Confused on What to do.

[Confused]

Okay, here we go. I have been living with my new finacee for about three months now. We have got along great besides a few minor arguements. The problem right now is that her father has been diagnosed with lukemia a week ago. She is very, very close with her dad. To say the least this past week as been HELL!! I know that she is going through a lot right now, but what she did last night was unexcuseable. Last night I was doing some remodeling to my house that we live in. She was constinently trying to be lovey-dovey and I told her to let me finish and then we could fool around....well anyway, she got really pissed off and like came at me with her hands and nails in my face (like she attacked me). I finally grabbed her hands and asked her what the hell did she think she was doing....She finally started to calm down so I let her go. I turned my back and next thing I know she runs at me again and grabbs my throut. I grab her hands off of me and then she MITES me! Like she brought blood on my cheek!!! After this, of course, I got really pissed off and began to pack her stuff and throw her out. The whole time she is saying that she is sorry and that she would never do it again and she is just really upset about her dad. Well to make this story short, let her stay last night because she has nowhere to go because her parents and everyone she knows lives in Georgia. She just moved here when I met her. I just don't know what to do. I was even thinking about calling her dad today and telling him to fly down here and get her. But I don't know.....Can anyone help me???!!!

[BeenThere]

How long have you known your finacee? Has she ever displayed her anger physically before? Is this a first?

 

Okay, here we go. I have been living with my new finacee for about three months now. We have got along great besides a few minor arguements. The problem right now is that her father has been diagnosed with lukemia a week ago. She is very, very close with her dad. To say the least this past week as been HELL!! I know that she is going through a lot right now, but what she did last night was unexcuseable. Last night I was doing some remodeling to my house that we live in. She was constinently trying to be lovey-dovey and I told her to let me finish and then we could fool around....well anyway, she got really pissed off and like came at me with her hands and nails in my face (like she attacked me). I finally grabbed her hands and asked her what the hell did she think she was doing....She finally started to calm down so I let her go. I turned my back and next thing I know she runs at me again and grabbs my throut. I grab her hands off of me and then she MITES me! Like she brought blood on my cheek!!! After this, of course, I got really pissed off and began to pack her stuff and throw her out. The whole time she is saying that she is sorry and that she would never do it again and she is just really upset about her dad. Well to make this story short, let her stay last night because she has nowhere to go because her parents and everyone she knows lives in Georgia. She just moved here when I met her. I just don't know what to do. I was even thinking about calling her dad today and telling him to fly down here and get her. But I don't know.....Can anyone help me???!!!

[Confused]

I met her around Easter. Well, one time we had a real heated arguement. I really don't even remember what it was about, but she did come at me swinging her fists....Oh yea, It was the first night she found out about her dad being sick. She calmed down and said, again, she was really sorry and that she didn't know why she did it.

How long have you known your finacee? Has she ever displayed her anger physically before? Is this a first?

[Artlover]

Did you meet her Easter of this year? If so, that's not a very long time to know somebody. The physical abuse is unacceptable, but I think you know that already. Two times in a little over four months should tell you something. They say you never really know someone until you see how they handle a crisis. Well, I think you've seen the proof of that.

 

Your fiancee needs professional help to deal with her father's illness and to deal with her anger problems. If the genders were reversed here, I don't think you would think twice about what your answer would be. This woman could really hurt you, don't be fooled. When you're back is turned, if you're sleeping, if you're in any kind of vulnerable position, she could do you serious physical harm. Please take this seriously. And she could be abusive to your children if you decide to have any.

 

If I were you I would INSIST that she get some help PRONTO and if she refuses, I would ask her to leave and stick to it. In fact, I think you should even live apart while she's seeing a counsellor and if you're satisfied with her progress, then you can let her move in again later.

 

I wish you the best of luck.

I met her around Easter. Well, one time we had a real heated arguement. I really don't even remember what it was about, but she did come at me swinging her fists....Oh yea, It was the first night she found out about her dad being sick. She calmed down and said, again, she was really sorry and that she didn't know why she did it.

 

[BeenThere]

I know this has got to be a real shock for her, so of course she's going to be an emotional powder keg, but I wouldn't be so quick to think that this will be an isolated incident. You haven't known her long enough.

 

Of course she's upset, and of course you'll have to be particularly patient, supportive and understanding of her. But BY NO MEANS USE IT AS AN EXCUSE TO ACCEPT HER PHYSICAL ABUSE! We all know what the legal outcome would be if the situation were reversed. Physical abuse is physical abuse, no matter who the perpetrator.

 

I have a sister and best friend who become physically violent towards their partners when displaying anger or emotional upset. And because they were women (as is often the case) their partners were embarrassed to define it at "abuse" and themselves a victims of physical abuse. It's a male ego thing, I assume. However, in both cases, these woman received bruises to their arms and wrists as there partners tried to hold them back and fend off their attacks. When both partners begin to engage in this behavior, it only esculates.

 

Tell your girlfreind that you will NOT tolerate this kind of behavior, NO MATTER WHAT! And if she can't find a healthier way to deal with her emotions than she will have leave until she finds professional help. And stick to your guns. And stick to your guns. Don't make idol threats or she will learn how to manipulate you and never get the help she needs.

 

I really hope things work out and this is just a stage she is going through. But having personally known two women in my own life her were pron to violent outbreaks...I fear you might have taken on more than you can handle. Use your head, do what's right...and whatever you do DON'T HIT BACK!

I met her around Easter. Well, one time we had a real heated arguement. I really don't even remember what it was about, but she did come at me swinging her fists....Oh yea, It was the first night she found out about her dad being sick. She calmed down and said, again, she was really sorry and that she didn't know why she did it.

 

[Confused]

Thanks for the help.... was kind of thinking along those terms....It's just helpful to hear it from someone else....DO you think it would be a good idea about my idea on calling her dad to come get her...because I know that she would not be strong enough to drive to Georga.

Did you meet her Easter of this year? If so, that's not a very long time to know somebody. The physical abuse is unacceptable, but I think you know that already. Two times in a little over four months should tell you something. They say you never really know someone until you see how they handle a crisis. Well, I think you've seen the proof of that. Your fiancee needs professional help to deal with her father's illness and to deal with her anger problems. If the genders were reversed here, I don't think you would think twice about what your answer would be. This woman could really hurt you, don't be fooled. When you're back is turned, if you're sleeping, if you're in any kind of vulnerable position, she could do you serious physical harm. Please take this seriously. And she could be abusive to your children if you decide to have any. If I were you I would INSIST that she get some help PRONTO and if she refuses, I would ask her to leave and stick to it. In fact, I think you should even live apart while she's seeing a counsellor and if you're satisfied with her progress, then you can let her move in again later.

 

I wish you the best of luck.

[Confused]

Thanks for the advice. I understand what you are saying. ANd I would never hit her back...I am not at all a violent person, that's why I really don't like this issue. I really don't think I can hold this together. What so you think about my idea on calling her dad to come get her, because I don't want to throw her into the streets and I know she isn't strong enough to drive to Georgia.

I know this has got to be a real shock for her, so of course she's going to be an emotional powder keg, but I wouldn't be so quick to think that this will be an isolated incident. You haven't known her long enough. Of course she's upset, and of course you'll have to be particularly patient, supportive and understanding of her. But BY NO MEANS USE IT AS AN EXCUSE TO ACCEPT HER PHYSICAL ABUSE! We all know what the legal outcome would be if the situation were reversed. Physical abuse is physical abuse, no matter who the perpetrator. I have a sister and best friend who become physically violent towards their partners when displaying anger or emotional upset. And because they were women (as is often the case) their partners were embarrassed to define it at "abuse" and themselves a victims of physical abuse. It's a male ego thing, I assume. However, in both cases, these woman received bruises to their arms and wrists as there partners tried to hold them back and fend off their attacks. When both partners begin to engage in this behavior, it only esculates.

 

Tell your girlfreind that you will NOT tolerate this kind of behavior, NO MATTER WHAT! And if she can't find a healthier way to deal with her emotions than she will have leave until she finds professional help. And stick to your guns. And stick to your guns. Don't make idol threats or she will learn how to manipulate you and never get the help she needs. I really hope things work out and this is just a stage she is going through. But having personally known two women in my own life her were pron to violent outbreaks...I fear you might have taken on more than you can handle. Use your head, do what's right...and whatever you do DON'T HIT BACK!

[BeenThere]

Yes, call her father. Explain EXACTLY what's been happening. Tell him that you love her, and want the best for her, but you are really not in a place of your own to know how to help her. You are a mature, level-headed adult and I'm sure her father will respect you for that. And in time, when she gets herself together, she will respect you for it too.

Thanks for the help.... was kind of thinking along those terms....It's just helpful to hear it from someone else....DO you think it would be a good idea about my idea on calling her dad to come get her...because I know that she would not be strong enough to drive to Georga.

[Artlover]

You can try calling her dad to come get her. I just wonder how much he can handle right now. And I wonder if he is up to the drive at the moment himself. Why not give her the train or bus fare and she can get there herself? She's a grown woman. Maybe this sounds harsh, but she's out of control and every moment you delay in doing something, further damage is being dome to your relationship. If there's ANY chance here for you two, I think you need to separate from her for awhile, however, this is only my opinion.

Thanks for the advice. I understand what you are saying. ANd I would never hit her back...I am not at all a violent person, that's why I really don't like this issue. I really don't think I can hold this together. What so you think about my idea on calling her dad to come get her, because I don't want to throw her into the streets and I know she isn't strong enough to drive to Georgia.

 

[Confused]

Thanks for everything!!!

Yes, call her father. Explain EXACTLY what's been happening. Tell him that you love her, and want the best for her, but you are really not in a place of your own to know how to help her. You are a mature, level-headed adult and I'm sure her father will respect you for that. And in time, when she gets herself together, she will respect you for it too.

[Confused]

Thanks for everything!!!

You can try calling her dad to come get her. I just wonder how much he can handle right now. And I wonder if he is up to the drive at the moment himself. Why not give her the train or bus fare and she can get there herself? She's a grown woman. Maybe this sounds harsh, but she's out of control and every moment you delay in doing something, further damage is being dome to your relationship. If there's ANY chance here for you two, I think you need to separate from her for awhile, however, this is only my opinion.

[BeenThere]

Don't mean to pry...but I there's one more thing I forgot to ask before answering your post. It might add a whole other aspect to this thing that I never considered. There's no need to answer if you don't wish...but is she pregnant?

Thanks for the advice. I understand what you are saying. ANd I would never hit her back...I am not at all a violent person, that's why I really don't like this issue. I really don't think I can hold this together. What so you think about my idea on calling her dad to come get her, because I don't want to throw her into the streets and I know she isn't strong enough to drive to Georgia.

 

[Confused]

No, she's not...actually she was on the rag last week. Good idea though!!

Don't mean to pry...but I there's one more thing I forgot to ask before answering your post. It might add a whole other aspect to this thing that I never considered. There's no need to answer if you don't wish...but is she pregnant?

[BeenThere]

No, she's not...actually she was on the rag last week. Good idea though!!