Is this a sign of guilt??

[Minh]

I am a conservative husband (36 y.o) and my wife and I have been very good since 9 years now. But of late, she is suddenly very busy and comes home at around 10:30 pm or so. This is OK because I know that life is hard and one needs to work hard sometimes.

 

But all of a sudden she is also dressing up these days--

 

1) Skirts usually above the knee which expose her legs when she sits and gets up. She used to prefer pants until about a month ago but she recently bought 10-20 skirts and I am pretty sure it is not for the summer.

 

2) Skirts and tops that are significant broad on the neck so that when she bends, one can see underclothes.

 

I do not think that the above are bad or anything, i just feel that at her senior level she could be dressing in more respectable manner. None of her office colleagues (middle management)dresses like she does.

 

Apart from this, when I tried to speak to her recently about this very calmly, she went off the lid and told me that i am jealous and insecure!

 

Well?! I am not concerned about this because I am jealous that some other guy will come and grab her away but because i concerned about HER intentions- that SHE is trying to appear desirable etc.

 

Most importantly, why did she get angry like that when I asked this question? I though it could be work related stress but she is quite patient when we talk about other crucial issues like our kid's school change. SO, Is this a sign of guilt?

[Dave]

Well, you can't assume anything here, but based on her behavior, looks like either she is trying to impress someone at work, or she wants to draw attention from an opposite gender, or simply maybe she wants to feel sexy.

 

You have to step back and analyze how much romance is left in your relationship. If that is missing or is fading, woemn tend to look for some sort of flings outside marriage...if the fire is missing, I am guaranteeing you that she will be searching for it outside. We are all humans, and we do need to feel appreicated, desired, sexy. If we are not satisfied or if we think we deserve better, naturally we seek this out elsewehere, if it is not provided by husbands, wifes, girlfriends or boyfriends.

 

I don't know anything about your life and your relationship, but I am suspecting that in love and romance department, soemthing might be missing. Go figure it out, and if it turns out to be the truth, than I guess she is up to something.....

 

And if she cheats on you, she should ahve a decency to tell you about it, but , unfortunately, there is so many marriages, where parties cheat, but they opt to stay with their husbands/wifes....

 

I am a conservative husband (36 y.o) and my wife and I have been very good since 9 years now. But of late, she is suddenly very busy and comes home at around 10:30 pm or so. This is OK because I know that life is hard and one needs to work hard sometimes. But all of a sudden she is also dressing up these days-- 1) Skirts usually above the knee which expose her legs when she sits and gets up. She used to prefer pants until about a month ago but she recently bought 10-20 skirts and I am pretty sure it is not for the summer. 2) Skirts and tops that are significant broad on the neck so that when she bends, one can see underclothes. I do not think that the above are bad or anything, i just feel that at her senior level she could be dressing in more respectable manner. None of her office colleagues (middle management)dresses like she does. Apart from this, when I tried to speak to her recently about this very calmly, she went off the lid and told me that i am jealous and insecure! Well?! I am not concerned about this because I am jealous that some other guy will come and grab her away but because i concerned about HER intentions- that SHE is trying to appear desirable etc. Most importantly, why did she get angry like that when I asked this question? I though it could be work related stress but she is quite patient when we talk about other crucial issues like our kid's school change. SO, Is this a sign of guilt?

[Artlover]

I agree with Dave. I wouldn't accuse her of anything. You'll just put her on the defensive and you won't get your answer. Take her out for a romantic dinner. Bring her flowers. Set the mood. Then talk to her about how she feels about the marriage. Is she feeling desirable? Is she happy with the sex? Or better yet, cook dinner for her at home (get a sitter for the kids). Try to get to the bottom of this in a non-threatening way. It sounds like you really love her, so perhaps you can still salvage this even if she is trying to get someone else's attention at the moment.

 

I wish you the best of luck!

 

P.S. If she tells you the truth and she hasn't cheated...yet, but is feeling emotionally neglected (the kiss of death for a woman, btw), LISTEN to her and try to make appropriate changes. Perhaps you should then see a marriage counsellor.

I am a conservative husband (36 y.o) and my wife and I have been very good since 9 years now. But of late, she is suddenly very busy and comes home at around 10:30 pm or so. This is OK because I know that life is hard and one needs to work hard sometimes. But all of a sudden she is also dressing up these days-- 1) Skirts usually above the knee which expose her legs when she sits and gets up. She used to prefer pants until about a month ago but she recently bought 10-20 skirts and I am pretty sure it is not for the summer. 2) Skirts and tops that are significant broad on the neck so that when she bends, one can see underclothes. I do not think that the above are bad or anything, i just feel that at her senior level she could be dressing in more respectable manner. None of her office colleagues (middle management)dresses like she does. Apart from this, when I tried to speak to her recently about this very calmly, she went off the lid and told me that i am jealous and insecure! Well?! I am not concerned about this because I am jealous that some other guy will come and grab her away but because i concerned about HER intentions- that SHE is trying to appear desirable etc. Most importantly, why did she get angry like that when I asked this question? I though it could be work related stress but she is quite patient when we talk about other crucial issues like our kid's school change. SO, Is this a sign of guilt?