How can i catch my dad cheatin on my mam?

[Guest]

Confronting Ur dad must have been hard, because im on two minds whether to confront mine or not. My dad has been cheating for years now, and he hids it so good. My mom doesnt have a clue. I have noticed it a few times, but was only a guess, because he ALWAYS shouts down the phone, and when he is talking to 'her' then he is extremelly quite, and it ALWAYS in the bathroom, wid the door shut. He went up the north one day and left his fone im my house, I had just broken mine, so i put my sim card in his to check for any miss messages. I NEVER knew this but u can c the other persons sent messages through ur sim card, in there fone. I found many messages, and pictures of a woman, which shocked me completely. It still does, and this happened before christmas. I havn't the nerve to say it to any1 im embarrassed. I want to check his fone again, but he guards it.. Its affecting my studies, as im 16 studyin for my leaving cert. P.S. does any1 know anythin that cud help me.....

[nicolette]

I am sorry that you are going through this....I went through the same thing a few years ago with my dad. It's a long story, but basically, I found the emails, found things on his phone, noticed the change in behavior (which made me check things in the first place).

 

I was so completely stressed about saying anything...do I tell mom, do I keep my mouth shut, etc. I ended up not saying anything. Even though it was a horrible thing to do, he was still a great father. I also didn't want to hurt my mother. I was extremely torn! People who have not been through this may think they know what they would do, but once you're in it, you may react differently than you thought you would. That is how I was...before it happened, I would have thought I would tell, but once in the situation, I just couldn't.

 

Well, looking back at it, my mother must have known! During that period of time, they were fighting a lot...about his drinking, and staying out a little late, disconnecting from the family, etc. When I asked my brother about it recently, we both agree that my mother must have known! How could you not under those circumstances listed above?

 

Anyway, like I said, that was years ago...since then, we have moved away and everything is all better. My parents are like their normal selves again and spend so much time together. It ended up working itself out somehow.

 

How long has it been going on with your father? If it has been a while, and there's a change in behavior, maybe your mom knows, or at least is speculating.

 

I got different advice when I was going through it. There were people who said that I should tell, and others who said that it was not my place to say anything...that it was between my parents and something they had to work out. I guess those are the only two options I can think of for you. Hang in there!

[janusp]

i went through the same thing about 15 years ago with a twist, my dad had an office i worked with a woman they had a kid together and i found out.

 

Anyway i was torn for a month my dad somehow knew i knew the week before i broke down and told my mother i found out he told her the week before.

 

So a few years after that i get an email from her saying theres another child, i kept quiet. My parents will be married 40 years next month.

 

The truth is probabably your mother either conciously or subconsciously knows but doesnt want or cant deal with it, so leave it alone, it will work itself out somehow. It took me a while to realize it has nothing do with me in their eyes, but you know and i know in our eyes as the children it is a betrayal because we believe and trust our parent. hope that helps.