What is it with blokes???

[Disheartened]

Met a someone over the weekend, really nice guy, spent hours chatting with him and though I had found a potential end to single life for a while. Evening ended with us going home together and the rest I'll leave to you imagination. Only afterward does he tell me that he has a girlfriend and baby. I was obviously a little pissed off and disappointed but got the "you don't know the full story" crap. Admittedly I don't , but perhaps it would have been good to tell e a little of the story before allowing me to do something with is against my morals and beliefs.

 

What is it that makes guys think this is OK?

[Tony T]

Not all blokes are like this but some are.

 

But you have to take some responsibility for this situation yourself. While he withheld certain facts that you needed to make your decision on how far to go for the evening, you did not give youself enough time with him to make those determinations accurately for yourself.

 

This is a learning experience for you. The next time, you won't jump to action too quickly. You'll take some time to let your gray matter do some work before you turn it over to your hormones and desires.

 

So tell me, what is it with you females?

[Dishearted]

As I have said, having a pure sex relationship is not against my beliefs. Facilitating infidenlity is. The involving others part is purely relating to 3rd parties. All I am saying is that I made the choice to go home with im without being aware of the full situation. And no, he didn't lie to me. But why would I assume that someone who is being full-on affectionate with me in public (and in his local area-i.e anyone that knew hime would know of his domestic situation) would have a gf and baby at home? Until now i didn't expect to need to question someone's status before things developed further. I guess I've learnt from recent mistakes.

Not all blokes are like this but some are.

 

But you have to take some responsibility for this situation yourself. While he withheld certain facts that you needed to make your decision on how far to go for the evening, you did not give youself enough time with him to make those determinations accurately for yourself. This is a learning experience for you. The next time, you won't jump to action too quickly. You'll take some time to let your gray matter do some work before you turn it over to your hormones and desires. So tell me, what is it with you females?

 

[Curious]

Not all blokes are like this but some are.

 

But you have to take some responsibility for this situation yourself. While he withheld certain facts that you needed to make your decision on how far to go for the evening, you did not give youself enough time with him to make those determinations accurately for yourself. This is a learning experience for you. The next time, you won't jump to action too quickly. You'll take some time to let your gray matter do some work before you turn it over to your hormones and desires. So tell me, what is it with you females?

 

[Dishearted]

this is not about how or when I choose to sleep with people. It is about people compromising my beliefs without giving me the opportunity to make the decision myself. As for diseases, has the issue of contraception even been raised? I'm single and free to do what I choose. He was not.

As I have said, having a pure sex relationship is not against my beliefs. Facilitating infidenlity is. The involving others part is purely relating to 3rd parties. All I am saying is that I made the choice to go home with im without being aware of the full situation. And no, he didn't lie to me. But why would I assume that someone who is being full-on affectionate with me in public (and in his local area-i.e anyone that knew hime would know of his domestic situation) would have a gf and baby at home? Until now i didn't expect to need to question someone's status before things developed further. I guess I've learnt from recent mistakes.

[Tony T]

Each adult is responsible for his or her own health. If a person gets to the age of becomming sexually active and has not be adequately taught the risks associated with sexually tranmitted diseases, that is indeed tragic.

 

If a person does not know how to protect themselves from AIDS and all the other stuff floating around, I don't think I personally would be capable of teaching everyone in the world. I'm not that much of a control freak.

 

Her behavior is totally acceptable is both she and her contemplated partner make full disclosure of exactly where they are coming from sexually. If they don't use protection...well, there's a name for that...sometimes they call it "fatal."

 

I'm not responsible for the behavior of others, only mine. I suppose it's even wrong to judge her behavior except as it might relate to me if she proposed an encounter with me. Since we're an ocean away, that's not likely to happen.

[Ed]

Two or three days is not near enough time to get to know someone. If you are concerned about upholding certain morals and beliefs, you need to take the time to get to know them before possibly doing something that would compromise those beliefs.

 

Given the proper amount of time, you could have let him know more about you and your morals and beliefs. You could have asked him questions to see if he fit into your idea of the kind of guy you want to be with, assuming he is/was being truthful with the answers he gave.

 

I, like you, think it is pretty sorry for a man to be out trying to seduce other women when he already has a "girlfriend", but it happens all the time. For all you knew, this guy could have been married and, who knows, he may be. That's why you need to take time to get to know them first. At least give them time to get caught in a lie.

 

I really wish that this had not happened to you, but you cannot lay the full blame on him. If you want to decrease the chances of something like this happening again, you are going to have to take things a bit slower. Take the time to find out things like - where does he live, who does he live with, is he married, has he ever been married before, does he have children, what are his morals and beliefs, etc., etc.

 

Don't assume that every guy you meet is going to be "up front" with you. If you are concerned about "giving up the goods" to the wrong guy, then you had best take precautions before doing so.

 

Chalk this up to experience. Learn from this and try to do better next time.

[Miss Mojo]

hi disheartened,

 

okay...you're probably not going to like what i'm about to say, but this guy did not MAKE you do anything that you couldn't have said "no" to. i think we all know that once we take our knickers off, things are pretty much headed in one general direction.

 

if this is against your beliefs and morals, then you can only ensure it doesn't happen again by not falling for another guys charm until you have had time to get to know him a whole lot better (and not in the biblical sense). i know, charm can be mesmerising, and some people can meet their dream partner after a one-night stand, but if you don't want a one-night stand, well...don't have one.

 

some guys literally know how to charm the pants off a chick, but on the other hand, some girls know how to charm the pants off a guy. it's not gender specific.

 

just take more time sussing out a guy next time. if you're sure they only want to sleep with you, then you know they're not for you. if they don't put the hard word on you, but want to see you again, then hopefully you're in with a good chance.

[BeenThere]

Had you have taken the time to get to know this person, and the initiative to "ask" him if he was involved (rather than going on your assumptions)...then perhaps you would not have compromised "your own" beliefs. Maybe he all ready had the wrong impression of you because of your willingness to engage in a sexual encounter so soon? How was he to know where you drew the lines if you didn't take time to dicuss it?

 

I understand why you would be upset with him, but you also share in the blame. File this lesson and be more selective about who you choose to sleep with in the future. Perhaps then there will be no "morning after" regrets...

this is not about how or when I choose to sleep with people. It is about people compromising my beliefs without giving me the opportunity to make the decision myself. As for diseases, has the issue of contraception even been raised? I'm single and free to do what I choose. He was not.