Changed behaviour towards females.

[LNY]

Hey all,

 

Didn't really know if this is the right place to where I'm posting this, but it's the closest one I could see fit..

 

Since my ex broke up with me about 9 months ago, my whole attitude on life itself, and females has changed. I havn't exactly turned 'abusive', I've never hit or threatened a girl in any way, and I'm not about to.. I just don't show any respect for females anymore. It's like, I've gone rebellious against them because of how I was treated and how badly I was hurt.

 

Every female that has tried to be part of my life lately, I've pushed them away, and in general... pretty much been an a**h*** towards them. I've basically turned into the stereotypical male 'player' I guess you could say. I've hooked up with plenty of girls, and then left it at that and havn't shown any affection after.

 

Now I know this isn't me, and isn't what will find me love again, but why am I like this now? Why do I now have such a changed attitude towards females? Is it my own insecurities, or scared of being hurt again?

 

What can I do to stop it from being like this, and find a nice girl to settle down with?

 

I still don't think I'm entirely over my ex.. It still hurts to see her out, and I still think about her almost every day, but it's a lot easier now that it was before..

 

Any thoughts be much appreciated.

 

(Mods feel free to move this thread if it needs to be in a different section, just send me a PM so I can locate it.)

[RecordProducer]

Your feelings are normal. I thought all men were a**h***s after my divorce. It takes time to become optimistic about love again. You're still in defense mode from your broken heart. Try to be more friendly to girls and hide your bitterness (it's only temporary anyway). You might meet the right girl and waste the chance by acting improperly.

 

You WILL meet Miss Right sooner or later, don't worry. Don't get frustrated by every failure in your life; look at it from the bright side - as a new beginning and experience. Good luck!

[helena abadi]

LNY - really sounds as though you were very hurt by the break-up, and your subsequent encounters have been devoid of any real emotional connection. you are protecting your bruised heart.

 

and perhaps you are scared of being hurt again. that sounds pretty normal. i would be.

 

it does take a while to recover - takes some people much longer than others. months, years. if you are concerned you are turning into an a**h*** player, why not take a break from the dating scene for a bit? the women you are treating badly may be hurt by your attitude. and clearly you aren't happy with it either.

 

very hurtful break-ups have the potential to color our whole lives. romantic attachments go to the core of our confidence and self-esteem. losing a great love is one of the greatest losses we go thru in our lives.

 

if in several months you do not feel improved - get professional help.

[witabix]

Try not to project your ex onto other women.

 

Realise that that not all people are the same.

 

Read through some of the posts on this site and you will see that there are plenty of women who have been mistreated by men.

 

Neither you nor I would want to be portrayed as the kind of men who would hurt women they way some on LS have ben hurt.

 

You actualy know that this new attitude is counter productive, and its bad for you personally.

 

Helena_Abadi's advice is good, take a break. Recoup and take stock of your attitudes.

 

You will find it easy to go back to being a decent guy, it will make you happier and therefore more fun to be with.

 

Good luck LNY.

[Woggle]

You sound like me after my divorce. This is a stage you might have to go through but when you get out of it you will be a nice guy again but with a much stronger backbone.

[LNY]

Thanks for the advice.

 

Try not to project your ex onto other women.

 

I try not to, but that's easier said than done. Every time I see an attractive female, and find myself about to go talk to her, I'm reluctant, and never do. I always convince myself that she's already a b1tch, and I'm not going to waste my time. Especially ones that have the same body type as my ex, or have similarities.

 

LNY - really sounds as though you were very hurt by the break-up

 

I guess you could say that.

 

your subsequent encounters have been devoid of any real emotional connection. you are protecting your bruised heart. and perhaps you are scared of being hurt again. that sounds pretty normal. i would be.

 

Sounds about right.

 

if you are concerned you are turning into an a**h*** player, why not take a break from the dating scene for a bit? the women you are treating badly may be hurt by your attitude. and clearly you aren't happy with it either.

 

See that's the thing, it's not just the girls that try to get close to me, or try to be attached to me, or girls that I'm 'seeing'... it's every girl in general really.. even friends. When they talk to me, I basically feel that I cbf listening to them, or have any time for them.. and I get irritated with them talking to me quite quickly..

 

[Woggle]

You have to learn not all women are the same. There are bitches and there are ladies and treat them accordingly. Just remove bitches from our of your life and don't treat a lady like a bitch. Stop giving your ex and others so much power over you.

[LNY]

Thanks Woggle, good to see that at the end of it all, there is a nice guy stage left in me, when I get over this period.

 

Stop giving your ex and others so much power over you.

 

How so? I'm not sure I understand what you mean there. How am I giving her power?

[witabix]

Thanks Woggle, good to see that at the end of it all, there is a nice guy stage left in me, when I get over this period.

 

 

 

How so? I'm not sure I understand what you mean there. How am I giving her power?

 

She is, or her memory, is colouring your view of women. That is the power Woggle is talking about. You have to put a stop to this.

[Woggle]

Thanks Woggle, good to see that at the end of it all, there is a nice guy stage left in me, when I get over this period.

 

 

 

How so? I'm not sure I understand what you mean there. How am I giving her power?

 

You are living your life based on what your ex did to you. I did the same and I realized that I was letting her win. As soon as you start living your life without her in mind or her being a factor is when you will take your power back. Also right now it is maybe a good idea to just be by yourself and experience life. Grow a little and stop making other women pay for what your ex did. We as men have all dealt with manhaters who want to wage war on the entire male gender for what one man did and we can't stand those types so why would you wnat to inflict that on an innocent woman?

[LNY]

stop making other women pay for what your ex did. We as men have all dealt with manhaters who want to wage war on the entire male gender for what one man did and we can't stand those types so why would you wnat to inflict that on an innocent woman?

 

You make a good point, thankyou.

 

I guess all in all, it's all a lot easier said than done when you're hurt. When you're the one in the shoes, it's hard to see clearly.

 

I'll try.

[Woggle]

You make a good point, thankyou.

 

I guess all in all, it's all a lot easier said than done when you're hurt. When you're the one in the shoes, it's hard to see clearly.

 

I'll try.

 

Just focus on your self for now and forget abouut your ex. Why obsess over somebody who could care less about you.

[RecordProducer]

good to see that at the end of it all, there is a nice guy stage left in me, when I get over this period.

The phrase "nice guy" is a taboo on Loveshack! We have this commonly accepted (by the male members) mentality that nice guys are wimps and bad guys are cool.

 

If you have any questions, please don't hesitate to contact the manager of our BG department, Mr. Alphamale. He will be glad to give you access to detailed instructions on how to use the assets you (don't) possess in order to achieve best results with the merchandise (the chicks).

[LNY]

The phrase "nice guy" is a taboo on Loveshack! We have this commonly accepted (by the male members) mentality that nice guys are wimps and bad guys are cool.

 

Yeah well, I'm not about to change who I am to impress someone else.. and I'm far from a wimp. Even though I did start this thread because I've been an a**h*** lately, it's just not me. I think I'm just going through the anger stage.

[helena abadi]

and you aren't happy about being an a**h***. that's good, because if you were happy, you wouldn't want to even talk about it. it sounds as tho you want to change your behaviour.

 

when you get irritated by them talking to you too quickly, what other feelings come up for you? do you know why you get irritated? what are they doing that annoys you?

[LNY]

when you get irritated by them talking to you too quickly, what other feelings come up for you? do you know why you get irritated? what are they doing that annoys you?

 

I don't know why I get irritated, I get annoyed quite quickly, and if I don't tell them I have to go, or stop them mid conversation, I even get angry. They don't seem to be doing anything wrong, but yet I still get annoyed. I just find I'm thinking to myself when they are talking to me "this girl is a damn idiot", and such things like that.

 

I almost feel like she's lying to me about whatever she's saying (even though chances are, she's not), or talking $hit. I think that I've just lost all trust in females, and now I don't care what they have to say, nor do I believe what they have to say if I do listen to them.

 

I almost despise all female personalities, in a generalisation. What can I say? Women just $hit me off at the moment.