Most startling is only 3% have said they have met success with online dating services

[cygny]

but.....are you really having any better luck IRL?

 

cali--what about your ex--did you find her online?

 

rio--who you been datin from real life girl? any better?

[cygny]

haha --today i did a "male" thing--i sent an icebreaker to a guy based on his picture without reading his profile. he replied, and then i read his profile.... :laugh:

 

i don't know what i was thinkin' :lmao:

[CaliGuy]

cali--what about your ex--did you find her online?

 

No, haha. I probably would have screened her out. She intially was this sweet, innocent, caring, loving person on the outside. But on the inside she was all devil. Selfish, cold, uncaring, unloving and took me for granted.

 

If there was ever a case for split personalities and a very confused girl, that would be her.

[riobikini]

RE:

 

CGNY: " rio--who you been datin from real life girl? any better?"

 

CG,

 

For right now, the 'transitional guy' is taking care of me pretty well.

 

I am, perhaps, a surprisingly, and an extremely monogamous character, under any given circumstances, so there's no reason for me to be 'looking' for anyone, right now.

 

However, I am acutely familiar with and understand the steps of transitioning out of my current emotional state with the help of a temporary partner, and I realize that, as soon as the transitional partner has accomplished his purpose, it will be best that I be absolutely without anyone for a while, then, later, I can begin actually 'looking' again.

 

Currently, tho, -I am not without my share of the attention of the male gender, -but I am certainly not doing anything to encourage it.

 

I know that I am not ready.

 

So, here are my answers to some of what you are asking:

 

What kind of people pursue me from online dating sites?

 

Answer: Mostly, very insecure men who are looking for someone to 'tame' (just as your recent thread discusses).

 

More indepth answer: I get men who can recognize me as a person having a certain quality, depth, and intelligence, but who simply do not deserve me, due, mostly, to their lack of knowledge, and ability to treat me as well as I expect.

 

-Rio

[cygny]

She intially was this sweet, innocent, caring, loving person on the outside. But on the inside she was all devil.

 

 

sounds like a good plot for a movie, no?

 

see i wonder if we WOULD have screened out some of these IRL people if we had met them online...

[cygny]

For right now, the 'transitional guy' is taking care of me pretty well.

 

is he from online or IRL?

[riobikini]

CG,

 

The transitional guy...the one with the real heart....-he's from Real Life, and actually living just a few miles from B**.

 

Note: It was B** , -from this latest screw-up, and btw, which has really effed me up more than I care to tell anyone, -who actually originated from the online dating site.

 

Go figure.

 

 

-Rio

[jerbear]

This is a combination of personal, friends, articles, etc...

I am for expanding one's horizons and "exposure" to a broader audience.

 

I personally have better luck with real life, they get to see you in action; what you really can do. They at least know your name. People still forget that relationships is still a face 2 face business.

 

Online life on the other hand is another story. They elaborate or embelish on eye color, height, a picture or two there. I had a ex who got played and tried to get back on my good graces. It lowers one inhibitions to be more relax, unsuspecting, to say the least.

 

My friend's experiences are short term. The longest one was < 1 year; others were 3 dates to 3 months. Some of his dates actually met me and was interested because they otherwise wouldn't have met me online because I was not "White/Caucasian." Most of the ones he met were a little to clingy, "psycho", commitment phobic, some count on the percentage compatible to much. Some guys & gals would discount a few items like height, income, or job.

 

Most of the ones online are to focus on seeking their IDEAL mate and forget that reality and social circles do not always coincide. Mr or Ms ideal is not always on those sites. Think of a your childhood of wanting to seek your prince/princess....

 

Now I do have one who did get married and met online. They however did share the same social circles and just happened to be online. They knew each other was looking.

[ms_jnj]

Well darn it!!!!!

 

Not two weeks ago I posted asking for opinions on online dating and apparently I got all the optimistic people....where were all of these people then?

 

Too late, gave yahoo my $25 to try out a month....now I am scared!!!

 

To heck with it, let's just get married, Caliguy!

[MelissaL]

I dated someone for four years, off-and-on, that I met online. It didn't work out romantically in the end for various reasons (mostly because he's married to his job), but he's still my best friend, and we work much better that way. In the end, I'd still call this success.

[riobikini]

Online dating sites have become a huge part of the master plan all the screw-ups use to integrate stealthily into the lives of of those who, heretofore, have remained unintroduced to such heartbreaking and wicked games.

 

Some of these sites are, actually, not doing so well, despite their advertisements and positive propaganda, due to the rapidly spreading knowledge of the failures they produce.

 

However, they will continue to exist, transitioning into more of a site for sexual 'hook-ups', as can be realized, if you take note of the ones now forming, or which were originally advertised and promoted as simply 'dating sites'.

 

This tells us, clearly, what the basis for most online date seekers was to begin with.

 

-Rio

[alphamale]

Some of these sites are, actually, not doing so well, despite their advertisements and positive propaganda, due to the rapidly spreading knowledge of the failures they produce.

not only that RIO...some of these sites (who shall go nameless) are utilizing questionable business practices more and more to get people to sign up. It is funny how two to three days after one's subscription expires they get an email or "wink" from and interested party and when the user signs back up ($30/mo) to see who it was from the profile has mysteriously been deleted or hidden.

 

please refer to my thread on this subject:

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t74616/

[riobikini]

Correct, Alpha.

 

The name of the game for online dating sites is to make money.

 

Of course.

 

Note that, with any online business, one vital point worth realizing is that you will never be face-to-face with any service personnel, so anything you have to say or any concern you have will be conveniently handled via email contact.

 

This is a great concept for getting around all issues of refunds, crediting your account with a refund, etc.

 

It can take months to resolve an issue, -and then you may wind up being only partially satisfied.

 

It also elimiminates the intensity of your concern with any issues regarding your account, at all.

 

Pulling unsuspecting onliners into the site by using false lead-ins or introductions is common and all you can do is email in your anger.

 

The dating sites are quite happy with this arrangement, and continue to rake in $$ from newcomers.

 

However, they are unscrupulous in that, they, -now realizing the wide-spread public knowledge of the deception, as well as the dwindling interest in the original basis for their existance, anyway (dating),- have chosen to ignore (despite their protests that they remain a positve, 'decent' site for dating), the ongoing, growing malignancy of becoming simply sexual meatmarkets, and have allowed their sites to become nothing more than a large garbage depository for deviants, perverts, sexual predators, and other distasteful characters, least of all being the well-known 'players'.

 

They have knowledge of this, and yet, -it remains all about the money....they have to make the $$ somehow, so they let it be.

 

It works for them.

 

Do they care that your heart got broken, your bank account was wiped out, or that your six-year-old was raped by one of their 'decent' online members?

 

The answer, is a profound 'NO!'

 

It is, indeed, all about the money.

 

-Rio

[alphamale]

They have knowledge of this, and yet, -it remains all about the money....they have to make the $$ somehow, so they let it be.

agreed RIO....and its funny how some of the major sites will advertise they have 10 million members. Of course, they don't tell you that 9 million of them havn't logged on for more than a year...

[riobikini]

Alpha, it's because they decided the 'garbage' was somehow cleaner and, perhaps, more 'manageble', in the real world, after all.

 

-Rio

[CaliGuy]

Well darn it!!!!!

 

Not two weeks ago I posted asking for opinions on online dating and apparently I got all the optimistic people....where were all of these people then?

 

Too late, gave yahoo my $25 to try out a month....now I am scared!!!

 

To heck with it, let's just get married, Caliguy!

 

Ok. But you have to move to CA

[riobikini]

To ms_jnj:

 

I am sorry for your loss of the $25.

 

I do predict, tho, that online dating services will, sometime, not too far off, begin offering loads of more 'free' services to their introduction 'hooks', as well as to their paid member services.

 

All, of course, with the plan in mind, to attract as many newcomers as possible, while not actually improving the customer service end of their businesses, -or much else.

 

This certainly gives new meaning to the 'Wink' some of them promote, doesn't it?

 

I think the decline in currently paying members to re-sign will be the basis for this. I believe the decline will be caused by, and made up of, three very distinct categories: those who found the site to be less than they could obtain from a bonafide sex site, those who were simply curious, and, finally, a much smaller group who may have actually been hopeful of finding someone suitable to date.

 

Which should tell you who is in the sites to begin with, and how slim your chances actually are in finding a decent date from them.

 

And it will only get worse.

 

The online dating sites will choose not to choose between any of the groups, openly, but I sincerely believe they will continue to make changes to their sites to cater to whichever group is willing to part with the most money to them.

 

While some online dating services may pretend, for a time, to give their site a new overhaul, revamp, or boost, through advertising campaigns and promotions, in order to publicly maintain themselves as decent dating sites, I wouldn't expect anything to change from what they have presently become, -except, in terms of them receiving more money, from attracting unsuspecting newcomers with the new lie.

 

-Rio

[Outcast]

There is a reason for that, I think, - why would you want to give the most honest answers about yourself, knowing they were less than favorable, and, thereby, ruin your best chances of attracting someone?

 

Riiiight. Because of course EVERYBODY you meet IRL is honest and decent and true.

 

And that's the root of deceit that keeps the cycle going with all online dating sites, -it's displaying who and what you want to be, -not truly who you are, -just as I explained to begin with at the start of this post.

 

Again - just exactly like IRL. Now granted some online people lie about their appearance, etc. but that just means there's dumb ones there as well as everywhere else since obviously when you meet the fibs will be obvious. Given that the majority of the population has a median or lower IQ, not surprising, now is it?

 

OTOH, all the men I meet IRL also have baggage, issues, lie, are cheating, are just looking for sex, or are just not compatible.

 

Exactly. Life in general has a proportion of people like that.

 

You can protest this until hell freezes over and the truth of it will remain the same.

 

How I love and adore people who insist that they have 'the truth'.

 

that millions of online daters are really looking for the instant, throw-away version of almost any romance they choose,

 

Again, despite the fact that humans are individuals, somehow it becomes valid to assign a single motivation and a single character trait to all the millions of online daters.

 

I put it to you that perhaps the wording of your ads is very much like all the other generic daters' ads rather than about you truly and so you attracted the wrong sorts of people.

 

And, frankly, better-looking women will get hit on by large quantities of men - suitable or otherwise so you might want to try the 'no photo' route if you ever try it again.

[kellyp1]

In some ways, they are just making it easier for the people who troll the bars just to get a quick score. I met a few people from online dating, one of which I am still friends with, that were all after a casual dating scenario.

 

It's funny, more and more I get the feeling I am not gonna win at this dating game. My co-worker forwarded me an article today saying that if you were single, had a lot of money and intelligent, chances are you are more likely to remain single. He brought that up to me since I have come into money apologizing for life to me. Sometimes, it does not seem like we can win at all.

[serial muse]

whew, thanks for the reality check, OC.

 

as i was getting to the end of this thread, i couldn't help thinking - jeez, you guys are bitter.

 

i think cygny hit on the most salient point:

 

or is it just that because the dating sites allow you to "run through" a person's profile quickly, that it SEEMS like there are more losers on there.

 

bingo. it's just mass dating, and it's a numbers game. IRL it is, too, but you just don't have the opportunity to go through as many people in such a short time.

 

and even if you try it, there's no reason to put all your eggs in just the online dating basket anyway. online dating doesn't have to be a panacea. of course it's also good to go out and join singles' groups, take classes, play sports, whatever. seriously, c'mon. it's all good.

[Mary3]

Interestingly enough you notice how some of these sites now have AdultMatchmakers or Intimate sites.

 

Its almost as if they realized the regular dating was not going to be enough so now they have added sex only categories. Such as AdultFriendfinder ( via Friendfinder ) AdultMatchmakers ( via Matchmakers ).

 

You can select Romance or just* Intimate * if you are purely just looking for sex.

 

Awhh... the amazing speed at which life changes...

 

I think they realized, as previous posters said that its a Sex game business.

A money making business.

And a wallet lightening business.

[riobikini]

Outcast,

 

I have read some of your previous posts and some of them sounded reasonable.

 

However, maybe it was just that I was lucky enough to have caught you on your pms-symptoms-free days.

 

Yes, I realize you are male.

 

How unlucky am I to hear from you now, right smack in the middle, obviously, of your raging hormonal cycle.

 

You seem to have missed the point entirely, in my posts, -all of them- and chosen to focus on the few that I, admittedly, could have clarified much better, -but seeing as how I am not writing for a major publication, I assumed (wrongfully, no doubt), that my post(s) would, at the very most, simply spur more reality-based discussion on the subject, -especially inviting those from personal experience.

 

 

As I look over your post, I see only two helpful suggestions embedded among all the negative blasts to my posts and the posts of others.

 

Those suggestions offered that, perhaps, it was the self-written personal ad that actually was the reason for failure in attracting a suitable connection with a possible date, or that it could have been the picture submitted for online view.

 

On that, I have to agree.

 

From my own personal experience, I receive an amazing number of replies, (none which I respond to) and the recent pictures I have up, more than the decently written synopsis of who I am, obviously, has a great deal to do with that.

 

Also, from experience, the responders are often represented with no picture, a bad picture, an old picture, someone else's picture -as well as a poorly-written profile.

 

You can normally tell the length of time someone has been a member in the sites (or other sites), because of the assumed 'online dater's site language' they pick up, and the application of the shortest version of personal etiquette they can possibly use in dealing with 'unacceptable' responders: the 'ultimate 'blow-off', the unceremonious, simple deletion of your response to the cyber trashcan.

 

The easiest to recognize are the ones who have been deeply hurt or disappointed in love and who have not resolved those past hurts, carrying the bitterness with them into any new relationship cultivated from the online dating site.

 

For instance, you can read the 'intro' or 'heading' to their profile, and if it begins with 'Looking for truth and honesty and love, this time around', -or something similar, you know they've been seriously lied to and deeply hurt and are certainly not ready for a new relationship.

 

Insecurity abounds in online dating sites.

 

Well, Outcast, give us your best, again, -so far you have not done too bad at critiquing nor acting as post commentator.

 

I look forward to hearing whatever other interesting opinions and ideas you have to offer.

 

Also, curiously, -and surprisingly, I am actually thanking you for allowing me to post more info on this subject.

 

(Smile)

 

-Rio

[riobikini]

I've been reading all the comments, so far....-can anyone comment on what you think the difference(s) might be in date-seeking from a bar vs. from an online dating site?

 

It only sounds like a simple question.

 

-Rio

[Mary3]

I wonder what would happen if someone intentionally put up an extremely ugly picture with a vague badly written profile intro with major spelling mistakes. I once went on MySpace and saw this HUGE overweight guy and he wanted to be my friend. I went on his profile and was amazed to see he had over 100 girls as friends !

 

I personally steer clear of ads thats say : "Okay I am going to give you rotten girls just one more chance ! If you are a whore, a liar , a cheater , gold digger , unemployed, from another country trying to get a visa or nigerian please dont respond ! Don't waste my time. I expect honesty which is RARE and wont tolerate any lying bullcrap. Have your sh** together ! "

 

These are automatically deleted. This person is carrying around alot of hate and bitterness.

 

And I avoid the following : " Hi ,I am a successful fortune 500 member who believes that what you drive is who you are . I have 6 successful thriving companies and I like to travel extensively all over the world and money is no object when it comes to owning rare art pieces . I have 2 beach homes and one vacation home in the Vermont . Fine wine and dining , art shows and charity events is where you will find me. I have more money than I know what to do with but I am not a paying member. Perhaps with the right girl we can sip some coffee in the lobby of McDonalds as we talk about where you are going. I dont believe in expensive first dates so dont expect me to pick up your share of the check. How do you think I got wealthy anyway. ?? Be prepared to know your math because we are going to talk about everything I own ! "

 

Or this one : Hi babycakes sweetums. I thought I could find a hot babe on here who is looking for a well hung gentlemen who just wants a good time. I can massage you and entice you with my tounge. Call me and we will talk about mutual masterbation and how to get off together. " ( At least this guy was honest about what he wanted .

[Curmudgeon]

I've been reading all the comments, so far....-can anyone comment on what you think the difference(s) might be in date-seeking from a bar vs. from an online dating site?

About the only difference is that you can see what they really look like at a bar and judge how they treat others to a certain extent. However, at a bar trying to pick someone up they are also, most likely, on their best behavior (unless they're drunk and that says it all).

 

Being on the prowl for companionship or stuck in a race to relationship should be an unnatural state for someone who really seeks the possibility of a committed relationship somewhere down the road. I think such people come across as extremely needy and that's a major turn-off and red flag where I'm concerned. I much prefer meeting people "naturally."