dgiirl Posted February 15, 2006 Share Posted February 15, 2006 So I finally made it to the one year mark! I assume paper work gets filed today and I'll be officially divorced soon. I really dont know the details. All I do know is I MADE IT!! You can read my history to know my story. But all of those in the beginning stages, believe me when I say it will get better. Just hold on! I would never have believed I would have healed so much in this past year. I wont pretend that my life is perfect and that I'm living happily ever after. But I dont feel that pain anymore and i DO see a future. A year ago, I couldnt even imagine someone holding my hand and kissing me. The thought made me physically ill. I thought I would never find a love like my exh. But what I've learned over the past year is I might, and more importantly, regardless of anyone else being in my life or not, I'm in charge of my happiness and I'm in control. My exh was just a man I met once. I was ok before him and I'll be ok after him. And I might even have more fun without him! My advice is stay strong, pray, learn, and actively take your life back! You are in control and you can make it. Just hold on!! Link to post Share on other sites
Devildog Posted February 15, 2006 Share Posted February 15, 2006 Glad to hear it dgiirl!! Amazing how much strength we truly have that we didn't know about huh? Link to post Share on other sites
Author dgiirl Posted February 15, 2006 Author Share Posted February 15, 2006 amen to that! I never ever thought I had this much strength. Sometimes I am amazed at how I've made it through. Link to post Share on other sites
mablung Posted February 18, 2006 Share Posted February 18, 2006 My exh was just a man I met once. I was ok before him and I'll be ok after him. I'm glad things are going well for you, dgiirl. I do have a question, however, if you don't mind. I've noticed that in a lot of cases, upon/after separation/divorce, people tend to claim similar things to your quote from above. Of course this varies from case to case, but I'm wondering (and no, I'm NOT being sarcastic) why people have the tendency to belittle their past, failed relationship. Again, no disrespect intended; I'm going through a divorce myself, apparently, and it seems to me my wife is trying to do a similar thing, to some extent: say that it was mostly a mistake, that it wasn't _that_ great after all, etc, etc. I hope you get the point. And I would like to understand why she (and you, and perhaps other people in similar situations) think that way. If I misinterpreted your attitude, please forgive me. Good luck from now on as well... Link to post Share on other sites
Devildog Posted February 18, 2006 Share Posted February 18, 2006 Well mablung, in my situation it was definetly true. But I think the answer to your question is that we all have a tendency to wear our rose colored glasses when we are in the relationship. I also like to call it a fog of love. You overlook and don't, or won't, see alot of the problems in the relationship. After you get out of the relationship, and the fog clears and you can look at things objectively, you tend to realize and finally see all those things you overlooked or ignored. Link to post Share on other sites
Author dgiirl Posted February 18, 2006 Author Share Posted February 18, 2006 I agree with Devildog. Mablung, there's a great book called "Uncoulping". If you get a chance, read it. It helped with a lot of questions I had. One thing it mentions is, in order to move on, both partners need to make themselves not want the relationship any more and the best way to do that is to focus on all the negatives. For me, in the beginning, all i could do was focus on how great my exh was. I put him on a very tall pedestal and couldnt move on. I blamed myself for everything in the relationship. As time went on tho, i started to reflect on all the problems the relationship had and realized the relationship wasnt as good as I always believed it was. And more importantly, I wasnt the sole person who was to be blamed. I do realize there were good things about my exh. But if I focus on those, then I stay stuck. Right now, I need to move on. And the best way to do that is to realize he's a jerk. And after everything he's done, he really IS a jerk. Based on your own post, however, I'm guessing she was the one to leave? When my exh left, he said some unbelievably cruel things to me. He NEEDED to believe that in order for him to justify to himself the way he left. Dont listen to anything the other spouse says, especially if it's in a negative light. All it will do is hurt you more. They need it to move on. As for my direct comment. Well, it is true. It's not meant to belittle him but to give ME strength. To reinforce in me that I'll be ok without him. You might need to know who i was a year ago, but when he walked out the door, I truely thought the world would stop. It hasnt!! I made it. It was the hardest thing I ever had to do. But I did it. I've been able to live a full year compeletely alone, pay bills, feed myself, take care of my house, and the sky hasnt fallen. I thought I needed him to do all that. I didnt. Like devildog said, it's amazing how much strength we really do have! Link to post Share on other sites
Ladyjane14 Posted February 18, 2006 Share Posted February 18, 2006 I just wanted to say that it has been AMAZING to watch your progress. You are an inspiration, dgiirl! Link to post Share on other sites
Author dgiirl Posted February 18, 2006 Author Share Posted February 18, 2006 oh ladyjane, dont make me cry! lol I still have a lot more to do, but thank you! Link to post Share on other sites
mablung Posted February 18, 2006 Share Posted February 18, 2006 Thank you both for your answers, Devildog and dgiirl. I think I understand your points. And sorry to hijack your thread, dgiirl. I may have further questions, but I'll try to do that in my own thread Link to post Share on other sites
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