he was this bad person. Women make the whole man bad if he has an affair. I have had so much more given to me since I have been with him. Money, fun, time, whatever. It is not always peaches and cream but it cant be. I am going to have to do the same thing one day...very soon but I wont be calling him the bad guy on the way out the door. I love him. Even though he says he is going to walk....I know he aint gonna. So It is my move. Link to post Share on other sites
RedRose3373 Posted February 24, 2006 Share Posted February 24, 2006 9Lives I just feel that since my MM led me on for 1 1/2 years & all the broken promises, wasn't very nice of him to do. He actually lied to me for that long period of time & I think that playing with someone's heart like he did was a horrible thing to do. Yes, we had such a deep love, something neither of us ever felt before, but he didn't have to lead me on. Yes I love him & besides the broken promises, he was a great loving man. I had to walk away cause i wouldn't let this affair go on passed 3 years. He wasn't leaving , so i had to be the one to do it. Yes it killed me for a few weeks, but i am doing much better now! I guess he's not a bad guy, but he's a bad guy for leading me on like he did. He could have had it all! but he just didn't love me enough, like he said he did & i have accepted that now. I could have walked at any time, he didn't have me handcuffed there i know that. I guess that it just wasn't meant to be cause if it was, he would have moved mountains to be with me. Link to post Share on other sites
lizad Posted February 24, 2006 Share Posted February 24, 2006 I too am having such a hard time....I have "tried" obviously not hard enough to walk away from my OM....MM as I am married as well...... I just tried the NC thing and broke it. I am not proud and I am not really sure where my feelings lie except I am still crazy about him..... Believe me, he has told a lot of the things I am hearing here on this forum.....I guess somewhere lies the truth for I will never really really know. She caught him many many years ago while he had a fling with someone.....she has never really forgiven him, never went to counseling or anything. he has sworn upside down that they have not slept together in over two years....I do hear her voicemails and on the phone to him and I know there is def. not something right. I think they go back and forth with it being ok to it being really bad.....however and this is a BIG however.....they are still married........she does not want a divorce and says she resigns herself to being there for the kids........and will continue to suffer everyday...... he has been truthfull about his reasons for not being able to leave yet but claims he wants a life with me..... I have never said I would leave my marriage.......he has always been the one to bring it up........I really dont know what I want........i go back and forth but truthfully there really is nothing to think about b/c he is still married and most likely will NEVER leave...... do they all lie???? does it ever work out sometimes??? I think she knows something is going on with him now but wont say a word......I think she still loves him but wont allow herself as she does not want to get hurt again...... any thoughts???? Link to post Share on other sites
Sami_D Posted February 24, 2006 Share Posted February 24, 2006 I have never said I would leave my marriage.......he has always been the one to bring it up........I really dont know what I want........i go back and forth but truthfully there really is nothing to think about b/c he is still married and most likely will NEVER leave...... do they all lie???? does it ever work out sometimes??? any thoughts???? If you won't leave your marriage, how can it 'work out'..? Link to post Share on other sites
9Lives Posted February 25, 2006 Share Posted February 25, 2006 9Lives I just feel that since my MM led me on for 1 1/2 years & all the broken promises, wasn't very nice of him to do. He actually lied to me for that long period of time & I think that playing with someone's heart like he did was a horrible thing to do. Yes, we had such a deep love, something neither of us ever felt before, but he didn't have to lead me on. Yes I love him & besides the broken promises, he was a great loving man. I had to walk away cause i wouldn't let this affair go on passed 3 years. He wasn't leaving , so i had to be the one to do it. Yes it killed me for a few weeks, but i am doing much better now! I guess he's not a bad guy, but he's a bad guy for leading me on like he did. He could have had it all! but he just didn't love me enough, like he said he did & i have accepted that now. I could have walked at any time, he didn't have me handcuffed there i know that. I guess that it just wasn't meant to be cause if it was, he would have moved mountains to be with me. But that is just it, you had choices and you stayed because you love him. Now you want to make it seem like it was so terrible. Yeah it is terrible to be waiting on someone but I am sure you were not going thru hell like alot of women experience. married or single. Move on, learn from your mistakes, and dont be all bitter about it. Link to post Share on other sites
erika2610 Posted February 25, 2006 Share Posted February 25, 2006 But that is just it, you had choices and you stayed because you love him. Now you want to make it seem like it was so terrible. Yeah it is terrible to be waiting on someone but I am sure you were not going thru hell like alot of women experience. married or single. Move on, learn from your mistakes, and dont be all bitter about it. It's easy to tell somebody to just 'move on'. But until you've been in somebody else's shoes, you can't really know what they've been through. She's getting better.. it just takes time. This guy put her through alot.. Link to post Share on other sites
9Lives Posted February 26, 2006 Share Posted February 26, 2006 It's easy to tell somebody to just 'move on'. But until you've been in somebody else's shoes, you can't really know what they've been through. She's getting better.. it just takes time. This guy put her through alot.. I did not mean to sound like it move on like it is easy. I know it is hard. No offense intended. Link to post Share on other sites
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