Is this girl BF shopping?

[thatsweird]

I met this girl out a couple Thursdays ago @ a bar that offers free dance lessons (she was my dancing partner). I had a great time with her, and I asked for her #.

 

I took her to diner the next following week, she let me pick her up at her place. FWIW... she wasn't really the touchy feely type. During dinner, she mentioned something about how last year her boyfriend did something. At that point, I just assumed she used wrong tense ( i.e. bf vs. ex). I.E. figured she meant ex-bf.

 

I left her VM next day asking her to hang out again, and I thank her for dinner. So we go out Sunday for, she mentions the BF again. Through indirect questioning, I learn that she has a bf, long distnace. Post dinner

we are at a drag show, so I give her a dollar bill (to tip the performer), she doesn't actually grab the bill, but instead she leaves it in my palm and decides to hold my hand instead (she did that a few times later as well). After I run out of bills, I put her hand near her and she has no problem holding it. So we leave and it's somewhat icy, so she immediately decides she's going to lock into my arm so she doesn't fall. I drive her back, thanked her for going out and gave her a kiss on cheek.

 

So...

a). Why didn't she mention it the first night when I asked for her number that she is seeing someone?

 

b). whats up with the touchy feely stuff? while i never kissed her on lips or anything, i'm sure if the BF was standing around she wouldn't be holding my hand, etc.

 

the million dollar question... is the just looking for a friend or is she shopping for a new BF?

 

Thanks in advance for your feedback :-)

[Guest - Tenor]

This is your post and my first post so hopefully you'll get some input from the more experienced posters. I'm trying to register but the powers that be at loveshack haven't sent me the confirming email.

 

Anyway, the boyfriend excuse could be true or it could be false - that is, it could be a means to keep you at bay and under control. For example inhibiting you to a 'nice' peck on the cheek. In my view it doesn't matter either way - once a girl mentions the word 'boyfriend' you have to seriously ask whether you want to pursue her and why you want to pursue her.

 

My action would be to do nothing and let it go. If she contacts you say: "I like you but I don't date girls with boyfriends". You can remove the words "I like you but..." if you prefer. It will probably mean that you never hear from the girl again but so be it. She may even respect you for it (whereas she probably won't if you pursue her further while she has a 'boyfriend'). You've stuck to your principles and in years to come when you review your life that is what is going to make you feel good.

 

If you're wondering why she does what she does it is probably just her expressing a need for attention from her 'long distance boyfriend' (who may not actually be that far away) and she is willing to substitute you to play that role. Don't be too harsh on her, it's very human but if you play that game it exposes you to being manipulated and used.

 

Hopefully alphamale will give you his views.

[Tenorman]

I posted a reply as a guest (Tenor) but it may not have worked. Anyway at the risk of posting the same answer twice:

 

The boyfriend excuse could be true or it could be false. Either way it is probably being used to keep you at bay and under control - for example inhibiting you to a 'nice' peck on the cheek. In my view it does not matter whether it is true or not - once a girl mentions the word 'boyfriend' you have to seriously consider whether you want to continue to pursue her and why you want to.

 

My action would be to do nothing and let it go no matter how much you like the girl. If she contacts you, say: "I like you but I don't date girls with boyfriends". You can take out the words "I like you but..." if you prefer. It will probably mean that the girl does not contact you again but so be it. It is the principle that counts. She may even respect you for it. (I doubt that she will respect you if you continue to pursue her when she has said she has a 'boyfriend', even if you do manage to somehow get 'lucky'.) When you review your life later down the track, it will make you feel good if you stuck by your principles and the successes and failures with chicks won't even matter that much in comparison.

 

If you're wondering why she has behaved the way she has, it is probably an expression of a need for attention from her 'long distance boyfriend' (who may not even be that far away). The need is strong enough for her to try to substitute you into that role. Don't be too harsh on her about that, it is actually very human, but if you play the game you expose yourself to being manipulated and used. Give her some credit for mentioning the boyfriend and warning you! That does not always happen!

 

Anyway, hopefully some of the more experienced posters like Alphamale will chip in - this is my first post as well.

 

Good luck.

[Lucasarts]

shes lonely

 

and horny

[Tenorman]

Lucasarts is correct but it doesn't change my suggestions. By the way when I said "substitute you into that role" I meant the role of attention provider - ie a 'nice guy friend'. Still if you just want to score her you may well have a chance, just don't invest any feelings in it when she has the boyfriend club hanging over your head.

[bluechocolate]

In my view it does not matter whether it is true or not - once a girl mentions the word 'boyfriend' you have to seriously consider whether you want to continue to pursue her and why you want to.

 

My action would be to do nothing and let it go no matter how much you like the girl. If she contacts you, say: "I like you but I don't date girls with boyfriends". You can take out the words "I like you but..." if you prefer. It will probably mean that the girl does not contact you again but so be it. It is the principle that counts.

Ditto

She may even respect you for it.

And then who knows? The boyfriend may magically disappear.

 

Oh - and the part about giving her some credit - definitely. She hasn't lied to you - she mentioned the b/friend on date one.

[Tenorman]

Quote:

She may even respect you for it.

And then who knows? The boyfriend may magically disappear.

 

 

Hah hah bluechocolate, now that is the million dollar question. Would a girl find such a 'principled' response a turn on or think: "Boring... Next!". Perhaps the ladies out there can give thatsweird their viewpoint.