scarletletter Posted February 13, 2006 Share Posted February 13, 2006 I'm just wondering how many wives have found out about the affair and what was the end result. Some results I have heard but just curious as to how many OW have actually wanted the wife to find out in hopes that she will kick the cheating husband out and have it backfire to the point of husband will try to work it out with wife and cut off contact with the OW. I know of an OW who sent a letter to the wife telling her all about her husband having an affair, motels that they go to, etc. and never signed her name...just a "for your information" sort of letter. In the end, the husband was not able to work things out with the wife, nor did he really want to. I think it was a desparate situation and cowardly of the OW to do this but she really believed that she would have her man in the end. Well, she ended up with him but he is no prize to her. Seems that when the excitement of the affair was over, so was their relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
newbby Posted February 13, 2006 Share Posted February 13, 2006 which is probably why it is better for women in affairs with mm, to just accept it for what it is and not expect it to progress to anything more. it would save alot of heartache. those who wanted more would get out sooner. Link to post Share on other sites
No Stress Lady Posted February 13, 2006 Share Posted February 13, 2006 Yes - I agree with you there Newbby Link to post Share on other sites
Author scarletletter Posted February 13, 2006 Author Share Posted February 13, 2006 very good point. Link to post Share on other sites
RedRose73 Posted February 13, 2006 Share Posted February 13, 2006 Hi NO my ex MM's wife never found out about our affair, I honestly don't know how she didn't or she knows that he cheats & doesn't care. She shops everyday, she hasn't worked in 25 years, she's got the life. My MM spend at least once a week at hotels with me, that he paid for on his credit card. His cell phone bills had my number on it 150 times a month. He paid for all my gifts, jewlery, vacations with his credit card. Our apartment that we used to have was all in his name & paid for with his own checks. He never hid anything. I always said what if she finds out, he said, so what. I've slept at his house when the wife was living down the shore for the summer. I was always there when he talked to her on the phone. He spent his birthdays with me. I just have a feeling she knows he's cheating, but doesn't care. Link to post Share on other sites
a4a Posted February 13, 2006 Share Posted February 13, 2006 Hi NO my ex MM's wife never found out about our affair, I honestly don't know how she didn't or she knows that he cheats & doesn't care. She shops everyday, she hasn't worked in 25 years, she's got the life. My MM spend at least once a week at hotels with me, that he paid for on his credit card. His cell phone bills had my number on it 150 times a month. He paid for all my gifts, jewlery, vacations with his credit card. Our apartment that we used to have was all in his name & paid for with his own checks. He never hid anything. I always said what if she finds out, he said, so what. I've slept at his house when the wife was living down the shore for the summer. I was always there when he talked to her on the phone. He spent his birthdays with me. I just have a feeling she knows he's cheating, but doesn't care. She may be cheating as well Link to post Share on other sites
RedRose73 Posted February 13, 2006 Share Posted February 13, 2006 Yes i have said that to my ex MM, but he said no i doubt it but u never know. He told me a story that happened years ago that he cheated one night with this woman & he came home & his wife asked him what was all over his collar. It was lipstick. He said i don't know, must be pen. & she said oh, & just walked away! HELLO!!!@ Link to post Share on other sites
cal gal Posted February 13, 2006 Share Posted February 13, 2006 Hello - and you want to TRY to love a lying sack of sh*t like that? COME ON - why don't you think you deserve better than that? Link to post Share on other sites
erika2610 Posted February 13, 2006 Share Posted February 13, 2006 My ex-MM wife found out. I worked with him, and he came in one day and told me somebody from work called and left her a message about what was going on. Luckily he got home first and erased the message, but I think they finally got a hold of her. (Sadly it was somebody who was supposed to be my best friend).. but anyways, what I got was $1000 wirth of vandalism to my car. Key marks, holes in my bumper from I think a screwdriver, and a cracked windshield.. Link to post Share on other sites
mopar crazy Posted February 14, 2006 Share Posted February 14, 2006 My ex-MM wife found out. I worked with him, and he came in one day and told me somebody from work called and left her a message about what was going on. Luckily he got home first and erased the message, but I think they finally got a hold of her. (Sadly it was somebody who was supposed to be my best friend).. but anyways, what I got was $1000 wirth of vandalism to my car. Key marks, holes in my bumper from I think a screwdriver, and a cracked windshield.. WOW Erika! Sorry she trashed your car like that. The thoughts of doing the samething, but even more damage, crossed my mind but I figure it was an immature thing to do. Not to mention I would probably go to jail. Anyhow, SL I found out about my H's A from some friends that either worked w/ H and the exOW or who had H's that worked there. Even the exOW H told me what was going on. When I confronted the exOW she denied it, said they were friends. She wouldn't have gained anything about telling me the truth, in fact she would of probably just pi$$ed my H off for telling me. He would of probably broke it off w/ her b/c I wasn't very nice to him when I found out the truth. And besides she knew we were having M problems and the M was ending, or so we both thought, H was having second thoughts. Link to post Share on other sites
LucreziaBorgia Posted February 14, 2006 Share Posted February 14, 2006 Hi NO my ex MM's ... Is this you, Marie? What happened with you and MM? Link to post Share on other sites
erika2610 Posted February 14, 2006 Share Posted February 14, 2006 Is this you, Marie? What happened with you and MM? That's her.. and I think she finally smartened up. Link to post Share on other sites
LucreziaBorgia Posted February 14, 2006 Share Posted February 14, 2006 That's her.. and I think she finally smartened up. Gotcha. I just read some other threads. Link to post Share on other sites
Author scarletletter Posted February 14, 2006 Author Share Posted February 14, 2006 I think maybe the wives just don't want to admit defeat or something? Is that why they keep the cheating husband around? Not that there is any competition when you are trying to be secretive but there I think there is always that yearning for the wife to find out....you know, the "I'll show HER" attitude. I don't know why the OW would ever want to tell the wife because that is just going to cause nothing but BIG trouble. I think having a relationship with a MM is trouble enough! I guess the feeling of possesiveness really gets into some OW and they can't stand the thought of someone else sharing their man's life. These men!!! They sure have it made it would seem. Link to post Share on other sites
AnchorManagement Posted February 14, 2006 Share Posted February 14, 2006 Anyone who thinks men "have it made" by virtue of their gender has obviously never been a man. Link to post Share on other sites
Author scarletletter Posted February 14, 2006 Author Share Posted February 14, 2006 okay, okay...a little man-bashing there....my apologies! Link to post Share on other sites
RedRose73 Posted February 14, 2006 Share Posted February 14, 2006 Yes Lucr, its me! Yes u all were right Please see my post titled: "ended a 3 year affair" Link to post Share on other sites
mopar crazy Posted February 14, 2006 Share Posted February 14, 2006 I think maybe the wives just don't want to admit defeat or something? Is that why they keep the cheating husband around? Not that there is any competition when you are trying to be secretive but there I think there is always that yearning for the wife to find out....you know, the "I'll show HER" attitude. I don't know why the OW would ever want to tell the wife because that is just going to cause nothing but BIG trouble. I think having a relationship with a MM is trouble enough! I guess the feeling of possesiveness really gets into some OW and they can't stand the thought of someone else sharing their man's life. These men!!! They sure have it made it would seem. I'll admit, I didn't want to admit that I had been "defeated." I didn't want my H to be w/ the exOW and I was stupid and tried making him realize what he was missing out on if he went w/ her. But the more information I got, the more I realized that I wasn't going to put up w/ it anymore. I decided if he wanted her he could have her and I was no longer going to try to "win" him back. I went on w/ my life, tried to be happy but it was hard. My self-esteem was so low b/c the exOW wasn't as attractive as me and I was just shocked that he wanted to end our M b/c of her. I think H loved the attention she gave him and they didn't have the stress of M, children, a morgage, bills ect. It was fun for them. They could see eachother when they wanted, didn't have to worry about the every day stress of M life, bills, and parenting. It was a fantasy. He realized that the exOW wasn't what he really wanted after all. Too bad it took their A to realize she wasn't what he wanted. Link to post Share on other sites
Author scarletletter Posted February 14, 2006 Author Share Posted February 14, 2006 Mopar..are you still with your husband now? What ever happened to the OW? Link to post Share on other sites
mopar crazy Posted February 14, 2006 Share Posted February 14, 2006 Mopar..are you still with your husband now? What ever happened to the OW? Yes, my H and I are still together. It's been almost 3 years since I found out about their A. As far as I know about the exOW she is still living in the same town where we lived. About a week after H broke it off w/ her she started dating another co-worker. They were together about 2 years and he broke it off w/ her. She works for a different company and is dating. She was also M when her and H had their A. They are D now. She filed for a D from him a week after my H filed from me. Yes, my H filed for a D but less than a week after he filed he called me and said he made a mistake and thought we could work on the M but he continued to see the OW. Typical cake eater Link to post Share on other sites
Author scarletletter Posted February 14, 2006 Author Share Posted February 14, 2006 If you don't mind me asking, I don't know that I would ever take my h back after he cheated. Of course, maybe he has and I don't know it...who knows. I don't know if I could live with that day in and day out ..thinking about him with another woman behind my back. You must have really wanted to work this out and loved him more than being affected by the betrayal? Do you trust him now? Link to post Share on other sites
mopar crazy Posted February 14, 2006 Share Posted February 14, 2006 If you don't mind me asking, I don't know that I would ever take my h back after he cheated. Of course, maybe he has and I don't know it...who knows. I don't know if I could live with that day in and day out ..thinking about him with another woman behind my back. You must have really wanted to work this out and loved him more than being affected by the betrayal? Do you trust him now? I thought the very same thing. I even told him if he ever had an A he would be out the door so fast his head would spin, my exact words, lol. I didn't think he would actually ever have an A. I knew many women flirted w/ him, but I trusted him w/ all my heart that he would never cheat on me. Believe me it was hard taking him back. I did a lot of praying, a lot of crying, and a lot of thinking not knowing if I should take him back, I was so confused. I talked w/ my parents a lot about it. Since they are Christians I knew that they would give me the best advice. I went to IC to figure out what I should do. It took awhile to decide. I told H I would try and make the M work but if I couldn't handle it I was going to persue the D (I had a lawyer also.) We stayed seperated for a few months and he continued to work w/ the exOW. It was hard knowing he still worked w/ her. It was even worse b/c our children and I lived 90 miles away from them and not knowing if he was still seeing her and continuing to lie weighed on my mind on a daily basis. I don't trust him as much as I did b4, he screwed that up when he had the A. I still get jealous when women say hello to him. There is a young woman that works at the video store that is extra nice to him, doing little favors for him. She knew he was M b/c our names are on a joint acct. One day I went in to rent some movies and she was working. She was very nice and was chatting w/ me until I gave her the check. She said "Oh, your A's W?" She stopped chatting after that, lol. Link to post Share on other sites
Author scarletletter Posted February 14, 2006 Author Share Posted February 14, 2006 mopar, you are clearly a bigger woman than most. I commend you for being so strong and hanging onto what you want. If i were in that position, I would probably wear myself out worrying about him cheating again and wondering which woman in the community was "her". He clearly must love you. Link to post Share on other sites
foolinlove Posted February 14, 2006 Share Posted February 14, 2006 W found out by carelessness of the MM. I was always very careful not to leave my number on their phone without blocking it, calling while she was home, seeing him when I knew she would be around. He on the other hand was not so careful, and sometimes I wonder if it wasn't on purpose. The first time she found out she hacked his email account and found some very suggesting pictures of myself. First D-day! she did not call me. The next time he left my number on redial. Second D-day....she did call me. 3rd time he left a calling card in his wallet he used to call me. 4th time she found my number when she *69'ed his phone in his new place after she broke in. She called me again. Now he is moved out, filing for divorce and basically trying to make his life hell. Link to post Share on other sites
Curmudgeon Posted February 14, 2006 Share Posted February 14, 2006 So I have to ask, if he continued to see the OW, why are you still together? Tell me to mind my own business if you wish to, and I will. Link to post Share on other sites
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