RA Posted August 30, 1999 Share Posted August 30, 1999 I was married for 13 years to a diagnosed manic depressant woman. Although she was prescribed medicines to help smooth her mood swings it never seemed to work and emotional Low's took its toll on the marriage. The relationship had its good times but more so not. Arguments where very ugly and became physically and emotionally abusive. She admitted to multiple affairs within the first half of the marriage and attempted suicide. In the last 3 hears I also had affairs. This is something I'm ashamed of and wished I hadn't. We have an 8year old daughter and that has been the reason I remained in the relationship for as long as I Have. Last summer we both agreed to divorce realizing there was nothing left between us and it would be better for our daughter and I moved out. Two months ago the divorce became final. In the past year I've seen my X taking responsibility for her own actions and well as taking care our daughter. We have a better relationship now then before and our daughter is doing great. My question is this I feel a great deal of guilt over sleeping with other women when married. This isn't an excuse but there was a great deal of hurt and pain at that time. I want to move forward. I am a good father and a good man. I've met another woman that I care for but couldn't be truthful about the ugly part of my past marriage. I want to be honest but feared it would understandably drive her away. This was a major mistake, lying only made things worse for I feel guilty about being deceptive. She has very good instincts of when I'm being honest and when I'm being deceitful. We broke up 2 weeks ago because of a lack of trust, I want what's best for her and I don't want to hurt her. She has recently called to say Hi and see how I'm doing I love her and want to do the right thing! Link to post Share on other sites
D.L. Posted August 30, 1999 Share Posted August 30, 1999 How about taking her out for coffee and just telling her that you'd like a second chance, but you know it won't work unless you're open and honest, so if she is interested in trying again, you'll lay all your cards on the table - tell her the good, the bad, and the ugly? "Here it is..." It's scary, and she may say that she doesn't want to get back together once she knows the truth, but what choice do you really have? Lying and hiding things doesn't work, so if you come clean, at least she'll know what she's dealing with and maybe she'll appreciate how hard it was for you to bare your soul. Maybe she'd be willing to give it another shot. The fact that she called you suggests she interested. If she doesn't want to try again, though, don't hold it against her. You've got a lot going on emotionally, and she may not be ready to deal with all that. Just remember next time to be honest. You don't have to tell everything on the first date, but don't be DIShonest. Trust is the biggest thing you've got in a relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
RA Posted August 30, 1999 Share Posted August 30, 1999 I've met the new woman I'm referring to and have been dating almost a year now, until this recent break up. We have had a deep monogamous relationship and in that time I've experienced more love and caring than I've felt in a lifetime as well as being able to give more than I ever thought possible. I'm not sure it's over, as I stated before but also relies this relationship??? doesn't stand much of a chance unless I do as you say " Lay all my cards on the table" VERY SCARY! Again I don't want to hurt her and I don't want to lie or deceive her either. Link to post Share on other sites
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