A letter to the OW

[silktricks]

A letter to my H’s OW. I won’t send this to you, but this will help me get it off my chest.

 

You wanted my husband. You thought him a gentle man, and truth to tell, he is. But he’s also a fierce proud warrior of a man. A man not to be taken lightly. A man who holds his views fiercely and his family tightly.

 

I forgive you for wanting my husband. He is, after all, a very wantable, very lovable man. He’s handsome, kind, generous and giving. He is a joy to be around, marvelous with children and more intelligent than anyone I’ve ever met. I fell for him the minute I met him, I can’t blame you for doing so as well. I don’t blame you, I even forgive you for loving him, but love is more than nice words. Love is more than letters. Love is more than a few meetings on the sly.

 

Love is holding. Love is wiping your lover’s tears, even when you were the cause of those tears. Love is history and caring and sharing. Love is taking care of someone in sickness and health. Love is being willing to let go if that is what the other person needs. Love is putting their health, their safety their good above yours. Love is day after day after day looking out for one another. Love is mending the cracks and strains of life, picking up and carrying on. Love is seeing all of the other person’s faults and foibles and loving them not in spite of them, but because of them. Love is seeing yourself in the other person, and loving in your mate what you despise in yourself. Love is a continuous learning and growing process. That love is what my husband and I have once again.

 

Sometimes in the middle of love you fall apart. Sometimes you get so ill, and with the illness so depressed, that all you can do is put one foot in front of the other, hoping someday you’ll get well, and feel OK again. When that happens to two people at the same time, even two people who love each other, they can’t take care of each other the way they should. If in the middle of that pain a 3rd person starts telling one of them how wonderful he is, anyone can make a mistake. Anyone can find an illusion alluring.

 

You thought you loved my husband and because of that it didn’t matter that he was married. I’m sure you convinced yourself that he loved you, just as I’m sure that he allowed you to believe that he loved you. From you he was getting something he wanted, someone to tell him how great he was when he was feeling terrible. He wanted to keep hearing that he was great. He used you.

 

You thought him in love with you. You were wrong. You thought he wanted you. You were wrong. You thought he would leave me for you. You were wrong. You thought he was committed to you. You were wrong. You thought you could manipulate him. You were wrong. You thought you had him. You were wrong.

 

So, I forgive you for wanting him. I forgive you for loving him. I forgive him for wanting someone to be nice to him at a time when I couldn’t. I forgive him his deception, I forgive him his loss of honor. I forgive myself for leaving him at a time when he needed me. I forgive myself for not giving when I was unable to give.

 

What I don’t forgive you for is your harassment. You had no right to repeatedly call my home, you had no right to call my home ever. You had no right to park in front of my house to stare/glare at me. You had no right to attempt to hit me with your car in the grocery parking lot. You had no right to continue attempting to contact my husband after he told you it was over. You had no right to continue e-mailing for months. You had no right to continue calling for a year. You had no right to drive two people to the brink of death over your single-minded desire to get what you wanted and to satisfy your ego. These things I will never forgive.

[Dora]

I still think Marriage is between 2 people: the husband and wife.

 

if there is an OW, then, the husband is the one who damaged your marriage.

If there is an OM, then, the wife is the one who is responsible for causing all the pain.

 

you can write thousands of letters to the OW or OM, but it wont sovle any of your marriage problems. he will have anohter OW in the future...

 

the OW does not need your forgivness, so, try to find out if your husband needs your forgivness. you'd better write a letter to your husband and send it to him via certified mail

[Chump64]

That's true. The OW is not the person you need to forgive.

 

I wrote a letter to my husband's OW as well, though I've not mailed it. I'm not sure I will. It was really to both of them (my husband and the OW), basically telling them how selfish and entitled they have been, and letting them know all the ways they have hurt people.

[My_Other_I]

That's true. The OW is not the person you need to forgive.

 

I wrote a letter to my husband's OW as well, though I've not mailed it. I'm not sure I will. It was really to both of them (my husband and the OW), basically telling them how selfish and entitled they have been, and letting them know all the ways they have hurt people.

They both know how selfish and hurtful they have been. Sending letters will only make you look foolish and desperate. After the third letter I had received I just started throwing them away without even reading those. Now, a face to face confrontation would be a whole different story.

[KnowHowLoveFeels]

Silltricks,

I had a brief fling with a MM, so I can I identify myself as the OW. Thank you for writing that letter. It touches my heart because it makes me see what I could do to my OM's family if I were to continue pursuing him. The letter makes me want to stop any further contact with him.

 

You are absolutely right about everything you wrote on the letter. Like your H, my OM is also a gentleman and was very kind to me when my husband was not. Admittedly, when we had the brief PA (not intercourse) my OM was also having marital problems of his own. So we fell for each other. I was so certain that he loved me. But he probably loves his wife more. I have not contacted him since he asked me for NC. I respect myself enough to know that I had to back off. And I love him enough to not want to disrupt his marriage. But the letter was just what I needed to HEAR from his wife!!

Thanks!