I got cheated on...

[Rancor13]

Well heres the scoop for anyone who cares to know. Yes, we are young, but I feel stongly and belive it's toatally capable to fall in love at a young age.

 

I'm 16, my Girfriend Currently 14. We have a awsome relationship, NEVER argued at all, and things were starting to go awsome. We decided to take things to the next level, and had sex. After endgadging in sex, it was fine. She visited her moms house of Winter Break, who lives in Arizona ( We currently live in Las Vegas) She told her mom about us having intercourse, and her mom was really cool. Even got my girlfriend on the pill. Her mom guilted her to tell her dad, and she did. ( her dad lives in vegas, and my gf lives with her dad. She was visiting her mom at the time) She told her dad, and when she arrived back in Vegas things went downhill. Her dad told her she wasn't going to be doing anything of the weekends, no more boyfriend, or anything. At this age I know we should concentrate on our School, but we do. Were both straigt A students. Back to the story... as her dad exploded on her, cutting my girlfriend off from everything, my girlfriend pulled a bluff.. " What if I just live with my mom then" her dad called it, and sent her to live with her mom. Her mom is out of state, and we decided to keep things going over LDR. Things were going great, or so I thought. Then tommrow, I got e-mails from her saying she doesn't deserver me, I told her it's not what I deserve, it what I want. Then she asked me whats the most dissapointing thing she could do, and I replied " Cheating on me" ... she then bursted into tears, crying, admitted she cheated on me. I asked how, when, and where. She made out with a random guy for about a half an hour. This toatally crushed me, and she gave me the news on Valentines day. She told me this, 3 days before she is coming down to stay and visit with me too. She well be here Saturday.

 

I'm in a bind, because I really love her so much, and I told her I will put it behind us, I just need more advice on what to say, how to feel, and should I take her back. I realize people make mistakes. I care about her to much to end our relationship like that. But I woke this morning feeling like trash. With a ache in my stomach like I'm nervous, but I know it's because of that. Well she do it again? The worst part about it, is she had a promise ring I got her, and I guess that promise is off .....

 

I want to go up there for college, and those are my intentions, but am I wasteing my time?

 

 

Thanks in advance for the help.

[Rancor13]

Here are some thoughts as of know:

 

Also, to add a few things, she said that it didn't mean anything, but if it didn't mean anything why would she do it?

 

She did tell me, which was good. This incident happend 2 weeks ago.

 

If she loved me why would she do it?

 

She wasn't drunk..

 

She told me she would tell the guy face to face it ment nothing, and she regrets doing it.

 

She did tell me she regrets.

 

She wants to contiune dating.

 

Also.. it's just making out, and I understand it's hard living 400 miles away.

 

Can I trust her not to do it again? Especially since she put it on her sisters life she never would, and she had a promise ring on top of that.

 

Those are some thoughts. Quality advice would help so much =)

[roxyg]

Okay, first off, you are 16 and she is 14! I am glad her Dad cared enough about her to want to strip her of having a boyfriend, going out on the weekends, and whatnot; what kind of parent wouldn't? As for her Mom being okay with her having intercourse at such a young age, no wonder she lived with her Dad! Not to pass judgement, but why engage in love at such a young age? Live your life, and enjoy your youth, don't get caught up in "deep" relationships! Do I think she may cheat on you again, yes. Do I think you should stay with her, probably not. What do you say to someone who has cheated on you, tell her your feelings about the whole situation. How long have you two dated? Don't confuse love with infatuation or lust, they are totally different feelings. If you two were each others' first, it is easy to confuse what real love is. I guess I am just a little angry because 14 is so young to me, especially to be engaging in sex; I knew of a young girl that was 14 and ended up getting pregnant, she was a straight A student, and ended up dropping out, she now works at McDonald's and her mother has to take care of her child. Great life, huh?!

[Rancor13]

I understand you're anger, I suppose. I can assure you we keep things safe. As us being to youung for love, I disagree. We've been dating for 6 months to answer you're question, and I can assue you it is'nt lust. I've got a job, and putting money into an account so I can afford to buy an apartment, and live up there while she attends college. Thanks for the response, you see like a very smart being. I just can't find it in my heart to let things go that easy, I've toatally in love with her, and I can't help it. I have a nice date planned up while she is down here, I'm going to tell her how I feel, and give her the decision.

 

I'm going to lay things flat out, either tell me she wants to stay serious, and I will continue to put my time into her, or not., and quit wasteing my time.

[roxyg]

So you are putting money into an account for you two to still be together, well you should also put money away for something else, such as a child, in the event of an "accident". Don't get me wrong, I was once your age, and thought I knew what there was to know about being responsible, and being in a "deep" relationship. I look back now, and think, "I had NO idea!" So, why waste your youth waiting for a very young girl? I just don't get it? Is it media that plays a part in the wanting to be "in love" at the age of 16, or is it just the mere fact that our nation's youth has grown up, at a rapid state? If I could go back, I would have given up any sort of "deep" relationship, and stuck with having fun, not worrying about someone else.

[Gunner]

So you are putting money into an account for you two to still be together, well you should also put money away for something else, such as a child, in the event of an "accident". Don't get me wrong, I was once your age, and thought I knew what there was to know about being responsible, and being in a "deep" relationship. I look back now, and think, "I had NO idea!" So, why waste your youth waiting for a very young girl? I just don't get it? Is it media that plays a part in the wanting to be "in love" at the age of 16, or is it just the mere fact that our nation's youth has grown up, at a rapid state? If I could go back, I would have given up any sort of "deep" relationship, and stuck with having fun, not worrying about someone else.

 

I think it is just a difference in people. I can identify with Rancor13. I am a 35 year old male and ever since I can remember being interested in girls I wanted to be in a commited relationship. Every girl I dated I wanted to be "serious" with. I never had any desire to play the field. I met my future spouse at the age of 17 (she was 18) and married her a little over a year later. It seems that she had always wanted commited relationship also. In todays society she thought that she had to have sex to keep somebody interested in a commited relationship so she had started having sex at the age of 14. Do I think that is too young an age to have sex? Absolutely! Do I think that a person can find "The One" at a young age? Absolutely! Just do the searching for "The One" without the sex part because at that young age all the sex does is confuse people. Take it slow, get to know each other and like roxyg said, live your life, have fun. I have been married to "The One" for 18 years now and it is great. My wife regrets not saving herself for me (I was a virgin when we met). The choices you make now will affect the rest of your life so again take it slow. I know that ache you are talking about in your stomach. I always got that feeling when I wanted to be serious with a girl and she was not so interested in a serious relationship. Like I said at first it's just a difference in people. If she is not ready to be serious it will hurt but keep looking until you find somebody who is looking for the same thing as you. Good luck and be safe!

 

Gunner

[yawhatever]

Sure its cheating but making out is not that big of a deal, in my case my girlfriend slept with her friend from work which they worked together for 4 years and now she regrets it.

 

In your case I would just continue to see her, forgive but don't forget.

[PerryMason]

When parents find out their child is sleeping with numerous girls, they talk about looking for a "committed" relationship (with one lady).. then there's here where this guy is in a committed relationship and people's advice is to have fun and not be "tied down" so, in other words, just sleep around and have fun (because living this way leads to promiscuity anyways).. that isn't such a responsible lifestyle. Catching a disease from numerous partners and pregnancy with someone you had a one night stand with is not very fantastic either. There is always people picking on SOMETHING just to hear themselves whine. It's HIS life and your beliefs are not going to be the same as his, so let him live his life.

 

As for this girl... she is not serious enough or mature enough for this type of a relationship... it didn't take her long to mess with someone else. Maybe it's time to try to move on. Because if this is going to remain LD, doesn't look like there's much of a chance with her behavior.

 

What I'm surprised about is that she actually told her family she started having sex... never have I known anyone who did this when I was a kid. It's amazing that you didn't see this coming. Of course her family is going to go nuts because afterall, she's just 14 and just 6 years ago she was 8... having sex already and that is not an easy thing for a parent to handle.