compromising principles

[jam]

sometimes it feels like i'm compromising my principles to be with this guy because i love him alot. yet he makes me feel bad sometimes, like he gets crabby and can be a jerk or sometimes he is condensending, or snotty. he says it is because he is busy or stressed and i come along and ask too many questions or ask them at the wrong time cause maybe he is busy or things are going bad and he can't talk right now. then i feel bad and hurt and wonder why i stay with him. i do love him but sometimes i feel like i'm better off without him cause he hurts me alot even unintentionally. his mom tells me that even when he was young he thought chit chat was just a waste of time. he believes in getting to the point and not wasting time so sometimes i try to tell him something he gets impatient too and i can see it in his face but he tries to hide it then i don't want to talk to him anymore so i finish story and he is happy. does this sound like trouble in paradise? i don't know what to do, i love him and when i think of leaving him i feel so sad and i think of someone else with him getting all the love that he does give me, he is very loving as well, and always tells me i'm his whole life and that he wants to be together forever. how can i leave that?! i don't know what to do, i feel sad some times cause of the way he is and wish he wouldn't be so stressed out and impatient. he is a good person other then all that, i'm just wondering if maybe i'm staying with him for the wrong reasons, even though love is one of them, any ideas on this? please help!

[BeenThere]

Is he like this with everyone, or just with you? How is he around his friends, his family? Just want to know if he is like this with everyone, or just with you...

sometimes it feels like i'm compromising my principles to be with this guy because i love him alot. yet he makes me feel bad sometimes, like he gets crabby and can be a jerk or sometimes he is condensending, or snotty. he says it is because he is busy or stressed and i come along and ask too many questions or ask them at the wrong time cause maybe he is busy or things are going bad and he can't talk right now. then i feel bad and hurt and wonder why i stay with him. i do love him but sometimes i feel like i'm better off without him cause he hurts me alot even unintentionally. his mom tells me that even when he was young he thought chit chat was just a waste of time. he believes in getting to the point and not wasting time so sometimes i try to tell him something he gets impatient too and i can see it in his face but he tries to hide it then i don't want to talk to him anymore so i finish story and he is happy. does this sound like trouble in paradise? i don't know what to do, i love him and when i think of leaving him i feel so sad and i think of someone else with him getting all the love that he does give me, he is very loving as well, and always tells me i'm his whole life and that he wants to be together forever. how can i leave that?! i don't know what to do, i feel sad some times cause of the way he is and wish he wouldn't be so stressed out and impatient. he is a good person other then all that, i'm just wondering if maybe i'm staying with him for the wrong reasons, even though love is one of them, any ideas on this? please help!

[jam]

pretty much with everyone but more so with me, i guess because it's easier. ya know like when your with someone you feel comfortable enough to be that way with your spouse?

Is he like this with everyone, or just with you? How is he around his friends, his family? Just want to know if he is like this with everyone, or just with you...

[BeenThere]

True. We often make emotional punching bags out of the people we love and trust the most because we take for granted that they will be there for us unconditionally. We often say things to our loved ones in anger that we would never say to a friend or a stranger for fear they'd never speak to us again! We give more respect and consideration to those who are less deserving and have done far less to earn it. Mutual respect is one of the key factors in sustaining a healthy, long-term relationship. It's as important as honesty and communication when it comes to building a strong foundation.

 

It sounds like your guy, like the rest of us, has some flaws. It may be an inherent personality trait that will be difficult to deal with, let alone change. Of course, it would be prudent to suggest the usual..."talk to him about it." Tell him how his behavior makes you feel, but rather than accuse him of doing it maliciously (which will only put him on the defensive), try to stay focused on explaining how it effects you...personally. When interacting with him, no matter how difficult he may be, try to remain calm, polite and respectful. If you want to talk and he seems dispondant or uninterested, stop your conversation and politely ask him when there might be a better time. You are in control, so do not allow him to be condescending or allow yourself to feel less important. Take the upper hand and CALMLY leave the room. Don't make a scene, don't get angry and stomp out, don't cop an attitude for three days and refuse to talk. Don't show him any emotion at all. If you behave calmly and respectfully, like the ADULT in this relationship, you might be able to turn it around on him. Perhaps, when he finds himself spending more and more time alone, he will eventually learn to reciprocate. Treat him the way you would like him to treat you as a means of setting an example. And, if in time, he doesn't "get it" you might want to start evaluating the positive aspects of this relationship, as opposed to the negative ones, and figure out where you stand. You might find yourself having to decide, once and for all, if you're willing to compromise your self-worth and esteem any further to make this thing a go.

pretty much with everyone but more so with me, i guess because it's easier. ya know like when your with someone you feel comfortable enough to be that way with your spouse?

[jam]

thank you very much! i will try that tonight!

True. We often make emotional punching bags out of the people we love and trust the most because we take for granted that they will be there for us unconditionally. We often say things to our loved ones in anger that we would never say to a friend or a stranger for fear they'd never speak to us again! We give more respect and consideration to those who are less deserving and have done far less to earn it. Mutual respect is one of the key factors in sustaining a healthy, long-term relationship. It's as important as honesty and communication when it comes to building a strong foundation. It sounds like your guy, like the rest of us, has some flaws. It may be an inherent personality trait that will be difficult to deal with, let alone change. Of course, it would be prudent to suggest the usual..."talk to him about it." Tell him how his behavior makes you feel, but rather than accuse him of doing it maliciously (which will only put him on the defensive), try to stay focused on explaining how it effects you...personally. When interacting with him, no matter how difficult he may be, try to remain calm, polite and respectful. If you want to talk and he seems dispondant or uninterested, stop your conversation and politely ask him when there might be a better time. You are in control, so do not allow him to be condescending or allow yourself to feel less important. Take the upper hand and CALMLY leave the room. Don't make a scene, don't get angry and stomp out, don't cop an attitude for three days and refuse to talk. Don't show him any emotion at all. If you behave calmly and respectfully, like the ADULT in this relationship, you might be able to turn it around on him. Perhaps, when he finds himself spending more and more time alone, he will eventually learn to reciprocate. Treat him the way you would like him to treat you as a means of setting an example. And, if in time, he doesn't "get it" you might want to start evaluating the positive aspects of this relationship, as opposed to the negative ones, and figure out where you stand. You might find yourself having to decide, once and for all, if you're willing to compromise your self-worth and esteem any further to make this thing a go.