What happens when a player falls in love?

[whichwayisup]

I'm kinda hoping you're jokin' around RP. Ugly women or not, they are getting something from him. And he is getting something from them.

[blind_otter]

Does it happen? I'm not thinking of a misogynist woman-hating kind of player, but a low self-esteem, likes to flirt w/ lots of girls for the ego boost kind. What happens when a girl comes along that they think they are just gonna flirt w/ like every other girl they come across...but she ends up catching him completely off guard and he totally falls in love w/ her.

 

Ya think he'll stop the ego-boosting flirting w/ every other female? I'm thinking still no...since it's a self-esteem issue, and just cause he's in love doesn't mean his self-esteem is any higher.

 

Agreed. Self-esteem issues can never be resolved using external distractions like relationships. That's just like putting a bandaid on an infected wound. It will cover up the injury, but the injury will swell and get worse underneath the bandaid until it becomes an abscess (nice imagery, right )

 

This is just IME, though. And from what I've seen with my friends/family.

[RecordProducer]

I'm kinda hoping you're jokin' around RP. Ugly women or not, they are getting something from him. And he is getting something from them.

They are getting politeness and he is getting some extra attention. I don't think he is one step from cheating. And again, I am talking about women he never wanted to date. So why cheat on the wife he adores with someone he never wanted?

 

In any case, if any man wants to cheat, there is nothing that can stop him. You can only deal with the consequences. If he ever cheats, I'll find out. If I find out - he's a DM.

[blind_otter]

Because they like to date multiple women they can't fall in love? So you are saying you were born better than them and that THEY have a mental illness where they can't fall in love? Because THAT'S how ridiculous it sounds.

 

Actually there's an article in this month's national geographic about the neurochemistry and biology involved in love.

[whichwayisup]

If he ever cheats, I'll find out. If I find out - he's a DM.

 

That I know! hehe...

 

I guess I just feel right now that he should be pouring all his energy into YOU, not the other women. Especially now as you've just moved to the US and starting a life together.

 

Hugs!

[RecordProducer]

That I know! hehe...

 

I guess I just feel right now that he should be pouring all his energy into YOU, not the other women. Especially now as you've just moved to the US and starting a life together.

 

Hugs!

He IS pouring all his energy into me. Speaking of that, this particular woman that he's known for 3 years and never had the desire to meet her in person is 42 and totally in love with him. She sends him emails practically begging him to answer her; she sent him bikini pics (she is average-looking) and flirtatious messages, asking him 100 times if he got the pics and how he liked them, while he sent her pics of me and my kids... She is from Rio, btw.

 

Her no-matter-how-futile-and-ridiculous, but disrespectful (towards me) attempts to make him pay attention to her eventually pissed me off, so I confronted her in Yahoo messenger telling her that she passed the border of friendly behavior and entered the "I want your man" zone...

 

So she forwards our chat to my husband accompanied with her nasty comments about how manipulative and aggressive I am and how hurt she is by me telling her that my hubby and I love each other... She is so self-centered, for some reason she thinks that we are doing this to her, on purpose - to hurt her (us loving each other, that is). She thinks that because I got him, she can get some compassion from me for being the loser. (She is the kind of person that writes in boring details about her exams, but never asks my husband how he (or his wife) is doing - typical self-centered idiot!)

 

In all that, he just feels sorry for her and annoyed by my involvement with her, saying that she is just an unimportant pen-pal and who cares about her attempts..

 

So after she wrote that nasty email and knew I'd read it (I had already forgotten about her), I decided to write her a nifty little email.

 

I told her to stay away from my husband cuz I'm gonna fly to Rio and cut her throat off... Nahhhhhh, just kidding. I wrote her that she is trying to cause damage to our marriage ON PURPOSE and that my hubby loves me and our kids and doesn't care about her (in many more words though).

 

I also included photos from our wedding, him with the kids and - of course - ME IN BIKINI!!!! Hee-hee-hee...

 

I look so much better in bikini than her! Not to mention that I am 12 years younger... Well... she asked for it..

 

Next time I'll send her six emails (one email daily) with the following content:

 

1. B...

2. I...

3. T...

4. C...

5. H...

6.

 

Well my message to her is: if ya wanna f*ck with RP - ya better take your pants off that fat ass of yours, cuz RP ain't gonna get f*cked by stupid idiots that can't even learn the basic English grammar properly.

 

The following bullkrap are samples from her email:

 

"SHE TRYED TO MAKE ME FELT DOWN IN HER GAME,FIRST PRETENDING TO BE KIND,TO MAKES ME VULNERABLE,AND THEN FINALLY SHOWING THE POISON,AND TRYING TO HUMILHATE ME.. I DIDNT WAS IN HER GAME,I ALOWED CONSCIENTLY SHE THOUGHT THAT SHE WAS EARNING,TO NEUTRALIZE HER,AND TO MAKE HER CALN DOWN TO YOU.. TO PROTECT YOU,AND I SAID LYES ALL THE TIME TO PROTECT YOU,EVEN GIVING ME A BIG SUFFERING WITH THIS BEHAVIOR.. EVERY WORD I SAID GAVE ME PAIN.,BUT I DID....I DID IT FOR YOU,WHY?I DONT KNOW,[FONT=Arial]MAYBE I WANT TO BE IN THE CORRECT WAY"

 

and

 

"In Fact,Av im feeling a ashamed with THE WAY I ACTED IN this all story,i dont knoW the correct word in englih,but it was a big crazyness,what happened was that i stayed feeling humilhated,and as,you didnt talk to me,i felt that you knew ,and agreeded to this humilhation to me.....but nothing is big,we are all in the earth to learn ,and growth...all of us are like kidds learning everyday,and in this process ,we hurt ourselves,even when we are trtying to do the oposite...maybe your wife also was afraid of hurting herself,just as i was afraid of hurting me,and in this process the way the instint gives her is atacking.......THE ONLY THING I WANT IS REALLY TO BE HAPPY,WHERE AND THE WAY THAT IT COMES TO ME,AND I REALLY WILL TRY"

 

 

Can you hear her imbecillic accent? :lmao:

 

[Art_Critic]

I'm sorry that you are having to deal with this RP.. your husband needs to step up to the plate.. where are his ballz ?

 

He is showing you and your marriage disrespect by letting you deal it..He is a very weak man.. Sorry

[blind_otter]

I'm sorry that you are having to deal with this RP.. your husband needs to step up to the plate.. where are his ballz ?

 

He is showing you and your marriage disrespect by letting you deal it..He is a very weak man.. Sorry

 

Word.......

[933KJL]

while he sent her pics of me and my kids... She is from Rio, btw.

 

You need to stop that in it's tracks. Sending pictures of your kids to some stranger. Ever hear of white slavery? That is a very dangerous slope.

 

I agree with AC--hubby appeared to have grown some balls when he came onto LS and professed his love for you, but it appears that his testosterone has gone into remission.

 

RP this is not right. Your hubby appears to be (for whatever reason) infatuated with ladies from foreign shores. This is a red flag to me! The fact that there are photos being sent back and forth is indicative that there may be more than jsut casual flirtations. Does his business EVER take him to Rio?

 

He is pissing all over you and marking his territory. My guess is that when he is done pissing, he will s*** all over you too. You need to address this now and put a stop to it and find out the real intentions before you are stuck in a foreign land (to you) with your two friends and a psycho ex husband!

 

BTW--cut the Brazilian some slack on the language---it is far more substantial than ANY American would do if the shoe were on the other foot.

[whichwayisup]

Well, I hope she backs off and leaves you guys alone. Your hubby should tell her goodbye just out of respect for you. Even if you're OK with him doing this, it's still not good.

[cal gal]

Keep in mind the simple fact that a player is a different beast than a flirt!

[Lonestar]

I'm sorry, RP, but it is not this woman's fault that this is happening. It's your husband's and he is completely disrespecting you. You're being played, and you're continuing to allow it to happen by making excuses for your husband.

[Touche]

I have to agree. Your anger is misdirected. It's not the woman's fault. It's totally within his control to stop this if it upsets you.

[cal gal]

RP - I agree with Lonestar...

 

Why wouldn't your new hubby block her e-mail?

 

Maybe you could ask him to block it, and if he won't - then you have more issues to deal with at that point, but at least you will know where you stand....

 

Then maybe takes steps based on his actions.

[Lishy]

I think RP knows her man - And I also think she will know if things get tricky!

 

Personally I would not put up with this and I would not make excuses for it! I am thinking he is loving this attention and lets hope he does not feel the need to ever take this further!

 

Keep your eyes wide open RP!

[newbby]

i agree with all the above posters. this woman says she is lying to cover his a$$, so she obviously thinks theres more to it than just pen-pals. this means that he has not made it very clear to her, what it is. him sending pics of you and kids doesnt mean anything, if he is encouraging her feelings. maybe she is desperate cause things arent so easy where she is.

[hyakku]

Butter and Wit, good posts. I think the problem here is that Hyakku does not truly understand the definition of a player. Kind of like he used the word "demolish" in the wrong way.

 

Hyakku, read Butter's and Wit's posts again. Maybe you'll understand. If not, one day when you have more life experience, you WILL get it.

 

Good luck on your journey to growth and development.

 

A player? A player is a man (or woman) who gets with more than one partner and DOESN'T commit to any of them. If a player falls in love and becomes commited, he is no longer a player now is he? Take a simple analogy, a person playing a game is a player until he is killed, after which he is no longer a player.

 

All I'm hearing from you all is that men who like to have sex with many women and like being with more than one woman at a time can't fall in love. It's idiocy at its fullest. In the past he may have lied, cheated, stole, whatever, but if he desires the change he can change quite easily. I've seen it done with much OLDER people (20s and 30s) who change in a SNAP. I've got friends at 23 and 24 who date tons of women, have sex with tons of them, and when they do find a girl they are genuinly interested in, they settle down, and these men are your text book definition of players. (Menage's, having sex with more than one partner within hours, etc).

 

What you mean to say I believe is, "Can an INSECURE player fall in love", there's a huge difference. Because men like to flirt that makes us insecure? That makes us need an ego boost? Sure it does, anyway I'm off to work.

 

 

P.S. The term hit on over here generally means flirted with with sexual communication and sexual hints going on. If you mean he cheated on his wife why not just say that? If he has that's totally different, and his wife is really just plain stupid to stay with him if she knows and has this, "deep sadness" in her eyes because of it.

[blind_otter]

All I'm hearing from you all is that men who like to have sex with many women and like being with more than one woman at a time can't fall in love. It's idiocy at its fullest.

 

Things change when you get older. Settling down in your early 20s isn't the same thing as settling down as an adult. I was married and divorced by the time I was 25. It's hard for me to take your opinion seriously since one of my closest friends is a 45 year old man who cannot for the life of him figure out why he can't maintain a steady relationship with one woman.

 

We were talking on my lunch break and he was agonizing over the fact that he is frustrated with his inability to be in a committed relationship. He's staying single (like me) to clean up his baggage from previous relationships before he starts again, even though he's being tempted with 2 women right now.

 

But do read this month's national geographic. You'll learn some things. I did.

[Touche]

Again, players don't just have different sex partners. They LIE to all of them. They act like they're in an exclusive relationship when they're really not. It's not a matter of just "flirting."

 

I honestly don't know how to make it any clearer to you so I'm done trying. I thought Wit and Butter explained it better than I did. But you're just not gettin' it! Oh well....like I said, one day you will.

[incognito]

Quote:

low self-esteem, likes to flirt w/ lots of girls for the ego boost kind

. Hint: Some guys don't just flirt because of low self esteem, its actually fun.

 

Um...that's nice and perfectly except that...I am talking about a guy who does it because of low self esteem, needs the ego boost.

 

To witabix, how do you they weren't just having a bad day? I don't understand, his wife is sad because he FLIRTS with other women? Good God imagine if he actually hugged one!!! /sarcasm. If he hasn't cheated on her or took it over the line of just playfully flirting, there's nothing wrong with flirting, its supposed to be fun, just because I flirt with a woman doesn't mean I'm trying to f*** her, it just means that I'm having some fun.[/quote

 

Well...flirting is all fun and games until the other spouse has a problem w/ it. When it makes the other spouse feel inferior to other women, or like she's being ignored, then it becomes a huge issue.

 

So he flirts? That's it? What the hell is smarm? He hasn't done anything physical has he? He hasn't left his wife to go be with your girlfriend has he? Nothing done wrong. If the woman is THAT insecure because her husband likes to flirt, then she has as much of a problem as he does. I'm not saying he should flirt with all women, but he's not doing anything exactly wrong. Its funny how society has so many brainwashed to think, "Once I'm in a relationship, looking at the opposite sex in the wrong way is wrong."

 

Hmmm...very selfish outlook on things. Sounds like you keep your women real happy

 

No' date=' the players are getting NOTHING but a piece of ass. Players don't fall in love. You're just not getting it. They wouldn't know or understand a REAL relationship involving love and respect if it bit them in the ass. So, no. They don't get it.[/quote]

 

But I'm asking about when they do. Maybe "player" is the wrong word, but my description is accurate. I really think I used the wrong term....according to everyone's responses:confused:

[incognito]

incognito - i think a player may be able to settle a bit, but as they are commitment phobic, they like to play down their attached status and are likely to keep on flirting and playing around regardless.

 

 

Is it possible to be married and still be commitment phobic? And still flirt w/ women like crazy (and lie about marital status). I am thinking yes because...if he's still flirting like crazy and hides his marital status when he can, then that doesn't sound too committed to the woman he married.

[incognito]

He remains a player. I happen to be married to one.

 

I imagine this makes you feel quite insecure w/in the relationship. I have limited experience here but, when my S/O was constantly flirting w/ other women, even though I knew he loved me, I still felt quite insecure. And I have felt that he would never physically cheat, but that whole 'need an ego boost, let's flirt w/ lots of girls' thing just made me feel inadequate w/in the relationship...like I wasn't enough to keep him happy.

[incognito]

I agree with anywone who has posted and said, he won't know what to do, he's screwed if he ever falls in love. His first instinct will be to treat her differently than all the other women. He may buy her flowers, take her out to nice places, and actually spend the night with her instead of just a booty call.

 

With a playier, the thrill is in the chase. But, since he already has a low self-steem, falling in love means having emotional feelings for her. He will be insecure about her interactions with other men. This will cause him to do things that will drive her away.

 

Another problem, the player has flirted with so many women, some of those women will interfear with his loving relationship. The woman he loves will suffer the consequences of his irresponsibility with other woman before he met her. This will make her unhappy. And she will leave him.

 

Otherwise, if she stays and takes all the BS, eventually, the player will view her the same as he views all the other woman, as nothing special. The chase is over. The thrill is gone.

 

A player would have to change his whole outlook on love and life in order to have a successful, loving relationship with anyone. LOVE will not make a player change. It has to be something internal. Perhaps a tragic experience that causes him to change his behaviour.

 

wow...very helpful post! Thank you!

 

The bolded part...can you explain? What things will drive her away that he does?

[incognito]

Fooling around online and being a newlywed are not good signs RP..

 

He needs to stop before it starts to take its toll on your self esteem.. what an ass.

Personally I think he is one quick step away from not being faithful if he is engaging in online sexual foolerly..

 

Watch him carefully

 

 

I agree.

 

It amazes me how many people think the "internet" doesn't matter.

[Butterflying]

wow...very helpful post! Thank you! The bolded part...can you explain? What things will drive her away that he does?

Thanks. It's only my opinion. Glad it helps!

Things an insecure man might do to drive a woman he loves away is being too possessive. He might visit her at odd times just to check up on her. He might stalk her. Or, since he's a player, he might turn back to some of those women he "played" for MORE attention, to make the woman he loves jealous.

 

I'm sure there are many other things to drive her away. But I just wanted to point out the fact that a player literally sets himself up for failure when he falls in love. The post began by asking what happens when a player falls in love. Many of us have posted simply to describe that.

 

I feel for young Hyyaku. I get what he's saying. To him, it seems like we are saying a player can't fall in love. Hyyaku, I hope you can see the difference in a player and a flirtatious man. A player is someone who plays games with peoples hearts and feelings. That's very painful to most people.

 

If a man like this decides to change, YES he can change. Once he decides to change, it's not going to be squeeky clean over night. There will be reprocussions and consequences to pay. In the process of getting his life together, he may end up losing the woman he loves while he's dealing with all the changes.

 

But once he finally gets it right, he's no longer classified as a player.