Am I being an idiot?

[B.]

Hi

 

I have had a close relationship with a guy (btw I am a woman) for the last 4 years - we lived togther during that time. We also had a good social group of friends.

 

Last November he relocated to the next city - an hour and half drive away to start a new job. I have to admit that the job has been great for him and he is really excelling. About 4 months ago I lost my job and the subject of me relocating is always avoided or asked to 'talk about later'. Since then I have got a new job - which is going OK. I have been lucky as I have very good friends around me.

 

However, my biggest bone of contention with my partner is that I have NEVER once been invited down to stay with him for the full weekend in 'his new town'. (FYI we live in a foriegn country where the working weekend is only one and a half days - half day saturday - full day sunday) We try and see each other most weekends - though I feel I am one pushing all the 'invitations'.

 

He can never see me 'in his town' on a Saturday night. His excuse is always that he is out with his new friends or has a lot of work on or has to work late. He is able only to spend time with me on Sunday afternoons. (which I stay the night and drive back the next day)

 

About once a month - he will come and stay with me for the fulle weekend (in our old town and old appartment). We usally have a great time - but it is not as social as it used to be

 

I really feel like I am puposely being segregated out of his 'new life'. I have been introduced only once to one of his new friends and not even as his girlfrieds. I am really thinking 'what has he got to hide?' I have tried communiacting my feelings and have even been upset with him. He just says I am being silly and that this new job had been really important and it has been really important to find new friends too to settle in. I don't know why I can't share a part of that. I have nothing really to go on, no proof that he may be seeing anyone else, no proof that he has even admitted that I exist to his new friends. It just seems a bit stupid to turn around to the person who I still care deeply for and end the relationship on not giving me the time over the weekend.

 

Questions

 

1) Do you think I am being an idiot and by holding on to something I want to believe in is just a waste of my time and not to mention dignity?

 

2) How else can I confront him as he has neither addmited or denied anything - a part from stating that I am over reacting?

 

3)Is it plainly obvious that he wants to move on or may have already done? (and being a typical man he just does not have the guts to tell me).

 

4) What should I do next?

 

Please help with your words of advise / opinions etc. I realise that a long distance relationship is hard and challenging and requires communication to see any success. I don't want to be another statistic as we really did have such a great relationship once. I am wrong for wanting that back?

[BeenThere]

The fact that you lived together for 4 years, and then he moves out to take on a new job, would have sent up the first red flag for me. Perhaps he should have suggested you "both" move...at least somewhere that was more centrally located for BOTH of you. After 4 years, there should be talk of the future

 

Honey, I hate to be the one to say it...but he's already moving on without you. He's leading a separate, secret life and is slowly weening himself from you.

 

Save what's left of your heart...and pride...and move on too. After living together for 4 years, this guy should be focusing more on planning a future "with you" if he truely intended to be there for the long haul. Instead, he is doing just the opposite.

 

I'm sorry for you. This is a pretty s***ty way for him to avoid the inevitable. He's a coward, and you don't deserve it.

Hi I have had a close relationship with a guy (btw I am a woman) for the last 4 years - we lived togther during that time. We also had a good social group of friends. Last November he relocated to the next city - an hour and half drive away to start a new job. I have to admit that the job has been great for him and he is really excelling. About 4 months ago I lost my job and the subject of me relocating is always avoided or asked to 'talk about later'. Since then I have got a new job - which is going OK. I have been lucky as I have very good friends around me. However, my biggest bone of contention with my partner is that I have NEVER once been invited down to stay with him for the full weekend in 'his new town'. (FYI we live in a foriegn country where the working weekend is only one and a half days - half day saturday - full day sunday) We try and see each other most weekends - though I feel I am one pushing all the 'invitations'.

 

He can never see me 'in his town' on a Saturday night. His excuse is always that he is out with his new friends or has a lot of work on or has to work late. He is able only to spend time with me on Sunday afternoons. (which I stay the night and drive back the next day) About once a month - he will come and stay with me for the fulle weekend (in our old town and old appartment). We usally have a great time - but it is not as social as it used to be I really feel like I am puposely being segregated out of his 'new life'. I have been introduced only once to one of his new friends and not even as his girlfrieds. I am really thinking 'what has he got to hide?' I have tried communiacting my feelings and have even been upset with him. He just says I am being silly and that this new job had been really important and it has been really important to find new friends too to settle in. I don't know why I can't share a part of that. I have nothing really to go on, no proof that he may be seeing anyone else, no proof that he has even admitted that I exist to his new friends. It just seems a bit stupid to turn around to the person who I still care deeply for and end the relationship on not giving me the time over the weekend. Questions 1) Do you think I am being an idiot and by holding on to something I want to believe in is just a waste of my time and not to mention dignity?

 

2) How else can I confront him as he has neither addmited or denied anything - a part from stating that I am over reacting? 3)Is it plainly obvious that he wants to move on or may have already done? (and being a typical man he just does not have the guts to tell me). 4) What should I do next? Please help with your words of advise / opinions etc. I realise that a long distance relationship is hard and challenging and requires communication to see any success. I don't want to be another statistic as we really did have such a great relationship once. I am wrong for wanting that back?