a post about me, sadness and solvent....

[typical]

This sadness has crept in, unavoidable and painful, like a lump in the throat but worse. There is nothing worse than being alone except for having a bf and still being alone

 

I hurt so much and no amount of crying, pleading or begging is going to make it any better.

I feel this disconnected sadness just settling in and it is disturbing. This sadness is like calcium or limestone buildup on the walls of my soul.

 

There is a solvent to cut through all of this, however, the solvent is not interested, doesn’t have time, is caught up with another fool of the moment, otherwise indisposed.

 

The solvent claims that it “doesn’t fool around with other women, doesn’t do drugs, doesn’t drink”…basically that I should feel lucky because this solvent is somehow better, stronger, cleaner, and with added morals to boot….

 

But this sadness is overwhelming….it creeps up on me. I have decided to lay off on solvent for a while, kick back and let the chips fall where they may, but ohhh, the loneliness, the ache, the feeling of increasing doom eating at me

 

I cant help but feel we are both falling apart, the solvent doesn’t seem to be holding as well anymore, in fact, it seems to be dissolving……

 

And I am falling for eternity into this sadness, this bleakness

 

Solvent claims to love, care, cherish and respect….why then am I a stranger in my own house? Why the long cold silences? Why the lack of explanations and motivations??

 

Could this be a transitioning phase???

[typical]

Thats okay, I didnt need a response anyhow....Im sure it was lost on you all anyway....good day

 

Oh, and NO "solvent" reference isnt refering to a drug problem...I was metaphorically speaking.

[phyrespryte]

Thats okay, I didnt need a response anyhow....Im sure it was lost on you all anyway....good day

 

Yeah actually it was confusing. Are you trying to post a creative story or poem or something like that? Or are you writing about an actual relationship with an actual question?

 

Oh and the big type was a bit much. You'd think it make things easier to read, but it's just too much. It's just so uninviting to read.

[JayKay]

Phy...

 

if your post was 'lost' on people it was probably because you were speaking in metaphors wrapped in psychobabble.

 

Rather than try to be poetic, why not write plainly about what's troubling you?

 

What happened?

 

Who hurt you?

 

Why are you disappointed with life?

 

I think people will relate better to you if you open up.

[phyrespryte]

Phy...

 

 

 

Sorry. Was in a bad mood that night. But I won't change my stance on the big type. It's only good for emphasis when used sparingly.

[JayKay]

Well, hope you're doing better.

 

[typical]

You would think that someone who has this as a saying:

 

 

"This posting is a natural product. The slight variations in spelling and grammar enhance its individual character and beauty and in no way should be considered flaws or defects." (phyrespryte)

 

 

Would be a little more tolerant of my big print.....

 

At any rate, the big print annoys me too, it is reminiscent of school days, when print was big and annoying. But there is a method to my madness actually.....

I type first in Microsoft Word because I dont always have time to respond fast, and so I type and when I have time I cut and paste in my response....I guess, in doing that, it somehow changes the font and makes it big and weird like that......sorry....

 

And my post was in reference to this overwhelming sadness that I cant explain, some kind of weird feeling, like a lump in my throat but sadder I guess,.....I was trying to put it into words.....Thanks for all of your reponses though!!!

[phyrespryte]

You would think that someone who has this as a saying:

 

 

"This posting is a natural product. The slight variations in spelling and grammar enhance its individual character and beauty and in no way should be considered flaws or defects." (phyrespryte)

 

 

Would be a little more tolerant of my big print.....

 

That was more b/c my grammar and spelling is quite awful...but point taken.

Touche!

 

And my post was in reference to this overwhelming sadness that I cant explain, some kind of weird feeling, like a lump in my throat but sadder I guess,.....I was trying to put it into words.....Thanks for all of your reponses though!!!

 

Sorry that you were feeling so down and I wasn't really being any help. I kind of get what you mean about not being able to explain the sadness. For me it's usually when my heart feels miserable, but my mind tells me not to.

 

Well I guess whatever has happened...I hope that you're feeling better now.

[typical]

Phy.....No offense taken!

 

I believe in the beginning, I was talking about having a bf but feeling alone and my feelings toward it:

 

"There is nothing worse than being alone except for having a bf and still being alone

 

I hurt so much and no amount of crying, pleading or begging is going to make it any better."

 

Meaning he would rather spend his time elsewhere than with me.....as far as hurting and begging and pleading and crying....that is in reference to the many ways I have tried to get across how I was feeling, how neglected and confused i was to him, all to no avail,,,this will never change...he will never change...it all feels so useless but is it really?? I suppose everyone has a plan about where things are going in their life, but trying to figure out his has been VERY EXHAUSTING!!!

 

Anyway,Thanks for listening...

[Guest]

Phy

 

I think this time of year is hard too.

 

I get the blues. I think from lack of sunlight, partially.

 

I'm never outside during the late winter -- I'm either working in an office or working inside the house on weekends

 

You might have SADD (Seasonal Affective Disorder)

 

Some sunlight everyday works wonders