some advice would be nice please

[Julia]

I have been dating this really terrific guy for around a month now, and have been steadily seeing each other...prolly around 3 days a week, but have contact every day.

 

On saturday night, when I went around to his place we had a few drinks, and halfway through the night, i sat on the couch with him, while our friends were on the other side of the room playing with the computer, when he told me that he loved me.

 

I didnt believe him at first, coz he had been drinking, but he told me at least 15 times, and telling me he really did mean it..and in the morning, i asked him, and he said yes he really did mean it.

 

I was really happy with this, as I had fallen in love with him, and told him that I was in love with him and wanted to be with him....

 

Now all this sounds cozy, but after spending the day together on sunday, and being quite tired, we went to bed, and I found a time to tell him that i loved him, which he replied that he did too...

 

We woke up at 4am, feeling quite frisky, and use your imagination....and after that, after feeling so great, i told him that i loved him (this was at least 6 hours after i last said something) and he just gave me a kiss, and we went to bed again after a couple of hugs.

 

I felt a little hurt by this, and by the fact that after he told me he loved me in the morning, he didnt want to tell me any time, even after our tender time.

 

He then left a message around 11:00am this morning and said thanked me for the weekend, and that he misses me...even though i only saw him at 7....

 

so my questions are:

 

1. Do you think he really meant it?

 

2. Do you think I should not say it for awhile and only wait to when he says it to me...

 

3. Do you think that when I laughed and told him surely he didnt mean it when he first said it, that he may feel uncomfortable now with telling me, even though I only did it so he didnt regret anything he said?

 

Thanks

[arthropod]

as far as the words truly being meant by the guy, that's a tough one. i'd have to guess yes, but with the booze being involved, it's hard to say. then, the next day, he realizes it, then he feels he must say it . . . just one possibility.

 

thing is, EXPECTING to hear the words that everyone wants to hear, is only going to lead to disappointment. they're not ALWAYS going to be said, i mean, how much would it mean then?? this isn't a trade-off kind of thing here, just because you say it, that doesn't mean that he / she must respond to that, and i don't think you can necessarily expect it all the time -- that'll KILL you!

 

if his feelings are true, just wait till the next time he says "i love you" . . . it'll mean the world to you. until then, do and say what you feel.

I have been dating this really terrific guy for around a month now, and have been steadily seeing each other...prolly around 3 days a week, but have contact every day. On saturday night, when I went around to his place we had a few drinks, and halfway through the night, i sat on the couch with him, while our friends were on the other side of the room playing with the computer, when he told me that he loved me. I didnt believe him at first, coz he had been drinking, but he told me at least 15 times, and telling me he really did mean it..and in the morning, i asked him, and he said yes he really did mean it. I was really happy with this, as I had fallen in love with him, and told him that I was in love with him and wanted to be with him.... Now all this sounds cozy, but after spending the day together on sunday, and being quite tired, we went to bed, and I found a time to tell him that i loved him, which he replied that he did too... We woke up at 4am, feeling quite frisky, and use your imagination....and after that, after feeling so great, i told him that i loved him (this was at least 6 hours after i last said something) and he just gave me a kiss, and we went to bed again after a couple of hugs. I felt a little hurt by this, and by the fact that after he told me he loved me in the morning, he didnt want to tell me any time, even after our tender time. He then left a message around 11:00am this morning and said thanked me for the weekend, and that he misses me...even though i only saw him at 7.... so my questions are: 1. Do you think he really meant it? 2. Do you think I should not say it for awhile and only wait to when he says it to me... 3. Do you think that when I laughed and told him surely he didnt mean it when he first said it, that he may feel uncomfortable now with telling me, even though I only did it so he didnt regret anything he said? Thanks

[Artlover]

I think you need not pre-occupy yourself with how often he does or doesn't say "I love you." They're just words anyway. Words we all like to hear, but words nonetheless. Concentrate on how he treats you.

 

Your post sounded like you're testing him. This is dangerous. Relationships need trust and space. Decide now if you want to trust this guy. If you're not sure, then maybe you should take more time to get to know him and re-evaluate your feelings. If you do trust him, however, give the guy breathing room. If he feels like saying "I love you," he will. Otherwise you're just backing him in a corner and soon the words won't mean much of anything. You don't want that do you?

as far as the words truly being meant by the guy, that's a tough one. i'd have to guess yes, but with the booze being involved, it's hard to say. then, the next day, he realizes it, then he feels he must say it . . . just one possibility.

 

thing is, EXPECTING to hear the words that everyone wants to hear, is only going to lead to disappointment. they're not ALWAYS going to be said, i mean, how much would it mean then?? this isn't a trade-off kind of thing here, just because you say it, that doesn't mean that he / she must respond to that, and i don't think you can necessarily expect it all the time -- that'll KILL you! if his feelings are true, just wait till the next time he says "i love you" . . . it'll mean the world to you. until then, do and say what you feel.

[Julia]

I see what you mean.......

 

Of course I trust him....We get along super well, and know I am not testing him.....

 

I was just a little confused.....but im sure more than ever now.....after we had talked for a little bit today

 

Anyway...thanks all

[Julia]

Thankyou for your words

 

I suppose, a female likes to hear those words.....

 

but i have gone without them for ages, and as soon as he says them, ive gone to mush.....along with my brain!

 

I will however continue to love being with guy, and being totally in love with him (which i know i do) and concentrate on the great things he does, which is send me an sms most days to say he is thinking of me.....and by seeing me, and by wanting to go visit my family, and all those wonderful things, which shows me how much he cares....

 

When I get a weak moment.....i will come in here and listen to your wonderful words!

[Lola]

This is exactly how my relationship started. I dated the guy for about 3 weeks (pretty much every day we went out), we had sex, he told me he loved me, I told him I loved him too. At the time I thought I did. DO NOT CONFUSE LOVE AND LUST. I did. It is now two and a half years later, I am still with the guy. I hate it. I can't seem to get out (I know this is my own co-dependent behavior seeping out), but you can before it is too late. Does this guy not have a father figure? Did the father leave when he was little? If he says "I was in a relationship and I got really hurt and I need to know that you are going to be with me forever and never hurt me." LOOK OUT! Please don't get yourself tangled up with a guy that needs to heal himself, you can't do it for him. No matter how much you love him, he will always think that you are going to leave him.

 

About six months after we started dating I bought a house. He begged me until he was blue to move in, finally I got tired of it and gave in. NEVER GIVE IN! (within reason) It will just keep happening. If you do not want to do something, be firm! (of course I am not talking about where to go to dinner, but things like living together, sex... the important things).

 

If this guy is not like this, then he may just be too "young" (maybe not in age, but mentally), to realize that love usually isn't something that happens in 3 weeks, but takes much longer. This is usually lust and insecurity.

 

I wish you all the best.

 

"Lola"

[Julia]

Um....first of all......I have not just been dating him for 3 weeks....

This is exactly how my relationship started. I dated the guy for about 3 weeks (pretty much every day we went out), we had sex, he told me he loved me, I told him I loved him too. At the time I thought I did. DO NOT CONFUSE LOVE AND LUST.

This was at least a week after we had sex. I have been through things many times before, and I know that I am in love.

 

I did. It is now two and a half years later,

I am still with the guy. I hate it. I can't seem to get out (I know this is my own co-dependent behavior seeping out), but you can before it is too late. Does this guy not have a father figure? Did the father leave when he was little? If he says "I was in a relationship and I got really hurt and I need to know that you are going to be with me forever and never hurt me." LOOK OUT! Please don't get yourself tangled up with a guy that needs to heal himself, you can't do it for him. No matter how much you love him, he will always think that you are going to leave him.

Well at the moment, I dont want to think about these things! I believe that I may be with him for a long time....and I know I am strong enough to leave a guy that is not right for me, i have done it before!

 

My boyfriend would never say anything like the sentence you just quoted!

 

About six months after we started dating I bought a house. He begged me until he was blue to move in, finally I got tired of it and gave in. NEVER GIVE IN! (within reason) It will just keep happening. If you do not want to do something, be firm! (of course I am not talking about where to go to dinner, but things like living together, sex... the important things).

I doubt this would be happening, as he already owns his house...and i know when I want to take a commitment further, and at the moment, if he asked me to live with him 5 months down the track, and we were still very much in love, i would move in.....

If this guy is not like this, then he may just be too "young" (maybe not in age, but mentally), to realize that love usually isn't something that happens in 3 weeks, but takes much longer. This is usually lust and insecurity.

No he isnt young....he is 30, and I'm sure that he is mature enough, like myself to know when you really connect with someone, like i have connected with my boyfriend.