Most startling is only 3% have said they have met success with online dating services

[CaliGuy]

Some surprising information in an recent article. Most startling is only 3% have said they have met success with online dating services. Even more startling is the number of people who say they aren't looking for a soul mate. Interest in romance isn't as high as I thought it would be either.

[CaliGuy]

Argh, meant to post this on the dating forum. Moderators, can you move it please?

[riobikini]

CG,

 

Doesn't matter where you move it, -it's great information to know.

 

Every person I ever conversed with in online dating sites had a problem with commitment, was seeing several women at a time, was currently still married and trying to find a little something 'on the side', or had some really weird thing going on with his personality, lifestyle, sexual preferences, or values.

 

I either haven't responded in the positive, or haven't responded, at all, to anyone from any of the personals since August of 2005.

 

Fact is, I can't respond, -I let the subscription run out on one (Yahoo), and only signed up in Match dot com for the intro version, -so it's nearly impossible.

 

My sister signed me up for a year for the Yahoo thing right after my divorce, stating that I needed to 'get out of the house, stop working so much, and date someone'.

 

So much for good intentions!

 

But now, I keep my profile up to see who the trolls are who are pimping the online sites.

 

For me, it's an exercise for improving my 'radar', learning to spot and label the most obvious problems, then reviewing for the 'hidden' ones.

 

And they're (duh!) nearly all the same: for the most part, they are truly messed-up people who couldn't get a date in the real world, so they try hiding behind the big mask of technology.

 

Most of them failed in their marriages or other relationships for the same reasons I reject them, as well.

 

I can't wait for the report promised in the article to confirm some of what I'm saying here.

 

Special Note: I apologize for grouping any saint (a-hem, very brief grin) that might have been present in the bunch, along with all the rest of the losers.

 

Thank you.

 

-Rio

[reservoirdog1]

I've dated a number of women I've met through online sites. And not one of those has lasted longer than three months. Most, shorter than that. Some have ended due to her, others due to me.

 

The two situations I've been in in the last two years which had the greatest long term potential involved women I DIDN'T meet online.

 

So, I'm starting to wonder about online dating... are relationships spawned that way likely to be short?

[riobikini]

RE:

 

ReservoirDog1: " ...women I've met through online sites....not one of those has lasted longer than three months. Most, shorter.....two situations I've been in in the last two years which had the greatest long term potential involved women I DIDN'T meet online. ...I'm starting to wonder about online dating... are relationships spawned that way likely to be short? "

 

RD,

 

Your guess may be on the right track regarding online relationships nearly always winding up being shorter.

 

The most significant similarity between online dating and traditional means of getting a date, is that you know within minutes of the first meeting whether you will see each other again, -or, at least, by the end of the first date.

 

I have a few thoughts on why the brevity, from my own experience with male dates from online sources.

 

I think one of the foremost reasons is that avid online daters have this false preconceived image of who they actually are (the type of person) and base everything they desire in a partner on that self-deceiving image.

 

Hinging on that false perception of themselves, I also believe most online daters have more unresolved personal issues that lie buried in their psyche which cause great malfunctions to occur in all aspects of their lives, even though they may swear these problems either do not exist, or have truly been dealt with and resolved.

 

They may even fool you, for a while.

 

Emotional and/or lifestyle baggage is common with online daters, as well as financial and family issues.

 

Here's the line-up with issues in the order they normally appear, in each of the sexes:

 

Women: Emotional, financial, family, lifestyle.

 

Men: Emotional, family, lifestyle, financial.

 

The above is plenty of fodder for a much larger debate, I am sure.

 

Honesty, although it is a word bandied about in hundreds and hundreds of online profiles, is the single-most thing lacking in the majority of online daters.

 

Those who seem to focus and demand it most are often those who apply less of it to their own lives, in my experiences.

 

There is a reason for that, I think, - why would you want to give the most honest answers about yourself, knowing they were less than favorable, and, thereby, ruin your best chances of attracting someone?

 

(Smile)

 

And that's the root of deceit that keeps the cycle going with all online dating sites, -it's displaying who and what you want to be, -not truly who you are, -just as I explained to begin with at the start of this post.

 

One other thing, before I go, -the emotional baggage I have referred to in this post, not only takes in the unmended, unhealed hurts and disappointments of life before becoming an online dater, -it also includes all the heartbreak, dismay, and frustrations from being a participant in online dating and having experienced failures, one after another, and becoming more emotionally wounded as each one is added.

 

I do not see, as hard as I have looked for it, any good reason for online dating sites to exist, -except perhaps, primarily for the study of human nature, specifically, with regard to how we are affected by, and deal with, (mostly painful) romantic relationships.

 

How agonizing it is to watch us struggle to keep our hope alive, while, at the same time, actually doing something to kill it by becoming involved in dating sites.

 

Food for thought, -but it doesn't taste so damn good.

 

-Rio

[alphamale]

I heard on the radio the other day that some new study about singles revealed that 75% of singles are too shy to approach someone they are attracted to. This includes both men and women. No wonder they are still single

[alphamale]

So, I'm starting to wonder about online dating... are relationships spawned that way likely to be short?

yes, the "relationships" start in an artifical and contrived way so they are not likely to last long. i've had 3 or 4 one-nighters thru women I met online and dated one for 3 months but it was casual.

[riobikini]

Alpha...it was probably more like insecurity, -rather than shyness....

 

Also, your experience with online dating is par for the course.

 

If you are actually looking for 'superficial', -then your chances are certainly extremely high in online dating sites.

 

Query: Were the women you had one-night stands with, all for that kind of thing, -or had they (at any time) -either verbally or in their profile, expressed a desire for a meaningful relationship?

 

Curious.

 

-Rio

[alphamale]

Alpha...it was probably more like insecurity, -rather than shyness....

no, it was shyness...

 

Query: Were the women you had one-night stands with, all for that kind of thing,

let me put it this way RIO....I had a ONS at some womans apt while some dude was zonked out in her bed. We had sex in the 2nd bedroom. She claimed he was her "brother".

[riobikini]

I see...but how did her online profile read...in other words...did you read it?

 

What did it say?

 

It doesn't matter to me that she was a whore...I want to know if she presented herself as a nice-girl-next-door type in her profile.

 

-Rio

[alphamale]

I see...but how did her online profile read...in other words...did you read it?

 

What did it say?

I don't recall, this happend 7 or 8 yrs ago...

[riobikini]

OK...next question: Do you (anyone), actually read the profiles?

 

-Rio

[SmoochieFace]

OK...next question: Do you (anyone), actually read the profiles?

 

-Rio

 

He only reads the pics.

[alphamale]

OK...next question: Do you (anyone), actually read the profiles?

why would you read them? the are all the same... "yeah, i like sunsets and walks on the beach"....blah blah blah....

[catgirl1927]

What about eHarmony? They mentioned on their commercials that instead of you filling out a questionnaire about what you thought you wanted, they did a personality profile and matched you with other like personalities. I wonder if that one is different?

 

Right after my divorce I got on the yahoo dating site, and I encountered the same thing. Either predator guys looking for sex or guys with SERIOUS social issues. One was very nice, but was ready to get married after 3 dates. He just wanted to be married because all his friends were, so he didn't care who it was, just a warm body.

[alphamale]

What about eHarmony? They mentioned on their commercials that instead of you filling out a questionnaire about what you thought you wanted, they did a personality profile and matched you with other like personalities. I wonder if that one is different?

wrong...eHarmony is the biggest joke of all. They just want your ca$h. Remember, this is big business.

[SmoochieFace]

One was very nice, but was ready to get married after 3 dates. He just wanted to be married because all his friends were, so he didn't care who it was, just a warm body.

 

I guess *Rosie* got a bit stale for him.

[CaliGuy]

I'm convinced that online dating services don't work because one of the biggest aspects of dating is visual. A smile, a wink, a laugh, whatever. Dating sites are soooo impersonal that you really take all the intrigue out of it.

 

You get a canned version of what that person is and your expectations are always based on the image they give of themself which is quite often 'fluffed' up.

 

When I posted my ad I was up front and said "this is what I am" and I got like 50 responses. I was shocked. However, after review, in almost every case the woman didn't turn out to be who they said they were or had something to hide.

 

So, I think I'm going to stick to meeting people by chance. The gym, grocery store, subway - what-evah. No lofty expectations.

[alphamale]

So, I think I'm going to stick to meeting people by chance. The gym, grocery store, subway - what-evah. No lofty expectations.

every thought about singles parties, singles events, speed-dating? You'll probably have more success at those than running into people randomly on the subway. Its all numbers, if you walk into a room full of singles you chances are much better of "hooking up" than, say, on a train car full of people most of whom whould not give you the time of day. How the f*** do you approach a woman on the subway? How do you know she's single and available besides eye contact? What would you say to her? Screw that crap.

[CaliGuy]

every thought about singles parties, singles events, speed-dating? You'll probably have more success at those than running into people randomly on the subway. Its all numbers, if you walk into a room full of singles you chances are much better of "hooking up" than, say, on a train car full of people most of whom whould not give you the time of day. How the f*** do you approach a woman on the subway? How do you know she's single and available besides eye contact? What would you say to her? Screw that crap.

 

Subway sandwhich stores Haha. I was in there the other day and there was a beautiful brunette in there. We made some serious eye contact but the situation wasn't right or I'd have been all over that.

 

Where do you find a singles party? I'm kind of clueless there.

[alphamale]

We made some serious eye contact but the situation wasn't right or I'd have been all over that.

what happend? did your testes fall out of your nut-sack? buah ha haha ha .....no just joking around CG.

 

Where do you find a singles party? I'm kind of clueless there.

try the internet and those free papers you get all around town. most mid-sized and up cities have at least one or two singles organizations that plan events. ask around, etc.

[cygny]

To be honest I have had no better luck IRL. Granted, I haven't found a relationship online yet, but I just started. OTOH, all the men I meet IRL also have baggage, issues, lie, are cheating, are just looking for sex, or are just not compatible. I do not have a structured work environment so that is against me. I also move alot and live in big cities so that is against me finding the right kind of people. I meet alot of guys but just not anyone I could be with.

 

Is anyone having better luck IRL? or is it just that because the dating sites allow you to "run through" a person's profile quickly, that it SEEMS like there are more losers on there.

[CaliGuy]

what happend? did your testes fall out of your nut-sack? buah ha haha ha .....no just joking around CG.

 

Nah, haha. It was more or less due to the situation not being right. Had she stayed to eat there I would have sat right at her table

 

try the internet and those free papers you get all around town. most mid-sized and up cities have at least one or two singles organizations that plan events. ask around, etc.

 

Hmm ok thanks for that. I will check around.

[riobikini]

RE:

CGNY: " ...all the men I meet IRL also have baggage, issues, lie, are cheating, are just looking for sex, or are just not compatible. I meet a lot of guys but just not anyone I could be with.

 

Is anyone having better luck IRL? or is it just that because the dating sites allow you to "run through" a person's profile quickly, that it SEEMS like there are more losers on there."

 

 

CGNY,

 

Nearly every single shred of first-hand info that I learn, supports the idea that online dating sites have become nothing more than a world-wide access cyber-net insane asylum -with a shopping feature conveniently included- so you can invite the 'crazies' of your choice right into your own home.

 

Also, note that you will receive quite different answers about personal experiences with online dating, simply depending on the gender of the person you are talking with.

 

For instance, I have found men to speak more favorably of their experiences with online dates, referring specifically to the single-most focus of many of them, (admittedly so), for being in the site in the first place: having their sexual needs gratified.

 

But for women, generally, however, there seems, at first, to be more availability of men, but since women tend to be pickier and make rejections more often, as well as look for more than one or two 'must-have' qualities, she may have a more difficult time finding someone she thinks is suitable.

 

Most of the time, neither of those initial, 'must-have' qualities have anything to do with having sex, -they have more to do with finding a strong provider to fill the traditionally-thought-of role, and finding someone who integrates almost flawlessly into the already-established family/friend schemata.

 

Random-but-true thought: women are probably looking for a change (upgrade) in lifestyle, while men are looking for an 'upgrade', as in, a much younger model, nicer bod, smart-but-not-too-smart, etc.

 

You can protest this until hell freezes over and the truth of it will remain the same.

 

I think the reason for this is what you and other posters may be already saying: that millions of online daters are really looking for the instant, throw-away version of almost any romance they choose, while still desperately clingling to the 'Shirley Temple' claim that all they're really looking for is 'honesty', true love, and someone to live their 'forever' with.

 

What we really learn about that, is nothing about them ever comes close to 'honesty', -they never even learned to love a puppy in childhood- and their idea of 'forever' is never past the end of next week, and just this side of the next Saturday night dinner you won't be getting.

 

There's much more to discuss, here, -someone else take it, please.

 

I could preach a sermon on this subject, -but man this isn't my church.

 

(Smile)

 

-Rio

[CaliGuy]

Rio I think you're 100% on target with your theory. Well said!