summergirl15 Posted February 15, 2006 Share Posted February 15, 2006 You have heard it a million times "I don't want him, but I don't want anyone else to". Long story short... I dated this guy for 3 1/2 years through high school and the start of college. It was a long distance thing in college and we decide together that it was no longer working. Shortly after that I met my current boyfriend of almost 4 1/2 years now. My ex and I are still friends and I still sign e-mails Love,. No matter what he will always have a big place in my heart. Two nights ago I found out from his best friend that he is getting married! And not only that, but to a girl he met in Japan and is bringing her back to the US. I am so upset I don't even know what to do with myself! I wrote my ex and e-mail that clearly gave him the chance to tell me he got engaged. I just read his e-mail back to me and it says NOTHING about him getting married! WHY IS HE DOING THIS TO ME! How do I get over this? Link to post Share on other sites
My_Other_I Posted February 16, 2006 Share Posted February 16, 2006 He is doing it because he wanted to prevent your reaction. The same one you are showing now. Can you be happy for him? You've been in a relationship for over 4 years. What if you were the one getting married? I don't understand why you are so upset, but I am sorry you feel that way. Did you still want to be with him? Did you hope for a second chance? What about your current bf? Link to post Share on other sites
Cecelius Posted February 16, 2006 Share Posted February 16, 2006 If I were your current b/f I'd be very interested in the reaction you are having. An ex of 4 years should not mean this much to you Link to post Share on other sites
a4a Posted February 16, 2006 Share Posted February 16, 2006 This engagement is about him and his wife to be. Don't try to make it about you. Don't play games, tell him you heard he is engaged and congratulations! Let go of him. Link to post Share on other sites
MelissaL Posted February 17, 2006 Share Posted February 17, 2006 How you're feeling is perfectly natural - everyone's upset when they hear their old bf is getting married. It sounds like he was your first real love, and you dated him a considerable amount of time, which probably means that at some point you believed you would be the one he'd marry. Regardless of your current dating situation, there will be ripples of nostalgia, perhaps even regret. He probably hasn't told you because he wants to avoid the bittersweet reality that you two are not going to have the same relationship anymore. It's the same with girlfriends, isn't it? No matter how close you are, husbands change things. My ex of 4 years, who remains my best friend, has been living with someone for almost a year now. Although I was dating someone at the time, I was sad at the news, too. Mostly, though, it was because I knew our friendship was going to change - no more late-night calls to him when I was upset with the new bf, I lost him as my movie buddy because his new gf has trust issues...things like that. My advice - take the high road. Congratulate him and wish him well. Eventually the shock and hurt will wear off, and you'll be glad to still have him as a friend. And focus on your new bf. If you've been dating him for so long he must be a good guy, so you have something to be happy about, too! Link to post Share on other sites
MrsHellFire Posted February 21, 2006 Share Posted February 21, 2006 Sounds like you still have feelings for this guy. I jumped into relationships to try to get over my ex, but it never helped, which is why I ended several relationships when it was not happening. It's not fair to your currect boyfriends to feel this way about someone else. Link to post Share on other sites
witabix Posted February 24, 2006 Share Posted February 24, 2006 Sounds like you still have feelings for this guy. I jumped into relationships to try to get over my ex, but it never helped, which is why I ended several relationships when it was not happening. It's not fair to your currect boyfriends to feel this way about someone else. Absolutely on the button MHF. You should leave your exes where they are, in the past, carrying around this sort of feeling for someone while you are in a relationship with another is downright unhealthy, unfair and dishonest. As another poster said, if I were your bf I would be interested in your reaction, I would be out of there. Have you told your current bf you love him? If you have how did you keep a straight face? No one can compete with a memory, ever. Link to post Share on other sites
ehead Posted February 24, 2006 Share Posted February 24, 2006 I can actually sort of understand this. There are ex's and there are ex's. I dated a girl on and off for about 7 years, starting when I was 17. In some ways I think I still havn't gotten over her. I rarely think about the other girls I've dated along the way, but I still think about this one. In so far as I believe in a soulmate, I've always thought she must be mine. I can remember feeling a stabbing pang in my heart upon first hearing that she had gotten married. As delusional as it sounds, I guess I still had some wild ideas about us getting back together. It's occurred to me I may still be thinking about this girl when I'm 65 and sitting on the front porch. Recently though, I have truly fallen in love for only the second time in my life, and this has helped a lot. It makes me so happy knowing that lightening can strike twice. I was honestly thinking it couldn't. If things don't work out, now I'll have 2 girls to obsess over at least. Link to post Share on other sites
Skeered Posted February 24, 2006 Share Posted February 24, 2006 I agree with ehead..because yes I think if you've ever been "in love" with someone that certain someone will never leave your thoughts but I also feel that if that person moves on with their life and feels truly happy far beit for you to rain on their parade. The feelings the poster is showing is total disrespect for her ex...they broke up he moved on and so did she and now she feels that he's disrespecting her for not telling her about his marriage..plain and simple it's none of her business...they could have been remaining chat buddies or email friends whatever but the relationship was OVER 4 years ago. He moved on appearantly she held on to the hope that he would want her back, now that hope has been crushed and she feels it is a personal attack on her. If you ever loved him then you need to be happy for him. Write him and tell him your friend mentioned that he is getting married and wish him the best, and then step back and observe your own relationship and make sure that you aren't just using this guy so your not alone. Link to post Share on other sites
DreOh6 Posted February 25, 2006 Share Posted February 25, 2006 I had an ex like you once. She didn't want to treat me right, so I dropped her. A few months later, I'm with somebody new. All of a sudden she wanted to get back together. I told her (after I had sex with her) that it wouldn't work out. I dumped her int he first place because she had turned into a hoe. Exes will come and go. Get over it and move on. Link to post Share on other sites
witabix Posted February 25, 2006 Share Posted February 25, 2006 I had an ex like you once. She didn't want to treat me right, so I dropped her. A few months later, I'm with somebody new. All of a sudden she wanted to get back together. I told her (after I had sex with her) that it wouldn't work out. I dumped her int he first place because she had turned into a hoe. Exes will come and go. Get over it and move on. But gardening implements have there uses too...... Link to post Share on other sites
Curmudgeon Posted February 25, 2006 Share Posted February 25, 2006 How you're feeling is perfectly natural - everyone's upset when they hear their old bf (or GF)is getting married. I couldn't have been happier when I learned that the ex was getting married as soon as our divorce was final. To date it's saved me somewhere in the neighborhood of $60,000 in spousal support! Link to post Share on other sites
cal gal Posted February 25, 2006 Share Posted February 25, 2006 I couldn't have been happier when I learned that the ex was getting married as soon as our divorce was final. To date it's saved me somewhere in the neighborhood of $60,000 in spousal support! OMG C- I think you got off easy, my exH is in a position to pay me 3,500.00 a month just in spousal support. He is not baulking at this, as he shouldn't. My boys are teenagers and that will be a hefty amount as well for the next several years. I could have been a gal to stick it to him for about 2-3K more per month, and he says I am being nice and reasonable about it all. Of course, I wasn't the one who cheated, and I am not willing to get back together... just trying to make the situation as easy for my boys as possible. Will always love him in some regard - just not willing to put up with the cheating part. Link to post Share on other sites
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