chocolate_boy Posted February 17, 2006 Share Posted February 17, 2006 If you absolutely must text, please don't lose your pride and sound like a pussy by telling her you "think about her all the time". Sorry dude, but it will just make you look weak and pathetic. Remember although this girl was your angel at one time, she did the biggest thing she could ever do to disrespect you, dumping you. In her eyes you WEREN'T GOOD ENOUGH to be her boyfriend anymore, you owe her nothing, don't be feeling sorry for her. If you must text, maybe just something like "Yes I'm fine thanks. Maybe it's better you put your efforts into your new relationship.". You're a man, and you're pissed off, and rightly so (plus the chicks love that ) Just look strong and get some dignity back fella. Link to post Share on other sites
Dinnj1 Posted February 17, 2006 Share Posted February 17, 2006 please don't lose your pride and sound like a pussy by telling her you "think about her all the time". :laugh: Good point... Been there myself kid, its all part of the game. The point is you have to keep playing, it’s the only way to win. Amen... smart man here. I also think there is nothing wrong with sending her the text. She's testing the waters to see if you're ready to be friends again. Key words... She's testing... but sure as hell isn't testing to see if he's ready to be friends again... She's gotta a challenge in front of her... asking herself... "Doesn't he love me anymore? Why isn't he responding? Did I make a mistake?... mostly likely, she'll become relentless... asking herself..."Where is he? What's he doing? Is he dating? WHO is he dating? IS HE OVER ME ALREADY?????" guess what? He doesn't deserve to be tested... He has to show her he doesn't have time for tests... highschool is over and long gone. He took enough tests throughout his life. The second she gets a response from him of any kind.... her head will blow up in her now knowing... "Ahhh, he still can't live without me" therefore satisfying her insecure emotional needs and at the same time giving him a string to hang on to with a little false hope. Period. feel for ya bro... don't go sending anything. She left you, she's dating someone else. Ball in your court whether you know it or not. Link to post Share on other sites
Ariadne Posted February 17, 2006 Share Posted February 17, 2006 Hahaha "Just know that I am doing well, and that I think about you all the time." Ok, you've got a point, how about: "Just know that I am doing well, and that I think about you from time to time." "Just know that I am doing well, and that I think about you quite a lot, still." "Just know that I am doing well, and that I think about you...?" Ariadne Link to post Share on other sites
Dinnj1 Posted February 17, 2006 Share Posted February 17, 2006 how about... "I'm having lots of sex... and not with you. I moved on, I'm happy... you dug your grave, now jump in...." Link to post Share on other sites
CaliGuy Posted February 17, 2006 Share Posted February 17, 2006 CaliGuy, Speaking of which. Did you hear back from your ex girfriend after you thanked her and her parents for the Christmas presents? Ariadne Yep. A simple two sentence reply. She's always been wordy with her replies. Usually two very long paragraphs. However, she sends me 2 sentences. Very impersonal. It tells me that sticking to NC is the best option because she really doesn't want to talk to me either. Alt, why did your date ditch you? Do you remember ditching your date in Vegas for your Ex? Karma has a way of getting back at'cha. Don't be ditching your dates! Don't drunk dial. That's silly. Don't send her the letter. You need to get her out of your mind. And I really do think you need to go to Counseling. Link to post Share on other sites
Ariadne Posted February 17, 2006 Share Posted February 17, 2006 Ack, Well... that's pretty sucky . Kind of like the Happy bd response from my guy. He'd "always" ask me questions, especially after we were in NC for a while and he didn't. That told me too that he doesn't want to talk to me anymore and that NC is the best option. Unfortunately. What can you do? Good thing you thanked her though, that was nice Ariadne Link to post Share on other sites
CaliGuy Posted February 17, 2006 Share Posted February 17, 2006 Yeah. I'm not a jerk but I didn't ask her any personal questions nor did she ask any of me. She hasn't changed and that's all I need to know. I wouldn't want her back the way she is anyway. She'd need to change a LOT and I don't think she is capable of significant change. Link to post Share on other sites
Raven1845 Posted February 17, 2006 Share Posted February 17, 2006 I don't think anyone gets a great thrill out of hurting someone. But then again, there are those that unfortunately do get a thrill out of it. Link to post Share on other sites
Ruff Ryder Posted February 17, 2006 Share Posted February 17, 2006 No matter what the situation is if you had a MEANIFUL realationship with someone I dont think that they would hurt you inteansionally. I think that they may not see how their actions and words do hurt you. Well thants my input. My ex hurt me all the time after the split up but maybe she didnt realize it at the time. And after at caliguys help the NC thing has healed most of that so its all good. Time does heal if it is used correctly. Link to post Share on other sites
Author AltplanB Posted February 17, 2006 Author Share Posted February 17, 2006 turns out she didnt ditch me. She wants to see me again she just had to take her drunk friend home that night. I dunno, i dont want to seem shallow but i keep getting pissed at myself because i compare everygirl to my ex. My ex was really hot and i cant seem to get dates with girls on that par anymore, like she was a fluke or something. I admit i get pretty nervous but i do a pretty good job of not showing it. I also seem to have a problem being attracted to women. I am really only attracted to my ex. I was planning on texting her to call me today when she had some time to talk. When she left the message, she illustrated that we could talk about **** in our lives and such and pretty much anything i wanted to talk about. I would like to talk to her about a couple of things. I also will do this without showing any emotion what so ever. I wanna ask her why she felt i wasn' the one. I wanna tell her that she shouldn't do this to future guys. She should not fall easily in and out of love with them. That it takes effort on both sides. I wanna tell her that never gave up on her and that she had a lot of problems that i think she needs to work out before she gets into a serious relationship again so that they dont affect the relationship. This means thats she deals with her bulimia, her depression, her problems...and doesn't rely on the guy to do so for her. I am only going to tell her these things because i care about her and i dont want her ot hurt herself in the future by making these mistakes again. I know its over between us and i guess i want some closure. i will end it with telling her once again that we cannot be friends. Link to post Share on other sites
CaliGuy Posted February 17, 2006 Share Posted February 17, 2006 Alt, the more I listen to what you have to say the more I'm convinced you're infatuated with her looks. Why do you love her? What is is about her as a PERSON that made you love her? Link to post Share on other sites
Ruff Ryder Posted February 18, 2006 Share Posted February 18, 2006 Attraction has very little to do with looks I think. If you degrade yourself saying she was just luck the chances are you wont get anothe belter. Believe and you will achive. Link to post Share on other sites
Author AltplanB Posted February 18, 2006 Author Share Posted February 18, 2006 No i mean im just not attracted to other women. It was her attitude on top of her looks that i liked. It was the fact that she didn't care anything about my looks even though i tried just as hard as her to look nice. And here i am still wondering what could of been. I thought she was beautiful both inside and out. Its really hard but i love her still. Link to post Share on other sites
CaliGuy Posted February 19, 2006 Share Posted February 19, 2006 But Alt, it's painfully obvious she isn't beautiful inside from everything you've told us. Link to post Share on other sites
contradikt Posted February 20, 2006 Share Posted February 20, 2006 CaliGuy, How is this so painfully obvious? Isn't everyone "beautiful" on the inside? We are all in this game together. We are all a product of the **** we go through in life. We all have our strengths and weaknesses, our fears and insecurities. In relationships there are so many variables and factors to take into account with regards to how people treat each other, why, how they complement each other's behaviour... What do you think? AltPlanB: I would like to talk to her about a couple of things. I also will do this without showing any emotion what so ever. How exactly are you going to go about this? I wish you luck. By detaching yourself, you are being dishonest to her and, more importantly, to yourself. Why are you scared of showing emotion? You can't hide from fear. You are shooting yourself in the foot before you even begin. You are giving yourself the false idea that you can pretend. She will see right through this, guaranteed. Link to post Share on other sites
Author AltplanB Posted February 20, 2006 Author Share Posted February 20, 2006 sent her this, i dont care if she replies: I'm not ignoring you. Its just that i feel the same way about you as i did when we were together and your with someone else. Just know that i am well and i think about you. Hope all is well. Link to post Share on other sites
bendit Posted February 20, 2006 Share Posted February 20, 2006 Alt, Unfortunately this all is counter-intuitive. The WEAKER your response (the Nicer you are), and yes, you threw back a doozy, the more disdain she will feel for you. The more indifferent your response is (Not responding demonstrates the most), the MORE curiosity and interest you will engender in her. And that's what YOU want after all. NC drives some EXs absolutely batty with curiosity my man. But offering up cream puff responses surely does not. But alas, you gave her license to go away for a good long while because she got what she came for (you were not at all mysterious were you?)...the understanding that you still feel EXACTLY as you did when she kicked you to the curb. So now she doesn't need to check up on you for MONTHS to make sure you are still helplessly attached to her strings, because the message you sent is clear: YOU haven't changed a bit. Believe me when I say this, I know how tough it is to let their contact go unanswered. But when you do give in and answer you MUST say the right thing. You have two learning tasks to take from this experience. One YOU ANSWERED. That was wrong. Two. You answered in the worst possible way to achieve the goals you desire to win her back. And that was wrong. Pick yourself up and start walking again. One foot in front of the other. And listen to the wise people here. They are here to help. Kind regards Link to post Share on other sites
CaliGuy Posted February 21, 2006 Share Posted February 21, 2006 CaliGuy, How is this so painfully obvious? Isn't everyone "beautiful" on the inside? We are all in this game together. We are all a product of the **** we go through in life. We all have our strengths and weaknesses, our fears and insecurities. In relationships there are so many variables and factors to take into account with regards to how people treat each other, why, how they complement each other's behaviour... What do you think? She has issues with self-esteem. Based on everything Alt has said, she's pretty ulgy inside and has many personal demons to slay. She's not fit to be in a relationship with anyone. Alt, I'm angry you sent her a message. She doesn't deserve your time. Link to post Share on other sites
AltplanB2 Posted April 16, 2006 Share Posted April 16, 2006 been a while since ive been on here. My member log on wasnt working right so i made a second one. I just want you to know that she has called me like twice since this last call and each time i didnt answer and made it clear in a responding text that i didnt want to talk to her again. I found out from one of my friend the truth behind what happened after she broke up with me. It took her a week to be over it. She started falling for a new guy immediately. After the whole Vegas thing, she met another guy and as of late, she has cheated on him at least 4 times with my ex friends that row for cal. I view her as a slut now and i dont want to talk to her as all i hear are lies and smiles. It is true that actions speak louder than words. I just want you to know how hard this is for me and how ive had to deal with it without friends. I have been diagnosed with depression 3 times and its time i start on some drugs. Ive let my body go and i cant seem to make anyone happy. Ive slept with ugly or overweight girls and all it does is make me more unhappy. I havent had fun in a while. Even through all this, i have held strong and not called her even though i know she is partying with her friends that used to be my friends and having a blast with her new rich bf from the city. One of the only things that keeps me going is the thought that i will meet another woman that will treat me right and will love me. However i have waited so long and nothing. Im beginning to think that my willowing state is only pushing me towards a place where i can never meet the girl of my dreams. Link to post Share on other sites
CaliGuy Posted April 16, 2006 Share Posted April 16, 2006 Alt, take solace that you found all this out before it got real serious and you did something stupid like marry her There's another woman out there for you when you make your needs a priority and get your goals and purpose back in line. Link to post Share on other sites
Ladylay Posted April 17, 2006 Share Posted April 17, 2006 been a while since ive been on here. My member log on wasnt working right so i made a second one. I just want you to know that she has called me like twice since this last call and each time i didnt answer and made it clear in a responding text that i didnt want to talk to her again. I found out from one of my friend the truth behind what happened after she broke up with me. It took her a week to be over it. She started falling for a new guy immediately. After the whole Vegas thing, she met another guy and as of late, she has cheated on him at least 4 times with my ex friends that row for cal. I view her as a slut now and i dont want to talk to her as all i hear are lies and smiles. It is true that actions speak louder than words. I just want you to know how hard this is for me and how ive had to deal with it without friends. I have been diagnosed with depression 3 times and its time i start on some drugs. Ive let my body go and i cant seem to make anyone happy. Ive slept with ugly or overweight girls and all it does is make me more unhappy. I havent had fun in a while. Even through all this, i have held strong and not called her even though i know she is partying with her friends that used to be my friends and having a blast with her new rich bf from the city. One of the only things that keeps me going is the thought that i will meet another woman that will treat me right and will love me. However i have waited so long and nothing. Im beginning to think that my willowing state is only pushing me towards a place where i can never meet the girl of my dreams. She may be having a ball, right now. You cant build happiness on someones tears [yours] You need to get your act together, be selfish, put yourself first. The girl of your dreams wont come knocking on your door, time to wise up and go "monkey parading" Link to post Share on other sites
Chinook Posted April 17, 2006 Share Posted April 17, 2006 ... with UTL. Sometimes break-ups happen and there is no fault or blame to lay. It is always painful when someone moves on before us and they are ready to initiate contact and we are not. I think as UTL said, stating plainly that yes, at some point contact and friends would be an ideal but right now, whilst things are too raw, it's not a wise idea - and that you'll contact her when you're ready. If she really repsects your views and how you feel then, she will wait. Link to post Share on other sites
AltplanB2 Posted April 17, 2006 Share Posted April 17, 2006 Its been so long and im tired of feeling this way. I dont keep contact with her and i dont keep contact with my friends because i dont want to hear about her or who shes dating. Its hard to realize even after everything, that i have no excuse to both love and hate her at the same time, which i do. Link to post Share on other sites
2020vision Posted April 17, 2006 Share Posted April 17, 2006 One of the only things that keeps me going is the thought that i will meet another woman that will treat me right and will love me. Sounds sappy, but the key at this point is truley more positive thoughts such as this. You will make someone happy again someday, and this time someone who deserves it. You are right, Who gives a sh*t what she is doing with some rich guy, and who she sleeps with??? Let her live her own life like a train wreck waiting to happen and be happy you got out of it. I have been diagnosed with depression 3 times and its time i start on some drugs. Ive let my body go and i cant seem to make anyone happy. Ive slept with ugly or overweight girls and all it does is make me more unhappy. I havent had fun in a while. Depression medicine might be the answer for you at this point. Also, work out so you feel better about your body and you will also get endorphins to get you out of this slump. (And by the way, if thats a recent pic of you, doesn't look like you've let yourself go... ) Be nicer to yourself and respect yourself. Only sleep with someone who you would not be ashamed of. Otherwise, you are only hurting yourself in the end... I know exactly where you are coming from and hope I could help you, if even just a little bit... Link to post Share on other sites
Never Posted April 18, 2006 Share Posted April 18, 2006 I think that you need to start looking at things more from say a Lion or Bear's point of view more than a Bambi point of view. You've probably heard about confidence being the key in a relationship and attracting others, right? Well now that the relationship is over, it's common for you to loose confidence - but don't let her see this. When you sent her your text, you showed her that she is in more control than you. She can manipulate you and act as though she cares what you feel and how you think about her. Truth is, if she did care about these things, she wouldn't be off with another guy. You need to look at things more with confidence and, I think, anger. She left you and you still love her, now she's with someone else. Truth is, she's probably happy with things. If she can go and have a good time, knowing you're hurting, what kind of person is she? Why feel bad for her? Why let her know how you feel? You need to understand that life isn't over. Show her you don't need her in your life anymore by ignoring her. Don't respond calls, don't make her feel bad for you. If the opportunity comes, show her you're better off in your new life without her. Because - even if things were to work out and she started loving you again - would you really want to be with her? Be with someone that put you through all of this? Don't let her have the benifit in this all. Realize you need to move on and she can't be a part of it. Even if you feel as though it doesn't matter what she did, because you just want her back right now, it wont make things any better. You'll live through life knowing she did this to you, and lets her know that she can cross your boundries without consequences. Keep yourself active - go to clubs or the gym, keep yourself clean and do things you want to, to shape your life. And who knows, in the process you may realize you'll be fine without her and meet someone else. Link to post Share on other sites
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