Most startling is only 3% have said they have met success with online dating services

[riobikini]

Oh, Mary3! -you pegged it beautifully!

 

(Laughing)

 

-Rio

[riobikini]

RE:

 

Curmudgeon: " I much prefer meeting people "naturally."

 

I think this is what more and more people are discovering works best, all over again.

 

-Rio

[targetbag]

About the only difference is that you can see what they really look like at a bar and judge how they treat others to a certain extent. However, at a bar trying to pick someone up they are also, most likely, on their best behavior (unless they're drunk and that says it all).

 

Being on the prowl for companionship or stuck in a race to relationship should be an unnatural state for someone who really seeks the possibility of a committed relationship somewhere down the road. I think such people come across as extremely needy and that's a major turn-off and red flag where I'm concerned. I much prefer meeting people "naturally."

 

Okay, I met my boyfriend at a bar, though I was out with the girls and not really thinking about meeting men that particular night. He admits to having been "on a mission" though. In any case, we've been dating for 7 months now and our relationship is only growing stronger.

 

How this contrasts with my online dating experiences: Well, I agree with the poster on page 1 who said that online dating sites tend not to work because they're so contrived and unnatural. With online dating, it's as if you are attempting to skip a very important part of the human mating ritual, initial physical and/or psychological attraction, and expecting to have a succcessful relationship based on that. I met, oh I don't know, probably about 10 different guys from online dating sites. None of them were psychos or pathetic, at least not that I could tell. They were all attractive, gentlemanly, and had good jobs. There was just never any chemistry. The longest I ever had a relationship with any of them was about 6 dates over 3 months. I think online dating can be a fun way to meet new people, but it's not something you can expect to meet a long-term partner with, and it's not something to be taken too seriously.

[Outcast]

I didn't see any actual debate in your reply to my post. Just a nice chunk of ad hominem attacks. Call it shallow of me, but people who resort to insult instead of dealing with the actual points made in a post aren't really worth discussing with at all since they are unable to actually debate. Clearly you'll only entertain replies from people who agree with you and will go for the throat of those who don't.

 

You can't respond to my point that you can find as many liars IRL as you can online, it seems. But thanks for your charming reply

[jerbear]

I do agree that IRL and online both have their issues. I've met most of mine IRL and one LTR /online when I was younger. Learned alot from her and the relationship.

 

Online dating is a numbers games to increase the number of meetings. yes there are those that you know have been there for awhile. for those new comers, they get pounced on by an overwhelming amount of men.

 

From a psychological reasoning, associative mating kicks it, repeating history kicks in, just never get out of the cycle of repeating prior mistakes.

 

One tends to select mates based on social, economic, educational, religious, etc... backgrounds. Similar things in common helps to get some chemistry but everyone tends to put things down and are quick to judge compatibility. either it was not 95% compatible; within 25 miles, have green eyes with red hair and french; then I won't date her. Yeah good luck...

 

I have one good friend who will be "older" in a few weeks and wants to remedy the single issue. Great idea on knowing what you are missing and want but wrong timing if you have that middle age or prowling online feeling.

 

I know of two success stories. Both are married.

 

So how about them arranged marriages! I dont advocate them but I know of one and they are happy. Granted they have similar interests, social economic backgrounds, "caste level", and met many times thru out their lives; around 21 they had an arranged marriage.

[Mary3]

Oh, Mary3! -you pegged it beautifully!

 

(Laughing)

 

I don't take these sites seriously anymore. I am sure we all might have when we started on them. Just think : The owners of these match sites collect on average $ 20.00 a month (and some much higher ) and we do all the work !

 

But since I no longer take it seriously it does not bother me anymore. I would say its a repetitiveness, the types that email me fall into many of the classifications previous posters have written. Its more laughable now and I am glad you saw my humor.

[alphamale]

I don't take these sites seriously anymore. I am sure we all might have when we started on them. Just think : The owners of these match sites collect on average $ 20.00 a month (and some much higher ) and we do all the work !

they don't work mainly because the traditional courtship dance cannot be carried out over the internet. There is no touch, no eye contact, no flirting, no smile, no come-hither look, no dance....

[Mary3]

Alpha can you see my *come-hither *look through your monitor ? lol

[alphamale]

Alpha can you see my *come-hither *look through your monitor ? lol

yeah...my c*ck is getting hard as we speak, i mean type

[Mary3]

I thought that was your cell phone I felt pressed against the monitor...

[Admiral Thrawn]

Most girls on the internet are just there to see how many emails they can get from guys and are on ego trips. Its a system in favour for women.

[riobikini]

I agree it is a way for people to toy with people.

 

-Rio

[jen_jen_heartbroken]

Most girls on the internet are just there to see how many emails they can get from guys and are on ego trips. Its a system in favour for women.

 

I don't agree at all. My experience has been that it's the other way. That's why so many guys leave their profiles up long after they are seriously dating a woman they met online....to see what better comes along.

[jen_jen_heartbroken]

Maybe this was mentioned before...I'm joining this thread a bit late... But why is it that every guy's profile says how athletic and well-traveled they are, and how they love jazz and red wine. It's so canned. And when you meet them, either they are gym rats or they have serious ego/social problems.

[Art_Critic]

Maybe this was mentioned before...I'm joining this thread a bit late... But why is it that every guy's profile says how athletic and well-traveled they are, and how they love jazz and red wine. It's so canned. And when you meet them, either they are gym rats or they have serious ego/social problems.

 

 

I want to know why every woman's profile says they love to watch football..Almost every one says that... BS.. I get sick of readin it...

 

Oh.. and also they they can be found in the local bar watching the game on the weekends... Lies.. All Lies

[jen_jen_heartbroken]

I want to know why every woman's profile says they love to watch football..Almost every one says that... BS.. I get sick of readin it...

 

Oh.. and also they they can be found in the local bar watching the game on the weekends... Lies.. All Lies

Yup. That's true. I have seen that a lot.

 

I can be found sometimes in the pub during game time, but unless it's baseball...which I do love.... I'm not paying all that much attention to the game. But I've never claimed to actually be a football fan.

 

AC....as a totally unrelated side-note.... some new poster just called me a trollop, and is attacking cal gal too... http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t82379/

Wish we established/supporting members could vote these kinds of trolls off LS.

[Outcast]

Well if you're going to call someone a 'crazy bitch' you might expect some sort of reply in return.

[jen_jen_heartbroken]

Outcast,

I don't want to hijack this thread. Let's just say that "crazy bitch" was about the nicest thing I could call someone like that.

[riobikini]

Back on track:

 

One of the most highly-ranked complaints of (mostly) women in online dating sites has been that they feel the responder did not, in fact, read their profile.

 

Notice, that to smoothe that over (obviously for those who are just so short on the time to do so), Yahoo Personals has added a featured canned reply that says something to this effect:

 

" Hi, I just read every word of your profile and was intrigued by it..blah, blah, blah...."

 

Now, -do you think they actually read it, but was just so pushed for time that they needed that quick, canned reply to save those precious extra seconds?

 

(Laughing, shaking head)

 

How's that for brilliant marketing?

 

-Rio

[alphamale]

One of the most highly-ranked complaints of (mostly) women in online dating sites has been that they feel the responder did not, in fact, read their profile.

you know why this is RIO? because it takes men a few months to figure out that 99% of women won't respond no matter what you do....so you may as well play the numbers and send a "canned" response to 100 women in an hour. The other option is to actually read the profiles (which all soound exactly the same BTW) and send 6 custom responses per hour. Either way he's f***ed cause his response rate will be about 1%...

[riobikini]

Afterthought:

 

And, -does this not make it easier to add one more 'benign' lie to the already big pile lying there stinking in regards to online dating?

 

-Rio

[riobikini]

Again, Alpha, -you are right on the money with that statement.

 

I have spoken with men who say the same thing.

 

It appears that men go about it somewhat more methodically than do women.

 

Women tend to wait for the responders, men tend to aggressively seek them out, -just going down the list, looking for the more attractive ones.

 

This explains why the written profiles have little or no influence with men.

 

Women do, however, tend to read more of the profiles, although, they are just as likely to be looking for physically appealing men.

 

That's why women complain about the absence of a photo, -and exactly why men, sometimes, being insecure about their appearance, tend to leave it out, -or just decide that, given the odds, it isn't worth the trouble.

 

Some leave out the photo because they know the photo will have a negative effect on their chances of getting response.

 

(Smile)

 

-Rio

[Mary3]

I had a guy the other day ( with no picture ) tell me he was not putting one up because he wanted to build a relationship without depending on a photo. I first thought to ignore and then I asked for a photo anyway. Never heard back....some become offended that you callously and superficially ask for a pic...please don't waste my time....as I pretty much do not take these sites seriously anymore...

 

Attraction is a key factor. Afterall, he had my photo to view ???

[ReluctantRomeo]

Online dating sites have become a huge part of the master plan all the screw-ups use to integrate stealthily into the lives of of those who, heretofore, have remained unintroduced to such heartbreaking and wicked games.

 

Sounds paranoid and I'd love to contradict you on this... but a girl I know who is screwed up and the worst romantic games player has now launched her own dating agency, albeit with more of an IRL focus. Is this some kind of plot?

[riobikini]

(Laughing)

 

It does sound paranoid, but is it a plot?

 

Kind of.

 

Actually, I think online dating sites are more of a tool that has, -as some things tend to do- become a means for the not-so-considerate and unkind to play more games, and plan and implement more strategy than in real life.

 

So what's wrong with being given the ability to pore thru yards and yards of photos and info, make comparisons, use check-off lists, and plan a little strategy to get a date?

 

Don't we do that anyway?

 

Of course, we do, -but the primary thing wrong with online dating, the way I see it, is how it often winds up affecting many of the individuals using it.

 

Long-term or very active site users are more at risk for developing a sense of lessened value towards relationships and may become more jaded in how they view them, as he/she begins experiencing failure and rejection from -not one or two people at a time- but from many.

 

The flip side of failure is, of course, success, -and if he/she is experiencing overwhelming success in obtaining dates, I also feel there is risk there, as well, for personal and emotional addiction and dependence to the sites.

 

I agree, as others have pointed out, that the higher number of players, liars and emotionally dysfunctional people in online dating sites vs. in real life may only seem so because of the convenience of being able to gather in a concentrated mass to the site, -which is one of the most appealing aspects of cyber communications to begin with.

 

But having increased contact volume does increase the possibilities of any game-playing by those who are, in fact, players in real life, too.

 

Remember, too, that virtual reality usually falls short in regards to most real-life first encounters, which causes us to have to begin all over again, when meeting in person, with the traditional mental check-list we would have done without the online dating site to begin with.

 

About the paranoia?

 

Major online dating sites have done their homework and are concerned with -not only who is already in their market- but who is also browsing their market, lurking as spectators waiting to be bitten by the curiosity, and have launched more promotional ads to get you than give reasons and services to keep you.

 

That's proof enough to me that they are going to continue to snag the curious wherever possible for just long enough to take your money and leave you disappointed.

 

So, yes, -there may be a few ninjas on the lawn, but I do not think any of them are imaginary.

 

(Smile)

 

Take Care.

 

-Rio