I guess after all, I cheated.....

[Groovy]

I was a party girl this weekend and hopped in bed with a co-worker called M. The bad part is I have a new relationship of 6 weeks with T. I was pretty sober when I slept with my co-worker, maybe buzzed. After I slept with this co-worker and he left, T showed up. I barely got the condom off the floor next to the bed from my co-worker, who almost seemed to purposefully leave it there instead of the garbage. I also had to get KY out of the living room and he left his sock too. T had been drinking and I knew that would not be a good combo. He gets jealous for no reason, let alone having one.

 

T went down on me twice and slept next to me all night and down on me in the morning. I don't know why it took me 2 days to feel bad about my actions. I'm usually better than this and have never cheated.

 

T and I haven't had intercourse yet but have enjoy oral. I have said I'm not seeing anyone, after I decided to stop dating others. I know he got upset over me dating others after about a month of dating and 4 months of friendship. He just seemed happy I was not seeing anyone else when I told him. He told me he doesn't normally date.

 

I like a lot about T. I love having him sleep next to me. Unfortunately the night of me playing games he said "I love you" in his sleep. I panicked but then he was snoring and stuck his arm over my face and I realized it may not be me. Feelings are sentimental with T and with M they were just sexual. And here I am talking like a guy. Ugggh....

 

T has been drinking a lot and I think I feel bitter because he could be perfect. But drinking he tends to neglect me, argue and act unresponsible because of it sometimes. And M knew I was mad that night and told me what he thought of T to not give me more attention. T seems to have performance issues too, so that's another thing to send me to someone who isn't there emotionally but physically. (And I know M was there for it physically). I care about him so figure in time maybe that will go away. We have not had sex yet but occurrences say that may not be possible. Additionally I was engaged 5 months ago and I wonder if maybe I am more angry it didn't work out then I care to admit. I have never shed a tear over the break up. My friend thinks I am trying to ruin things with T because he is not the right guy for me. I am not sure what I think right now. Sometimes he feels really good and I think I should appreciate him for what he has to offer. But then like I said his drinking seems to throw things off balance a bit.

 

Anyway, I am just putting something out there I can't tell my friends because I feel like such an idiot. Thanks guys.....

[THX2000]

I was a party girl this weekend and hopped in bed with a co-worker called M. The bad part is I have a new relationship of 6 weeks with T. I was pretty sober when I slept with my co-worker, maybe buzzed. After I slept with this co-worker and he left, T showed up. I barely got the condom off the floor next to the bed from my co-worker, who almost seemed to purposefully leave it there instead of the garbage. I also had to get KY out of the living room and he left his sock too. T had been drinking and I knew that would not be a good combo. He gets jealous for no reason, let alone having one.

 

T went down on me twice and slept next to me all night and down on me in the morning. I don't know why it took me 2 days to feel bad about my actions. I'm usually better than this and have never cheated.

 

T and I haven't had intercourse yet but have enjoy oral. I have said I'm not seeing anyone, after I decided to stop dating others. I know he got upset over me dating others after about a month of dating and 4 months of friendship. He just seemed happy I was not seeing anyone else when I told him. He told me he doesn't normally date.

 

I like a lot about T. I love having him sleep next to me. Unfortunately the night of me playing games he said "I love you" in his sleep. I panicked but then he was snoring and stuck his arm over my face and I realized it may not be me. Feelings are sentimental with T and with M they were just sexual. And here I am talking like a guy. Ugggh....

 

T has been drinking a lot and I think I feel bitter because he could be perfect. But drinking he tends to neglect me, argue and act unresponsible because of it sometimes. And M knew I was mad that night and told me what he thought of T to not give me more attention. T seems to have performance issues too, so that's another thing to send me to someone who isn't there emotionally but physically. (And I know M was there for it physically). I care about him so figure in time maybe that will go away. We have not had sex yet but occurrences say that may not be possible. Additionally I was engaged 5 months ago and I wonder if maybe I am more angry it didn't work out then I care to admit. I have never shed a tear over the break up. My friend thinks I am trying to ruin things with T because he is not the right guy for me. I am not sure what I think right now. Sometimes he feels really good and I think I should appreciate him for what he has to offer. But then like I said his drinking seems to throw things off balance a bit.

 

Anyway, I am just putting something out there I can't tell my friends because I feel like such an idiot. Thanks guys.....

 

Holy **** Groovy. Don't take this as an insult but you are a train wreck here. I think you need to not be with anyone for a while until you get your head on straight. To allow "T" to go down on you hours after you cheated on him with another man is simply disgusting. Do you realize that? Not to mention that you are putting his health at risk regardless if you are having "safer" sex or not. Add to that the fact that you were engaged a mere five months ago and I don't think you are emotionally ready to be in a relationship. Think about it.

[Bryanp]

How would you feel if the roles were reversed and T did to you what you did to him? If you have any sense of respect for T you will tell him the truth and allow him the opportunity to decide what he wishes to do. What you did to him shows total disrespect and distain for your boyfriend and your relationship. Where is your heart? Nobody deserves what you did to him.

[Groovy]

It's a fair reply, but what was I going to do, say "don't go down on me, I was with another guy" to drunk and jealous T. I'm sorry no matter how nice a guy is, if he is drunk I make sure to avoid a scene because any guy can be shifty. If I rejected that offer he'd know something was up. To know would only hurt him and I don't want to do that. So I did what I thought was best, act like it never happened.

 

Your right, a lot of this is a mess and it is disgusting. Obviously if I cheated then there are things about us that don't feel right. I need to decide what is causing me to invalidate this relationship and talk about it with him. I don't need to tell him I cheated but get to the root of my issues and be honest with myself.

 

My fiance and I split because he was a gold digger and my feelings were pretty clear of a "hell no" feeling blessed it didn't happen. But I do need to make sure I am with T because of who he is and not to be with someone. A mistake women make whether they are single, married or divorced. It's not fair to him and regardless of what he does or doesn't do, no one needs to be living life like that and it's unhealthy for us both.

 

I'm in my 30's and have never cheated and I don't think I ever will again. We haven't been together long but it was still wrong.

[Groovy]

Of course I would be hurt if T did this to me. Why tell someone something that will only hurt them? If your sorry and knew it was wrong what, tell me honestly benefit is there? Sure there is honesty but there come a lot more cons, not for me but for him.

 

About 3 weeks ago when I was dating others and T knew, he did tell me he fooled around sexually with his ex the first week or two we met. But I couldn't get mad when I was dating others, though it didn't go past kissing for me with anyone. I have no proof he doesn't still mess around with her.

 

In the beginning of 2 people getting to know each other we make some bad judgements. All we can do is recognize our mistakes, try to understand why it happens and face the issue in the way that benefits others the most.

[Guest]

I would say this "relationship" with T is doomed....You two REALLY do not have much to go on....I know if I was dating a girl "exclusively" for 6 weeks, I wouldn't even think about banging another girl......After 6 weeks??? You must really like him....

[Starfish]

 

Sure there is honesty but there come a lot more cons, not for me but for him.

 

All we can do is recognize our mistakes, try to understand why it happens and face the issue in the way that benefits others the most.

 

 

I really must say that, as afraid as you may be of how he'll react, how you'll hurt him by telling him, etc., honesty truly is the best policy. I say this as the person that was cheated on. Granted, the circumstances were different, we were together for a longer period of time. However, I can say that I almost would have been better able to deal with him having cheated on me if he had come clean about it right away. Instead, he lied to me for many months and did lots of projecting and manipulating.

 

My point is that you don't quite know what you want with this guy. So, in the case that you do want to keep him in your life, come clean. You run the risk of him finding out at a later date which would only hurt him more. You want to face the issue in the way that benefits him the most? Do what's fair to HIM. Suck up your fears and your worries and whatever else you're feeling that's keeping you from being truthful, and show some consideration and respect for him by telling him the truth.

[Groovy]

I think his drinking has caused a lot of dissatifaction and more than likely he won't quit so I will say good bye on that basis sometime in the next week or so. As it has caused me to be angry enough to do this and this has been a red flag to myself.

 

Yes you are right, dating someone for 1 1/2 months is not the same. I can honestly say I'm sure some men have fooled around in the beginning while telling me they were committed to me. And if they knew they were wrong and planned not to do it again I would not mind it being unknown. I would be upset finding out by accident but I haven't even told my girlfriends and these guys live in different cities and have no paths to cross really.

 

If I was in love with the man and we had been together at least for a few months than I could see the point people are trying to make. Trust me I am not afraid of losing him as I probably will over the talk I'm going to have. I am more concerned about hurting him in no way that benefits him.

 

I guess if I learned anything I learned I am not with the right person for me.

[BlahBlahQueen]

How would you feel if the roles were reversed and T did to you what you did to him? If you have any sense of respect for T you will tell him the truth and allow him the opportunity to decide what he wishes to do. What you did to him shows total disrespect and distain for your boyfriend and your relationship. Where is your heart? Nobody deserves what you did to him.

 

The textbook response; in fact, I think it was copied and pasted from about 5,000 other LS infidelity threads. I'm sick of hearing it - be a little more creative, will you?

[barfool]

I am more concerned about hurting him in no way that benefits him.

 

When you do have your talk with him make sure that you mention his drinking problem and how it effects you. Having him see these consequences of his actions will hopefully benefit him.

 

I would say that whether you are in a relationship that you love the person or not as long as you respect the person and yourself then they deserve to know the truth.

[Spectre]

The textbook response; in fact, I think it was copied and pasted from about 5,000 other LS infidelity threads. I'm sick of hearing it - be a little more creative, will you?

 

 

Why? This is a textbook thread, just like all the others. Chick wants to have her cake, eat it too, and make excuses for skeezy behavior. Why in gods name does she deserve creativity? heres some: She let her bf go down on her a couple hours after she banged some guy? thats so gross I feel like im gonna get an std simply from reading words this girl types. Now, how was that? up to your standard? dont want the threads about people blatantly cheating and disrespecting people who care about them to get dull and boring right?

 

 

As to the OP, just leave your bf, christ's sake. You cheated, if you dont have the balls to fess up, atleast have the balls to get away from this guy, he deserves better. Hell i'd be a heavy drinker too if i was with a chick who could screw some guy and then let me lick her hours later. Its funny cuz you said "what should i of done, say dont go down on me" well, you sure are providing an ample amount of excuses for this thread, but you cant give one to your bf about the lick you in a place where anothers man penis was hours earlier? this is seriously one big joke, i cant believe people actually treat people they care for like this

[tanbark813]

It's a fair reply, but what was I going to do, say "don't go down on me, I was with another guy" to drunk and jealous T. I'm sorry no matter how nice a guy is, if he is drunk I make sure to avoid a scene because any guy can be shifty. If I rejected that offer he'd know something was up. To know would only hurt him and I don't want to do that. So I did what I thought was best, act like it never happened.

 

However hurt or mad he would have been if you told him beforehand, it's going to be nothing compared to when he finds out after the fact.

[amerikajin]

Groovy,

 

I don't think you necessarily have to tell anyone anything you don't want to; I definitely do think you need to get out of the relationship and any further romantic entanglements and take a time-out from dating. You're still dealing from residual from your ex and that's only going to cause more problems for you and anyone you date.

 

Get out. Take a hard look at why things aren't working out in your relationships. Then get back in when you've had time to evaluate people (and yourself) more objectively.

[Bryanp]

I don't understand why you did not tell T that you were sufferring from a severe yeast infection and severe cramps and bleeding. I believe most men would have not proceeded.

 

To Blah Blah Queen - The reason I continue to ask people how they would feel if the roles were reversed is because most cheaters simply never consider it. It is an attempt to bring to them a shot of reality to them. I am sorry it does not mean your standards as what should be said. If you do not like what I write then simply do not read it. Nobody is putting a gun to your head.

[hooghie]

I agree with those who say you need a break. You should spend some time enjoying being single. It doesn't sound like T is right for you and you haven't been in it long enough to force it work out.

 

What you did was obviously wrong and I think you know that, but it could have happened to anyone- even those on this site condemning your actions.

[Groovy]

The reason I didn't use the period excuse is he remembers when I had it and it's nowhere due. I used to read threads that once a cheater always a cheater. I disgaree now because I am not doing it again and I have never before in my 33 years of living. Listening to myself I realized I do need to get out of the relationship and talk about things that are getting in the way of it for the both of us.

[blind_otter]

Groovy,

 

I don't think you necessarily have to tell anyone anything you don't want to; I definitely do think you need to get out of the relationship and any further romantic entanglements and take a time-out from dating. You're still dealing from residual from your ex and that's only going to cause more problems for you and anyone you date.

 

Get out. Take a hard look at why things aren't working out in your relationships. Then get back in when you've had time to evaluate people (and yourself) more objectively.

 

I agree with Amer.

 

Personally I don't know why people want to know, after a relationship is over, if you cheated or not. I found out my psycho ex cheated on me numerous times after we broke up. Ya know what? I DID NOT want to know and I was PISSED that I found out.

 

I've cheated as well. And I agree that at the time if your partner is drunk (or otherwise intoxicated, snort) -- leave it the hell alone. Or, he could go crazy and beat you up. It's happened to me (under varying circumstances) more times than I care to admit. With a lot more frequency than the nonviolent response.

[Bryanp]

Again I cannot imagine any guy wanting to go down on a woman after she told him she is sufferring from a severe yeast infection. I think most guys would run for the hills. Am I wrong? It seems like you could have used that for an excuse.

[BlahBlahQueen]

Yeah, but what woman would actually have the balls to use that one?!

[TeaCooler]

Of course I would be hurt if T did this to me. Why tell someone something that will only hurt them? If your sorry and knew it was wrong what, tell me honestly benefit is there?

 

 

because the person who was cheated on has the right to know the truth and to decide if the relationship is worth working through.

 

but if this isn't your boyfriend, you're "seeing" or "dating" him, it's not really cheating...it is doing something that the person you're seeing doesn't like though, so if you're not telling him about it, it is dishonest, which isn't good in any relationship at any time.

 

if you're planning on dating/seeing/partaking in sexual activities with more than one person at a time, you should make it clear that you are doing so (not graphically) so they know what to expect, and so you know that you are free to do what you want...but not at the expense of others' feelings. then, if either party is unhappy, the choice is there to opt out.

[Cecelius]

I was a party girl this weekend and hopped in bed with a co-worker called M. The bad part is I have a new relationship of 6 weeks with T. I was pretty sober when I slept with my co-worker, maybe buzzed. After I slept with this co-worker and he left, T showed up. I barely got the condom off the floor next to the bed from my co-worker, who almost seemed to purposefully leave it there instead of the garbage. I also had to get KY out of the living room and he left his sock too. T had been drinking and I knew that would not be a good combo. He gets jealous for no reason, let alone having one.

 

T went down on me twice and slept next to me all night and down on me in the morning.

 

T, you poor bast--d.

 

Wow, as a guy I'd be floored -- even if there's no exclusivity, I'd just be so put off by having sunk my face into another guy's stuff (that you work with no less)...

 

I would frankly just do T a favor and shut it down now. If he finds out, ever (and people do) you will be in for a world of bad feelings

[Cecelius]

Of course I would be hurt if T did this to me. Why tell someone something that will only hurt them? If your sorry and knew it was wrong what, tell me honestly benefit is there? Sure there is honesty but there come a lot more cons, not for me but for him.

 

THIS I completely disagree with. What happened, whether you were in your right mind or not, is about the worst thing that can happen to a guy -- humiliating, debilitating, etc. It is stories like this and that possiblity that someone wouldn't disclose it that reminds me never, ever to become legally or financially tied to someone. Stories like these -- wow, reminds you that you always need to be able to walk away.

 

These things always come out in the end.

[blind_otter]

THIS I completely disagree with. What happened, whether you were in your right mind or not, is about the worst thing that can happen to a guy -- humiliating, debilitating, etc. It is stories like this and that possiblity that someone wouldn't disclose it that reminds me never, ever to become legally or financially tied to someone. Stories like these -- wow, reminds you that you always need to be able to walk away.

 

These things always come out in the end.

 

This can be a justification for putting up an emotional wall that keeps everything - even the positive things - at arm's length.

 

I've done it myself and once you get that way, sometimes it's virtually impossible to reconnect. On one hand, you should always protect yourself. I've used that excuse to justify isolating myself a million times. It was a reason to protect myself at first, but as I get older I find that now, even when I want to reach out and connect, I just can't. The habit is deply engrained now.

 

And instead of feeling anything, protected, secure, whatever it was that I was seeking by doing this initially - I just feel nothing.

[Groovy]

O.K, well I have thought about it and what I did was awful. But some people here need to chill out. We do not refer to each other as a boyfriend or a girlfriend. I stated I was "not dating anyone at the time" but never said that it wouldn't change. Nor did he ever tell me he was exclusively seeing me. So please stop acting like I screwed some guy with my husband and kids at home. It is gross he went down on me after I have sex with someone. But he has engaged in group sex years ago so I am sure he has come to closer contact than that night of unawareness.

 

It was one night, not an affair carried over months while I shove my conscious back. It bothered me enough to make a post after 1 night. Why I didn't tell him I was on the rag? Well I told him my brother was spending the night on my couch because his lease expired. (Which was true). And he still wanted to make out and sleep over- so whatever, I tried. It's not like I looked for it to happen.

 

And I'm not stupid enough to tell some guy who can be a bit tempermental about what I did. When he is fully loaded on booze that I have only dated for 6 weeks. Part of the reason I was angry enough to do this is his jealousy and drinking that can hurt. I have seen him drunk almost come to blows with someone. I do not need to be hit or see some guy get hit. I was "getting to know" him and don't need to see what kind of reaction I'd get alone in my house. Just being intimidated taht may occur is a red flag to leave it all. But maybe you people think I deserve to have the crap beat out of me and that saying good bye to him, introspecting and letting go of the relationship isn't good enough.

[amerikajin]

Groovy,

 

You just need to get out of the relationship and stop dating until you know what you want and expect from a relationship, and do this immediately. Period.