Problem With A Co-worker Who I Like

[I AM SO CONFUSED]

Hi this is my 1st post and this is a great site by the looks of it!

 

I welcome advice on a "delicate" matter which is causing me so much stress at the moment. Basically things are so awkward between us.

 

I have been kinda friends with a co-worker on and off for 6 months and asked this lady out about 5 months ago now. I did not get a yes so just thought ok. Then she had a go at me for "avoiding" her and been kinda distant/aggressive...which freakled me out....tried then to be friendly to get on and it seemed to work....to the point i thought things were good around xmas time.

 

This year started off not so well (quiet towards me ) but in last 2-3 weeks i've felt us getting along really well and she is confiding things in me that one feels you would tell just your closest friends.

 

However, this week i have sensed tensions have been really high between us (we have both kinda been distant and quiet) and the other night we ended up arguing over something at work that annoyed me ....my reaction sent her ballistic....and basically she has completely blanked me, moved desks and threatened me with x, y and z...over bullying/harassment....yet only last week she told me something real private

 

i just cannot be doing with all these mixed signals and it is very very awkward now at work between us....but i do still have strong feelings for her

 

Should i wait a few days for things to settle down then tell her how i feel about her or should i just ignore her and blank her from my life!

 

I do like her despite her weird behaviour.

 

HELP

[nicolette]

It sounds like your co-worker is also confused...one minute she's your friend, the next minute she's arguing. Does she always start the arguments? You said that she made threats about bullying and harrassment....maybe you should keep your distance for now and see if she comes around to you. It must be hard to be in this situation because of your feelings for her, but if she is making these threats, what does that say about her feelings for you?

 

Wait a little while to see how things unfold, and to also let things calm down, that way you can get a better feel for how to handle it....what happened that caused her to make the threats anyway?

[I AM SO CONFUSED]

Thanks N for your reply. I agree she is probably confused and probably feeling "emotionally hurt" as i am. Way back last year in a 1-1 meeting between us she told me she thought i was being aggressive to her which i was not (i occasionally pull her leg/tease her but i backed off a couple of days after i asked her as i realised she probably was not interested in dating me but it was an assumption i made as i simply do not know still how she feels about me...whether she likes me just as a friend, sees me as a colleague only, as both, or "likes" me as well or "hates" my guts)....as i have never asked a girl out twice! If a girl rejects me the first time then i tend to just take it on the chin. In this outburst, she mentioned she thought it was not a good idea we worked in the same team (even though i had only asked her out!). I did find her behaviour very weird, a little childlike, and it was as if she was "bothered" that we were not that friendly.

 

While it freaked me out....i didn't fall out with her just tried being friendly and courteous and show her respect and things did get better.

 

I still like this girl alot...even now...i suppose i felt a "connection" with her instantly and i do have a "crush" on her....but i have not asked her out again nor have i gone down that route despite wanting to...as far as i am concerned i am adamant i have done nothing wrong! I am also deeply hurt by this girl's behaviour and reactions over this "incident".

 

It was caused by me getting annoyed at her over somethiung trivial which bugged me and i gave her a "nasty look"...she then started arguing with me over this.

 

Things are now bad. She is not talking to me and it appears to have seriously affected our working relationship.

 

What i am so hurt by is her mixed signals....some days she is friendly and even bordering on flirtatious, other times i think she may be teasing me about the fact she is now single again and looking to date perhaps (is this a signal or her trying to wind me up!)...other days she seems to talk to everyone but me....and some days we hardly talk even to say hello or good morning or good night.

 

So with valentines week and starting to like someone else i have kinda distanced myself a little from her (and maybe noticing this...i have sensed "tensions" rising ....suppose this was the culmination of that!

 

Because i feel it hard to be friends with someone i maybe want to be more than friends with and cannot be putting up with games, teasing etc

 

I am gutted and still not sure how things may pan out....

 

The only person i know i should be telling this to is "her" but "how can i" and will it just lead to more trouble. Any advice on how i may approach apologising and explaining to her my feelings and behaviour.....as it may explain why i reacted in way i did

 

At the end of the day i hate falling out with people i care about and like and furthermore i just want to know what she wants from me....as the signals are confusing