Married Man Scenario

[erika2610]

Please, knock some sense in me!! I know hes w/wifey poo... BUT, I talked to him today ( HE ANSWERED) & we we're gonna go out.. but then he shut his phone off.. that is b/c his wife was there??? Definitley?? Stupid me is thinking... "he doesn't want me!" How pathetic.... What do you think?

 

You've read so many posts here about why it's not a good idea. Like Cal Gal said, is this what you want? Because there are going to be plenty more of these times. He wife was probably with him. Why would you want to get yourself into this after reading what pain people go through because of these affairs? He will call you when it's convenient for him.

[For You I Will]

Ok. Thank you

[erika2610]

Ok. Thank you

 

You should think about it look and hard before you continue the Affair. Are you emotionally ready to handle it? Not being able to call him when you want to? Not being able to see him whenever you want to? You probably won't get him for Holidays or birthdays. You can't just pop over his house whenever you want to. You'll be sitting at home on weekends waiting for his call, whenever he can get away from the Wife. Is that really what you want?

[For You I Will]

No that isn't what I want. He shut his phone off...& yet Iam mad at him...but I have no right. I'll see him at work this weekend... how should i act?? Should I say "What happened?" or should i let him know that Im mad??

[erika2610]

No that isn't what I want. He shut his phone off...& yet Iam mad at him...but I have no right. I'll see him at work this weekend... how should i act?? Should I say "What happened?" or should i let him know that Im mad??

 

If you want to, ask him what happened.. but you're right, you have no right to be mad. Something could've come up I guess. You deserve better than this though.. everybody does. You deserve somebody who can give more like Sami D said..

[For You I Will]

Something could've come up I guess. ..

 

 

Wow... really?? Thats what I would have thought.... BUT YOU KNOW ITS THE W!!! I can't wait to tell you what he says!! It shall be interesting.. Iam even in suspense... I just want to see what his excuse is so I can laugh about it...& feel better about the situation. Like I said.. I WILL NOT (from this point forward) have ANY REAL feelings toward my MM. Im pushing & blocking him away....Its my best bet... If any girl is like me.. & falls quickly....please listen!!

 

If it hurts to love him...then why should you???? Chill w/friends!! Go to Karaoke Bars!!! (I lOve it!!) Drink some wine & be w/people you LOVE!!! <3

[erika2610]

Wow... really?? Thats what I would have thought.... BUT YOU KNOW ITS THE W!!! I can't wait to tell you what he says!! It shall be interesting.. Iam even in suspense... I just want to see what his excuse is so I can laugh about it...& feel better about the situation. Like I said.. I WILL NOT (from this point forward) have ANY REAL feelings toward my MM. Im pushing & blocking him away....Its my best bet... If any girl is like me.. & falls quickly....please listen!!

 

If it hurts to love him...then why should you???? Chill w/friends!! Go to Karaoke Bars!!! (I lOve it!!) Drink some wine & be w/people you LOVE!!! <3

 

Good luck not developing feelings for him..

[LucreziaBorgia]

1. He shut his phone off...& yet Iam mad at him...but I have no right.

2. I'll see him at work this weekend... how should i act??

3. Should I say "What happened?" or should i let him know that Im mad??

 

1. Everyone has a right to hurt and anger. In this context however, your rights only extend to your own private hurt and anger. I'll explain why in a second.

 

2. How to act? Pretend it didn't happen. Be happy to see him. Do not nag, cry, complain or even mention it. Why? I'll explain next.

 

3. Nope. And here's why. As an OW - and I'm assuming you are choosing this and will stick with it - you have to understand one very important thing. You have a place in this man's life and your place has some very specific boundaries. He probably sees himself as getting enough of the nagging/anger/negative things at home (even if it isn't true, if he perceives it that way it may as well be true in this case) and does not under any circumstances want that from you. You are the escape from that. So what does that mean?

 

It means bottle it up, sister and hide it from him if you want him to stay happy with you. You have to put on a happy face and always be happy to see him, because that is part of his fantasy role he has with you. A worshipful, content happy woman who apparently has no needs of her own outside of pleasing her man. I bet you he doesn't see his wife that way, and it is your role to be that other woman - the one who has that idealized role to fill. Another part of your role is convenience. It is not convenient for you to be making the contact here. He has to contact you, on his own time, when it is convenient for him to do so. Any contact by you could come at an inconvenient time (meaning he could get caught) - so put down that phone. Let him contact you. Do not ask to see him, unless you are 100% sure that he would be seeing you at that time anyway. Remember: convenience.

 

Sounds pretty 'happy', eh? I can guarantee you he'll be happy if you follow this, but that means you'll have to sacrifice your own happiness to be the fantasy that keeps him happy. I expect you'll find happiness here and there, but understand that he has a specific place for you in his heart and mind and it is only a partial sort of existance done entirely on his whim and at his convenience.

 

As soon as you start making things inconvenient or expressing too many needs in terms of what you want from the relationship, you'll notice he'll have less time for you and his 'happiness' will diminish in direct proportion to you trying to struggle to make your own happiness increase in this relationship. If you want to be a "happy" OW, you'll have to think hard about your choices here. You can't have a regular relationship with him and exect the same things as you would get from a regular relationship. The guy is married, after all. That means you'll have to lower your expectations accordingly.

 

Is that your choice?

[erika2610]

1. Everyone has a right to hurt and anger. In this context however, your rights only extend to your own private hurt and anger. I'll explain why in a second.

 

2. How to act? Pretend it didn't happen. Be happy to see him. Do not nag, cry, complain or even mention it. Why? I'll explain next.

 

3. Nope. And here's why. As an OW - and I'm assuming you are choosing this and will stick with it - you have to understand one very important thing. You have a place in this man's life and your place has some very specific boundaries. He probably sees himself as getting enough of the nagging/anger/negative things at home (even if it isn't true, if he perceives it that way it may as well be true in this case) and does not under any circumstances want that from you. You are the escape from that. So what does that mean?

 

It means bottle it up, sister and hide it from him if you want him to stay happy with you. You have to put on a happy face and always be happy to see him, because that is part of his fantasy role he has with you. A worshipful, content happy woman who apparently has no needs of her own outside of pleasing her man. I bet you he doesn't see his wife that way, and it is your role to be that other woman - the one who has that idealized role to fill. Another part of your role is convenience. It is not convenient for you to be making the contact here. He has to contact you, on his own time, when it is convenient for him to do so. Any contact by you could come at an inconvenient time (meaning he could get caught) - so put down that phone. Let him contact you. Do not ask to see him, unless you are 100% sure that he would be seeing you at that time anyway. Remember: convenience.

 

Sounds pretty 'happy', eh? I can guarantee you he'll be happy if you follow this, but that means you'll have to sacrifice your own happiness to be the fantasy that keeps him happy. I expect you'll find happiness here and there, but understand that he has a specific place for you in his heart and mind and it is only a partial sort of existance done entirely on his whim and at his convenience.

 

As soon as you start making things inconvenient or expressing too many needs in terms of what you want from the relationship, you'll notice he'll have less time for you and his 'happiness' will diminish in direct proportion to you trying to struggle to make your own happiness increase in this relationship. If you want to be a "happy" OW, you'll have to think hard about your choices here. You can't have a regular relationship with him and exect the same things as you would get from a regular relationship. The guy is married, after all. That means you'll have to lower your expectations accordingly.

 

Is that your choice?

 

That was a great post LB

[KnowHowLoveFeels]

Yep. I agree, LB.

The OW has no right to her own happiness. Some women can compartmentalize their feelings, but I can't.

[For You I Will]

1. Everyone has a right to hurt and anger. In this context however, your rights only extend to your own private hurt and anger. I'll explain why in a second.

 

2. How to act? Pretend it didn't happen. Be happy to see him. Do not nag, cry, complain or even mention it. Why? I'll explain next.

 

3. Nope. And here's why. As an OW - and I'm assuming you are choosing this and will stick with it - you have to understand one very important thing. You have a place in this man's life and your place has some very specific boundaries. He probably sees himself as getting enough of the nagging/anger/negative things at home (even if it isn't true, if he perceives it that way it may as well be true in this case) and does not under any circumstances want that from you. You are the escape from that. So what does that mean?

 

It means bottle it up, sister and hide it from him if you want him to stay happy with you. You have to put on a happy face and always be happy to see him, because that is part of his fantasy role he has with you. A worshipful, content happy woman who apparently has no needs of her own outside of pleasing her man. I bet you he doesn't see his wife that way, and it is your role to be that other woman - the one who has that idealized role to fill. Another part of your role is convenience. It is not convenient for you to be making the contact here. He has to contact you, on his own time, when it is convenient for him to do so. Any contact by you could come at an inconvenient time (meaning he could get caught) - so put down that phone. Let him contact you. Do not ask to see him, unless you are 100% sure that he would be seeing you at that time anyway. Remember: convenience.

 

Sounds pretty 'happy', eh? I can guarantee you he'll be happy if you follow this, but that means you'll have to sacrifice your own happiness to be the fantasy that keeps him happy. I expect you'll find happiness here and there, but understand that he has a specific place for you in his heart and mind and it is only a partial sort of existance done entirely on his whim and at his convenience.

 

As soon as you start making things inconvenient or expressing too many needs in terms of what you want from the relationship, you'll notice he'll have less time for you and his 'happiness' will diminish in direct proportion to you trying to struggle to make your own happiness increase in this relationship. If you want to be a "happy" OW, you'll have to think hard about your choices here. You can't have a regular relationship with him and exect the same things as you would get from a regular relationship. The guy is married, after all. That means you'll have to lower your expectations accordingly.

 

Is that your choice?

 

Great Advice

[For You I Will]

So, we went out lastnight.. & i found tons of information about his W. I can't believe the amount of hatred he has for her. It did't make me uncomfortable at all. I found myself asking questions about her & wondering why their relationship was so horrible. She says to him that she will "take him for everything that he has" & she will do everything in her power to take his daughter away from him. He grew up w/o a father & he says he doesn't want his daughter too either. He says he doesn't want to take that chance, in the courts. I told him if she did that, she would have to have major evidence that he is a harmful or bad father, which he isnt at all. It is her that is the bad mother. His daughter tells the mother "I dont love you." How sad?!? He says he won't be there forever & eventually he's gonna leave, but isn't that what they all say. I even told him, maybe they should see a therapist & try & work things out. He said, he doesn't want to & that they're relationship was well over before their daughter was born. They got married, b/c she was pregnant.

 

He also says the reason why she calls him 10x in a row & leaves messages, is not b/c she cares & actually wants to know where he is or what hes doing. He said, its b/c she wants to bother him. She wants to yell at him & make his life miserable. He also says they are never intimate & they never have "nice" conversations. Its always her being mad at him, or they just don't speak at all. I can't imagine a woman being like this to her husband, whom they shared vows with & made an oath for eternity. Can a realtionship be this horrible? I have only been seeing my mm for about 2 weeks now. I try & imagine myself in his situation, & I really don't know what I would do. If i was married & had a child, yet I was getting to know another person & developed strong feelings for them, what should happen??

[My_Other_I]

Please, knock some sense in me!! I know hes w/wifey poo... BUT, I talked to him today ( HE ANSWERED) & we we're gonna go out.. but then he shut his phone off.. that is b/c his wife was there??? Definitley?? Stupid me is thinking... "he doesn't want me!" How pathetic.... What do you think?

How does that match what he's told you? About her not careing and her cheating and the marriage being over, blah blah? Do you still believe him?

[For You I Will]

How does that match what he's told you? About her not careing and her cheating and the marriage being over, blah blah? Do you still believe him?

 

I know. I know. Well, I never left him a message that night I called. He says he always shuts his phone off in his house, something about his charger. He says he checks his messages from his house phone & said that I should've left him a message. It sounds shady & I really don't know. But is it wrong if I believe what goes on in his household??

[My_Other_I]

I know. I know. Well, I never left him a message that night I called. He says he always shuts his phone off in his house, something about his charger. He says he checks his messages from his house phone & said that I should've left him a message. It sounds shady & I really don't know. But is it wrong if I believe what goes on in his household??

Well, based on what you've posted so far, he is full of BS. So yes, I wouldn't believe him. His excuses are the lamest excuses I have heard in a long time.

[For You I Will]

I know I shouldn't believe him, but I still want to be around him, & see him on our days off. I feel like there is hope, & it sounds soo absurd. Why do I feel this way? I can't prevent myself from seeing him. It's so easy to write down & say. But once I see him & once we talk, everything negative that I previously thought... disappears. Has anyone felt this way?

[erika2610]

I know I shouldn't believe him, but I still want to be around him, & see him on our days off. I feel like there is hope, & it sounds soo absurd. Why do I feel this way? I can't prevent myself from seeing him. It's so easy to write down & say. But once I see him & once we talk, everything negative that I previously thought... disappears. Has anyone felt this way?

 

We've all felt this way at one time or another I'm sure. But everytime you see him, you just have to remember how he lies to you. How he manipulates you. Do you really want to be with somebody like that? You can't prevent yourself from seeing him at work, but you CAN prevent yourself from seeing him socially. Trust me, I worked with my Ex-MM too..

[For You I Will]

We've all felt this way at one time or another I'm sure. But everytime you see him, you just have to remember how he lies to you. How he manipulates you. Do you really want to be with somebody like that? You can't prevent yourself from seeing him at work, but you CAN prevent yourself from seeing him socially. Trust me, I worked with my Ex-MM too..

 

& how would you go about it?? Would you ignore him?? Would you just not interact w/him?? I don't want things to be different around him... b/c I worked w/ him for 2 years. Could it ever go back to the way it was?

[erika2610]

& how would you go about it?? Would you ignore him?? Would you just not interact w/him?? I don't want things to be different around him... b/c I worked w/ him for 2 years. Could it ever go back to the way it was?

 

It can & it will go back to the way it was.. maybe not right away, but it will. I worked with my MM for years before the whole thing happened.. bout 30 hours a week.. same shift. I was the waitress and he was the cook. I had to see him every single freakin day through the cooks window. It was tough. But luckily I had friends to support me too. I eventually got to the point where I could look at him & not say anything. I would look at him and wonder 'What the hell was I thinking?'. Also poking fun at him helped me get through it alot too

[erika2610]

& how would you go about it?? Would you ignore him?? Would you just not interact w/him?? I don't want things to be different around him... b/c I worked w/ him for 2 years. Could it ever go back to the way it was?

 

Don't totally ignore him, but don't go out of your way to speak to him either. Especially because since he's your boss, you'll have to interact with him to a certain extent. Just try not to talk about personal things. Keep it on a professional level..

[For You I Will]

Well.. not talking to my MM on a personal level hasn't worked. It is extremely difficult to have a limited conversation w/him...I never start the conversation of, "what are you doing later tonight?" He always asks me & I'm always available for him. We even kissed today at work, when I was leaving. I'm getting myself involved, & I know its gonna kick my butt in the end. I guess you have to really WANT to end things. OW have to be strong, for their MM & themselves. I'm starting to get frustrated about his W. He talks about her often & Im beginning to dislike her. I don't want to have those feelings. Only I, will be able to tell myself that I shouldn't be doing this... I just wish I can see it sooner.

[For You I Will]

Ok.. well about a year ago, I told my story of my MM. We ended things about 5 months after they began. So, we dated for about a solid 6 months. During that time, he had called me to meet him at bars, & occasinally I did...& I didn't think anything concrete would come of it. People from work told me "you know his W is pregnant" YEA RIGHT. I never believed it. I even confronted him about it... he denied it of course. Well, Guess What?? I found out that his W had the baby about 2 months ago!!! Which means.... everything he said : "We don't even talk to eachother" "I sleep on the couch" was CRAP!! I just couldn't believe it!!

 

Now, I have a normal relationship w/ a loving man who treats me amazing. I just feel so bad for the OW out there now. Your feelings, your emotions... THEY ARE ALL DOGS! I thought everything that this MM would tell me was the truth. When all the while, he really was making love to her!!! So typical.

 

 

Now, I can go out w/ my boyfriend & feel respected and good about myself. I was emotionally hurt after the whole affair, but i saw the light.. it wasn't healthy for me... b/c in reality it just isn't. Now I have a man who doesn't have limits, restrictions, and most improtantly..... a wife.

 

Read up on my story... hope everyone is doing well!!

[Freedom Now]

Ditto For You I Will....

 

I am going on with my life, too. And it feels great. And I am never looking back. He was an emotional nightmare for me and not worth my energy, efforts, or tears.

 

I am excited about my life now even though for the moment I am alone. And that is ok.

 

Sure beats the heck out of being in a triangular relationship!

 

Good for you!

[outofdarkness]

Iam sorry.. what is an OW?

Hi! An OW means other woman, as in mistress. I will try not to bash you...I am the Wife of a serial cheater. The OW's in my H's life were all told THEY were the only one, and they were all told all sorts of lies about how horrible I was and how bad things were at home. I'm not saying your situation is not as you say, I'm just agreeing with the other posters who suggested that you browse through the infidelity as well as this forum...It seems like so many woman are told the same thing day in and day out. Occasionally you do read a success story on OW, but from what I can tell, it's the exception rather then the rule...You are so young. At least consider getting out of this now before you invest too much of your emotions,etc. in it. He is not showing you very much respect by flaunting your affair in front of coworkers and others. They know he is married, and although they may pretend that they are ok w/ it, my bet is that there's alot of gossip going on behind the scenes...Good luck and I wish you the very best..

[Guest]

Even though he is married, their relationship has been over for a long time now. His wife has affairs & he is well aware of this. He confronts her, yet she denies it. She is figuratively mean to him & is always yelling. He sleeps on the couch & never wants to be around her. Anybody's question would be "Why don't you get a divorce?" Well, his reply is that "it is what it is."

~FallingHard

 

do you know this for a fact? are u friends with the W? do u not realize that guys will say anything to get into ur pants. men love P*ssy so much they are not going to do what doesn't work.