Am I over-reacting?

[2ndChance]

I will make this a long story short. My gf of 3+ years broke up with me about 4 months ago. About 1 1/2 months ago we had a really good talk and decided to give it another try. During our talk, she told me that she wants to give 100% in making it work. Since that conversation, she has been working 12+ hour days and cancelling a lot of our dates due to work. I understand that she is busy, and I am learning to deal with the rejection almost every time we make plans. The question is this...How do I let her know that it is killing me each time we make plans? She tells me she has time for dinner, but has to go work after that...when I hear this, I don't see 100%, I don't even see 10%. I have been putting all my time into making this work out, because I know we belong together, but I don't know how she feels about it...and if she is doing this because she still is having doubts, or if she is putting work in front of us at the current time. Is there anything I can do that will not jeopardize our relationship? Keep in mind that the reason we broke up the first time is because we have very poor communication skills (about intimacy) so I am walking on egg shells if I bring up anything bad about us. Just looking for a little advice, or something to cheer me up, boost me:)

[2ndChance]

I will make this a long story short. My gf of 3+ years broke up with me about 4 months ago. About 1 1/2 months ago we had a really good talk and decided to give it another try. During our talk, she told me that she wants to give 100% in making it work. Since that conversation, she has been working 12+ hour days and cancelling a lot of our dates due to work. I understand that she is busy, and I am learning to deal with the rejection almost every time we make plans. The question is this...How do I let her know that it is killing me each time we make plans? She tells me she has time for dinner, but has to go work after that...when I hear this, I don't see 100%, I don't even see 10%. I have been putting all my time into making this work out, because I know we belong together, but I don't know how she feels about it...and if she is doing this because she still is having doubts, or if she is putting work in front of us at the current time. Is there anything I can do that will not jeopardize our relationship? Keep in mind that the reason we broke up the first time is because we have very poor communication skills (about intimacy) so I am walking on egg shells if I bring up anything bad about us. Just looking for a little advice, or something to cheer me up, boost me:)

Forgot to put one thing in here, pretty important, hehe. The whole 2nd chance feels like I keep giving and giving, trying to do just about everything for her, opening up to her like I have never done before...in return, I get nothing...I don't expect her to do the same, but it almost feels like I am working with a brick wall. Humans need responses to actions, that is what i am trying to say i guess.

[Tony T]

If you can't feel comfortable about communicating your feelings to her, if the two of you cannot begin to have excellent communication skills, then move on.

 

She has a job and yet you seem to be demanding that she foresake the time requirements of that job to give you time. If you feel she is spending the extra time at her job to avoid being with you after you have talked to her about this, just leave the relationship.

 

If she genuinely needs to spend this time at work right now, you are very wrong to balk, sulk and complain about it. She has her life and she must do what she needs to do.

 

So if after talking with her in the clearest possible way you still do not feel good about the relationship, just move on. Relationships are about feelings...about feeling special and secure. If this doesn't give you those, then you are with the wrong person.

 

If you can't get this entire relationship to a place where you feel good and fulfilled, end it.

 

I do hope you can work this out to your liking and find other constructive things to do to keep you happy while she's at work. No matter who you end up with, one day you will delight in a lady who can be independent and not totally look to you to fill every hour of her day.

[Dragonflys]

I could be way off here, but it sounds like she is keeping you around because she is unsure about how to move on and wants to find the spark with you again.

 

Her evasive behaviour and her lack of intimacy suggests though that it is NOT coming back and she is stuck in that horrible waiting game and presumably not feeling very happy at all. The fact that you talk with her openly now seems to make it worse too because she cannot find the feelings to respond emotionally to what you are saying.

 

If I am right here, you have an extremely unhappy situation that will not fix anytime soon. I think you both may need to move on for a while and have some time to yourselves and feel good about yourselves again. Something like this just cannot be pushed to come back.

 

Oliver