Disappointed again........ :-(

[hotgurl]

Okay this is going to sound kinda tacky.... maybe... hell right now I do not know.

 

I am friends with his best friend. Should I call his friend and simply without detail explain the situation to him and ask him to invite my H to stay for a couple of days?

 

My H never airs his dirty laundry to any one, including his friends..... he would never ask to stay over there. As a matter a fact this whole ordeal needs to keep a tight lid on it so the gossip does not start. It will f- up my business and his as well if this goes beyond a very very tight circle. It is important to maintain a stable front. A big drama scene would not go over well at all.

 

well I don't know I've always have been the one to leave. Thier ren't any hotels in the area. You can't pack a bag and have a talk with him and let him figure out the details?

 

As a rule I wouldn't invole a mutal friend like that.

[ThumbingMyWay]

and your final deduction from this info is?

 

alphamale would have a good answer to that

 

 

but IMO. he sounds like a doormat guy. I have some of the same attributes, which I am trying to change.

 

by doormat, I mean, he lets women walk all over him because its seems as though he dont stand up for himself as a man.

 

Women leave him or treat him badly becasue he lets them, by not taking control of the relationship in way that isnt overbearing, but he is not being a MAN per say the way a woman would like a man to be.

 

He is doing the same thing with you. I say that becasue from your OP, you already stated 3 of 5 things you can do, and they were to either cheat or leave.

 

If he would implement some of the attributes that alphamale suggest a man does to keep women interested, then you prolly wouldnt feel the way you do. take that with a grain of salt, cause I thought AM seemed a bit arrogant, but after many many talks with women, his POV does have some validity.

 

Your H seems to become "complacent" in his relationships, again, i did the same thing, albeit over a long time (18 years), which resulted in me not meeting my wifes needs and her having an affair to get the excitment that people so desprately want back after many years together.

 

You wuld figure, that after that many relationships always ending with the woman leaving or cheating, it would show that maybe HE is the problem.

 

Sounds like he just doesnt get it, but that doesnt mean he cant. I dont know what to tell you to tell him to GET WITH IT, cause you seem to be saying it already.

 

Men, we do need taters up our butt sometimes, cuase we are niave to alot of things that are required to keep a spouse happy and interested.

 

I have always said that my wifes A was a bittersweet wakeup call. Bitter cause it hurt so f'ing bad, but sweet cause it showed me that I NEED to change the way I am in order to have a happy healthy marriage.

 

you are still in the early stages of marriage. dont give up yet, keep pressing the issues.

[a4a]

Couple more questions...about his parents. What is/was his relationship with his mom and dad like? Did their parenting styles match? How was the power spread in his parents marriage? Who was the stronger partner and who was the dominant partner?

 

 

AH HUH!

 

His mother died when he was 10, his father raised he and 3 girls on his own.

His father apparently got a LTR about 5 yrs after his wife died. He never lived with her, sep. homes, but spent more time there in late teen years of my H.

 

H's father died when he was 27ish, my H cared for his father alone with hospice care.

 

I have pondered the ties to this and have not come up with a conclusion myself......

 

except that he may set himself up to be abandoned or attempt not to allow a person to get close to him in fear of abandonment?? dime store psychology 101. However he himself will state that I am the only person he has revealed himself to completely.

[a4a]

alphamale would have a good answer to that

 

 

but IMO. he sounds like a doormat guy. I have some of the same attributes, which I am trying to change.

 

by doormat, I mean, he lets women walk all over him because its seems as though he dont stand up for himself as a man.

 

Women leave him or treat him badly becasue he lets them, by not taking control of the relationship in way that isnt overbearing, but he is not being a MAN per say the way a woman would like a man to be.

 

Interesting idea, but I certainly do not walk all over him. He does allow others to temp. walk on him, but waits to spring into action, plans, then does well by not flying off the handle. I admire him for this in a way. He seems to end up the winner in the long run.

 

He is doing the same thing with you. I say that becasue from your OP, you already stated 3 of 5 things you can do, and they were to either cheat or leave.

 

I stated those as I am fed up with this consistant behavior. I would not cheat, I could not bring myself to do that out of respect for myself. From day one I told him I never would and that I will come to him first to tell him I am unhappy in our M...... which I have and am doing.

 

If he would implement some of the attributes that alphamale suggest a man does to keep women interested, then you prolly wouldnt feel the way you do. take that with a grain of salt, cause I thought AM seemed a bit arrogant, but after many many talks with women, his POV does have some validity.

 

Alpha does have some points, but we would kill each other within 10 seconds. if even meeting in a bar. If a man starts playing such games it is obvious to me and I look for an exit door ASAP. If an alpha attitude instead of an equal attitude was taken with me that would make me purchase a ticket to Guam ASAP for a divorce. I had an Alpha in my life..... not my match at all

 

 

 

You wuld figure, that after that many relationships always ending with the woman leaving or cheating, it would show that maybe HE is the problem.

Yes it does seem like a repeat pattern, also they were much younger than he was.... that is a factor.... not making excuses.

 

Sounds like he just doesnt get it, but that doesnt mean he cant. I dont know what to tell you to tell him to GET WITH IT, cause you seem to be saying it already.

 

:lmao: Exactly that is why I am at my wits end with this. He is a good guy. worth a bit of a fight to attempt to fix this, but damn I am tired of it. I deserve more.

 

 

Men, we do need taters up our butt sometimes, cuase we are niave to alot of things that are required to keep a spouse happy and interested.

 

I have always said that my wifes A was a bittersweet wakeup call. Bitter cause it hurt so f'ing bad, but sweet cause it showed me that I NEED to change the way I am in order to have a happy healthy marriage.

 

Funny I have told him that I am a mere stepping stone for him to end up in the next relationship...... I am simply training him

 

you are still in the early stages of marriage. dont give up yet, keep pressing the issues.

 

I have not quit yet..... but damn I am so lost on this one......

I suggested that he is like a dog that only sees the moment...... he does not realize that he has been crapping on the floor for months only sees that he just did it today. I am thinking of applying my animal training methods to him. I swore I never would... but shoot! Do we really have the right to change or expect a person to change to meet our needs? This is almost a question of ethics to me. I could do it..manipulate him/ train.... but I think that may be worse than just leaving.

[Touche]

I guess you didn't like my suggestion. You see it as "manipulation." Maybe in a way what I've suggested IS manipulation, but if you get the desired results, why/how is that worse than leaving and ending it?

[Mz. Pixie]

A-

 

I could almost cry reading your post, because you are exactly where I was a few years ago in my first M.

 

I tried everything, everything. Including say, "I will leave you or have an affair if you don't start staying home, spending time with me and contributing to this marriage" I also said things like, "I'm lonely" or "I'm too young to sit home at night aching for someone to hold me".

 

The only thing that woke him up was saying "I want a divorce" and then he was panic city trying to save things- only it was too late. Not to mention I had had a fling already (but I didn't leave him for the OM).

 

Here is what I suggest and what I wished I would have done. I say that because we have two kids together and it's been hell divorcing and such- but we were married ALOT longer than you have been. Sit him down and tell him that you've tried everything and you've talked until you're blue in the face but that you are going to suggest that he move to his friends house unless he will immediately go to marriage counseling. He will not take you seriously until he thinks it's his LAST chance. I mean, period, that's it. Marriage counseling immediately or he needs to move out to give you time to think.

 

My ex was like your's. He didn't beat me, he worked, he was a super nice guy, he never cheated and didn't drink. He thought that was all it took to have a good marriage!!! I could seriously write a novel about this whole subject and although I regret the affair, he still hasn't shown any real change even with his new gf.

 

Does your H have any clue that other gf's probably left him because of these same traits?

[ThumbingMyWay]

Do we really have the right to change or expect a person to change to meet our needs?

 

 

that is a good question. Cause that is something I am struggle with myself.

 

My wife stated a few things that I need to overcome to make this M work. Jealousy, Procrastination, and negative thinking/comments (OR slef esteem issue)

 

I do KNOW I need to change these things, but for me or for her? I think its for both of us. BUT I also have that voice in my head that says, this is the way I am, accept all of me, even my bad sides.

 

and that same question, expecting a person to change to make the other happy. My wife has already stated that SHE is the way she is, and I need to like it or leave it. and it kinda pisses me off. Alpha male said to me once, "shes the one who cheated, why do YOU need to change to make her happy?, what is she doing to make YOU happy?"

 

I have been thinking of that for a while now.....why do i have to change, but I need to accept her as is? DONT add up to me and I have asked her about it. Her inital response is stubbornness and defensiveness, which after many years with her this is her reaction when she knows I am right.

 

Time will tell. but its almost like SHE expects ME to be a certain way, but she dont have to change a thing. BUT with that said, she has changed, ALOT too, but there are still things that I dont like and i wonder if I can remain in this M is she doesnt make chagnes too. OR I take my own advice and accept ALL of her.

 

 

I read an article last night about a couple and there 60 year wed aniversery. They had some advice on how to keep the M happy. And they both said, "commitment" was the key. Just casue something makes you upset, it doesnt mean you just walk away from it. You have to commit to fix it. Divorce is too easy and commen now-a-days they said. Society says, that if you dont like something, take it back for a new one. Sad but true in todays world.

[a4a]

A-

 

I could almost cry reading your post, because you are exactly where I was a few years ago in my first M.

 

I tried everything, everything. Including say, "I will leave you or have an affair if you don't start staying home, spending time with me and contributing to this marriage" I also said things like, "I'm lonely" or "I'm too young to sit home at night aching for someone to hold me".

 

The only thing that woke him up was saying "I want a divorce" and then he was panic city trying to save things- only it was too late. Not to mention I had had a fling already (but I didn't leave him for the OM).

 

Well don't cry because its not fun! (my cheap stab at humor)

 

I have pointed out the repeat ex behavior to him.

He only works.... which is part of life, we work together, we bust our asses.

He never goes "out".

 

He reminds me of freaking Charles Ingles from lil house on the prarie.... practical, good, hardworking, dedicated, loyal..... but just deaf to my desires.

 

I treat him very well. Or I did. I do not want a clingy guy and love my time alone. I am a whole person when I am alone. But I will not go without what I want when I am capable of having it. I went over this before we were married, full expectations clearly outlined. I did not walk into this on a cloud hoping for change or to change him. He said he could provide these things and that he would......now he is not and really was lacking in the start but said he would do better, just needed time to settle in ect.....

 

And you people reading this.... if you want your SO to want you, to care about you.. well you best get off your asses and show that you care. Guess what we will get tired of waiting for you.

 

Touche I spent 8 days of being "cold but nice" it did not work..... that was 2 months ago. I thought he just put up a front more to deal with it. Or he figures I am in a "mood" and will get over it.

 

He keeps saying, no matter if we fight, or you yell at me that does not change how I feel about you. He is slow and steady no matter how rough the water gets. Which is great.... but looks like there is a serious down side to slow and steady.

 

He called I told him we need to talk and come to a conclusion about this tonight. But I am sure it will drag on unless I pack a bag for him and arrange a few days out of the house for him.

[Becoming]

a4a--Do I know what you're talking about! I'm married to same kind of guy, great but romantically clueless. This is why I started that thread a couple months back asking why guys need a 2 x 4 up side the head before they get it. It was enlightening. Here's the link: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t76951/ The complement to this one that was going on at the same time also helped: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t77122/

My husband read both of these and we had a lovely, nonthreatening chat about just communication that helped.

 

Since that time, things have been changing. I have been using some of the communication techniques suggested earlier.

 

My husband didn't hear me for years. I kept trying and trying and trying, as you have. Nothing worked--until I left a brief note telling him that I had tried everything I know to communicate to him that this marriage was not working for me and that my attempts to make something that we both agree is good for both of us have been met with no change, so I was leaving to give him time to look at life without me because this was where we were headed.

 

I had to leave (a few times) to get him to understand that relationships are like plants; they need maintenance. He didn't get this. He grew up in a house where his mother did everything relational while Dad worked and did nothing relational. He just didn't have any idea how to do a relationship. I suspect your H is the same way since his mother died so young and his Dad did his relating to OW outside the home.

 

We also have the whole issue with public knowledge of separation hurting business. Me leaving was just me going on holiday or visiting a friend. I do suggest that you call the friend you mentioned and ask him to leave. Because he really IS clueless, and he won't catch a clue until you do something drastic. But you will also have to tell him over and over as you ask him to leave and while you're apart that you love him and want him but that he can't be with you if he's going to continue to take you for granted. He can move back in after agreeing to go to MC and if he misses even one session, he'll be back with friend. AND YOU WILL HAVE TO FOLLOW THROUGH on your threat.

 

You're training him, just like a dog who loves being with you: reward with treat for good behavior. Time out and away for bad.

 

My H will tell you he was utterly clueless. MC has worked well for us, but honestly, he had to have some personal therapy to get a handle on why he was refusing to even hear me. It was a mother thing. It was only when he saw that he was going to lose something he wanted if he didn't do something that he caught a clue and listened up. We began working our way through marriagebuilders.com together at weekly dinner out, taking the laptop with us, and that has helped tremendously. When he saw how different our satisfaction levels were on our emotional needs inventory, he was surprised.

 

That said, I also had to work on accepting him as he is. My H gives me lame Val Day effort, too. But that means I don't have to do that much either, so I don't. I watched the AKC dog show by myself last night, bought my own damn flowers. Did he get any sex? Nope. When he wanted it, I cheerfully pointed out that sex for me begins with time and attention and conversation, neither of which he had bothered to meet, so I didn't feel like bothering with his needs either. Because we had both done the emotional needs work together on marriagebuilders.com, he knew what I was talking about. He's beginning to get that it's all about tit for tat (pun intended). But you will repeatedly have to make the connection for him, because he doesn't see relationships as something you have to work at.

 

We even did an exercise for two weeks where everytime he did something great, I put a number of beans in a jar to show him that what he did "counted." I asked him to do the same for me. I hadn't really been meeting some of his emotional needs either because he didn't really know what his were until we started being this deliberate. We started writing down what "counted" and for how much for each of us, and this helped.

 

Now that I think about it, we need to repeat that exercise. . . . .

 

You're gonna have to make MC an ultimatum, which if he doesn't meet by {thus and such time} he's going to be asked to leave.

 

That's all I got for ya, sister.

[a4a]

I read an article last night about a couple and there 60 year wed aniversery. They had some advice on how to keep the M happy. And they both said, "commitment" was the key. Just casue something makes you upset, it doesnt mean you just walk away from it. You have to commit to fix it. Divorce is too easy and commen now-a-days they said. Society says, that if you dont like something, take it back for a new one. Sad but true in todays world.

 

Funny that is what my H says..... no matter what he is committed to this M.

But of course that has got to be easy to say when you have it made in the R

 

I am at a 50/50 decision to call his friend. They have been friends for almost 30 years, he knows that I am the best thing that ever happened to my H. Maybe my H needs a person outside the realm of our M to shove an explosive tater up his ass?? Grasping at straws.

 

There is nothing wrong with wanting to change yourself if that is what serves you and brings you happiness. This whole ordeal is really tearing up my own self esteem. That is now causing anger.

 

And I got a freaking bad bad cold!

[Becoming]

Frankly, I don't think there is such a thing as unconditional love in relationships. That's bogus. We all decide to love when certain (often subconscious) conditions are met. When they aren't, we fall out of love. a4a is in danger of falling out of love and seeking to do something about it.

 

We all change in relationships to accomodate the other. If we expect the other to accomodate to us, what is that? Servitude, not equality. But it has to be a mutual accomodation.

 

And if it feels too manipulative to think about dog training your H (I know, it does sound bad), think of it as teaching him about how to love you, like we teach our partners about what pleases us sexually.

 

Personally, I got to the point where I decided if H was gonna act like a dumbass on this issue, I was just gonna have to relate to him on his level.

 

Sorry you feel bad:(

[Mz. Pixie]

A-

 

I was not clingy or needy. We had two small children and I was the responsible one always. He was gone 40 weekends out of the year, minimum and I didn't want to be alone all the time. I had my own things going on, which were impossible to schedule because he was never home for childcare and we couldn't afford sitters all the time due to his spending on his hobbies. Forget a date or making each other feel special. I wanted him to be home a bit more, not all the time! I also wanted him to "be" there when he was home, instead of zoning out in front of the tube until the kids were in bed and as soon as I dropped down in a exhausted stupor him muttering, "How about we go knock off a piece?" Seriously, he did say it that way.

 

I think involving the other guy is a problem. First of all, if he goes- why should you be the parent and make the arrangements for him??

[a4a]

A-

 

I was not clingy or needy. We had two small children and I was the

 

I think involving the other guy is a problem. First of all, if he goes- why should you be the parent and make the arrangements for him??

 

Oh no MZP I was not saying you are or were clingy or needy....just saying I am not.

 

 

 

I am not into the hold me and converse with me thing before sex. Hell at times I just want to "knock off a piece" ..... wow that is a doozy of a saying.

 

I communicate clearly. I mean crystal clear. I do not push blame... "I am responsible for my feeling cheated in this M. It is my perception. But I offer a chance to him to fulfill this flaw I have, as I need that right now. I need it as much as I need oxygen right now". (this said to him as well at some point)

 

His needs are met, or I truly try to meet all of his needs.

 

Of course if I am not getting the response I want from him I look to myself as the cause of the problem first.

 

I am starting to think I am the Fruckin Door Mat here. I need to be a Alphafemale biotch from hell.

 

I am quite capable of shutting the door on this and walking away with myself intact. I choose to attempt to fix this. But right now it is so one sided and I have to wonder why am I bothering? The only thing I can think of is because I said I would.... those promises I made about commitment.

 

Like I told H during our phone conversation..... IT IS NOW ALL ABOUT ME. ME ME ME ME ME.

 

As for me having to arrange a stay at the friend and being his parent. Well I think I am his parent at some points, his therapist, his financial advisor, his whore, and his friend. And that is ok. But what am I getting out of this?

 

Where is my treat for being a good dog? I have to go without having fun with other men (not a goal but...true) I have to share my time, use my time to help our R financially and with daily tasks. Where is my milk bone?

 

Or is this just my duty and no stars on my good girl chart but he gets stars for not watching porn and putting down the toilet seat... well whoopity shyt for him!

 

See the anger developing?? Which will pass into quiet logic soon.....

 

I have way too much I can do with my life than do this. My time is too precious.

 

Again...... people out there get off your ass today and at least tell your SO how much they mean to you.... plan or do something nice and unexpected for them...... sow a few seeds.

 

See now I am a ranting lunatic....... I think I need popcorn and a really really bad sci fi movie!

[magda]

Yeah, don't involve his friend. Keep trying to talk this through in a way he'll understand. Say that you are like a seedling that he needs to take care of and water and shield from the cold.

 

Also, lead by example and be romantic yourself. Maybe you could use a nice weekend getaway, also. Tell him that for Valentine's day he bought you a spa retreat.

[magda]

See the anger developing?? Which will pass into quiet logic soon.....

 

I have way too much I can do with my life than do this. My time is too precious.

 

Okay, this makes me think that maybe it's not as much your husband but your lifestyle and the monotony of it that is getting to you. Maybe if you did something beyond your usual you would get satisfaction from the life you are living with your husband. I mean, it could be a rut that is only indirectly related to your husband not being the most romantic man. Something that a new hobby/vacation/career could solve?

[ThumbingMyWay]

I think I need popcorn and a really really bad sci fi movie!

 

may I suggest Spaceballs! May the Shwartz be with you!

 

gotta love Mel Brooks stupid humor

[whichwayisup]

I think he's too comfy with the way things are. (Most) Men don't like change and don't like to have to put in the efforts if they feel all is OK. The problem is, his actions, or shall I say non-action, is affecting the marriage. It really is not hard to put effort in. To make that special time!

 

Really talk to him and tell him how it makes you feel. Do it in a caring way so he doesn't feel attacked or feel like he has to go on the defensive - Praise him for the good he does too - But somehow he needs to relate to how it makes you feel when he doesn't do X,Y or Z...

 

Maybe the routine needs to be broken up! Or you can orchestrate something fun, a romantic night and woo him - Maybe that will get his attention and he'll get an idea how nice it is to be pampered by your spouse, he'll do that for you.

 

Hang in there. I know it's frustrating! He does love you...He may be just one of those men who is so set in his ways he needs a swift kick in the butt to get rolling...

 

The other thing is, spouses can fill our needs - But not every need. For me personally I don't rely on my husband for it all just because it isn't fair to him. There are some things I rely on family for, my girl friends for etc... But in the sense of 'romantic settings' he has to perform in that role - OR atleast make an effort that can be noticed by you.

[Mz. Pixie]

I hear ya A- I know exactly how you feel. The anger I felt was unbelievable!

[a4a]

I mean, it could be a rut that is only indirectly related to your husband not being the most romantic man. Something that a new hobby/vacation/career could solve?

 

 

Do you mean I am in a rut or we are as a couple?

 

I have a hugely exciting life. I really do. Winter blows but I do some wild things and interesting. Out of the riding scene right now as my back is still out of whack.

 

As for us being a couple in a rut.... well yeppers, again I have tried, I initiate all couple activities, even sat down with H with a calendar to set fun goals for 2006. Monthy gourmet dinners at home (he already f***ed this up), river rafting in June, outdoor concerts for summer, a fun trip to D-world in the fall. We went over all this in Dec. he was gung ho for about 2 weeks obviously

 

H called I told him to ask friend if he could stay for a few days... not sure if he will or not, I guess I will know in a few hours. I said it nicely......said I need time alone to figure out what to do with us. He did not seem phased. It makes me wonder if he almost tried to make this happen. I am starting to bet he did, unconciously or not.

 

Again thank you all for helping out here and putting up with my lunatic rants!

I am sure they will continue for a tad longer

 

Can someone please start a thread about Panties.... perhaps "IF your panties could talk" thread

[Becoming]

a4a--Check out Scott Wetzler's book on How to Live with a Passive-Aggressive Man. Your guy fits the type--says he'll do stuff, then doesn't.

It's a great book. This kind of person, which is my H, will drive ya absolutely apes*** unless you know how to deal with 'em.

 

Does H know why he's going to be staying at friend's? Or does he think it's just "Yeah! I get to sit around in my underwear and drink beer while my W gets to do everything back at the ranch"?

[a4a]

a4a--Check out Scott Wetzler's book on How to Live with a Passive-Aggressive Man. Your guy fits the type--says he'll do stuff, then doesn't.

It's a great book. This kind of person, which is my H, will drive ya absolutely apes*** unless you know how to deal with 'em.

 

Does H know why he's going to be staying at friend's? Or does he think it's just "Yeah! I get to sit around in my underwear and drink beer while my W gets to do everything back at the ranch"?

 

 

I will look into the book..... I also read the threads you posted and my posts on those threads.... which says kinda what I am saying right now

 

rinse and repeat........rinse and repeat..... rinse and repeat.....

 

OH yes H knows exactly why I asked him to leave for a few days, I have clearly communicated my needs over and over and in different ways. Again this morn.

 

Rereading those threads makes me think this is a competition thing for him. He cannot hear me because he does not want to hear "he is a bad boy".

 

He will have to put up with a kitchen chick (that will bash me), His friends out of control monster kids, and his buddy telling him he is a dumbass.......then he will drink beer while I literally take care of the ranch.

 

going into logical numb phase now.... compartmentalizing things to see the logical solution to this.

 

rinse and repeat rinse and repeat.

 

but my breasts are perky...... and I have a pretty nice ass so .......

[37andConfused]

I'm also 37, have a nice body and consider myself a catch. My wife is a great lady, just not very creative.

 

Her gifts are very straighforward where I, on the other hand, go out of the way to do things creatively. Quick example - when we started dating, we'd been camping a few times. So for our first xmas, I give her a big ol' Coleman Lantern Box. She says 'oh a lantern - very nice". In the box, is a big teddy bear stuffed in. The bear is wearing a diamond necklace. Another time, she was in London for a business trip and I flew out there on the weekend to surprise her and took her to paris for dinner.

 

She generally prefers being quiet to making "sparkling" conversation, while I like to talk about a million things. But it gets old very fast when she doesn't reply to what i'm saying or make an effort to start some interesting conversation. When I ask her to make some small talk, she usually says "But I have nothing to say." etc.

 

All this is not to say that she's a bad person - that's just her personality. She's more the stoic, quiet type, while I'm the one who tries to keep things interesting.

 

I go through tough patches with this, but I compartmentalize and justify that she's still a good person. Maybe I can't get everything I want from one woman.

 

Sometimes I wonder what it would be like to have an affair with someone like you - someone who likes to always do little things to keep it interesting....who I can laugh with, play with, get kinky with, have romantic dinners and walks on the beach...

[whichwayisup]

Sometimes I wonder what it would be like to have an affair with someone like you - someone who likes to always do little things to keep it interesting....who I can laugh with, play with, get kinky with, have romantic dinners and walks on the beach...

 

Don't allow yourself to think that too much.

 

Your wife is who she is and yeah, she could put in more effort, try abit harder to put herself into conversations. Can I ask? Is she abit insecure or depressed? I find her answer of saying, "But I have nothing to say..." is strange.

[Becoming]

I will look into the book..... I also read the threads you posted and my posts on those threads.... which says kinda what I am saying right now

 

rinse and repeat........rinse and repeat..... rinse and repeat.....

 

OH yes H knows exactly why I asked him to leave for a few days, I have clearly communicated my needs over and over and in different ways. Again this morn.

 

Rereading those threads makes me think this is a competition thing for him. He cannot hear me because he does not want to hear "he is a bad boy".

 

He will have to put up with a kitchen chick (that will bash me), His friends out of control monster kids, and his buddy telling him he is a dumbass.......then he will drink beer while I literally take care of the ranch.

 

going into logical numb phase now.... compartmentalizing things to see the logical solution to this.

 

rinse and repeat rinse and repeat.

 

but my breasts are perky...... and I have a pretty nice ass so .......

 

 

Put down the cold medicine and walk away. Yeah, rinse and repeat. Ain't that the way? Your wandering uterus needs some therapy, I think.

 

I have seriously entertained living apart from H and just using him for good sex and companionship. We'd probably get along better.

[Touche]

You said you tried the nice but cold approach for 8 days. Did he ever notice a difference in your behavior towards him during the 8 days?

 

Also, what was his reaction to your asking him to stay with his friend so that you can think things over? If he had no reaction then he IS a tough nut to crack..not to say he is "uncrackable" just a tough customer. Did he say anything at all to you after that request? That will be very telling information.