starting over

[Sabrina]

My friends are trying to fix me up. I just got out of three yr relationship and I still miss him so much. NO matter who the guys are or how great they are I just do not want to go out with them. I feel so uncomfortable and they are not the person I loved . So I feel so cheated . and I dont wana go out with anyone else ever. Is this normal. I have been having a hard time letting go of the man I was with since high school. We have been apart for a few months and it still kills me. I am totally not interested in going out and meeting guys or going on dates with fix ups.

[Tony T]

You need healing time. You may not be interested in going out with other guys for some months. Yes, this is perfectly normal. Tell your well-meaning friends that you just don't want to be fixed up with dates right now. No matter who they may couple you with, not only will you not be interested but you will not enjoy the encounter.

 

A time will come when you will be ready but it won't be for a while. In the meantime, do things with friends, on your own, and spend time doing things that you've put off doing for yourself. Get involved with activities that will keep you busy and interested.

 

You just don't need to be going out with men right now the way you feel. It serves no purpose. Don't feel there is something wrong. You are going through a very hurtful time, a period of grief, and this is time for you to be gentle to yourself and do only what you want to do. Just don't spend a lot of time sitting at home reflecting on the past. It's over, celebrate the good times, and move forward so you can soon welcome the new and great adventures life has to offer.

 

You just have to be ready and open for those new things.

[Miss Mojo]

hi sabrina,

 

while i can understand that your friends don't want you to feel sad and lonely, this is one of those situations where you're going to have to tell them flat-out, "i am simply not ready yet".

 

you need time to get over your ex before you can even contemplate dating someone else. there is no reason you must date someone now. it is perfectly normal to not want to date anyone while you still have feelings for another person. in fact, i commend you for not wanting to go on a rebound date which you wouldn't enjoy anyway. you can't enjoy yourself when you're wishing they were someone else.

 

there have been times when my friends have tried to get me to go out with other people. but they well and truly know my stance on dating....if i like someone, you will find out and if i want to date someone, you will find out. other than that, nothing happens until i feel ready for it to. you have every right to say "no" right now. there is absolutely no rush whatsoever and there is no law that says you must always have a guy around.

 

you'll know when you're ready to start dating again, but right now, it's a bit too soon. let them know that and tell them to respect that. no one can make you do anything you don't want to do.

 

good luck

[Dragonflys]

I'll just echo Tony and Miss Mojo here.....

 

The mind is such a powerful thing, right now the thought of dating men probably makes you feel terrible and sad, but as they say..it is nothing at all wrong with you. This is perfectly normal.

 

You mind is still filled with detailed memories of your time with your ex, but the good news is that over time your mind will gradually put all this into perspective, a perspective where all your experiences are taken almost literally (i.e. with as much weight as they should have) and then your curiosity will kick in and you will be ready to share new and exciting experiences with another.

 

But don't think about that now. Just go out, have fun, learn new things that will make you happy, more complete as a person and let time do all the healing work automatically.

[Lauren]

Your feelings are perfectly normal. You need a chance to heal and move on from your past relationship in order to invest in a new one. If your friend's actions are bothering you, let them know that you appreciate their efforts but would rather get yourself back before sharing it with someone new. Keep busy with your friends, family and interests. In time you will want to start sharing time with someone special again. My friends are trying to fix me up. I just got out of three yr relationship and I still miss him so much. NO matter who the guys are or how great they are I just do not want to go out with them. I feel so uncomfortable and they are not the person I loved . So I feel so cheated . and I dont wana go out with anyone else ever. Is this normal. I have been having a hard time letting go of the man I was with since high school. We have been apart for a few months and it still kills me. I am totally not interested in going out and meeting guys or going on dates with fix ups.