AltplanB Posted February 16, 2006 Share Posted February 16, 2006 My ex has tried contacting me twice in the last month. She is with someone else but i got a weird voicemail message from her last Friday night about how i am still in her thoughts and she still cares about me and would like me to call her for anything. She also said that if i wasn't over it than she was sorry for calling because she didnt want to put me through anymore harm. I sense that she is looking for me to be her friend and such. Since we arent getting back together and i still have deep feelings for her, i have a text message that i think shall suffice. I haven't sent it yet but this is how it reads: "I'm not ignoring you. Its just hard for me since i feel the same way about you i did when we were together and now your with someone else. Just know that i am doing well and that i think about you all the time." I would appreciate your thoughts on this message. Link to post Share on other sites
No Foolin Posted February 16, 2006 Share Posted February 16, 2006 uuuummmm.......No, right now you are just spreading your legs to get kicked in the nuts. All you are going to do is give her some "ego supply". Once again you are focusing on her. Let me ask you something: How is this helping you? What are you trying to accomplish? Lets be real. You are a B game to this girl homeboy. No are nobodies B game, unless you alow this to happen. She contacted you, time for emergency measures. Focus on something else, doesn't matter what, just do it. I'm telling you really, really, really YOU DON"T WANT TO KNOW whats going on in that brain or world of hers. No Foolin Link to post Share on other sites
Author AltplanB Posted February 16, 2006 Author Share Posted February 16, 2006 i value your advice dude but i also dont want to completely ignore her. But then again i dont know why i shouldn't. its like....i somehow think that i could still win her back somehow...dam im stupid. Everytime i show her any consideration it backfires as she is then in control. When i showed her some restraint she begged me to see her. When i did and i started acting like i really cared for her, she turned into someone who wasn't attracted to me. Its like the best thing i can do is to either ignore her or be an ass to her. I dunno im working on it. any other advice? Link to post Share on other sites
No Foolin Posted February 16, 2006 Share Posted February 16, 2006 Just live your life. Create what you want. Backwards isn't working on any planet. You are letting things happen to you. Life isn't a beer commercial. This is all grim work, but I'm telling you, don't take the "Backstreet Boys" approach in running your set. You are wounded, but not dead. She has her man.....good. More air for you to breathe. Heal your own wounds, on your own. Take the time to learn and develop (have some good times doing it). Leave that chick in the dust, to do whatever it is she does. Don't communicate with that girl. Seriously, why would you volunteer to get kicked in the nuts? No Foolin Link to post Share on other sites
littlekitty Posted February 16, 2006 Share Posted February 16, 2006 Read one of the many threads on here for doing NC (No Contact). While you still harbour feelings for her, and she has moved on, it is best for you to not be in contact with her. If she wanted to be with you, she would be. She's moved on and is just trying to releive some guilt, or some thoughts of missing your friendship. But it won't benefit you to continue contact. And the message you wrote, just sounds like you want her to feel sorry for you. It won't have the effect you want. Don't send anything. Link to post Share on other sites
helena abadi Posted February 16, 2006 Share Posted February 16, 2006 i agre. have you heard of the cake man? she's a cake woman. move on, you deserve a whole lot better. Link to post Share on other sites
Dinnj1 Posted February 16, 2006 Share Posted February 16, 2006 i somehow think that i could still win her back somehow... that's what almost 100% of dumpee's think. You'll have a better chance of winning her back... simply put - If you don't try. Ego boost... Don't flatter her. Everytime i show her any consideration it backfires as she is then in control. When i showed her some restraint she begged me to see her. BINGO! you answered your own question... 9 out of 10 dumper's act this way. Which makes those 9... the wrong ones. As hard as it is...and it will be... don't let her see you sweat... she's a girl... she'll sniff it out even from your txt. If you want a reaction out of her, then don't give her one. Give it shot... PS. she's with someone else... don't be second best to NO ONE! Link to post Share on other sites
CaliGuy Posted February 16, 2006 Share Posted February 16, 2006 Off topic, No Foolin', it's good to see you posting, Amigo! And Alt, you already know what to do. IGNORE her. She's already been adamant in telling you that there will be no second chance. She's dating someone else. Don't reply. You have a life, you don't need her. You can prove it by not responding. Link to post Share on other sites
notmakingsense Posted February 16, 2006 Share Posted February 16, 2006 Alt -- you can't ignore advice from two masters on one thread! As for me, I'm running out to the sports-supply store to get a new athletic protector. I'm doing the thing I swore I wouldn't do for the last 3 months, and I'm going out tonight to get my nuts kicked. I'm regretting the decision, but am going through with it anyway. I'll post on here later about the pain and trauma I caused myself as a lesson to folks that are still on the fence about it. Link to post Share on other sites
jerbear Posted February 16, 2006 Share Posted February 16, 2006 I prefer NC, if closure and getting kicked is what you desire, then do it. We'll be here if you need us. Link to post Share on other sites
Author AltplanB Posted February 16, 2006 Author Share Posted February 16, 2006 thanks for all the support guys. I wrote out the response like 5 times but i never sent it. It was really hard too. I was up till 3:30 because my brain wouldn't turn off and all i could do was think about her. Although i didn't send anything, i fear i have taken a step back because now she is affecting me greatly again...all it took was a voicemail. I miss her greatly and everything we had, but won't happen again. Thanks for all your support once again and although i thought of her as the love of my life, i know the best thing for me is to just not contact her, it is to not give her that power over me again. She still has it, but she doesn't know about it...and i guess thats key. Link to post Share on other sites
Ariadne Posted February 16, 2006 Share Posted February 16, 2006 "I'm not ignoring you. It's just hard for me since I feel the same way about you I did when we were together, and now you're with someone else. Just know that I am doing well, and that I think about you all the time. :)" Just edited it a bit, Ariadne Link to post Share on other sites
Author AltplanB Posted February 17, 2006 Author Share Posted February 17, 2006 edited to sound better even though im not supposed to send it? Link to post Share on other sites
Dinnj1 Posted February 17, 2006 Share Posted February 17, 2006 negative ghostrider... If she wants you back... and REALLY wants you back... I'm sure she'll let you know. Until then... keep busy... very busy. Date... go out with friends... live like she never existed. Make it sound easy don't I? Link to post Share on other sites
Butterflying Posted February 17, 2006 Share Posted February 17, 2006 I know you want her back. But she isn't making you happy. I don't understand why we sometimes want to be with people who make us sad. Love is soooo strange to me. It's like, we love someone because they make us happy. Why can't we hate them when they make us sad. Instead we mope around sad and missing them. Dude, this chic does not deserve you. Ignore her. Move on. Link to post Share on other sites
Author AltplanB Posted February 17, 2006 Author Share Posted February 17, 2006 trying so hard... Link to post Share on other sites
Ariadne Posted February 17, 2006 Share Posted February 17, 2006 Oh, edited to sound better even though im not supposed to send it? I thought that you were going to send it. Ariadne Link to post Share on other sites
Butterflying Posted February 17, 2006 Share Posted February 17, 2006 Get a shoe box, or a box for storage. Everytime you get the urge to communicate with her, write her a letter. DON'T SEND IT. Put it inside the box. Delete her text mssgs. Try not to read them. The letters are a way of taking things off your mind and putting them someplace outside of yourself that YOU CONTROL. Eventually, your box will be filled with letters and you will be stronger against her. When you're completely over her, you can bury the letters as a way to show that you have moved on. And she won't have any way of interfearing with your healing. Link to post Share on other sites
Ariadne Posted February 17, 2006 Share Posted February 17, 2006 Hi guys, I tend to disagree here. If a girl has made clear that she doesn't want anything to do with you, etc... I can understand why you want to have NC with her. Caller her, hi, do you want to be bf's again? Or something along those lines. But if "she" wants to talk to him, I don't believe on acting upon "fear" or being uneducated. I think it's perfectly ok for him to send her that letter, where he clearly stated that it makes him sad that she is with some other guy, and thus he cannot be friends with her, at least for now. I'm sure she is going to understand. Good luck Altplan, Ariadne Link to post Share on other sites
UT_longhorn Posted February 17, 2006 Share Posted February 17, 2006 She also said that if i wasn't over it than she was sorry for calling because she didnt want to put me through anymore harm. I also think there is nothing wrong with sending her the text. She's testing the waters to see if you're ready to be friends again. She states that her intention is not to hurt you. I don't see anything wrong with being honest with her and telling her "I am not ready to speak yet. I will contact you when I am. Until then please do not call again." Be straight...leave emotion out of it...and let her know its not ok yet. I think sometimes we peg the ex as some horrible person who is always "out to get us". But in reality, breakups happen. I don't think anyone gets a great thrill out of hurting someone. Link to post Share on other sites
CaliGuy Posted February 17, 2006 Share Posted February 17, 2006 Hi guys, I tend to disagree here. If a girl has made clear that she doesn't want anything to do with you, etc... I can understand why you want to have NC with her. Caller her, hi, do you want to be bf's again? Or something along those lines. But if "she" wants to talk to him, I don't believe on acting upon "fear" or being uneducated. I think it's perfectly ok for him to send her that letter, where he clearly stated that it makes him sad that she is with some other guy, and thus he cannot be friends with her, at least for now. I'm sure she is going to understand. Good luck Altplan, Ariadne She knows why he can't be friends. He needs to wean himself off her and NC is the best way. If he sends that letter he'll be waiting around for a response and back to square one. Alt, I would recommend you stick to NC. (surprise!). Link to post Share on other sites
Ariadne Posted February 17, 2006 Share Posted February 17, 2006 CaliGuy, Speaking of which. Did you hear back from your ex girfriend after you thanked her and her parents for the Christmas presents? Ariadne Link to post Share on other sites
No Foolin Posted February 17, 2006 Share Posted February 17, 2006 Good to be back, been busy. Currently practicing no contact with my credit card companies (just joking) No Foolin Link to post Share on other sites
Author AltplanB Posted February 17, 2006 Author Share Posted February 17, 2006 im drunk and i dont know what to do. I got ditched at the party by the girl i went with and am feelin pretty bummed. I called her drunk from the club but i didn't say anything when the machine picked up, i just sat there for like 20 seconds with the club roaring. I now think it would be good to send that message...I have so many questions for her but i am gonna wait till tommorrow to both send that message and ask those questions. Gotta be sober. I have so many questions for her that will never be answered. I have so many things i want to talk to her about. She was my everything and i she left me and got with someone immediatley. I dunno if it was because she didnt respect me or if it was because she was going off experiance and how to get over someone. All i know is that it jump started my experiances on the subject and everyday i wish for her to return. Its not gonna happen but i love her so much that it seems like an impossible task to let go. I dunno if im just weak or if i am just hopelessely in love. Its impossible for me to tell. People tell me im obsessed and people tell me i am better than that crazy girl with problems. That may be but i love so much about her, why was i not good enough for someone with so many problems. ok im done, sorry. Link to post Share on other sites
No Foolin Posted February 17, 2006 Share Posted February 17, 2006 Been there myself kid, its all part of the game. The point is you have to keep playing, it’s the only way to win. No Foolin Link to post Share on other sites
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